Did anyone else's baby become afraid of other people at a very early age?

At around 10 weeks DD started being afraid of other people - I knew this could happen but didn't expect it to happen so early on! Before then she could be held and cuddled by anyone. Now she can only be held and cuddled by DH or I (but she mainly wants me). I'd love for other people to be able to hold her and other people desperately want to hold her. But the minute someone else picks her up she starts screaming (not just crying - screaming!). I've wondered if it's because I don't see many people - long story short friends and family don't come to my place to visit and DD hates the car so I don't often visit them. I do attend a weekly mothers group and a mums and bubs yoga, so she does see other people every week but maybe that's not enough?! Or is this a phase or a reflection on her personality and there's nothing I can do to improve it?

She is OK with other people around as long as they don't pick her up or come too close (which is an improvement because there was a period of time when no one else could even be in eye shot!). She does struggle if it's a huge group of people making lots of noise. And she really can't stand it if people crowd around her (which often happens at family gatherings).

Has this happened to other babies? And is there anything I can try to help her not to be so afraid of other people?

Been there Tanya. My DD went through the same thing also from about 10 weeks old, and went for a couple of months. No one but DH and I could hold her and sometimes she would scream if someone looked at her! Even her Grandparents.

She was well socialised so that wasn't the cause. She then got to a point when people were aloud to look but not touch, and now she will go to anyone. So hang in there it does get better.

When we were out I often put her in the baby bjorn so people didn't ask to hold her, and she felt safe with me.

I didn't force her to go to people because it just stressed her out and she got over it in her own time. Perhaps your DD is just a good judge of character. ;)

Kristin - Thanks so much for your reply. I was beginning to think I'm the only person with a baby who doesn't like other people. Everyone else's baby of the same age seems to be fine with other people.

My DD also went through a phase where no one else could even look at her but she seems to be over that now. Now people can look but not touch.

How old was your DD when she started going to anyone?

When I'm out I put something over her pram so that strangers cannot come up to her. But the problem is when I visit family everyone wants to hold her and worse still some people insist on holding her saying 'she just has to get used to other people'. I don't mind if they hold her for a minute because she's OK for a minute. But then she'll cry and it'll end up in screaming and they won't give her back to me until she's hysterical. :( Which surely doesn't help her to feel safe with other people. :wall:

well i cant say anything about me coz my boy hasnt come yet but my neice only has a problem with guys with facial hair she cries whenever she shes one or if they try talkin to her and thats been from birth hopefully she'll be ok soon and its only a phase

My DD was like that and it started around 3 months, by about 6 months ppl could look at her and she was fine, but if they laughed she would start the screaming cry. That took another couple of months to get over, now she is a social butterfly.
:hug: that your family try and push the contact, it must be so hard on you and your DD. I agree with you on it not helping her.

Tanya, ohh my family used to push it also, saying she just needs to get over it/get used to it/them, that I'm making it worse not socialising her etc. I'm very easy going but I got really annoyed at that, I would let them hold her but as soon as she got upset I would go and take her back or put her on the floor to play, otherwise she would lose it and scream the house down. If that happened I took her outside to look at the garden and give her a break.

I found it worse also when we'd arrive somewhere and she'd been sleeping in the car, so she was still sleepy when people would pounce. So I'd give her a few minutes to wake up before we went inside.

Another idea, DD was very sensitive to perfume at this time, anyone wearing it would really upset her when they held her, I wore it a couple of times and she cried for ages - could that be affecting your DD?

DD just snapped out of it at about five months old, then she would go to pretty much anyone. I agree that if it's upsetting her there's no point forcing her to stay there, that may just make her never want to be held by others again?

I'd just be firm with your family, she's your daughter and you're the boss!

DS was like this from 4m-11m. Such a relief as he was just over 12m when I went back to work! I was terrified of leaving him hating everyone else.

I just forcibly take a crying baby back to me! He doesn't need to "get used to it," he needs me there so he's secure without me, not insecure but too scared/dejected/broken spirited to complain!

DS was socialised all the time, for a few hours a day if not all day. And he's a social butterfly now. He is still a bit shy with strangers, but not for more than a couple of minutes. And new children? Just gets on and plays with them.

Thanks for the responses. It's good to know that babies can grow out of it. And yes I think it's time to be firm with family. I'm actually not too worried about her fear of others. What I find hard is some peoples non-acceptance of it and their insistence that I need to fix it somehow.

Kristin - Thanks for the suggestion about the perfume. I did put it on once and she screamed and screamed. So I never wear it but other people do. Next time I'm going to visit my mother I might ask her not to put any perfume on and see if that helps at all. My mother is one of the few family members who respects DDs space and will only hold her for very short periods if at all. So she'll be happy to participate in this experiment. :)

I'd be interested to hear how your experiment goes. :) My Mum was also the only one to give DD her space, she would just sit on the floor and play with DD but not pick her up for a while when she came over, then only hold her as long as she was happy. She also stopped wearing perfume and I really think that helped. PS. Thankfully she's also grown out of that sensitivity and I can wear my beloved Issey Miyake again.. ;)