Custody Issues

Hi there,

I just need some advice really - my Husband and I are currently in the process of separating. We have been in contact with centrelink and child support. I have just found out that he told child support he earns less than he does - but that is a separate issue and not nearly as worrying to me at the moment.

We made an agreement initially that my husband would have access to our son every second weekend, until a couple od weeks ago when he told me he wanted 50% access. I told him absolutely not to which he stated that I just didn't want him to see his son. I told him this was not the case at all, but he's not even available to do drop off and pick up in the same day from day care, whereas I can because the day care centre is right over the road from my rental along with a range of other issues.

He told me it didn't matter anyway as he was going to take it to court and that the courts were more lenient nowadays.

I am so scared of losing my son, especially as I have come to think he may be on the verge of a drinking problem which is one of the reasons for our split. Can someone please tell me what sort of custody arrangement the courts normally grant??

Thank you

50/50 unless they are unable to provide that care.
You need to go see a lawyer immediately. He CAN take your son and not return him and you will have to go through court to get him back. If you start the process now it is going to stop a lot of mess around later.

50/50 is not 50/50 care!!

is 50/50 responsibility!!! does not amount to half the amount of time.


The court will do what is best for your son depending on his age and his ability to cope.

Go and speak to legal aid, they will be able to help you. In addition if you see them first you ex woun't be able to use the service.

Hi emma i feel for you... i am in the process of splitting with my partner... he is threatening that he wants half custody of our 1 1/2 yr old DS.

I have just applied for single parent pay so i have money to get out of here and find my own place to rent with my son. He works fulltime and at the moment i have no work i have told centrelink he will be in my care all week...apart from weekends where my ex will get to have him some of the time.
but he is not happy with this and is threatening to take it to court.. and he says i will just tell them ur unstaible and your a nutcase... i have only been like this from our terrible arguments we have... dont think it would work...but im freaking out too that it will cost lots of money if it goes to court..


please let me know how you are going with it, as im in the same boat ...

Hi, when my hubby & I split I went to legal aid for help. The courts look more favourably if you've attended one of the government funded mediation centres to try and come to mutual custody arrangements so you could try and get an appointment there but also contact legal aid. Legal aid were brilliant to me, if turned out that I was over the income threshold for them to represent me but they still offered me an appointment and showed me the forms I needed to apply to the courts and how best to fill them out and word them. The thing I found going through it all is that if both parents can provide equally good care for the child then the courts will award 50/50 joint custody. It never used to be like that, but then new rules came in last year and changed everything.

Ness I am confused by what you mean. It IS 50/50 care that will be awarded. both parents will get equal time with the child. Unfortunately unless you have good reasons why this isn't possible it can and most likely will be awarded.

My uncle just got awarded 4 days and 3 nights a week when he went for 50/50 care.

I had meeting with lawyer and mediators in the last few months and have been told its not 50/50 time that is always awarded.. it can be but its not garuenteed.

it really depends on your circumstances...


i was told my ex would not get 50/50 because of the hrs he worked but he was entiteld to 50% of the right to raise his daughters and have a say in there life

Most of the time the ex will use this as a threat. Most of the time they don't want the care but like to threaten they will get it, cos they somehow think it is automatic, which it isn't.

My advice would be to wait until they DO take you to court because if he does take it that far, he will learn what it actually means.

Emma83

First i am going to say GODDLUCK and take care of yourself and your precious son as your first priority.
Secondly i have been through this and have just :crossfingers: that it it is all over for me. Mine started when my DD was 6 weeks old and she has just turned 4yrs.

Info: I was told by my solicitor that the courts start at 50/50 shared care (divided time between 2 homes) unless you can prove that it is not IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD. The Best interest of the child would include age, how much help your ex has been in the home, his working hours and where you are both living in relation to each other. My trick i moved out of town before he could do anything, and while there are no orders it is the easiest thing to do. missymoo is right that he can take him and not bring him back as there are no orders in place and he is the father. You need to get yourself some legal advice straight away.

i will be back later have bib with pain in his belly

Yup that is exactly right Trac. :) That is why I find it sooo funny that my ex wants to try and take me to court for Ash, when he works most days from 3am to 3pm and is living in a tiny room at his friends house... yeah right!

