What's gone so badly wrong?

DD#1 has changed literally overnight from a beautiful, gentle little thing into a horrible, viscious, malicious little girl. She has been so incredibly good with DD#2 until now - lots of cuddles, holding hands, stroking etc but suddenly she is so nasty. She is giving her really hard, two handed shoves. The poor little thing's head is rebounding off wood floors, door handles, coffee tables. You name it. I'm so worried she's going to do her a serious injury. And DD#1 knows she's doing the wrong thing.

Please somebody tell me what I have to do to stop this. I'm so worried about both of them - one who is obviously doing it for attention (which I thought I was giving her more of lately) and the other who is at real risk of physical harm.

I'm sorry hun, I have no idea. Sending cyber hugs though :hug:

Oh no you poor thing :hug:. I'm not much help either, my DS1 would never hurt a fly until his little brother came along! As soon as DS2 was old enough to move and get in his way he would hit or push him which upsets me so much and poor DS2 has copped a bruise or two. Whenever DS1 does something to harm DS2 we put him into time out and then make him apologise to his brother. We are making slow progress, but I'm sure that if we're consistant he'll stop doing it as much.

I suppose every younger sibling bears the wrath of their big brother or sister, I know I did LOL! I hope things start getting better for you soon :hug:.

Having a (kind of!) similar issue here - but it's our two year old beating up his 4 year old sister :rolleyes:

He just walks up to her and shoves her, or pulls her hair, or hits her with whatever's in his hand...completely unprovoked :o

Obviously she's old enough to give as good as she gets - but funnily enough she rarely retaliates physically. We also put him in time out and make him apologise...at a loss really to know what else to do. He's usually such a sweet, loving little boy but lately he's just going feral. DD never really went through this at all - and she was two when he was a newborn :(

Sorry not much in the way of suggestions but plenty of sympathy.

OMG I could have written this post hun. I've had the worst day today and she is getting progressively worse. She knows how to be gentle and usually is but today we had the works, shoving, scratching, slaps, lying on him, putting her feet up on him etc.... If I take her away she just laughs and comes back for more. I've thought that I've been giving her loads of attention but it seems that all I have to do is say hi mate to James and its time to play up. I guess we just have to be persistent and up the attention we give even more. I think my Iz has worked out that he is here to stay now and isn't just here for a visit!
Hopefully some wise women who have been where we are will pop in soon.

I'm so sorry gorgeous ladies but I have no tips at all. The last week or so Olivia has been getting really aggressive with me. She hits, kicks, throws things, bites and screams at me. I tell her not to do whatever one she is doing at the time and if she does it three times in a row she gets time out. On the second time she gets told if she does it again she will get time out. I sit her in time out for 1 minute and then talk to her about what she did and tell her she has to say sorry (even though she can't talk yet) and we have a cuddle. And OMG Olivia does the laugh at you and comes right back for more.
I'll be using the same technique when bubba comes again and is getting some of Livvy's special attention.

Sending you a massive :hug: Lulu and Tan. Sorry I couldn't give you a magic fix. Hope things improve for you really quickly.

Oh Lulu, I don't know what advice to give but sending you big :hug:

I am not yet in your situation, only 1 DD, but a very wise women has informed me that it is most likely jealousy.

My mother is an early childhood specialist, (lucky me!) and after 40 odd years in the business of kids she is usually right on the money.

Mum explained that jealousy in siblings often rears its head at the 6 month mark after a new baby comes into the family. (Sometimes up to 12 months after). Often, a child who has accepted the new sibling up to that point and had no issues whatsoever, not a hint of jealousy will suddenly realise, 'this kid is not going away'! In addition, the new addition has not really made to much of an impact on their daily life up to that point, lots of newborn sleeping etc, where by 6 months they tend to need a bit more attention and suddenly child #1 has to share your attention more. Apparently your DDs change in behaviour is really quite common if not quite distressing as we tend to expect that the bad behaviour and jealousy will start when the baby comes home.

I am sorry that I don't really have any practical advice relating to what to do, (Mum is asleep now and would not take kindly to recieving a phone call!) but I hope it helps to have an understanding of what MAY be going on.

Maybe you could try some of the things you originally did when your DD2 came home from hospital, involving DD1 in DDs care, using a baby doll for her to act out similar behaviors to you, putting aside time alone with DD1 reguarly so that she gets your undivided attention.... I am sure there are more suggestions, but as I say, I am not up to this delight yet!

