DH Doesnt want anymore babies!!!!

I have 2 wonderful boys and have always wanted 3 children. DH and I had always talked about it as a maybe before we had kids, but now he is saying no!

Last night he told me that he would only be having another one for me and it isnt fair to him or the boys. They would 'miss out' on things. I cant stop crying. He doesnt think that another sibling would bring anything into our house that we dont already have. Instead it would just be a big burden on all of us! I TOTALLY disagree.

Ever since I had Nathan, I just knew I wasnt done. I am yearning for another baby already and I cant make it go away.

I have to be honest and say that if I already had a boy and a girl that I would be ok with 2 kids. Id still want 3, but id be ok with 2. I am hopeful that Id have a girl next, but Id love a little boy with all my heart. DH thinks its wrong to have another baby just to get a girl, and I agree, but I know I will always regret it if I didnt at least try.

I dont know what I can say to change his mind. I feel so sad about this and he knows it, but thinks ill get over it eventually.

Did any of you manage to change your husbands mind? Am I wrong or selfish to want another?

I was in the exact same situation as you after my 3rd.. I had never had that incredible urge to have babies but after my 3rd I just wanted one more.. I used to get teary and Dh was adamant he didn't want a 4th.. When our Ds3 was 8 months old we had an almost oopsy.. We thought I was but i wasn't. It got Dh thinking and here we are now with our 4th..

maybe because your 2nd is still so young.. if you sit your Dh down and talk about why you have these urges and if you can both list positives and negative for having a 3rd.. I told my Dh that it wasn't fair we stopped just because he wanted to and it needed to be a joint decision.. I said that I felt if we didnt have a 4th i might resent him for that and he in turn said the same thing.. It was a big decision to make.. we pretty much talked and talked for 8 months. then we came to a solution.. We gave ourselves one year to fall pregnant. so I had till July 07 and one of us was to get "fixed" I fell pregnant in the April and I had my tubes tied..

I am not sure if that helped.. but was just sharing my experience

:hug: It's hard when you feel so strongly about it and your DH doesn't. Maybe it's just too early for him to get his head around it? Your DS2 is still very little, I notice that men don't always cope too well with tiny babies. They seem to take up a lot of your time and they can see that they make you feel tired, emotional, etc. I don't know if your DH feels this way, but that may be why he feels so adamant at the moment?

My DS#2 gave me a hard time for a while and DH didn't want me to go through it all again because it affected our whole family. But once DS2 got older and easier he changed his mind, he saw that it was only for a short time and that the rest of the time it is mostly great :).

We talked about it for many months, we wanted to wait until we both felt 100% about having a third. DH would say he is 40% ready at the moment, then it grew to 50%. Eventually he was at 80% sure he wanted another and that was good enough for him LOL!

So maybe just give it some more time, keep talking about the possibility of another bub with him and hopefully over time you will both come to a decision that you feel peaceful about.

Best of luck :hug:.

Thanks ladies.

DH doesnt really like little babies, he prefers them when they are a bit older. Maybe he will change his mind then? Also I had terrible m/s with both pregs for the first 18-20 weeks where I needed to be hospitalised, and he doesnt want to see me go through that again.

We did talk about the positives and negatives last night, and unfortunately he can only see negatives at this stage. I hope he changes as the baby gets older. I guess it is hard for him atm because Nathan is so young and does take so much of my attention.

I know he is a good husband, and I know he still could change his mind because he did say that it isnt a definite no at this stage. I guess I just wish he and I felt the same about this.

I'm sort of in the opposite situation. In the beginning we always said we would have 2 ch'n, hopefully a boy and a girl. But now DH say's "but what if we have 2 girls? I want 3 if that happens." He has this desire to pass on his name but i'm pretty sure 2 will be enough for me. I don't think I can ever love someone like I love Olive but then I think if I had 2 boys I would definatly try for a girl so feel abit hypocritical.
How do you think your DH would feel if he had 2 girls?

DG. i could have written that post myself, almost word for word. but we had two girls.

it took 7 yrs, but dh changed his mind. i didnt nag him or guilt trip him or anything like that over the years, but i did still mention it from time to time. One day he realized that it really was still important to me. and he said he was happy to try again.

just a pity it took him so long.. cos now i am OLD. and his big concern was that i would then want another one to keep this one company... no thanks.

you just dont know what the future holds. he may come round in a year or two ... or seven...