Anyone gone off sex?

Just wondering if anyone else has totally gone off sex & being intimate with DH/DP?
We haven't been intimate since mid december, and even then it was a huge struggle for me. It's really statrting to cause alot of tension and problems between us.
I couldn't care less if we don't have sex or be intimate for another 6months.
Anyone else feeling the same? How do I deal with it?
Thanks,

I'll be interested to see the responses to this one. C'mon ladies please be honest - my marriage is almost falling apart over my lack of interest and I don't know what to do.....

When I was pregnant with DD1, from about 4 months I had no interest what so ever.
I know its wierd, but I did my best to act into it on occasion.
I didn't enjoy it again til she was 4 months old.

DD2 & DS were completely different. I couldn't get enough with DD2 & DS was around normal. Don't ask me why!

Totally gone off it here and DH is pretty annoyed I think although he doesn't say much. I can just think of nothing I'd like to be doing less!! (well there's a couple of things, including putting kids to be for hours... but i have no choice in that). I try to explain to him that when I FINALLY get a minute to myself I want it to be BY myself!!
At least if we say there are others out there in the same situation, they might not take it personally.
But I hear ya and sometimes I even get annoyed about the whole thing and think stuff it, Im growing a baby here, I deserve to choose no sex!
I just try to explain to DH how Im feeling and why. Let your DH's know that this is normal (for SOME), some go the opposite way, but don't say that!!
Im not sure what else to say because I was wondering only yesterday if it's grounds for an affair if your wife is pregnant and doesn't want sex!?

What about if your wife (me) isn't pregnant and the interest in sex thing has ben MIA for over 12 months? I'm just exhausted all the time, I'm up with DD 2 - 3 times a night and also have to entertain a full on and I mean FULL ON little boy during the day. I work 3 days a week and when the kids are in bed I just want peace and space! What can I do I don't want to lose my marriage - should I just simply fake it??? My DH has run out of patience and we are hardly even speaking now. I know the only reason he's still here is because he knows if he leaves I'll go home to NSW and he wouldn't want to be away from his children. Sorry to hijack this thread but there it's out now, I've been wanting to say "MY MARRIAGE IS PRETTY MUCH OVER" for a while, but it's just so scarey:cry:

What a terrible thing to be going through. I can honestly say that I have no interest either. When it comes to bed time I just want to sleep! I work full time and also take care of horses and also am pregnant and at the end of the day it is the one thing I am not always interested in. Most of the time I will give in occasionally and that is just to make my partner happy and then he can leave me alone for another 2 weeks :redface: I am very lucky that I have a great and understanding partner so If I say no, he will not get to upset or angry. I am also not very affectionate because I really enjoy my space but occasionally I will like a cuddle and it always helps to show some affection back even though you may not be feeling like it. I try hard even though I tend to be a bit grumpy and naggy all the time.

I would love some affection as I love a snuggle but my DH just won't give me any "free" cuddles. He always tries to sneak a hand down my pants or under my shirt, I feel like I'm 16 all over again, I mean really, we're not teenagers! We can't go to counselling as we have no support here in Melbourne so there is know one to look after the children so I feel pretty trapped and resigned to the fact that eventually he will leave and I'll go home and my children will grow up without a full time father. I know I'm rambling and I know I'm off track and I know I've totally hijacked this thread but I'm in a very very lonely place right now.

Have you tried giving in and seeing how it all goes? Maybe if you try to get back into it occasionally things might change and you might enjoy being intimate again?

Krisp, I never feel like it either, even when not pregnant. Sometimes I get turned off by the idea (I may be very strange, but that's how i feel). I will give in only so he doesn't run off else where, but not often (maybe fortnightly). And again, same as you Krisp, DH can't just have a cuddle, there's always more to it. I know that's because he's frustrated, but it means I dont' get what I need either. So he misses sex, I miss intimacy... I do really wonder how long it can go on that way.

Oh wow ladies. I know some of what you are going through. When I was preg with DS I wasnt allowed to have sex due to preg complications. Then when DS was born he was very sick and needed lots of heart surgery which as you might imagine was horrendous.

My DH and I had sex when DS was 5 weeks old (c-section delivery) and it hurt! I didnt want to after that for a while and then life was too stressful to have the energy or desire. I think we didnt have sex for around a year, then a couples of times in the second year. I did have counseling about stress etc and my counselor said that if we were having regular sex with the amount of stress we were living with there would be something wrong.

DS was also a rotten sleeper - up six times a night on average for 2.5 years and slept in our room until he was 14 months. My DH and I have both made and effort to get some intimacy back. Just cuddling and more touching WITHOUT it going anywhere. I think that is really important just to feel safe in cuddling and kissing without thinking it has to go somewhere else.

If you are preg, raising young children and sleep deprived - you are going through major changes. It is not reasonable to think other things in your life are also going to go through changes. My DH and I are back to having and enjoying sex (currently 6 wks preg so too scared to have sex!) and we are glad we made the effort to rebuild that part of our lives.

I dont think a reduced sex life means the death of the marriage necessarily. End of communication means the death of a marriage. Believe me ladies there will come a time when your body and mind are ready for sex again. I didnt think I would ever want to do it again. Its such a big adjustment though having kids and such a drain on your energy.

Rachel

Have you tried talking to him about it, directly? I experienced the same thing really early on and it was as much of a shock to me as it was to him. We didn't talk about it at all for the first few months, but the underlying tension was so present that we had to sit down and discuss how we were both feeling, honestly.

