20mth Old Refusing to Sleep - HELP!!

Well my DD is now 20months old and although she maybe tired of a night time she still refuses to sleep! It usually takes 1-2hrs on average to get her down. Last night it took 2hrs - finally having success at 9.00pm after driving for a bit in the car. I was in tears. I'm at my witts end...I need help!

I'm a single mum working part time (monday-wednesday). DD goes to childcare half days and spends the other half day with her grandparents. By the time I finish work, pick her up and get home its close to 6pm. I get in the door, get her some dinner and while she's eating that try and sort something out for myself to eat. I interact with her and we play for a bit together each night so we get our one on one time.

She pulls on her ears when she's tired and I can always tell when she's ready to sleep (usually from 7.30pm) but that's when the issues start.

I've done the whole controlled crying thing - didn't work...she just doesn't stop screaming. If I leave her in her room she pulls all her clothes out of her draws and makes a total mess.

I've tried winding her down an hour before bed. Bath, quiet time, books etc but it just doesnt work.

She has a bottle before bed and that gets her close to sleep so I try rubbing her head or back...but she just won't give in.

I at the end of my wick...I need help! I can't negotiate with her becuase she is between words and sentances at the moment. Please can someone give me any ideas??

heya hun,

is it possible but the time 7:30pm comes she is over tired?

Does she nap during the day?



is she still in a cot or in her bed?

I was thinking she's overtired by then too. I think it would be worth trying to put her to bed by 7:30 and see if that helps, I know that will probably mean you will miss out on the time with her, but if she's happy and sleeps well then you can have some quality time on the days you don't work :)
HTH

I have tried to get her down as early as 7.00pm but it still makes no difference...it's still a struggle that lasts over an hour.

She's in her own mini bed becuase she can climb out of her cot even when it's at it's lowest.

She naps during the day usually for 1-2hrs. Awake by 3pm. But depending on where she is (childcare or grandparents) depends on what time she goes down so it's not consistant

Have you tried lying down with her pretending to go to sleep too?
:hug: hang in there, youre doing a great job!

Yep I try that - as well as sitting next to her patting her etc......she'd rather play with my face and point out my nose etc when I lay with her and she will find something to play with when i'm just next to her

have you tried giving her her bottle in bed?

I think you mentioned she had it b4 bed..

I've tried both ways with the bottle. Seem to get a bit more of a reaction when DD is already in bed so I've been sticking with that for a while now. Sometimes I'll try and give her a second bottle (she won't always take it) which has got her to sleep before but not many times!

I just don't know what to do anymore! Feel like i've tried everything!

Hi Sleepless in Tas,
I know what it's like to have dramas putting the bub down :(
My 19 mo has times like that, but not quite that severe.
What I do is give him a bottle in his cot (which is what you're doing) and put some music on that is soothing (Enya and Clannad are favourites). He sleeps with his favourite teddy and I tuck him and say goodnight to teddy aswell. We have the music on in his room before he is put to bed.
I hope that helps! Good luck muffin.
xx

Doesn't sound like much fun for you at the moment... My sister had similar problems with her eldest daughter at a similar age. She finally found that if she went through the usual routine of dinner, play, bath, story/bottle and then put her into bed with a pile of books to read by herself that she would keep herself entertained until she fell asleep of her own accord.

The hardest part was introducing the technique. The first couple of nights her DD was up and down and she had to keep putting her back in bed with her books and explaining that it was quiet time now, she didn't have to go to sleep but she did need to stay in her bed. After the first couple of nights her DD learned that she wasn't to get out of bed, so started calling out. My sis would come to see what she wanted and explain that it was quiet time. After about a week her DD was used to it and would look at her books until she fell sleep of her own accord. She's almost 5 now and still does this every night.

I think what made it work for my sister was consistency. Once there was the same routine every night her DD knew what to expect... anyway hope this helps...

Good luck!

Well I haven't tried music yet so I will have a look for some songs and give that a go!

Miss Excited - I have tried the book approach but it ended up in DD getting bored and removing all the clothes from her draws and then crying everytime I put her back in bed. But as you say it's about consistancy so maybe I need to empty her draws and keep trying.

Im at the point where come the avo I look at the clock and already start getting nervous about what I'm in for in the avo.

