If it were you, you'd choose?

Following your HEART :heartbeat: OR following your HEAD :lady: ????????????

:wall:

We were TTC as of dec 08 for #3. End of jan we decided to stop, i suggested it to DF because i wanted to loose weight BEFORE next bubs. I had a plan and was gonna go for it....

2 weeks ago we had a M/C and it, combined with a few things that have happened in the past week, have made my heart speak louder than my head, that i truly really desire #3... regardless of my weight and psoriasis.

Had a quick chat with df before, and he kinda said no, that he had just got used to the idea of NOT TTC, and he wants me to continue on the road i have mapped out. I tried to explain how i felt and yeah we kinda just bumped heads.. we are very tired so ill put it down to that! :doh:

So i don't know if i should follow my heart or my head!

I have a prescription for a strong drug to battle my psoriasis sitting in the car, waiting to be filled. If we DON'T ttc i can start it, and hope it works. But i am to understand pregnancy can also do the same thing as this drug would do... possibly?! So, my weight is the thing now.. argh i dont know!

I am so confused. :doh:

Thing is, when i see someone announce their pregnancy, or when i see a pregnant lady i just feel this strong pulling feeling... and then i feel :( that we arent ttc. I feel sad that when we do try (if i go on with my current path) it would be about a year before we start trying, and so bubs wouldnt be born till late 2010.. my youngest would be 3 and a bit and i wanted them closer.....

sighs

but when i look in the mirror i do hate what i see. the weight i have put on with the kids is huge, and i do not resemble the person i was pre-children.. (looks wise). I feel the same.. (although obviously things are a bit harder with this weight) but i dont feel fat, however, when i look at myself, its all i see :( it does make me sad but i seem to have found a way to ignore it, knowing one day i WILL loose it.

Then there is my psoriasis... pregnancy could help it! The drugs i have been given to take, could help it! then again, nothing may.... and i will continue to suffer!

So, see i am trying to way up what is more important.. but they all are top of my list. Just depends which eyes i wanna look through... ME eyes, MUM/FAMILY goal eyes etc etc

Thought if put this here and see if anyone could help, if anything else, it has been good to get it out!!!

Thanks if you read this far......

:hug:

:hugs: I know it must be hard for you!

I guess I would be more inclined to lose weight and get my health sorted out before TTC for #3. You'll feel fantastic and more in control and a healthy body will be a better body to carry a healthy baby in.

Good luck with your journey whichever way you chose to go, it will all work out in the end! :dance:

Wow, must be hard for you right now! I would wait til DH is feeling calm and rested, and bring up the subject again, just to make sure you can't sway him.

You seem to have some very valid reasons for wanting to TTC now, so I hope you can resolve this soon!

Honestly hun, I can't make a true judgement on what I would do, because I am not in your situation. If you follow your head, will your heart start to agree, or will it cause issues between you and DF? If your weight wasn't an issue I understand from your post that you wouldn't even consider the drugs at this stage, so is your weight as much of a sticking point as your desire for a baby? If you could ensure that you were completely healthy, with regular gentle exercise and healthy diet through your pregnancy, would that mean that you weren't as worried about your weight?

Good luck making a decision hun, I know it is an incredibly hard one, so think it through completely and thoroughly, and I know you will come to the right decision for you and DF.

.....

Oh hugs- TTC is tough. Batteling wieght loss is tough and psoriasis is tough. i only have very milk psoriasis but its in my family and my mum has it as do many other women in the family.

IMO- this pull towards TTC is something you seem to be longing for. have you considered taking a step back from everything. and prioritising what you long for most. For me weight has always been an issue. I have always struggled to keep my weight down. i put on 30 kgs wit my 1st and 19 with my 2nd (and that was trying not to put on anything:rolleyes:)

If you REALLY want that baby then i'd say forget the weightloss (deal with it later) the psoraisis... Hmm tough no real controlling of it (from my experience) All i know is mine flairs up bit time when i am stressed. which means being stressed will mean more flare ups.

I think maybe DF needs a bit if time. maybe speak with him about how your feeling. i know when we were TTC our last that DP felt bad when things werent happening.

GL with your decision. take your time and make sure its what your and Df are BOTH happy with...

OK, I've been thinking about you alot re this situation and I think you should go for the TTC now, because I think it's the only way you are going to be truly happy. With the weight, I was about 15kg overweight when we were tossing up for #4 and DH wanted me to loose at least half of it first, but I said I didn't want to go to all that effort and hard work to loose it when I would put it on again with pg, and I'm someone who does tend to put on a lot of weight with pg, and I also didn't want to put my body under the stress that dramatic changes in weight can do to you kwim? Plus I didn't want to do it, then have to do it all again afterwards. So we struck a deal that we would TTC, but I would try to maintain a healthy weight gain during pg (and I did - I only put on about 15kg which is fabulous for me) and deal with the serious weight loss afterwards (still fighting that battle though ROFL).

