Impending Amnio - bonding issues

Hi All,

I am having an amnio next Wed (day after my 39th b'day :redface:). We already have a child with special needs (complex heart condition) who has a limited lifespan and lots of limitations and has had four open heart surgeries etc etc. Not been easy.

We finally became pregnant again - after being told we had a less than 5% chance due to DH sperm being dodgy, even though we didnt have any trouble conceiving DS.

Now we have had the NT scan and my risk is 1:100 basically due to my age. I cant have another baby with special needs and a limited life span. The combination of two would just be too hard.

We also have the added complication of 1:25 chance of having another baby with heart disease as the chances increase if you have already had one. We wont find out about that until the 19 week scan.

Also, (it just goes on doesnt it?) I had a very complicated preg with DS with irritable uterus and pre-term labour, two vessel umbilical cord, reversal of flow from bub to me and inter uterine growth retardation. DS was born at 36 weeks as he was struggling with my (daily) on-going contractions which started at 24 weeks. He was born via emerg c-section weighting 1.6 kg (3pd10oz).

I am holding it together mostly but as we get closer to the amnio its getting harder. When we had the NT scan I couldn't even touch my belly or watch the DVD after the scan as I just felt that I was shutting down all my bonding just in case. That has eased up now but I am felling a bit like it is happening again just so that I reduce my connection to this bub that I might have to terminate. Believe me this is not a decision I am taking lightly.

Can anyone help with advice on this? I guess it is just anxiety with fear about what might happen. Its not just the amnio its also the 19 week scan and then the 24 week mark when I went into first round of pre-term labour last time.

No wonder I am not sleeping very well...

Any help?

Rommy I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer you lots of :hug:. I think your reaction to this is perfectly normal. Fingers crossed that at the 19 week scan everything is clear. Hang in there babe!

:hug: Praying that your bub is one of the 99 and the 24 that are unaffected. You are perfecttly normal for worrying.

I can perfectly understand your worries, we are all here for you no matter what happens. Praying its all good.

Oh sweetheart! I have no real advice for you sweetie, but I do want you to know that I understand :hug:

I have similar but different reasons to you, and I do also find it very difficult to bond with my bubs until after the dreaded morphology/anatomy scan.

The only thing that works for me is I know that no matter what happens, I want my babies to know I loved them. It helps me to bond a little bit more. I also know that no matter what happens, I will be heartbroken anyway... I would hate to also feel guilty for not bonding too.

Sending out loads and loads of healthy vibes to you and your bubba :hug:

I can completely understand what you are saying, Rachel.

As for your concerns about the amnio. Don't be concerned. It is an uncomfortable procedure, but not especially painful. Just make sure that you relax afterwards, I lay on the couch and watched movies all day - so this is where your support network will come in useful for someone to mind your son for you. You absolutely must rest to ensure you give yourself the best chance of healing.

If you want to know anything more about amnios feel free to PM me and I can expand on the procedure further. I was frightened out of my wits....... really I was. It is all just a distant memory now, but the decision you may have to make afterwards is what causes you the most anxiety. I nearly fainted when I got the result to say everything was fine two weeks later - that's how much anxiety you build up.

You can, of course, push for a faster result (FISH) but it costs a bit and I couldn't afford it, so had to wait.

Anyway, PM me if you have any questions, or want someone to talk to. I have been in your shoes and know just how hard it is. Excruciating is really the only explanation I can come up with - but even that doesn't suffice.

You really do have a lot to deal with there so it's no wonder you are having bonding issues. Maybe, just maybe once you get past the hurdle of the amnio you will feel a little more relaxed about it and bond just a little, then once you get to the next hurdle - the morph scan (and presuming all goes well) maybe then you might bond a little more.

I didn't have to face all of what you have but did after suffering 3 miscarriages & then having to face an amnio (1/37 at age 41) I could only hope that I would hold my bub in my arms at the end of it all. With my history & my age taken into account the odds were not great. Despite that I did birth that bub & he's 9 months old now - perfectly normal too.

I decided to bond with my bub well before the amnio happened. I just felt that if the pregnancy was only going to be a short one I would enjoy it while it lasted and deal with the consequences if it did go pear shaped. Despite that I still worried about everything & you will do the same I'm sure. Although I always hoped for the best I still really did not believe all was well with my bub until I held him in my arms in the delivery suite. You are likely to feel the same no matter what tests you have throughout your pregnancy.

I wish you the best of luck with it all.

Ladies,

Thank you all so much for your support.

Sometimes I just feel really alone with this. Thank you for letting me know that I am not.

Rachel

You are never alone on BB! either there is someone who has been through it or just people who are praying /hoping for you.

I just wanted to lend my support. I completely understand in your decision to have the amnio. I honestly hope that everything goes well and you find out that you have a healthy baby.

I am almost to 24 weeks and I have already been to the hospital once. Ever since then I have had extreme uterine distress with contractions. I am at risk to preterm labor due to the shape of my uterus. I can only hope for the best and I also extremely hope for the best with you. I am sorry I cant give any advice because this is my first baby but you will be in my thoughts.

Hi ladies,

Thank you all for supporting me. Thought you might like an update;

We had our amnio yesturday morning at 9am. It was a bit stressful and painful but our Dr was very professional, competant and well reccommended so I knew that it would be done well.

Forgot that as I am an O negative blood type I would have to have the anti D injection after (ouch!).

We decided to go for the FISH test and pay the extra $200 to get the results in early (they are 99.7% accurate so you need to wait for the full results anyway but still...). We were told to expect the results late on Friday afternoon.

My OB's MW just called with the results! All good! :dance: Thank you God. :pray:

I am so relieved - as you can imagine, had a little cry.

We need to wait for the confirmation in 7 days still but VERY unlikely to overturn the early results. YAY.

I am resting to minimise m/c risk. My DH took Wed-Fri off work so that he could look after DS and I. I have had quite a few cramps, mainly yestuday and overnight but no loss of fluid or blood. I feel like I am about to get my period and my belly isnt as big as it was before the amnio but I think that is because I am spending most of the day on the couch and not running around and working etc etc.

Also, they took out 25mls of amniotic fluid! They had me hold the vials after to check my details on them were right and sign them. I didnt actually realise what I was holding at first and then I realized, it was a bit odd. The vials were warm! Kind of made me feel icky. Like I shouldn't have been holding my own amniotic fluid with my babies wee and skin cells in... Odd.

Now we are going to tell our 4.5 year old that we are going to have another baby. Even if something happens at the next scan we need to tell him soon, he keeps asking about my belly and if I am going to have a baby - he only wants a sister apparently. I opted not to find out the sex of this one.

Also, the Dr had a look at the babies heart yesterday before the amnio and showed me there are four chambers this time! Thats better already than my sons u/s. We will wait until the 20 week scan to really get an idea of the heart though.

A relieved Rach,

XX

That is awesome news!

:leap:

I am so so so relieved and excited for you. Glad that you can tell DS and feel a bit more free to bond. Woot woot!

Hope the AF feelings go away for you soon. Rest up well.

That is absolutely fantastic!!
I am so glad everything is going to be ok!

What great news!!

Fantastic news hun!!! I'm so happy & relieved for you. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy :hug: