If it were you, you'd choose?
Following your HEART :heartbeat: OR following your HEAD :lady: ????????????
:wall:
We were TTC as of dec 08 for #3. End of jan we decided to stop, i suggested it to DF because i wanted to loose weight BEFORE next bubs. I had a plan and was gonna go for it....
2 weeks ago we had a M/C and it, combined with a few things that have happened in the past week, have made my heart speak louder than my head, that i truly really desire #3... regardless of my weight and psoriasis.
Had a quick chat with df before, and he kinda said no, that he had just got used to the idea of NOT TTC, and he wants me to continue on the road i have mapped out. I tried to explain how i felt and yeah we kinda just bumped heads.. we are very tired so ill put it down to that! :doh:
So i don't know if i should follow my heart or my head!
I have a prescription for a strong drug to battle my psoriasis sitting in the car, waiting to be filled. If we DON'T ttc i can start it, and hope it works. But i am to understand pregnancy can also do the same thing as this drug would do... possibly?! So, my weight is the thing now.. argh i dont know!
I am so confused. :doh:
Thing is, when i see someone announce their pregnancy, or when i see a pregnant lady i just feel this strong pulling feeling... and then i feel :( that we arent ttc. I feel sad that when we do try (if i go on with my current path) it would be about a year before we start trying, and so bubs wouldnt be born till late 2010.. my youngest would be 3 and a bit and i wanted them closer.....
sighs
but when i look in the mirror i do hate what i see. the weight i have put on with the kids is huge, and i do not resemble the person i was pre-children.. (looks wise). I feel the same.. (although obviously things are a bit harder with this weight) but i dont feel fat, however, when i look at myself, its all i see :( it does make me sad but i seem to have found a way to ignore it, knowing one day i WILL loose it.
Then there is my psoriasis... pregnancy could help it! The drugs i have been given to take, could help it! then again, nothing may.... and i will continue to suffer!
So, see i am trying to way up what is more important.. but they all are top of my list. Just depends which eyes i wanna look through... ME eyes, MUM/FAMILY goal eyes etc etc
Thought if put this here and see if anyone could help, if anything else, it has been good to get it out!!!
Thanks if you read this far......
:hug: