Advice & Opinions wanted re: sleeping arrangements

Hey BB'ers..

Ok so currently both our kids sleep in our room. They have a toddler bed each set up side by side, and DD most night's sleeps the whole night in it, and DS generally does but often ends up in our bed.

I am at the point i would really like to get them in their own rooms, but not usre if i should start the battle again!

Here is some history to help you give me your opinion...

DD has been a co-sleeper since birth. She only slept in 2 hour blocks 24 hrs a day so i did whatever i could to get some sleep. Eventually she went into her own cot, although most of the time her cot was in our room, but a few months before Feb 2007 she was in a cot in her own room.

Then in Feb 2007 her daddy (my DF) was crushed in a machine at work. I was 20 weeks with our DS and she was almost 2. It affected her greatly and approx 2 months after the accident she suffered her own little versiioon of a emotional breakdown, due to the accident.

So, with the new baby coming and all she went through, she would NOT sleep in her own so we continued with her in our room, and in our bed. By the time our DS came and my PND came back with a vengence, we ended up with DS sleeping with DF (on the couch or spare bed) and DD in bed with me.

Bring it forward to about may this year DF and i realised this arrangement had taken a HUGE toll on our relationship and decided to change it. We got DD a new bed, and set up her room all pretty... OMG we fought and fought with her, tried everything but it all failed. She would not sleep in her room... so back in our room she went. DS, we wernt even gonna try.

SO, to atleast get DF and i back in the marital bed together, we went and bought two toddler beds, and worked on getting the kids sleeping in them. It has been pretty successful, the odd night we end up with both in our bed... but on average its only our DS who ends up in bed with us.

But, now that we are trying for #3 and just the fact they are getting older, i really am wondering if i should be battling this again and get them to sleep in their own room??!!

Honestly, i dont know if i should? or if i should, how to go about it successfully?!! :wall:

DD is such a strong, independant girl and honestly can go for hours of the crying/screaming/in and out of bed, that we do end up giving up. She can do it for seriously 5-6 hours. We have tried so many different things, none of which worked!!!!!

I used to think i was and am a failure because they arent sleeping in thier own rooms/beds but at the same time of the last month i have learnt to give myself a break as over the past year and half we have gone through ALOT.....

BUT, at the same time, i cant keep living for what HAS happened, and live for what IS and WILL be happening.

So, give me some advice/opinions/etc

Should i just leave it? or should i honestly work on her having her own room???? and him??? my so, he is only 18 months and when i think of him alone in his room even i get sad and a bit "eeeek" but, at the same time i think it is my fear of something happening to them in thier rooms while im sleeping.... (down side to studying forensic psych at uni :( ) or that maybe im a control freak?? argh maybe its me??? hmmmmmmmmm *ponders*

I just am finding to get them into a routine, in our room is hard, especially as they are going off eacohther ..... argh.. like right now DRIVING ME NUTS... they SHOULD be in bed... I WANT them in bed!!

OK now im begging... please someone with some experience, give me some advice or your opinion.... PLEASE????

Firrst thing I would try is putting them in bed together ( so maybe the use of a double bed) in their own room & sittingona chair by that bed.
im getting my own to bed atm so will add more later

Thanks FJ, that is a good idea.... but i will await till you come back and add some more.... :hug:

p.s i have them both asleep, as of about 20 minutes ago...... THANK GOLLY!

Your lucky, My 2 yr old is still up!

If your bubs are used to being in the same room I would put them together. I would use the same beds as you are using now, and for a settling period I would set up a mattress on the floor for yourself. this may take time but you could lay down on your mattress once both kids are in bed, and maybe sleep there of a few nights then gradually remove yourself.

Other things I would do is get a monitor, and a night light. Other suggestions would be to start them off having story times in that room and doing a lot of play activities in the room before you set them up to sleep in there. This way they'll get used to the room.

Goodluck

If you're feeling a bit unsure about your 18 month old being in his own room, I'd go with it and keep him with you. That sounds like maternal instinct to me. Certainly, he'd almost definately be fine but it's still always easier to follow your instincts. Apart from that, I think that getting children into their own beds and rooms is something that has to be handled very delicately by parents; I had massive separation anxiety as a child and slept in my mothers bed for a very long time. I eventually outgrew it, but in retrospect the reason why I was illogically terrified of my own bed and room was that it was always something negative. My mum pushed me into it when I was unwilling and used it as a punishment. The nights I was in my bed as a child I cried myself to sleep. Gentle, positive encouragement over power struggles is the way to go. It may take longer but it'll be better in the long run. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

DS went from crib-my bed to his own bed in his own room at 6m old. I slept in DS's room for 4 months after that and he was in with me for three of those months for most of the night. Once he started refusing to co-sleep then he was on his own. I wanted my comfy bed back!

Now I sometimes hop into his bed for a couple of hours (with cramped legs!) or he comes in with us. And half the time he's in with us DH moves to the sofa.

Things that helped with the move were not looking back - ie we allowed DS to come to our room but it was no longer "his" room. We let him play in his cot in the day in his room to create good memories - and a lot of toys are there as well as the piano; he loves playing with both and runs in and out of that room a lot. I used to snuggle in his cotbed and read him his story before climbing out so he'd go to sleep. He has NEVER been belittled for not sleeping or needing me with him. He's confident enough that he doesn't need it so much now - but I always reassure him that I'm always there for him, even when he can't see me. When he's asleep I love him, when he's awake I love him.

Monitors are always a good idea - I wake up the second DS does but not everyone does. I use one at my mum's house because it's so big I can't hear him straight away.

Write down what you do at bedtime. I bet you have a loose routine that you can tighten up a bit if needed for bedtime.

Best of luck.