Best of luck, I am sure your little angel is right around the corner.

I have no idea about the jealousy stuff, only having one child and all ;) But I'm starting to think it could be age-related. My DS turned into a right little sod about two weeks ago! I shouldn't be so harsh, it's just that he went from being a pretty average 18 month old, to the terrible what, 19-month-olds? Don't get me wrong, he's still gorgeous and devine, and fun, most of the time. But has an aggressive streak that has popped up a few times now. The first time was at a friends house, where he pulled her 2 year old girl's hair :o because she didn't want him to do something with her toys. No matter how many times I took him away, told him off, he kept going back to do it :redface: I was so embarrassed. And his tantrums are definitely more aggressive, with kicking, and hitting, and real screaming. We are not a violent household, so he's not learning by example! And most of the time he is a delight, and affectionate etc. I can't figure it out.

Lulu, I hope you find the magic solution, it must be very hard when you're worried about DD2. If I come up with any tricks I'll be sure to let you know. I hope the situation improves soon for you hun :hug:

Lulu like the others have said it definitely sounds like jealousy. But I also agree with Janie in that it could be age related too. My little miss has been a bit difficult lately too and although most of the time she is happy and adorable, she is having more aggressive episodes than usual.

I hope you find a solution soon hun :hug:

Oh my goodness you all sound like you have the same problem as me at the moment

Ds2 hits kicks takes toys off and literally does anything to annoy DS1, its so frustrating but what i am trying and it seems to be working slowly but surely is


Encourage nice play together so if they are sharing and playing nicely i give hheaps of praise!

Also i put ds2 into time out if its really bad but i ALWAYS make ds2 say sorry and give DS1 a hug.

I hope this helps i think just try anything till it works and its going to take time and alot of patience which i don't always have alot of either!!!

Good luck

Nikki

Oh this way my stroy about 5 or so months ago, DD was soooo nasty to her little brother, she used to scratch him, poke him in the eyes etc etc.

I went to see my MCHN about it, and she gave me some of the PPP startegies to use, here are some of the things she told me
* Only use one instruction and keep it them same and it was "Stop Child's name hands/feet etc to yourself
*If the behaviour continues after a warning, it is time out- best spot is somewhere they can go with the door shut and be safe- we use DD's room
*When putting them in timeout, tell them you will come back and get them after they have been quiet for 1 min (I was told time outs with little ones should never been longer than 1 min)
*When they have finished their time out go and get them, praise them for being quiet in time out and ask them if they would like to join in an activity i.e. would you like to come and colour with me etc.
*My MCHN also suggested lots of role playing with gentle playing/cuddling with a soft toy or doll
*Make sure you always praise great behaviour and with innapropriate behaviour just issue a warning, and then time out for a repeat- if they get lots of attention for the bad behaviour they will continue to do it.

I am sorry you are having a rough time. I only have one son so I can't offer much advice. Regarding the time out though my girlfriend has 4 boys aged 9, 5, 4 and 2 who are often rough with each other. She found time out in the bath tub for the little boys worked as there were no toys near by and it wasn't in an area used for play/sleeping (she wanted to keep those sorts of areas associated as 'fun' places to help encourage them to play nicely). Should just point out she had taps guards so the water could not be turned on. I think when she began using it with the little boys she would sit in there with them for about 2 or 3 minuets and would just explain why they were there. Her youngest is at the point where if there is a fight and he is in the wrong he will take himself to the tub on his own :lol:. Very cute.

Hmmm, also thinking it is age related! My beautiful little man has also turned into a terror. He seems to have changed the last few weeks and is constantly hitting his sisters, screaming, and thrashing when he doesn't get his own way. Has been downright horrid to the point where I am too embarrased to leave the house with him. So Lulu, I hope it improves for you, I have no suggestions just a :hug: Wish we were closer and all these naughty toddlers could thrash it out together!!!!

thanks everyone. Great advice re time outs. I was so angry with her the other day and it was close to her bedtime that I just picked her up, dumped her in her cot and left her. Poor little thing was stunned - I never put her to bed without lots of cuddles, kisses, closing curtains, "bye bye sun" etc. Needless to say, I felt guilty so went to give her a cuddle after a couple of minutes.

Sorry to Shell, Lis, Tobily, Tan and Dan going through this too. Definitely would be great if we were closer Shell - at least they'd all be picking on someone their own size!! Just as well they seem to build your second child really tough!