Dr's appointment today

Well, got to see my regular OB/RE today. Fortunately, the covering OB had brought her up to date with the events of the past 2 weeks. Unfortunately, no chromosome results from baby as yet and not much more she could really tell me about the why?, what will happen next time? etc etc. We are going to run all the recurrent miscarriage tests -karyotype myself and DH plus all the thrombophillia etc tests on me. Don't know if I want them to find anything on these or not but i am glad at least we are doing everything we can. Even discussed IVF and PGD -i'd be willing to do anything to avoid another m/c -don't think I could go through this again. Is really, really taking its toll at the moment.
Am still felling unwell since my second D&C and still having some cramping.
She checked me out and i now have a fever and quite painful when she did internal exam. So more swabs, blood and urine tests and onto a 3rd antibiotic - god I feel sorry for all those poor dogs and cats I put onto these drugs -I am sure they are contributing to the nausea etc.
If my temp gets any higher I will probably end up back in hospital which i really don't need. Not just for my health but also my sanity. Work is very stressful as it is and if I had to call my boss back from his precious holidays again the sh** would really hit the fan. He told me last week (day after my second trip to hospital when I hadn't barely been able to get out of bed) that I had "ruined his life over the past few weeks" and that "his kids were desperate to go to the beach so when would I be back at work!"
Was so stunned and lacking the energy to reply to this so have been struggling through work past few days.
Really just want all this to be over, get pg and be happy again. Why does everything take sooo long. Certainly can't even TTC again for next 4-6 weeks as need to wait for test results and because i don't ovulate on my own need to wait for dr to ok going back onto meds again. Feeling frustrated, sick, sad, angry and very, very tired!

OMG Meredith, what an awful thing for your boss to say! Does he know what has been going on with you and why you have needed time off work? Gosh, I can't believe how nasty that was of him to say those things to you and you don't need that kind of pressure at a time when you are so fragile - both physically and emotionally. This is not something that you asked or wished for.

Considering everything you've been through, it's totally understandable that you're feeling so rotten. To be feeling sick, sad, angry and tired would be just touching the surface I would imagine. You poor, poor thing. I wish there was something I could do to help you.

A m/c or loss really does take a huge toll. Like you, I don't think I could cope if I were to go through it again. But I can say that I found doing some little things to remember my little ones by, really did help me emotionally and allow me to start taking a few steps forward. After my 1st m/c which I needed a D&C for, it gave me something to focus on...something to work on and put my energy into whilst waiting for test results etc to come back, the bleeding to stop etc etc. It's not like it was a fun task picking out a plant, writing a letter and a poem etc or putting together a memory box, but as I said, it gave me something to focus on and a bit of an outlet for my emotions in a way. Perhaps this might help you too?

You boss really SUCKS.

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Big hugs from me.

Try eating some natural yoghurt with honey fi you can. The antibiotics really strip your gut and the yoghurt will help restore the balance. Hopefully you won't feel so sick anymore.

Lulu

OMG, Meredith, you poor thing. :hugs: How dare your boss say something like that. :fuming: What an insensitive pr*ck!!

If you need to take more time off work, then do it, don't let that so and so say or do otherwise.

Please take care of yourself and know we are all here for you.

Love
Kazz
xoxoxo

Thankyou all so much for the support. I had always got along really well with my boss and had found him a truly nice guy -until now. Guess you find out who your real friends are through this kind of trauma! I am determined now to say my piece when he returns from his precious holiday. Have also decided I need to seriously drop some hours this year so can give myself the best chance of carrying a pregnancy to term and bringing us that desperately wanted chid. Some things are just so much more important than earning money -eh?! Don't know how the boss will take that bombshell but i don't really care -will leave if I can't get what I want. Fortunately DH is backing me all the way- even if I am jobless and not earning for a little while. What would we do without the great men in our lives!

