How do you cope (cos I'm not doing so well)

It may seem like a really, really stupid question, but how do you cope with TTC, being told you're up against it, meanwhile you put every possible thing in place to try and enable this 'miracle' to happen, but...nada, zip, zilch, zero, no-go, no-show???

At the moment, I do feel alone: although I have a great DH, supporting Mum & Dad, and a couple of friends I have confided in, nothing can prepare you for how apprehensive, panicked, intense feeling of inferiority you have to every other woman who has had a child, or is pregnant. Did I also mention how emotionally draining this is???

TTC seems to take over your life, your moments with DH, (I mean, I'm timing our holidays to coincide with the 'right time' of the cycle), it permeates your every waking thought. e.g. I'm obviously feeling stressed, it's 10.30pm at night, I should get some sleep, did I have enough greens today? what about calcium, should I go and have a glass of milk? how many glasses of water was it today???? AAAHHHH

I'm doing everything possible in my power to get this potential baby carrying vessel 100% and super prime, but it just wears me down, down, down.

Does anyone have any advice for coping with this agonising time in our lives ie TTC?????????

Sorry hun, no advice from me, just a HUGE hug.

I only had a short time TTC and I know how obsessed I was, so I can only imagine the heartache if it were to to go on and on. So sorry that it's hurting so much and I'm glad you've got loving people around you. I understand though, that what's happening is in your heart, not theirs and it's still lonely.

Hopefully other TTCers will be by shortly for some more constructive advice.

Blessings for a bubba in your belly in the very near future.

I can relate to what you're going through, our first baby took 13 months to concieve which we sadly lost at 10 weeks. Our DD somehow miraculously concieved the month I came off the pill which totally surprised us. DS took 14 months to concieve.

So I know what you mean when you say it takes over your life... it does!

Advice? It's so hard to offer advice on this topic as even if you try not to think about it, its always in the back of your mind (of course you'd know this)

The only thing I'm going to suggest which I know has worked with a few of my friends & also with me when I concieved DS, is to give yourself a month or 2 "off". Dont TTC in that time frame. BD for the fun of BDing. Try not to have any HPT's laying around as that will definately keep TTC on your mind.

With DS I thought I had at least another week before I O'd as my cycles were incredibly long. So we BD'd (for fun) & for some reason didnt "try" that cycle, maybe because it was coming up to Chistmas? Anyway it turned out I O'd early & concieved. So that happened when I thought there was no way of it happening so I guess I wasn't as stressed at that time?

Believe me I know how hard it is to "not TTC" when you so desperatley want a baby, but as far as I can see thats the onl thing I can think of that has helped a few people.

Whatever happens I hope you get your BFP really soon, I can tell how much your truely want a baby of your own.

Big :hug:

Big hugs for you Petal :hug::hug::hug:

I am in the same boat as you, so I know exactly how you feel. My every waking thought is about ttc, and as much as people tell you to stop stressing and thinking about it, its impossible.

As for advice, try and do other things you love, like shopping, seeing friends, gardening, knitting, go to the movies, so you can give your mind a break from it all, even if it is just for a couple of hours.

And when that doesnt work, jump online and talk to all the wonderful women on Belly Belly. Everyone is full of encourgement and support, and you will find others who are going through or have gone through the same thing. Just remember, you are not alone :grouphug:

And I know its hard, but just have faith. Faith that one day you will see a BFP, and will receive the most precious gift there is. When I go to bed at night, i say a quick prayer too just to make sure god hasnt forgotten me... and it helps me get things off my chest cos I can tell him things i dont tell anyone else.

So thats how i'm coping, for the time being anyway. Hope I was some help to you :hug:

huge :grouphug: not much i can say...coming up to 12 months TTC for me.

:hug: I've found it tough too. I think focusing on (and doing) the things DH and I can still do/do more easily withouth kids helps: going out on a 'school night' for ****tails, sleeping in, browsing antique shops/fashion boutiques etc, going out for coffee on a Saturday morning and peacefully reading the paper together. Of course there's still pain, but in a way having more time to spend 1 on 1, enjoying each other and building our marriage is great and can only help us when we eventually do have children.

