biting - at wit's end

Hi There,

I need help. Pip bites. 2-3 days out of 5 at Childcare I get told he's bitten someone. He also bites me at home, and will have a go at Trev as well.

I've tried (and the CCC) to ignore him when he bites me, and for Trev to cuddle and make a fuss of me. Nope, that didn't work (ben doing that now for 4 months).

I got really frustrated and bit him as I've been told by so many people and all that happened was I felt so guilty that he slept in my bed that night.

Now I've started crying when he bites or hits me and I do get cuddles but I don't think he's actually making the connection between biting and our actions.

Any ideas?

.............................

When DS had a little friend at FDC who was biting him they used to put the boy in time out when he bit and ignore him for a few minutes. They had some other strategies too I will ask on Monday cause they worked.
Hugs to you hun, it must be very upsetting and stressful, my DS is a wild one and I have ended up in tears of embarrasment at him lately cause of the looks that people give you.

Ooh, Kazbah, I really don't know. Natty has bitten a few times and I guess I am fortunate that it doesn't happen often because I haven't the first idea of how to deal with it.
I am a fan of sitting them down and making eye contact... but you are right, it is difficult when they don't understand the relationship between the action and the consequence or punishment.
I know that I am way over the top whenever Natty hurts me (e.g. pinches hard or hits me with something) and I haven't seen it coming or haven't been able to prevent it. I yell "OUCH", like, really loudly. (And a lot of the time it's because it really hurts!) Then I will sit her down and look in her eyes and tell her firmly that she mustn't hit/pinch because that hurts people. If she gets upset then I give her a cuddle straight away. I generally don't leave her alone - I feel like she's a bit young (and she's a pretty emotional kid) just yet.
Good luck, mate.

Just to make all those who are posting aware: suggestions of biting your child (or any variations of that) to teach them not to bite goes against the ethos of gentle parenting.

It is therefore not appropriate to suggest these methods of discipline to a poster who has posted in the gentle parenting section looking for advice. If anyone continues to do so in this thread, they may receive an infraction.

If anyone has any issue with this, please feel free to PM me.

Well I'm coming from the other POV with this one. My DS is continually bitten at daycare. He is a very laid back kid and doesn't make a fuss when the other kids (one in particular) bites him. The CCC have flash cards with DON'T BITE written on them and when the kids take a chomp they say it out loud and hold the card up to them. That child is then placed in time out (usually only for a matter of moments) and the bitten child is cuddled and everyone pays attention to them.

Perhaps something visual like a flash card might get his attention quickly and hopefully he will start to make the connection between the act of biting and the fact he is hurting you.

It isn't nice for either the parent's of the bitten child or the biter. I've been in tears many times of the bites and bruises DS has but I know that the mother of the kid who bites is trying her hardest to stop it happening so it makes a huge difference to me to know that they take it seriously.

Sounds like you are doing a great job and I'm sure it will register with him soon.

HTH
Spring.

I think repeating what you are doing and telling him it hurts you and that you are sad will sink in. If someone else is around when it happens, doing what Spring Angel suggested and what Bathsheba has said a few times before, tending to the injured can be a great strategy. So, if your DH can fuss over you and say "oh, he bit you, that must hurt, I'm so sorry", that might well sink in.
My DS was doing things (a bit of hitting) and he did it a bit to my mum. After a period of 'tending to the injured', DS started to say 'sorry' and hasn't hit for a while. We revert to this policy as necessary, though.
It models empathy and focuses on the effect of what they've done and the consequences to the other person, rather than on them and their behaviour (the latter means it becomes about them and can teach them to be sneakier and that it's bad if they get caught!).
It takes time, in many cases, but it means that the real lesson is taught and the novelty of trying his teeth out will wear off. I hope!!

:hug: I know what you are going through. You're doing all the right things.

Milo started biting at around 16-18 months old. At first he would bite me and DH, mostly when he was having a cuddle, or getting dressed, and didnt want us to dress him, put his nappy on etc.

Then it started to happen at Childcare..to the point where we'd dread to pic him up for fear of signing the accident book.

I must say that the staff at his daycare were really helpful in helping us address the problem. They explained how to identify the situationsin when it was most likely to happen so that we could be on the look out and distract him or step in to prevent it from happening.

They also explained that at their age, the biting tends to come from frustration at not beng able to express themselves becuase they dont alwyas have the language skills to say what they are feeling. Its very different to an older child who may bite with the intent to hurt - at 18 months they dont always understand that biting will hurt.

they gave us a lot of info to take home and read as well.

If CC havent told you already, ask them what procedures they have in place to manage this sort of behaviour, and where you can see a copy of the procedures that the centre uses, it may be helpful for you at home as well.