As for the MTX and the p, I would take that chance that you will go into some degree of remission while you are pg and after the pg, if you've had some remission it should be a lot easier for the MTX to work and it may work quicker. Plus you know that you cannot fall pg under ANY circumstance while on the MTX (for those that don't know falling pg while on MTX will cause birth defects, not might, but will - it's a multi-purpose drug that is also used for chemotherapy in some cancers) and if that ever happened it would break your heart to have to terminate kwim?

I think your heart wins hands down this time hun :hug:

.....

Ok, this is just my thoughts here, what I would do, but not what you should do... just my ramblings LOL

I guess its about priorities. How much does having small age gaps mean? How much does losing weight mean? What impact would having 3 kids close in age have on losing weight? What impact would losing weight have on having 3 kids? Do you want 3 kids and then lose weight? Or would you prefer to be a healthy size with 3 kids?

Thats just my thinking anyway. I would lose the weight first, because I think it'd be hard enough getting enough time to go to the toilet (can be hard enough with one clingy one!!) let alone giving yourself the time to lose weigh KWIM? Would having 3 kids be an excuse NOT to give the time to yourself? Or would it be more of a motivator? What impact would excess weight have on a pregnancy? On being a mum to 3 kids? What would be the impact of letting go of your dreams of having 3 close in age? Would that be equally as depressing as being overweight? More? Less?

For me, I'd wait, lose the weight, then TTC. BUT my dream isn't to have kids really close together so for me waiting and losing the weight is the best option. If I had wanted 3 kids close together, and that was one of my ultimate dreams/goals then it would probably be a different story...

Just weigh up, which goal/dream whatever means the most. Which one would you be most disappointed to let go of. Usually your heart ;) but yeah just weigh it up.

Oh, I suppose you have to factor DF in that too.... how hard is it going to be to get him onside? Suppose you probably should talkto him and ask why he isn't 100% on TTC right now too...

Hi hun

Hard decision - yes

Some have said to lsoe the weight first - (and no offence to anyone pls) but they are much younger than me and have the time to wait - me - i am 37 so would do it again straight away if we were thinking of another one. I dont know how old you are in your sig - but that is a consideration for me. Also I had 2 easy pregs and then 2 losses which shocked me. So whilst we wanted our third close in age, nature had something else planned for us.

I need to lose about 15kg that have crept on from 3 kids - and having 3 kids is not an excuse for me that I cannot lose weight - it is a fact. I know things will get easier - but being up overnight, not getting good solid sleep, having to get out and do school runs - i often find I am running on a cup of coffee until 10.30 and realise i havent had any breakfast. I know what I need to do, but I am also b/f and have a husband that travels weekly - i am giving myself 6 months grace (5 weeks to go lol) and then I will try and get serious about health and fitness. I also have a baby who dislikes the pram (whats with that???!!!!) so makes it very hard to even walk more than 15 minutes without picking him up.

Anyway, ultimately it is a decision for you and your partner, it won't work any other way.

If you don't TTC - focus on the blessings you already have in your life - 2 healthy children and a partner who loves you. Take care.

:hug: to those of you who care so much to have replied :hug:

off to think and talk......

I'm in the same boat as SamiH. Age was the main factor for me.
I was on a diet that I'd paid a lot of money to do... but in my heart I wanted another baby. I don't want to be close to 35 when having my last so after much discussion with my DH, we decided that we would try for a few months and if nothing happened, I would continue on with my diet and we'd try again after I got to my goal weight.
Long story short, I fell pregnant the first month and I am happy because it now means I will be 33 almost 34 when this Bub arrives... and I can pick up where I left off after the bub with my diet and lose the baby weight too.

Thanks again guys..

DF and i decided on friday night, that we would put this discussion on the burner for a couple of weeks, while we are moving house.. (thats if the fire weather tomorrow doesnt bring the fire over oour place), we arent going to be careful i the next two weeks, and so i guess in a way leaves it up to fate, if we fall then we fall BUT, yeah if we havent fallen by next AF due, then we will dicsuss it all then.

I keep re reading everyones replys.

it means so much to me for those who took their time!

mwah mwah

If it's of any help ... there is 5years between my younger sister & i and WE had no issues with any age gap if you can call it that growing up ... put it this way my sister & i were so close that i named my only child's middle name after her ... and i had my 1st bub at 40 ... (i lost 10kilo's before i fell pregnant with and felt better for it) ;)

GOOD-LUCK with whatever you decide to do :D

Hugs from Lorelle & Miss C :hug: xoxox

.....