It was difficult to articulate how I had become this person who was quite indifferent to sex and intimate contact, but he understood. And he explained to me that he felt as though he was being rejected as a result of my indifference, and that in fact despite how I was feeling (i.e. slightly awkward and constantly nauseous in those early months) he loved me and was attracted to me. Perhaps if you think about his behaviour as testament to his desire for you, it makes a bit more sense?

I came to realise that men can't really ever understand how physically taxing pregnancy and new motherhood can be, at any stage, so his initial sulkiness made a little more sense to me then. But...it was difficult for a while there, and he was hurt and upset and cranky, at times. I really think speaking about it openly, and clearing the air, might help things. Personally, I don't think you should have to feel as though you need to 'give in' to his advances - imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed, and you discovered that he had been, essentially, suffering through it just because he knew that you wanted to? That would feel quite crushing.

Really, I think the best thing is to talk about it - what do you have to lose? And imagine how much better you will feel when you no longer feel weighed down by guilt, and he by confusion? Neither emotion is a known aphrodisiac, anyway! Good luck!

i've not gone off sex during pregnancy (though it's not frequent cos DH knows how much worse the ms gets after) - but for a fairly decent period of time last year before the BFP, i just wasn't interested - after miscarriages, assisted conception, depression etc, i just wasn't there. i felt terrible, and intimacy wasn't on my list at all. so i would say to DH to tell me when he was getting REALLY antsy, and if i didn't feel like it, i'd give him a "helping hand" - it wasn't ideal, but he got his release, and for however long after that (anywhere up to four or five weeks) i'd get the snuggles etc - when the snuggles happened for that period of time, i would start to feel like being intimate sexually as well as emotionally because i wasn't being pressured.

i'm pretty lucky now in that DH won't pressure me at all - if he kisses me and i say i'm not up for it, he just cuddles me, and that understanding in turn helps me to feel more responsive to him and his "needs". i don't always finish for me when we DO have sex - but more often than not, i do because he has learnt over a period of time to be patient with me through all the crud i've been through - it was a long time getting to this point though!

i do agree, talk to your partners - tell them where you're at. TELL THEM that being groped isn't helping, expectations aren't helping. it just messes with your head even more and makes you MORE reluctant to be intimate with them...

I can relate to all this too. After our losses last year and IVF and things I just really lost the desire...it just went away ...I know it's been hard for DH but he doesn't ever pressure me. I think more regular intimacy would be more healthy for us though and I am making an effort...at least for more physical close time and snuggles, which all helps with closeness and to get in the mood.

With DS I lost interest in sex at about 12 weeks. I hated it and resented DH every time he touched me. He though when he was giving my boobs a grope etc that it was a turn on for me. Took a while but I set him straight. I found though when he started doing more ie cooking, washing etc and giving me a little 'non sexual' tlc it actually put me in the mood. He worked this out but it was only good for now and again.

With this pregnancy it's so so. I haven't lost interest but I want sleep more then sex. I think DH has worked this and he waits for me to let him know if I am in the mood. And if I am not at least he doesn't pressure me, thank god!

While I am pregnant or breastfeeding, I go completely off sex. All I can suggest is to talk openly with your partner, and maybe get him to come on belly belly so that he can see that this is normal and that it doesn't actually have anything to do with him.

My first pg, my DH really struggled with this. we had some big conflicts and ALOT of tears from me. by now (3rd pg) my DH is 'used ' to it. he knows that it isn't because of him, that it is just the hormones doing stupid things. he is realistic in accepting that while I am pg sex will be few and far between.

On my part, I have tried to be more intimate in other ways. And if there is even the slightest inkling that sex isn't completely out of the question (ie, the thought of it doesn't make you want to hurl) - I jump at it, even if i'm not actually 'in the mood' (sometimes I have to warn him to be quick, before the mood passes). Even then it can be a month or two between DTD.

Also if you don't mind 'other' pursuits, there are other things you can do which don't actually involve sex. Personally if I am turned of sex, that means everything - but if not there are other ways to have fun - IYKWIM.

Last time i was preg i wanted it all the time, this time it's the opposite. But then last time we didn't have a child already and i didn't get glandular fever just before falling preg.

I have explained to my husband that i am tired, and also i feel resentful to him for not helping out as much as he should since i work full time too.

I do find quite often even though i don't feel like it i get into once we've started. But dh has a bad habit of coming to bed when i go to bed for sex and i am all ready to go to sleep. We've discussed that and i've said he can't do that when i am all set for bed. i've also told him he needs to just come out and tell me that's what he wants so i don't get "the hand" where his trying to suss out if i am interested or not which annoys me.

I do notice the tension builds up if we have had sex for a while so we try to do it at least twice a week to avoid fighting.

Yikes! Hugs to you all. I guess I am lucky. My situation is reversed, my husband doesn't want it b/c he is afraid he will hurt me or the baby. Even after we spoke with the obgyn who said it is ok, he wants to wait.

My DH and I haven't DTD since i got PG (3 months ago)!!! For a variety of reasons I guess - tired and a bit sick and SCARED of causing spotting or bleeding! My sense of smell and DH's eating habits don't help put me in the mood either I have promised DH that the second semester will see a resumtion of "relations" so he's counting down! Thats officially Thursday - so guess my time is up! I am lucky tho that he hasn't put any pressure on me at all.