Is This Reaction Normal?

My dh and I occasionally have disagreements about things (no more than any other couple I'd imagine), but when we do we raise our voices at each other. It is a habit we have both developed because of the way we were raised, not a measure of how angry we are at each other. Our dd is 2, and when anyone raises their voice around her she cries, screams, shakes her head and stamps her feet. Today when I was answering dh from another room in a loud voice, she put her hands over her ears and got really distressed.

Is this a normal kind of reaction for little ones? I feel terrible every time I use a loud voice now. We try not to argue in front of her, it's definitely not something that happens often, but sometimes its difficult to get away from her to have a discussion. We are both aware of how much this is effecting her and are trying not to used loud voices around her but it is a hard habit to break. I am really worried that somewhere in the last year we have somehow traumatised her. Has anyone else had this experience?

Huggs.

I am not really sure. It does sound like a bit of an overreaction - but having said that some kids can be more sensitive then others. Maybe you should take her to a doc or something and get their opinion.

DH and I are just as guilty of raising voices. And I will shamefacedly admit to raising my voice to my children (3yrs and 1yrs) when they are frustrating me or being naughty. My neighbours must think I am a terrible person. I have never had that kind of reaction from either of my kids (actually hey tend to ignore me). But like I said all kids are different and I think it is a good idea to try and understand why she has this reaction.

Yep, I'm not sure either.

DP is someone who raises his voice a lot (Italian background) and it drives me nuts and sometimes I will raise my voice back.

DD cried the first time it happened when she was less than a week old but since then doesn't really seem bothered at all. She's very chilled though in general. Having said that, DP is a shiftworker so is home more often than other dads and we rarely have to use childcare so DD is never exposed to a different environment. So she seems to take it in her stride whereas I imagine if she went to childcare a lot where people presumably don't raise their voices then the difference may be more upsetting for her.

Your DD may just be a sensitive little soul.

I really hate raised voices and arguments but that's my background where mum and dad had one argument in 20 years.

DP and I are trying to find a balance between him not flying off the handle over trivial things and me not thinking it's the end of the world (and retaliating) when he does!

Maybe she has sensitive hearing and it 'hurts' her ears. It may not be the argumentitive yelling but loud noises in general. How is she with other loud noises? Maybe you could get her hearing tested.

I was going to say the same thing. Perhaps she has a sensitivity to loud noises, not neccessarily the arguments or tone of voice. What if you are loud because you are happy/excited? It is quite common for little ones to have problems of one sort or another with their ears so maybe get it checked out?

I am guilty of "flying off the handle" and raise my voice more than required. Just tonight I noticed DD looking at my face while I was "talking" to dh in another room. She was just assessing my expressions to see if it was anything to be concerned about and then she happily went on with her play. We often raise our voices when trying to make ourselves understood but we rarely have a full-on argument, expecially in front of her.

She's probably just sensitive and feels scared by what she sees as conflict. I was (am) like that!

Obviously you want to protect her from it as much as you can, but you also want to teach her coping skills. After all, conflict (whether perceived or actual) is a part of life. Maybe when it happens, you guys can sit down and talk with her and let her know everything is ok with mummy and daddy. I'm sure you do that already!

Good luck!