When do you stop mourning?

Hi,

I would have been due this week (via c/s).

People tell me that i should get over it.

For people to say you should 'get over it' is incredibly insensitive!!!

I had my first m/c over two years ago and I still cry for that baby and what could have been sometimes. The pain is still there, it has eased but it has become a part of me.

Even though I have a healthy son now I still think of and still grieve for my angel babies.

I am so sorry that people have said something so insensitive to you. Big Hugs.

Hi,
Unfortunately I don't think we will ever stop grieving and you definately do not have to get over it. How incensitive of people to say that. In time it does get easier and I think we just learn how to deal with the grief. Your precious angel will always be close to your heart.

Regards,
Dianne

I am so sorry for your loss. Special times and dates that are significant for you and your angel baby are understandably hard. To be dealing with Xmas and a New Year when you should have been excited about your new arrival, and then to have what should have been her birthday with empty arms... :(

If you had 'gotten over it' I would suggest not only did your precious baby not have a place in your heart, you would have to have no heart at all! :hug: I hope they all learn compassion in 2009.

It has almost been a year since my MC and I have relly good days and even weeks, but there are days or weeks that are really bad. I've kind of decided that it now apart of our lives and it will never fully be "over it". I'm so sorry for you. Wishing you all the best.

No you should not "get over it".

You should grieve as long as you need to and only you know how long that is.

I think the "due week" is always hard :hug:

Like kristi14 said, the due week is very hard, I found myself driving to work bawling my eyes out and I thought I was coping with it well until then.

We are still feeling our loss and I am preg with my next bubs at the moment. DH and I talk about it when we need to and have got help professionally to help express our feelings. I don't think we will ever be "over it" but we are learning to accept how we feel.

If anyone says you should get over it, don't speak to them about it. My mum said it to me so now I never mention it to her. She had 4 healthy pregnancies and never lost a baby so she had no understanding of how it felt. Surround yourself with people who understand and you can comfortable talk about thinks when you need to - like BellyBelly - I've found it really helps. You can always PM me if you need.

Good luck with recovering, and give yourself time, it does seem easier eventually.

I am so sorry for your loss. What a difficult time you must be facing now.

Like the other girls have said I dont think it is something thast you ever get over or forget. You do have good days/weeks/months/etc, but you also have bad ones and that's okay.

I had a miscarriage 2yrs ago in March at 14weeks. I was only just thinking today when i was lying on my bed how sick I was this time 2 yrs ago and I got a bit teary. I remember mothers day being very hard and the due date was the hardest.

I hope that you can get some of the support you need in here. I know I found it very hard to talk about it with family and friends that knew as they just expect you to be over it and think there is something wrong if you havent got over it.

I assure you there is nothing wrong with not getting over it. Just as long as you can maintain your daily life.

A big thanks ladies.

i just want this week to tick over pretty quickly.

We will never forget our angel bubs.

I misscarried on the 22 June last year and I have never ever experienced a dark place like that before and I pray I never have to again. Even though I did get pregnant again before my next af it did help that I didn't have to go through an af but it also prevented me from facing my real grief of losing our little bubba. I still think of our angel bubba regularly and now for me it is just a deep sorrow and regret.

The thing that has helped me has be two things.
The 1st is that I believe that when I get to heaven my angel bubba will be the first to greet me and the day I will know what heaven is really all about
The 2nd is that I heard a lady talk about her miscarriage in a book my bestie gave me and it was saying that her opinion the reason why God 'allows' them is so that the angel bubba spirit could be created and we should be honoured that we were given this oppounity to carry for even a short time this spirit, and our bubba spirit is sitting with God.

I don't think you can ever 'get over' the loss of anyone you just learn to live with it and how is changes you

i am like BBE, i never thtought i would get better- i now have a son and am pregnant again BUT i still think about what my other child would have beeen like.

so you are not alone........ you don't need to get over it, you just need to accept that ( well in my case) there will alway be a part that is missing. :(

vent away my love........

you will never get over it sweetheart and i just hope that those that are saying this to you never experience this sort of loss......

I have had two bubbas since mine and while i will always thank god for them, i dont think i will ever understand why i had to experience those dark dark days. There are women on this forum that have experienced so much...i truely think that they are amazing!

I had an early miscarriage in the beginning of April of last year. In October, around the time the baby was due, I got a call from the hospital asking me to come in for my pre-op visit. I said, "I'm sorry but you have the wrong number". The lady on the other end said she didn't and asked if I was going to have a vaginal or cesarean delivery. I told her I had a miscarriage around 5 weeks into the pregnancy. She apologized but the damage had already been done.

When I hung up the phone, I felt the same grief I experienced the day I started miscarrying. The pain was fresh and deep. I realized that we never totally get over a thing like this. We compartmentalize and put the grief in a healthy place but it never leaves us because we love our buds. It's amazing to me how I could love someone I never saw and only knew existed for days. My grief to me is what validates the life of the child I lost even if that child was microscopic.

Sending you positive thoughts as you go through this tough time.

Thank you for posting this question and for all of you with your answers. I am still newly grieving (almost 3 weeks ago) and can't help but look ahead. My husband and I were consolidating our calendars yesterday and he asked if he could delete the entry that I had made for my "due date." I told him "no," but thought it was sad that he didn't understand why I wanted it left on my calendar. It is good to hear that I am not crazy for wanting to remember that day, nor feeling like that will be a tough day/week for me. I am so sorry that it is your time to have to go through that.

sorry for for loss , my son passed away in 2004 , it never gets in easier . you will never get over it . i always remember things about my son , hurts so bad . often some people will tell you it gets better but it doesnt . i can offer u this love , dont bottle it up . cry if you want , talk about , its helps . i didnt talk or cry for a while then it hit me so bad i was a bloody wreck . take care