Why ? Life is so unfair! I want my baby back.....

I just want my Baby back.

This time yesterday it was sleeping inside me now today I feel empty my belly looks different, my pants don't fit, I still have morning sickness beccause of the hormones and my BBS still hurt ..........and its is plain unfair!!!!!!

Then the anethisist had the hide to tell me ...well i guess you are glad to be at this end of it all now...WHAT @%#!^$!^%#$!!!!!! And the recovery nurse said I should be happy with what I have!!! Yes people are unsensitive...

My DH found out when I was 12wks2days preg (12/2/2009)( Nucael Scan ) that our little angel had died at 11wks5days. This was only last Thursday and I have just come home from hospital today from surgery.
I was going to have the san on the 16th but I changed it on Thursday Morning as Monday marks the 3rd anniversary of the death of my 3 childrens father and I thought if the nucael scan was bad news I just wouldn't be able to handle it. I had assumed that because I had made it to 12 weeks we were fine / safe but it wasn't so.
My DH and I are going through the why us... what did we do wrong...

It really did not help to see a mother with her new born baby leaving the hospital standing at the front desk to be discharged and telling her 5 yr old he was a naughty little **** and she would have to kick him up the backside now as she had a baby in her hands and telling him wait till he got home!!.... At this stage i really questioned the why us who would never say that to any of our children. I had to walk away as i was very unable to hold back my thoughts and views at this stage. Then she went outside lit up a smoke and was talking to a friend abnout catching up and to bring the foil :o!!!! and to pick up some grog :o because it wouldn't fit in her car!!!!!!!!!!!! After this I told DH that if there is a next time I am going to drink , smoke take any recreational drugs I can get my hands on and not even take the baby viatims and our baby would be perfect...Seems it was the case for this woman!!!!!.


It just seems life can be so unfair...

I know that this is me talking when my head is not clear.

I would love to have another baby but the fact is I am so darn scared now with having lost this one at such a late stage. The worst part is I so want a baby but I don't know if I want this as I know that I could not go through this again. Our Doc was so great he said that our chances of this happenning again are very very very slim, and that it appears that at this stage it is the placenta that causes the problems and the placenta probably did not attach properly.

I just don't know
Anyhow thanks for listening,
EM

I'm sorry.

:hug: i'm sorry

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you xx

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby - my thoughts and prayers are with you... Fly safely little one... :hug:

Hugs sweety. Take time to heal and then re-assess your positon on TTC again. Unfortunately beautiful children are given to people who just do not get it!! These kids have a big responsibility to teach the ignorant about life and love...Some kids have a really hard job in their life's path and it isn't fair because people like us would open our arms and love them like they deserve to be.

mrzbaby i can relate to you I lost my baby nearly two weeks ago I was 16Weeks and 1 day .... not only the emotional stuff we are feeling but also the feeling of emptyness I think only we can feel that and its so hard to explain.....!

Plus not to mention my brother in law and his wife are expecting they are due two weeks after i was meant to be as well as all my friends .... this is so so hard ..... why me I ask???? I wish things were different. Last time I lost my first bub it was at 8.5 weeks this time once I hit 12 weeks I thought everything was goignt to be ok but I was wrong.

I hope it all gets better , so days im strong but then things happen around me that put me really down ....

We need to be strong and believe that they are our guardian angels and will look over us no matter what and that hopefully one day soon it will also be our turn!!!!

So very sorry for the loss of your precious baby. I felt exactly the same as you about TTC after we lost Emmanuel, I know how scary it is and the fear of losing again. We did go on to have a beautiful healthy girl, you can do it too. Take time to grieve any way you know how.
Take care.

Regards,
Dianne

EM- I know exactly how you feel. DH, DD and I went for our 12w scan and discovered the baby did not grow past 8w. I was so upset and went through the same heartache as you. After we had the news I went to see a midwife who explained what would happen next. While I was waiting in her office, I could hear a lady in the other room on the fetal heart monitor talking about the little S*** inside her. It made me cry even more.
It has been 4 weeks now since I found out the terrible news. I understand now that there was something wrong with the development of the baby and this is just natures way.
Your doctor is right, the chances of it happening again are very slim. You may feel you don't want to try again, but it is still so soon after your loss. It may take you 1 month to want to try again but it may also take you 6 months to try again. There is no time restrictions, you just try again when you both feel comfortable.