I also used to find it hard when people around me fell pregnant, but I read somewhere that there is not an exhaustible supply of babies, so a friend falling pregnant does not mean one less baby 'out there' that you can't have :lol: Twisted I know that I felt like that, but I found it comforting, and I am less bitter now when I hear announcements and more able to rejoice with them in their success. It's still a bit discouraging, but doesn't hurt the way it did before.

I don't if any of this will help you. Everyone's different, but I hope it does. :comfort:

Thank you so much everyone, your warm thoughts are very much appreciated and welcome.
It is tough, and I don't think other women who don't have any trouble TTC understand how much we are going through.
It is hard to keep your mind off everything....I absorb myself at work, do lots of gardening (think we've got the best garden in our suburb now), and one thing I have found is when it all gets really difficult, I do very difficult puzzles and try to work them out. Sounds nerdy, but it makes you focus I suppose. Oh, and I have a very, very sooky, affectionate dog. She helps.

I guess, when TTC consumes your life, and what you're doing is obviously not working (or your bits aren't working), you feel so inferior to everyone else. Can't seem to avoid feeling that you're on your own.....which is probably why I keep ghosting the BB forums. It seems to help.

Thanks again, and big hugs right back to you katabelleh, melis, danielle and dragonfly. I hope you get your miracles soon.

Hi Bonnie,

You're right about the 'hearing about others falling', yeah, it doesn't feel good,but with the same breath, I'm so overjoyed for them, so ecstatic, that it's almost as if I live their fantastic news for the 10-30 seconds as it sinks in for me.
I'll give your great ideas of doing more DINK's activities with DH a go though, that's a really positive attitude to take in regards to this waiting time. Good luck with your TTC

Hi,
I just wanted to say that i know exactly how you are feeling, having been there myself a few years ago.
The constant questioning yourself, your actions, others, your emotions-which as you are more than likely aware can change a dozen times in as many minutes. Yes, it sucks, it hurts, its exhausting. The problem is because we want it so bad its all we can focus on. My DH would mention to his friends that he was over the whole baby dancing thing as he was tired of fitting in with a routine and i agree, it did become more like a chore than 2 people expressing themselves and trying to create a new life. We tried for our 2nd son for 12 months before trying clomid, and praying that would be our saviour to no avail. After endless blood tests and screenings there was really no physical reason we shouldn't have been falling pg as all our bits worked and we already had one child, not that that made it any easier(i hope that doesnt sound selfish). As you may imagine that news can be both great but also just leaves more questions. We ended up walking the IVF path and after many more restless months we were fortunate enough to be successful on our 1st attempt.

People will tell you to stop stressing, dont try so hard, forget about it for a while. But for people TTC for a long period of time it does take control wether we want it to or not, you can't just flick the switch and stop trying or caring where you are at atm. I guess what i have been trying to say is that i know how you feel and want to give you a huge:hug:and say that you can't help the way you are feeling and you ARE doing the best you know how to. To be honest I am still unsure how i got through my TTC phase as at times it still feels like a blur on some levels and other matters are so clear. As long as your DH, your parents and those you have shared your situation with are supportive and understand that some days will be better than others for you, you are very lucky, as well as being able to come here to BB and vent, talk and discuss your thoughts and feelings. I think having those things makes it easier too. I know chatting and sometimes even just reading on here made me realise that it wasnt just me and that others had or have been feeling the same and this gave me great comfort (not the fact others were going through it as well, more so, that i wasnt alone).
I truly wish you the very best in TTC and hope you dont have to wait long for your baby to be in your arms.

I have only JUST started trying, so I don't feel like I have a right to complain, but I am already going insane. I am up to day 37 of this cycle - 2HPT's, both neg and no idea what's going on... :wtf:Every slight twinge, feeling, pain and thing I notice, I seem to over-analyse, wondering... Is that AF? Is that normal? Does that mean I'm pregnant?
I guess for me, it is frustrating because I wanted to start trying about 2 years ago, but we put things on hold to go and live overseas and do the things that DH wanted to do before having kids, so I kind of feel like I've been TTC for a lot longer than I actually have.
I know it's not 'supposed' to just happen at the click of my fingers, but I had hoped I'd be lucky. Aaaaaargh!!!
I feel your :wall: !!!

