Same boat as everyone else here to share my story :)

I dont even know where to start this is all overwhelming.

I will start with i am 26 year old from Canada.I had suffered my first miscarriage in Feb 09. I still remember like it was yesterday.

I was due in August 01, 2009. I was 14 weeks along when all hell broke lose. I took my vitiams, went to every scheduled check up. I had started to spot bleed on 31Jan09. Went to the doctor they sent me to the ER. Sat there for hours and hours on end, doctor came in to see if she could hear a heart beat well her and my best friend heard the heart beat. Went on bed rest went for an ultra sound that monday the ultra sound technican didnt even show me the screen i went to a catholic hospital. Went to the doctor that wednesday found out i had a miscarriage.The father of the child didnt know what was going on so my best friend had to tell him i still couldnt speak. So we all cried over the loss and had a scheduled D N C that friday.

If your told that you are having or had a miscarriage depending on where you live you should have 3 choices. 1) to let nature takes it s course
2) to literally shove these pills up your yoo haw to help soften the uturus and give nature a lil shove
3) D N C surgery

I had chosen the surgery. 12 hours before the surgery i had to shove these little pills up my yoo haw to help soften up the cervix. Well 3 hours of putting these pills up as high as i could i started to go into contractions. They weren't pretty! The er nurse told me when i told her what the problem was that the doctor might not even see me. Needless to say the doctor came in and saw me with in 5 mintues. He looked at my chart and i gave him the low down. He prescribed me gravol and morphine. Apparently morphine slows the heart rate down and stops the contractions. I apparently didn't get enough of morphine i was in more pain than ever. The contractions were so strong that i couldnt even cry anymore i just screamed in agnoy. Then the nurse told me to stop screaming. They had called my surgeon and he came down to check up on me. He told them to give me a double shot of morphine and than gave them crap for letting me go through all this pain as i wasn't having the baby :(.

As high as i was on morphine i still remember the worst of it. I had to unplug my iv to go to the washroom and that is when i must of passed the tissue. I had no choice i had needles in both hands i wanted to go in the toilet and grab it*as gross as that sounds* but it was my baby.

I went to work for one day and i couldn't do it. I just bawled. I had vacation the day after for 2 weeks. I don't know about you guys but those days on vacation i was walking around on a cloud of darkness. I felt empty, sad, and just all over confusion. I wanted to hurt myself just so i could feel other pain than what i was experiencing.

I went back to work right away and a week after i got back from vacation, my best friend/ love of my life decided to leave me. He had told me he never wants to talk about the baby again because it was the saddest day of his life.

So now i am dealing with grieving for both. I never wish a miscarriage on anyone!! IT is the worst thing a person could possibly go through. And its hard when you close your eyes and see your baby and what you went through. What makes it harder is a girl at work just talks about her baby i was due the same time she was.

Apparently every woman has a 50% chance of having a miscarriage or not. I was shocked at the number. People under estimate the greif for a miscarriage..you get it wasn't meant to be...better luck next time..time to move on...

you see you cant move on just like that. you can't pretend like nothing happened. Something was ripped out of you. You feel raped of not being able to hold that baby that you once held in your uterus, and that was made in most cases out of love.

It is sad how something so horrible wakes you up and you see everything in a different persepective once the clouds and fogginess go away.

I will not say it's time to move on as everyone grieves different. I just don't want you guys to hold that pain and grief inside because if you don't heal than it will only come later on and cause you more pain in the long run.

Oh you poor thing, I am so very sorry for your loss and the way you were treated, I am also sorry you have to go through the loss of your partner as well at this awful time.
Take all the time you need to get through this and just know that we are all here to support you.
xxx

I am so sorry to hear what you went through. I went through a similar experience with my first m/c and yes, I agree, I would never wish m/c on anyone. I was also offered the same three choices and I chose the drugs that induce labour, which resulted in a similar outcome to yours.

I am thinking of you sweetie, and am here for you if you need someone to talk to. Did the hosp give you any numbers to call to talk to someone about it? I found I needed some counselling afterwards, especially several months later when I suffered my second m/c. You are right - people just don't understand, they tell you just to try again or that there was probably something wrong with the baby anyway. They just don't get it... I found so many reactions so completely unhelpful or even hurtful that I didn't even tell anybody when I had my second m/c.

Thinking of you...

Bun xx

Sorry to hear of your loss :hug:

It sounds like you went through quite an ordeal.

I hope things ease for you soon.

I am so sorry you've had to go through such terrible loss of your little baby and then your partner. You are right, there is nothing worse in life than losing a little baby, one you've created with love and protected it from the world outside. When I lost my little boy at 20 weeks, I felt very empty and lost and so angry that he was taken from me so suddenly. Maybe it was good that I didn't have 3 choices, just one. He had to be born naturally, as my uterus went into spasms/contractions on its own.
I started to see a psychologist about 3 weeks after I lost my baby, and I still see her now. She has helped me so much with my grief, my anger, my total confusion as to 'WHY?????'. I am also lucky to have a supportive partner, and I am sorry your partner chose to walk out. I really hope that you have the support of your family and friends as this is so very important to your healing.
I wish you much peace and strength to carry on, and to be healed.
Beata xxx