I really encourage you to stay with Belly Belly. It helped me enormously, whether I decided to post or just read. I have also stck with my friends in our belly budies group. I developed great friendships with these ladies and wasn't about to loose them now!

Keep your chin up, you are a woman and will get through this in your own time. Now we both have little munchkins looking down on us.

xxx

I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this. :hug:

So sorry to hear of your loss, am thinking of you at this difficult time. I can only begin to imagine what you are going through :comfort:

i'm so sorry

EM, I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my baby at 20 weeks, and four and a half months later, I am ready to try again. I was absolutely pertified of going through a loss again, but nothing is guaranteed in life and if I was too scared to try again, I would not have a chance of having another baby. You'll go through some very hard and painful emotions, because you are grieving for your baby and for what could have been, but it will become easier to cope with, and you will heal one day. It will get better, and only you will know if you will, or will not try for another baby, and when. I know I will still be terrified when I'm pregnant again, but I'm willing to take the chance.
You're in my prayers and so is your angel baby.
Beata xxx

Hi, I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel and that I am really sorry for your loss.

I have had two losses, one at 13 weeks and one at 23. They were for totally different reasons and the second one is manageable now that I know why it happened (just saying that to ensure you don't get freaked out about trying again).

The hardest thing is the way people will respond. So many people don't know what to say and most of the time you probably don't even know what you want to hear. I don't have a baby yet - we're still trying. And I think that even though you already have three children, the loss is just as painful as the rest of us - so your nurse really shouldn't have suggested that you be 'happy with what you've got'. Time heals some of the pain but I don't think there is a day gone by that I haven't thought of my girls. But one thing a midwife said (which was hard at the time but true) was that life is so short. We can't hold on to the bitterness forever...

You may not know when the time is right, you might try straight away (I did). My only advice is that you don't listen to anyone else's opinions about when is the right time. You'll know.

I wish you and your husband much happiness, and again I'm really sorry that this happened to you. Love Joselyn.

Sorry to hear of your loss :hug:

Take your time to grieve, its very important.

Sending you lots of strength.

Oh Hun, so sorry for your loss. its never easy.

I think people just say the 1st thing in there head sometimes. I think until you go through it or know someone and have experienced the pain from them that you dont understand the pain.

RIP little angel baby.

I suggest this to many people. releasing a balloon saying a few things. It helped me to open up and release my feelings.

Thankyou all so so much for your kind words and support.

I have had a very hard road to travel over the last 3 weeks including my 5th admission to hospital tomorrow for my 3rd D&C in 3 weeks !!!!! As I said in another post I certainly don't feel lucky enough to be buying a lottery ticket!!

Still no results on why our angel didn't make it. They tell me they may not find out but it appears stongly that the placenta may not have been strong?? enough.

I am feeling stronger but I am over the back and forth trips to hospital. I have only been home with my DH and kids for 6days as a total out of the last 3 weeks.

DH has told me he he has planned a small holiday for us once we know for sure that this is all over and then we can begin to grieve and heal together.

I also got my scan pictures from our last scan wth our angel and they have certainly stirred some strong emotions.

I have decided one thing though i am not going back to the ultrasound room where i have been going. It seems as though everytime I am in there it is bad news for me or another lady.... Think my aura is trying to tell me something!! ... I just don't feel comfortable going into the room i always feel sad ... maybe it is just the lack of sleep ( nil in 38hrs from continual first stage labour pains ).
Anyhow thankyou all and wishing all those TTC a BFP / :SAAF:and :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:
Em

im so sorry.
I know how you feel with that lady you saw with the newborn. frustrating isn't it!!!
life isn't fair
all my love
-tellytubby