HI everyone, :hello:

I am new to this thread but I have been trying to conceive for over 12 months and can relate to overwheling anticipation and feeling every twinge.

Petal- I know how you feel. It is hard when no-one seems to understand (especially parents...mine have their grandkids from my sister and I always feel like they think I am being a drama queen and it is my fault I am not pregnant as I am a stress head. I feel like my sis is more important and I am disregarded because worst case scenario, they have the "Heirs to the throne" and if I don't reproduce, oh well, at least they have two anyway. They just don't seem to get that although I am in love with my nephews, it is just not the same.)Best of luck to you. Hope this year is the year for your baby dreams to come true:goodluck:

Bonnie - I laughed at what you said about thinking about all the things you can do without kids and going out on "school nights". That is the exact same coping mechanism I use. It seems to work....so too does spending time with naughty nephews. Best of luck and babydust to you also.

I wanted to ask if anyone else is getting the whole kit and kaboodle of pregnancy symptoms each month but still get that dreaded AF.... I have had a few months of nausea, bloating, spotting and a tingling tongue in the TWW and still nothing. Has anyone else had a tingling tongue??

Apologies for the long post......best of luck to everyone. Positive vibes to you all
XXXXXXXXXX

Oh Petal... Been there, done that... And tbh... after 34 months of trying with nada nothing and supreme zip and no identified barrier to conceiving, there is no miracle answer.

I have been on holidays, I've eaten and drunk what I liked in the tww, I've worked no end, AP, naturopathy, chiro, IUI, and the only thing that worked for me was time. I may desperately want a little one, but the little one is not ready for me. I have come to the understanding that its all happening according to someone else's plan - whether it be God or the Spirit baby, whatever you may believe. And strangely enough that has given me some peace.

I threw away temping and measuring and calculating and I now guess when I could be O'ing, but otherwise DH and I are living. Thats all that is within my power to achieve atm.

If you are spiritual in belief - have a look at the book "Spirit Babies - how to communicate with the child you are meant to have". That was my ultimate answer to letting go of control and allowing life to continue on.
That and women here who have miracle after miracle when they are told it can't/won't happen.

Good luck to you, I hope you can find some peace on this journey soon.

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way - it's torture. It took us almost 2 years to have a successful pregnancy and that 2 years was pure torture. I can so relate to some of your thoughts (especially the 'did I eat enough greens today' & 'should I have another glass of milk')!!! The weird thing is I can't really offer any words of wisdom because thinking back I really don't know how I got from one day to the next, it just seemed to happen. I remember focussing alot on house renovations & we went on a few holidays too (yes timed them so we would be able to bd while we were away & relaxed). We also had lots of nice dinners out, nice fine dining places where you wouldn't take young children. I think perhaps I just took it one day at a time, tried not to think about next week or next month too much.

Just know that what you are feeling is totally normal and not unreasonable in any way - it means you are human and you have feelings. It is awful though - for us even bd got a bit 'boring' sometimes cause sometimes it happened when neither of us really felt like it but just had to. Poor DH under pressure, shame we don't have a whole week or two when we are most fertile.

I found I felt most relaxed and calm about things when I was on a powerwalk with my ipod and a few favourite songs. It helped keep me fit and helped control my moods too - I noticed days that I didn't go for my powerwalk I would feel really angry. After I made that discovery I made sure I walked every day even if it was in the rain and on hot days I just went early morn or after dark.

I remember feeling the same when I would see pg women or women with babies (for me pg women upset me most), so much so that when I was pg with Sam I felt like hiding sometimes cause I knew there was probably someone out there who was hurting when they would look at my pg belly.

Big Hugs - I'm not sure what you have been through but when I held my little man in my arms for the first time I knew that I had made the right decision my persevering with the ttc journey and somehow it made everything that I've been through worth it.

Please just believe that it will happen - :pray: that you get that BFP and healthy Bub real soon!!!

The ladies in the ttcaml (trying to conceive after miscarriage or loss) thread are great, I found so much support in that thread during my ttc journey.