Close together....or NOT!

I have a DH that is keen to start TTC #2 but I am not really wanting to have two as close together as 2 years.....

My sister and I are 4 years apart and that was pretty good for me as a kid! BUT as a Mum I would really love to hear peoples opinions, experiences, pros/cons with kids close together or not

:)

Happy Christmas :dance:

CLOSE all the way!!

But thats what works for DH and me.

We could afford it, the house was big enough, car was fine for 3, and we planned a big family and i dont want to be dragging the age gaps out to much, DH works from home so i have 24/7 support, ive not had to go back to work at all.

1 to 2 was 10 months 27 days
2 to 3 will be around 14.5 months
Between 1 and 3 the gap is 2 yrs 2 months

Pros (with the girls close):
Nap at same time
Both on bottles
Both on nappies
At the same play level (well pretty much)
Chelsea is old enough to help with Jasmine, teaches her things...good and bad!

Cons:
Chelsea is now needing to be TT so it takes alot of my time from Jasmine
Terrible twos are making things hard
On diferent behaviour levels

But def closer the better..i couldnt imagine a huge gap

Mine are 18 & 3/4 months apart.

Cons:-
It is difficult to devote the time to the newborn when the toddler wants you
It is difficult to settle the newborn when the toddler is having a tantie because you have left the room to put her to bed
It is hard when you go out - you either need a double pram - or have the newborn in a carrier and the toddler in a stroller
You never get time to yourself because someone always needs feeding, changing, settling etc etc etc
You haven't had a full nights sleep in over 2 years

Pros:-
The toddler makes the newborn laugh and it sounds bloody fantastic
The toddler learns to share early
Both in nappies
You are used to sleep deprivation
The hope is there that my kids will have a very close relationship not like me and my siblings where there is 4.5 years between me and my sis, and 7 years between me and brother.


I'm also planning on having another one - mid next year we will start trying for the 3rd. Maybe we'll get lucky and have twins.. NOT.. pmsl...

19 months apart here (was supposed to be 21 months but DD was prem :) ) We didn't want any closer coz we didn't want to compromise that first year of breastfeeding. Turned out that we fed through the pregnancy anyway ;)

Pros:
Got to tandem feed, which in turn has forged a pretty strong bond with them.
Very little jealousy because toddler isn't quite at the age to grasp that concept.
Agree about the sharing and learning it early.
While they're playing at different levels at the moment, that 'gap' will close over the next year or so.

Cons:
Toddler reaches tantrum age and wakes up the younger one during the day!

you know what.. I can't think of many cons LOL. I didn't have a problem with going out.. was happy to wear #2 while pushing #1 in the pram or trolley. #1 was happy to sit in a toddler seat anyway if I wanted them both in a pram. And DS wasn't that demanding of my time, no more than usual. I found it easy to entertain him while b/fing DD, I never had to have planned activities or anything for feeding time.

There's pros and cons for every age gap. I'm sure you'll enjoy whatever age gap you end up with :)

FWIW my bro is 5yrs older than me, and it took until the later teenage years for that gap to start to close up. So that made me want our kids closer together so they played better together at a younger age.

Liz - I have a problem when going out cos I have a toddler that wants to be carried - and hates the pram with a passion!!!!

If he was a kid who loved the pram, it wouldn't be that big a problem...

My boys are 19 months apart (much like Liz, would have been 20 months if DS2 wasn't early). The first few months were tough. Really tough. But now that the youngest is 2, and even before then, it's great. The boys are so close, they get along well, do most things together, entertain themselves. And I love it.

I am also lucky that DS1 was really independent for his age. He'd happily walk at the shops, he talked well, wanted to help, understood about the baby arriving and had no jealousy. I put the no jealousy down to the close age gap - he hadn't been an only child for long enough to feel jealous. But I could be wrong.

Anyway, as hard as it was as first, I am really glad they are close together now. But what works for us might not be right for you. It's a really hard thing to decide. GL.

wont be having close ones here.. im looking at 3-4 years apart but to me thats still close enough.

