When mum earns more...

Just wondering if anyone else has found themselves in this position and if you have any advice/suggestions for me!

DH has a job now, but he pretty much just covers the babysitter plus a bit extra, so I'm still supporting us. Thing is, I don't want to! I feel like I'm so tired and distracted by my mother duties that I'm not doing as good a job as I used to. I've never been overly fond of my job, but at least I could say I was good at it. And I don't feel like I'm as a good a mother as I'd like to be because of work.

My current contract is up at the end of March and I'm seriously considering leaving (assuming they don't let me go first cause of the financial crisis).
Financially we can just manage on DH's salary, but there'd be no savings. Of course the plan is for him to advance or apply for better jobs over time.
Another issue is that I wouldn't be able to just go back to this job later on, most likely, because they won't be hiring again in the near term given the recession and all (I'm in financial services.) It's also very unlikely that I'd be able to get the same sort of job here (I work from home for an overseas-based company at the moment).
But then I quite like the idea of waiting till DS is a bit older, getting him into daycare a few days a week and working part time in something completely different - assuming I can find something of course, but that's another problem entirely.

Any ideas? Should I quit being selfish and suck it up? Or should we throw ourselves into the loving arms of the social security net...?

Oh hun, this is such a hard one. I earn more than DH atm also, and I would really love not to be working ft. But for the moment it is the way it is. DH does earn a good income also, so we were lucky enough that I could have two lots of 8 months off, and two stints of pt work as well. Also DH was a SAHD for a few months so the boys had a parent at home for a while when I first started back ft.

I don't really have an answer for you, other than to search your soul. Is your current arrangement working for the family? Is your DS happy? Will you regret having less time with your DS? And what are your options? Is there a way you can all be happy on less money if you work pt or not at all? Maybe if you moved? These are things that you need to ask yourself, and find the answers in your heart.

I hope you manage to work it out. It is hard, I really feel for you. :hug:

Have you considered ft work and your DH become a stay at home dad?

DH and I have always said the one earning the most goes to work (after the first year's maternity leave), the other one does the childcare. We made this arrangement knowing he would be the earner though!

But if my job was the skilled, stressful, lives-at-stake job then DH would be getting up to DS all night. The reason I do the vast majoity of the nights and the childcare is because if DH stuffs up his job people die. If I stuff up then someone corrects my typing. Not in the same league at all.

As you say, there is a recession too. You may not both have work soon - may be worth toughing it out, but sharing parenting responsibilities a lot more.

Thanks guys
DH did the SAHD thing for 5 months after I had to go back to work. But we decided that it would be better for us in the long run if he got himself in a position to support us, which meant going back to work, though not earning much in the near term.

I had intended sucking it up a while longer, which I know would probably be the sensible thing to do, but I'm not coping too well at the moment. DS is teething and I'm not getting much sleep. DH does lots with him and around the house, but at night DS wants boobies! Dh has tried staying up with him but then neither of them sleep at all.

In some ways quitting would be like killing the golden goose, though. the job is demanding and stressful, but my work arrangements are pretty flexible, the company is good to work for, the pay is good and I get to work from home so I see my boy a fair bit, even when I'm very busy. So that's good for him - he seems happy enough.
Unfortunately it's not possible to do part-time due to the nature of the job.

I just dunno...

I don't know if this helps you at all, but when it's all too much for me, I look at my boys and see how happy they are with the current arrangements and I decide that I am doing the best thing for my family. But you do need to look after you too. Try and get rest when you can. If you don't recharge the batteries you will burn out hun.

It is such a tough one and I don't envy your position at all.

From what you said in your second post, it seems that you have a job that is actually really good for a whole lot of reasons - except for one of the main ones, which is job satisfaction.

TBH given the economic climate at the moment if you can tough it out for a while that is perhaps the safest way to go. Its horrible being exhausted and knowing you still have to drag yourself out of bed in the morning and function in a professional role, but I personally find financial security one of the most important things to my emotional wellbeing. I really stress if I have to wonder how we're going to pay the mortgage, electricity etc.

I know its not the same thing as quitting, but can you maybe have a family weekend away somewhere? Doesn't have to be far or expensive - just go to Mandurah (or if you're in Mandurah, go to Joondalup:) ). Like I said, it won't solve all the problems but it might give you enough of something to look forward to to get you through the week.

This is a tough one.

TBH, I think working from home (which it sounds like you do) would be very, very hard because it would be like having two jobs at once.

I know I couldn't do it because if I was with DD, I would be thinking about work things that I needed to do and if I was working, I'd be thinking about whether she needed feeding, a nap etc. etc.

So for me working part-time is great. When I'm at home, I don't think about work and vice-versa.

If your contract ends in March, it sounds like your options are to:

a) give up work totally for a while and sacrifice not having savings. To me, that doesn't seem so bad if you can actually pay mortgage/bills - is there anything you need those savings for?

b) You work full-time but it sounds like you don't really wan to and I don't blame you.

c) DH carries on working and perhaps you try to find part-time work outside the home. Not sure if that would make financial sense if you had to pay for childcare as well though.

You've got a bit of time up your sleeve though and in most situations, the best solution becomes a lot clearer over time.

Thanks for the input ladies - you've all given me good points to consider.
Last night, as I lay awake fretting (!), I began to think that perhaps it would be irresponsible of me to quit right now.
As you say Lulu, the job is good for a number of reasons, and MR, yes, I think DS is happy with the current situation. Really he gets the best of both worlds. You're right Fiona, it is like having 2 jobs - I'm a full-time earner and a part-time mum!
I have time to think some more and won't make any rash decisions. With the recession, if I quit, I won't have a job to come back to or anything...
Thanks again