O dear - you sound like me 18 months ago. I have a nearly 3 yr old that is STILL terrible to get to sleep, and it all started about the same time. I have a thread in the parenting de-brief section about the whole story.

I hate the clock-watching and the impending sense of doom that comes with it...

So this is my advice to you, and just mho but they only thing that has worked.

Bedtime routine, dinner, bath, bed stick to it religiously. Aim for 7.30 in bed (if that works for you, a different time might be more suitable, but I wouldn't have it any later).
Story in bed. Say your goodnights and leave the room.

When she comes out put her back in, I say "its bedtime darling" for the first 3 times, then I say nothing. Just lead her back into bed. Be prepared to do this 800 times. I think my record is 48 or something. Keep doing this, don't engage her in conversation, but don't be a robot either.

It gets wearing, but I really think this is the best way to go. Now DD will still come out, but she will run back in and eventually go to sleep. It can take awhile, but stay strong, remain in control in front of her ( go sob your head off in the backyard like I do) and she should get it eventually.

I had other issues going on that contributed to the problem, mainly Dp being very inconsistent and stuffing up all my good work.

HTH xoxoxoxo

Lulu2 - Thankyou for your advice! I'm so glad there was someone else in this horrible situation as bad as I was! I will def. give it a go!

Tonight we went to my dad's for dinner and I tried to get her down there but there was too much going on so that didn't happen. It didn't stress me out because I had my family there to help me. So we left at 8.30 and I went the long way home to see if the car would at least relax her - which it did. So we got in the door and I took her straight up to bed and gave her her bottle in bed. She didn't go to sleep but I didn't expect that she would. I went downstairs to make another half bottle and I could hear her get out of her bed. Anyway she must've heard me coming because all I could see when I was going back upstairs was her little head running back into her bedroom. I took my time and by the time I got in there she was pretending to be asleep! Very cute and a possible step in the right direction? So I gave her her 2nd bottle, kissed her goodnight and left the room. By this stage it was 9.30pm so it was no surprise that she fell asleep. But it was great to have a night without tears - from either of us!

Will keep you posted on how I go with the methods suggested so far!

xoxo

i just popped in to here as i saw the title of the thread , just wanting to let you know i have 26mth old old who only just nodded off to sleep , after starting to put him to bed at 7.30 !!

and let me say , tonight was an early night ... yes he naps in the day ... and takes him about an hour to get him down for that one !!

hope you get some progress soon .. i have given up ..

Oh Charmalea I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing! Its horrible and so stressful! Starting at 7.30 and finishing after 10 - I'd be jumping out the window by now!

I've got a visitor arriving from up north tonight so that will knock any sort of routine out the window again! Taia love to see him every time he comes to visit so there will be no chance of an early night!

This sounds like my GS. He goes to bed about 7-7.30 but never goes to sleep. Will empty all the draws onto the floor, then the toybox and then anything else that he can find. He even learnt to open the bedroom door to get out. He is just over two now.
In the end they put a gate on his door so when he opens the door he cannot get out of his room. He still plays/reads and then puts himself back to bed when he is ready.
And yes, when he hears you coming runs back to bed as if he never left. :rolleyes:

The only thing I can suggest is trying to lessen the time she is asleep in the afternoon.
Keep up the great work you are doing as I know its not easy being on your own. :)

Well after a horrible friday night (couldnt get DD down till 10pm - then she was up from 2-4am before waking again at 6.30am!) I shipped DD off to my mum saturday night so I could get a break! As expected she was an angel there and easily went to sleep by 8pm. Totally unfair!
Last night it was a 9.30pm finish. Tried doing what my mum does and put DD in my bed with me. Gave her a bottle and 30mins later still no success. So I put her back in her own bed, told her it's bedtime and shut the door for 5mins while she screamed it out. I then returned and sat with her for 30mins till she fell asleep.

Wondering if a quiet DVD going in her room would help? I still need to find some bedtime music for her as well so I can give that a go.

....wondering what tonight will bring...

Well last night was the latest ever - couldn't get her down till 10.40pm! AAAGGGGHHHH!

Going to a parenting session at childcare tomorrow night and one of the topics is sleeping! I'm hoping it will help!

I talked to her carers at childcare and they seem to think she's just going through the terrible 2's!

Tried music but it had no effect on her at all!