DH sounds like just the sort of guy to have on your side :D.
Sorry the last few days have been even tougher by the sounds of things. I feel lucky that I'm just waiting for bleeding to stop, and AF to return, whereas you have a whole nother battle ahead of you.
I hope your little bubba(s) one day realise how lucky they are to have a mum and dad like you guys. :D

Well, had the long chat with boss today. Felt better to vent my anger at his insensitive comments -I think he was truly apologetic. As for keeping my job with reduced hours, I am not so sure -he needs to contemplate things. Think he sees my desire to continue TTC as making me "unreliable" -sad, particularly as I was not obliged to tell him any of the details of my personal life and our wish to have children etc- I just felt it was the "right" thing to do.Guess I will have to accept what comes as a business decision but would be disappointed if i am forced to leave.
Healthwise, my body is still being stupid! Still feeling sick and very tired most of the time, have constant headaches (not typical for me) and intermittent cramping -was bad today. Antibiotics are probably responsible for some of it but not sure what else is going on -and i'm a freakin dr!! (well vet anyway) Fortunately, dogs and cats rarely miscarry so I don't really deal with it at work.
Would love to be at least thinking about joining the TTC threads but highly unlikely to even ovulate/get AF without assistance -Hate not having control of my own defective body!!!
Sorry for the vent, just one of those days!

Oh Merideth, I am so sorry this is all happening to you, I wish I could take away the pain from you and DH, and give you all you want.
I hate insensitive bosses, hence why i work from home and reluctant about getting another job (my last 3-4 bosses have been the same, but from start to finish).
It is a certainly hard thing to deal with especially when its what you want.
Im glad that you can vent your feelings and thoughts out here, and that you have a wonderful husband.
Wishing you all the best and please take care.

Merideth,
Its a hard one whether to tell all your "most personal" information to your employers. I did tell mine that I was doing IVF and they were very supportive at the start, I suppose they never thought it was going to end up being a 4 year haul. When I had my mc, my first one occured at work when my membranes ruptured in there reception and they were extremely understanding. I was back at work with in the week after delievering. My second mc occured at home and that pregnacy my obst fought to keep her in, so this went on for over a week where I was in hospital...towards the end they were ringing asking questions and one of my bosses sat not aware that I was having mild contractions wanting to talk about a "contract" I had been working on.
I think I was lucky that the company was small but big enough to avoid certain conversations. I told my boss (women) about the beautiful midwife that saw my girl and told me she was beautiful and her response was " erghh it would just be a blob, how can that be beautiful"!!She was 16 weeks) I then knew that too much information to them was doing me any favours
I hope you find a little sympathy from your employer, you don't have to disclose information but sometimes it can make it alittle easier.
Bec

Well, not sure how I feel now. Dr called today -baby's chromsome results through -was a perfectly normal (gentically anyway) little girl. So now I feel like a murderer because our little girl should have lived on if my body was not so darn STUPID! Fell like have let DH down too -why can't I just keep our children in there till they are good and ready to meet the world.
Have not got all the thrombophila etc tests yet so possibly may shed some lght on the problem. Also had loads of white cells in my urine although no bacteria so have to look into that.Dr wants me to go in tommorrow to talk more about it all -think she wants to do at least a hysteroscopy +/- laproscopy. Guess the sooner we talk and potentially do all this, the sooner we can think about trying again. Just sooo scared they might find something non fixable or not find anything in which case I will still be petrified with the next pregnancy that my body will just betray me again and reject another beautiful child. Just wish I could have my precious girl back. Gosh, I am such a whinging pain at the moment -you girls are all hearing the sad side of me. Hope I can bring some happy posts to this thread sometime soon - sorry.

Saw my FS/OB again yesterday. Booked in next Tuesday for Lap/Hst +/- dye studies +/- cystoscopy (looking inside my bladder) and whatever else they might need to do whilst in there!! Will be my 3rd general anaesthetic in the space of 5 weeks and likely more traumatic surgery than the D&Cs (physically anyway). Am quite scared about the whole deal -scared they might find something, scared they won't, scared about the pain and recovery. However, will be glad when its all over as then I will know where we are headed next.
Out of the blue, my dr also started talking PCOS???! Had this briefly metioned 6mths ago at my first visit with her and was told I did not have it. Now she's telling me maybe i do even though none of my blood tests etc seem to indicate as such -am really, really confused but took me by surprise yesterday so didn't really ask the right questions
Going for a glucose tolerance test tomorrow to check for insulin resistance (apparently common with PCOS -don't know a great deal about it yet).
Hope I can get some sort of concrete answers soon -all this "maybe you have this or that" is really getting me frustrated -beginning to get the feeling I am not going to get any reasons for the m/c's and not sure if this is good or bad.
Only good news is that my boss took the news of my upcoming further surgery quite well. will have almost another full week off and he was quite reasonable about it all -a nice change!!