Rough children

Not sure if this is the right spot but I have a question..

I have recently started talking to and visiting my neighbour across the road.. Her son and mine both started school this week.. He isn't 5 tille June though and my son is over 5 already.. She also has a 23 month old girl..

So my question is this.. They are so rough.. (the kids) the boy punched my 9 yr old in the face yesterday and punched my 3 yr old today :( I told the boy off both times and said if he punches my kids I will not visit when he is home ( I feel bad..rude but hey punching is not on)

The little girl is always pinching my DD and pulling her hair.. I don't know what to do???

The mum is always telling them off so she does something about it but it is hard when the kids cringe when those 2 come close..

When we spent time together while her eldest and my 2 eldest were at school it was better but today oh my..

I am not comfortable approaching the mum and saying hey you are going to have to stop them because really what else can she do? She tells them off.. sends them to thier rooms. and as a last resort she will smack back.. We hardly gett o talk because her kids are constantly beating mine up. I have tried getting my kids to stand up for themselves and they try but only after we have stepped in so the other kids aren't getting the message anyways.. The little girl doesn't worry me so much as she is only doing what was done to her by her brother kwim? Pick on the smallest..

So what would you do? Is it wrong of me to tell the child off (in a polite way) . I say If you touch him again I am taking them home. or I say that if he does that again I will not come to visit.. He simply doesn't listen to his mum.. I know why but its just an observation and nothing I do will change the way he is to her but how can I change the way he is with my kids

Personally, the next time there's a visit, I'd give the little boy a heads up (nicely) and say something like "play nicely, no hitting etc. otherwise I'll take my kids home." And if it does happen, then take them home immediately.

I think being prepared is the best thing so that you know in advance what you're going to say and can then do it calmly. It's a toughie on how to handle the mum as it sounds like you do want to be friends with her, but just imagine if the situation was reversed and it was your kids hitting her kids ... I'm sure you wouldn't blame her if she took her kids home.

I wouldn't offer the mum advice unless she specifically asked for it. But I would maybe try to convey that by taking your kids home, you hope you're doing her a favour and supporting her in trying to get her kids not to do that sort of thing. Maybe something like "oh, it's awful when they're going through that phase isn't it ... hopefully if I take the kids home he'll get the message that it's not on like you've been telling him."

Ahhhhhh ... another parenting minefield.

Hi Nic! Well as much as you dont want to offend the mum of course your kids come first. Honestly you probably can't teach her kids that much as that behaviour is being reinforced somewhere in their lives. It doesn't just sound like a 'stage'. But you can show your kids not to tolerate that kind of abuse and that they should walk away from bullies. Empower them to say 'stop' when it happens and then step in if the kid doesn't respond to their requests. HTH

It is such a tough situation.. I am thinking I should simply visit when the eldest is at school.. Eventually the little girl will (hopefully) be gentle seeing as her brother won't be home to beat her up all the time.. He is honestly a real little Sh... I am not normally one to dislike children but this kid pushes my buttons..

Other things he does and thankfully my kids actually tell him he is being really naughty. He grabs his bike or my kids bikes and takes off across the road.. From time to time our street is busy but thankfully he hasn't had any near misses.. Maybe one would scare the crap out of him though..

All I do in that situation is when we are leaving I remind my kids they are to walk thier bikes across the road and my 3 yr old MUST hold my hand. when he reues we stand there and I say fine sit down then because we are not leaving till you hold my hand.. The other boy does see this but still runs out on the road in front of my kids.. I probably can't say on here what I wpuld do if one of my kids ran out on the road like that but I can tell you right now thier bottoms would be very sore.. *blush*

but besides that.. Getting sidetracked. Woud it be rude if I said to the boy.. when he hits again. I am going home now and I won't visit until you are at school because you are to mean to my boys? He is also constantly trying to pick up DD and I am always saying no you aren't allowed to pick her up.. I just walk over and say it over and over and over..

ah parenting and friends is so hard.. Most of our friends don't have kids or are just starting so I don't deal with this sort of thing that often

Hey Nic,

I think getting your kids out of this boys way is a good idea too. Just a question though, does the terrible kid get attention when he is being good? Maybe if his mum (of you if you can stand it) praised him every time he was doing something good for 2 minutes it might help....? Just an idea :) It's a shame that meeting up with your neighbour isn't as smooth going as you hoped.

What a toughie! I think you've had some great advice Nic, and I think Alicia's advice of positive affirmation is a great idea. Great for the kid to hear that he's done well, and great for the mum, firstly to be encouraged that her kid can do something right, even for a minute, and perhaps it's not occurred to her to praise for good behaviour, as opposed to scold for negative - if she was brought up that way, that idea might not be in her toolbox, so might make her think 'oh yeah, I can do that!'.

All the best :hug:

This is a sticky situation. I am of the belief that if someone is hurting my child (wether I know the child or not), I will tell them off and I expect another parent to tell my kids off if they are the one hurting someone else.
I can relate to your neighbour in some ways. My 'D'S, at only 3 years of age, can be a terror. He will walk up to his sister and kick her, or out of the blue push one of his mates. Alot of people think it is lack of good parenting when a child is aggressive, but I know in my case this isn't true. Our daughter has always been a princess and we are good parents.
I think most times it is lack of attention or jealousy. In my case with DS it is jealousy.

You could speak to the neighbour and come up with strategies together, discuss problems that you may be having with your own kids..... like I said, it is a sticky one, but if you don't act on it now, you will resent her kids and the friendship will fail.

Alicia: Thanks that is great advice.. I didn't think of doing that.. We will no doubt catc up during the week so when her DD is playing nice I will praise her and if we catch up on the weekend I will do the same with the boy.. Our partners work the same hours so we don't tend to get together when they are home. Well not for coffee and chit chat lol

Thanks everyone else for your advice.. I hope we can continue to get together.. They are a lot of fun as people and its nice to have neighbours with kids the same age and enjoy doing similar things