Self doubt and issues

Hey ladies, it's been a while for me. Our first IVF cycle in January had upsetting results so I have been away from baby things and getting sorted. Now in the final stages of the setup for a down regulation cycle (IVF #2, w ICSI this time) and looking forward to the injections, still hopeful I guess.

I just wanted to run some thoughts/feelings by you all. I have a good friend who is currently undergoing therapy for anxiety and depression stemming from issues she has with her parents. We were talking the other night and it got me thinking. I know no one is or can be expected to be perfect in their parenting. I know that I have issues with my own parents which probably aren't dealt with as well as they could be. Given that we're working so hard to get pregnant and I know that I have these fears and doubts, I'm just wondering if it's the right time for me to become a mother? Am I ready and how do you know?

Hi Meo,

I'm sorry your first IVF cycle was so upsetting.

I can't really answer your question not being a mother myself but I think it's perfectly normal to have fear and doubts, parenthood is a life changing experience and one you can't turn your back on once its 'done'.

You sound like a parent already!!, from what i've heard from mothers they are often worried about their choices and doubting themselves. But they all do the best they can.

Who knows if its the right time to be a mother? We can't know if we ready for it until it happens I think.

I'm sure when you get your long awaited for baby you'll be the best parent you can be - and it will be by far good enough.

Good luck x

Just want to wish you luck and also say I think some degree of doubt and worry over what sort of parent you will be is normal, and also indicates you already care quite a bit about doing a good job, which is a sign you will indeed to a good job! :lol:

I worry too about how DH and I will cope when we finally get to be parents. How will our marriage hold up under new stresses? Will we be good enough parents? etc...in the end, we can all only do our best and the fact we are all trying so hard to have children means we will not take them for granted and will I am sure, be good, caring parents.

Thanks, Possums and infinity. It's funny how sometimes just posting helps to clear the air. Not too worried about it all now (getting closer the the injection part of the next cycle and feel like things are happening again in preparation :D) but do have access to a great counsellor through the IVF clinic I'm going to. She's someone I feel very comfortable talking to, so might make another appointment with her if it gets a bit much again.

hey hun

just want to wish you all the best with your up and coming ivf, have everything crossed that this is the one for you sweetie

i cant really add to much that the girls havent already said but i think your going to be a great mum :)

will be lurking around to see how you are going, so please let us know how you are going ( thats if you feel up to it )

Dear Meo,

That is such an interesting point you've raised and the girls have put it so well. I wonder if people who it is also easy for have the same fear - or because we spend so long thinking about it, we think too much.

Best wishes to you. I think the fact, you've even thought about it, shows your sensitive and caring - some great traits for a mum to have.

All the very best to you.

Hi

Don't even question yourself, as when the time comes around, when your baby is born and you are a mother, it all becomes very natural and you adapt so easily. Seriously, we can comment on this, as we have been through 8 years of terrible terrible times, trying to have a baby (IVF..you name it). We even went down adoption path, but, were shunted here as well (as were everyone) when told after being approved (after 2.5 yrs in the process) that our file would not leave Govt Dept for another 2 + years. In the end, I decided I would not let the Aust Govt decide our future, and we were prepared to put the house on the market, to go down the path of surrogacy in either US or India. We chose India for a number of reasons, and after a thorough review of their program, discussions with some of surrogates and IVF Docs, we proceeded. Now, 1 yr later, we have our gorgeous baby, (our genetic embryo) who is loved by both of us and all family and friends so much. He was conceived from an IVF frozen embryo we had from a couple of years back.

We understand this is not for everyone.. but, surrogacy is now becoming the choice for thousands of couples in Aust., whether in US, Canada, Aust (altruitic only..no $), India, Thailand. Because adoption has fallen apart in recent times, and 30 - 40 something couples (with infertility issues or just those willing to adopt as their family choice) are left in limbo, the remaining avenue for achieving a baby, is surrogacy, whether their own embryos,donor eggs or donor sperm.

Good luck with your programs and keep your chin up

Michelle

Thank you again for the responses, ladies, it's nice to know I'm not the only one with these doubts. Turner, I think your point about "thinking too much" has hit the nail on the head entirely. I do tend to second guess myself in a lot of ways, looks like this is just one more. I think with the whole cycle ramping up again that it's been on my mind more than when we're taking a break from TTC, iykwim?

Michelle, thanks for your reply, I was just reading your story in another of your posts today and can see why you'd go down that path to have a genetic child. At this stage I don't think it will be necessary for us (although I don't know if I can carry a baby yet as haven't had the chance to find out), but DH is a little concerned that his swimmers might not be up to the challenge after our disappointing first round attempts at fertilisation, so we're going with ICSI this time. If that also doesn't work, he's of the mindset that he'd rather not have kids than go down the donor route. I was advised we couldn't adopt due to him being over 45 (was told by another friend looking into it that both partners must be under 45) but that may be for international adoption? I know there aren't as many Australian kids up for adoption these days as there used to be. Personally I would look at permanent fostering too, but we're still in the early days of this round. I have my follicle scan tomorrow which will give us more info to work on anyway.