I am back sorry it has taken me nearly 24hrs but i am here.............and no bub hasn't been in pain for 24hrs LOL

Emma - I was told while going through the process that all cases are treated differently and that you need to careful which battles you fight. My DD is now 4 yrs old and goes to her father once a fortnight for 4 nights until she attends school and then it is your basic one weekend a fortnight Fri - Sun and half school holidays. While in his care she is in a one bedroom house that she shares a room with him (which i am not happy about) but i wa advised not to fight this as the courts let fathers have their chidlren in a caravan as long as it is somewhere for them to sleep. When we were nutting out orders i just kept in my mind what was best for my DD, and excepted the fact that she needs to spend time with her father ( as much as i hate him and he didn't want her, it is her right) and she will decide when she is old enough whether she wants to go or not but at the moment she needs to. It is the hardest thing going through the court system. Noone fell pregnant for a complete stranger to make decisions about there child for them and that is the hardest part. The next hardest part is the cost to date it has cost me $28,000 and i am hoping that it is finally completed now (well until her father wants something to cahnge again or he is not happy about)

Goodluck with Everything Emma and if you wish to chat please do not hesitate to PM me whenever you need. Sometimes it is nice to have somone that will listen who does literally know what your going through.

Keep your chin up, look at your precious son and spend quality time with him and GO and GET LEGAL ADVICE....................................

Hi Emma,

I am going through custody issues with my ex at the moment too. I left him because he was emotionally abusive, and so every step of the way in our journey to resolve custody is paved with thick layers of nastiness and manipulation from him. We have been apart for nearly 5 months now, and I have let him have 50/50 care of my girls (3 and 5) since then, because (like someone else said) you need to pick your battles, and until we get our day in court (because I am sure it will come to that) I am trying really hard not to rock the boat - for the sake of my own sanity as much as anything.

My advice is to get onto the Family Relationship Centre or Unifam or one of the other organisations that provide family dispute resolution, ASAP. I actually spoke to FRC the day I decided to leave my husband, and we still haven't reached mediation stage yet. As the others have said, the law now requires you to at least attempt mediation before going to court. But to get that far takes months, and you need to try to provide some sort of stability for your son - and yourself - in the meantime. You didn't say how old your son is, but he is in daycare so pretty young. His age will be a big factor in what gets decided (by you guys together or in court) because they are not going to grant 50/50 access if he is very young.

Having said that, and depending on his age, can you sit down and think about your own situation and your husband's, and see if you (on your own is probably best) can come up with a way that 50/50 could actually work? Does he have family that could help with drop-offs and pick-ups some days? He may just be saying he wants 50/50 to hurt you, and maybe he just hasn't given it enough thought to realise that he just can't do it. Maybe if you lead the way and come up with a plan, he might realise how impossible it will be to take care of his son 50% of the time, or maybe he will actually be able to do it but realise once he IS doing it that it's not what he wants... or maybe it will work and he will want it and it will be best for your son.

As far as his statement that it doesn't matter because the courts are more lenient these days - well that is just wrong. What he can and can't provide DOES matter, and it will be what matters most. Lenient isn't the right word - more like 50/50 is considered the best outcome if it is achievable - ie practical and the parents can work together without excessive hostility and most of all if it will be in the best interests of your son as far as his welfare and having the best possible relationship with both parents.

Unfortunately, until your parenting plans are in place, nothing is enforceable. You know your husband and your son better than anyone here, but just be careful not to stir him up so much that he does something stupid like take your son and not give him back when he is supposed to - because at the moment, he has as much right to keep him as you do.

Good luck. Let us know how things go.

Mel