Hi Julia

Thanks for posting the question - not that I have a choice now in the matter. LOL

I guess it all depends on where you're at. For me it was my age and my history of subfertility that was the deciding factor. I didn't have the luxury of waiting 3 - 4years until TTC#2 'tho I didn't think it would happen as quickly as it did. L will be 22 months when #2 arrives - not such a small gap.

For us it will mean some pretty big financial decisions like do we get a bigger car, a bigger house, the extra expense of daycare for 2 when it's time to go back to work etc.

I know you've had it pretty rough at times with Max, so maybe you need to get him and you in a place where you're more comfortable with the idea of going again.

Anyway, that my 2cents worth.

N

I will watch this thread! There is also a thread floating around somewhere about Mums favouring bigger age gaps. It's all very interesting how everyone is so different. We talked about trying for #2 in April next year. If we conceived straight away (we did for DD), she/he would be born in January like DD. So there would be 2 years different. I am entertaining 2.5years difference, maybe we'll try a bit later in the year. I think I would prefer DD a bit more independent and toilet trained before #2 came along. I would continue to be a SAHM. I really love it.

I believe you just manage with whatever the universe gives you I think!

Will keep a watch on this anyway. Good luck with whatever you decide ;)

I have both gaps! I have 2 boys that are 14 months apart, and then I waited 3 years between the next 2.
Both have pros and cons. The older boy are very close, keep eachother amused which makes life easy for me. They also love to play together, sleep together, they wear the same sized clothes which helps lol
However they fight like there is no tomorrow, I missed out on my pregnancy because I was trying to look after a baby, yet I missed out on the baby stage with Chase because I was chasing Jaidan around!
This time around I am enjoying the time with Ashton, enjoying his milestones that were a blur with the other 2 :)

For us a 3 year age gap works really well.

Pros
DD1 is TT, so only one in nappies
DD1 can amuse herself while I deal with bubs. She also understands to use quiet toys while I'm settling bubs
DD1 is past the tantrum stage(mostly :lol:) and is a lost easier to reason with.
DD1 is happy to walk while bubs is in the pram or carried.
I only need to pack a bag for bubs when we go out
DD1 loooves playing with bubs and understands how to play gently and only using bubs toys.
I've had no jealousy issues, but don't know if that's an age or personality thing.

Cons
DD1 doesn't have naps anymore so there is no rest during the day!!! (that's a pretty big con when you haven't slept all night.)
Bubs has to be carted around while we attend various activities for DD1
Can't think of anymore atm. We love the age gap because it has worked really well for us. We will probably wait another 3 before having a third.

Ooh yeah.. the day sleep thing is a massive PRO for close gap.. especially if you can get them down at the same time! hehe

Oh yeah, that is a biggie. My boys still mostly both sleep at the same time (DS1 doesn't always sleep, but he will usually rest at least, and still sleeps most of the time). That is a huge plus.

Yup thats a huge one here too - most days they do nap at the same time for at least an hour or two

i'll let you know what it's like in a few months time!
hopefully it's not too bad, i must admit i'm a little anxious though.
the age gap here will be around 16months

I definitley believe an age gap of 3 years is optimal. If you have had 'troubles' with young Max, (I had the same with DS) it would be easier for you all in the long run.
It's hard being preggers and chasing a toddler. Unless your eldest is a good sleeper during the day (so you can have a nap too) it can do you head in.
Between 18-24 months you can get quite long periods of intense frustration and insane tanties because they don't have enough words to express themselves.
Recovery is a little harder as you can't always just doze back to sleep when baby does after a feed, when you get all drowsy when you bf. Seriously, that used to kill me as bfing made me very, very drowsy!

Its so individual, but I think you can make it easier on yourself if you hold off a few extra months.

JMHO xoxoxoxo

It is very individual.. if we had held off.. I'd be either pregnant or with a newborn right now, and it's only now that DS is showing his bratty defiant side and throwing tantrums. So I think we got lucky timing it the way we did, coz he was fantastic through the pregnancy and most of the first year. But it's something you can't predict, so you just gotta deal with whatever you're given hehe.

All so interesting...keep 'em coming people!!!