Instincts

**not sure if this is in the right section - mods feel free to move**


I was talking to my mum about all we'd been taught at the antenatal classes I'd attended about recognising signs for when bub is hungry and tired, and methods of settling, etc. My mum then said something along the lines of how she was never taught this, and how much was I going to rely on what I was taught and how much would I rely on instincts. So, it got me thinking:

For those girls who have already had children, I was wondering how much instincts were involved in those early days with baby, and just generally as a mother.

DH & I went to antenatal classes & learning to b/f classes, but I do think it was my natural instincts that kicked in got me through it.

I would say instinct definately kicks in. You can receive so much conflicting advice that everything can be really confusing. You'll learn what works for you and what doesn't. Listen to advice you get, but take what you like from it and leave the rest.

I would say your natural motherly instincts will be the best thing, but it did help to have the advise to help those natural instincts along. I was happy to listen (and ask for) advise, read books and go to parent class, but at the end of the day I go with what I think is best (as you get so much conflicting advise) and so far it has been working well for us..we have a happy and healthy georgous little boy. Good luck.

I found what I'd learn about spotting tired signs absolutely invaluable and I'm not sure my instinct alone would have spotted them.

I think being able to do this has turned DD into a great sleeper - without following a strict routine and without using controlled crying. Friends who were more 'go with the flow' in the early days and just waited for their baby to fall sleep whenever/wherever without actively trying to spot tired signs and gently encouraging sleep, have run into problems down the track.

Breastfeeding didn't come naturally to me and I ran into all sorts of problems but that's a whole other story.

I definitely used my instincts when it came to introducing solids though and pretty much ignored the guidelines because they always seem to be changing anyway so there didn't seem much point.

I will confess I was a shocking mother the first few weeks my bubs was around. I had no idea what i was doing, and the poor darling suffered a bit because of it. I had been to antenatal class but it didn't cover a lot of the settling/tired signs kind of stuff and my instinct didn't kick in and tell me what to do.
I got better after going through all that with the mcn, but bubs was about 8 weeks then. And nothing instinctual kicked in for me till ds was about 4 months.
But we are all in tune and riding with the flow now... :)

I think there is quite a unique blend that goes on. i went to classes and b/f workshops (the latter were invaluable for me!). and i guess it was great to have [I]some[I] idea of what to look out for re the tired signs (these can be sooo subtle!).

but the first weeks being the hectic twilight zone that they are, you have to inevitably get the instincts into action. sleep deprivation stifles the mind from thinking with clarity lol! and soon both you and bubs find an equilibrium together and kinda start hitting the ground running.

like fionas, i too found the solids thing a bit poxy, it changes all the time and in the end, i just went with what my instincts were telling me was right for her (ie when to start...)

HTH a little!

Instincts play a huge part, I was surprised at how much I instinctively knew what DS1 wanted or needed. But I also think it is important to learn from others too, there are many things I wouldn't have known to look out for it I wasn't told. I went to a baby settling class when DS1 was born and I got some great ideas that I wouldn't have thought of, I also did lots of reading which helped.

You know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child", I'm sure that's based on back when they actually did have villages and new mums had lots of experienced women around them to teach them about babies. We don't have that as much these days so I think it's really important to learn as much as we can from others and then fitting it in with our own instincts.

Babies are a big learning curve! But it's definitely worth it all :)

I really felt like I didn't have any instincts at the beginning and it took me ages to feel that I was in tune with what DS wanted. It was a bit of a shock to the system because I expected all these handy instincts to come along and that I would just "know" what he needed.

So don't be worried if you don't just know what your beloved baby wants, I found out that I just went through a little checklist, hungry? wet or dirty? bored? tired? if it was none of these I just gave him lots of love and cuddles until we both felt better.

Hopefully those lovely instincts kick in for you hon but if they don't don't feel bad, around three months I started to feel more on top of things but I still have my days when I think "what on earth will make you happy?" and I think most mums do...

:

---

**not sure if this is in the right section - mods feel free to move**
For those girls who have already had children, I was wondering how much instincts were involved in those early days with baby, and just generally as a mother.

---

My personal belief is that instincts are a great guide but nothing replaces social learning. We are social animals - many animal species learn to parent from their own family groups. And yet western society gets in the way of us learning these lessons, many times.

I had never held a baby before I had my first daughter just after I turned twenty. I had no exposure to babies, like many women of my generation who only had one or two siblings, and because I was quite young, none of my friends had babies. Breastfeeding had to be learned, different ways of dressing the baby had to be learned, understanding how things *work* needed to be learned. And I had to unlearn a lot of the attitudes my mother had taught me.

Here are some things that didn't come instinctively - the technique for getting a singlet over a baby's head without nearly pulling her ears off; drying properly in the creases of her neck and armpits which led to a terrible case of thrush and me being shouted at by the maternal child health worker; breastfeeding; understanding diet and how a baby's feeding habits develop over the first year of life.

Here are where instincts came in VERY handy - understanding when my baby was very ill and needed me to advocate beyond the doctor's dismissive "it's just a virus"; knowing when to get help for PND; listening to the voice that said "check on your baby" and finding her not breathing in her crib when she was about ten weeks old.

During labour, I was very much hampered by my lack of learning and exposure to childbirth, the sociology and physiology of it. Once I was much better informed and experienced, I "did" childbirth a lot better :)

As the years have gone by, I've learned a lot and trust my heart on many issues where others might be questioning my judgement. And I've learned that being confident is the greatest thing you can bring to being a parent! That and being prepared to reach out to others for their support and advice.

I forgot to add, a great book as an antidote to all the lecturing how=to books is Pinky Mackay's "parenting by heart". It's great for giving parents the confidence to develop their own special relationship with their own special individual :)

honestly??
i had no 'natural' instincts for the first 6 months or so. Then i started to pick up on little things or would just use my common sense lol

I would say Mothers instinct is a wonderful thing... i didn't do any classes, I learnt from what i read about here ;) I just listen to Izzy and what she was telling me i found it really easy and we quickly fell into a routine, with breastfeeding, sleeping, etcetc...

I don't plan on doing any antenatal classes, so I really hoping my instincts kick in!
That being said, the "tired signs" sounds like it'd be a life-saver!