How to help a newly Single Mum with 2 year old Twins .... What can i do to help her ?

Hi all,

Not sure if i'm in the right area (Mods please move if need be) :rolleyes:

I have a lovely acquaintance whom i'm still getting to know for about 5months now ... she is married with 2 year old twin girls (she is 29) and she informed me just before Xmas that she & her DH are splitting up. She said that even though they planned their DD's he just never seemed ready to be a father so they split up the 1st time when she was heavily pregnant then got back together & ever since she said he is just miserable & getting worse, example drinking to escape. Anyway, she is a such a gentle natured, well-mannered, extremely kind & generous hearted person & she said she simply wants her DD's to grow up in a happy home.

Her DH is doing nothing to help her look for a rental home so she is relying on others BUT yet i can tell she struggles to ask for help. She has no access to the computer so i said i would look for rental homes on the net for her. She relies on getting about on the buses in town & taxis (sadly i don't always have the car during the day & DP & i have only have the one car between us) & i'm worried that she doesn't get out & about much as it is a hassle pushing the twin pram as the girls get bigger & heavier.

My question is as i'm not a single parent as such ... What can i do to help her ? I guess what i mean to say - What can i do to help make her life easier or basically make the transition easier ?? I spoke with the Salvation Army & they said they can help her with almost anything including financial help towards bills.

I certainly don't want to be nosey & she understands that BUT she does seem like she needs help in all directions. I have made it clear to her i am always about if she needs me for anything & she seemed very happy & relieved to ear that. Also it appears no one has offered to help with her moving so my DP & i have offered to help move say the fragile items in our car (we have no trailer nor tow-bar on our car).

Sorry if i seem vague in what to do ... I'm just very interested in what help is out their for 'single parents' :rolleyes:

I so appreciate any helpful & kind replies :D

Cheers from Lorelle xox

Be there. Be a shoulder or a listening ear.
Also little things like hanging out the washing, watching the kids while she gets the shopping done or has a rest etc are massive helps. It is a big change from being in a partnered relationship to single. Even when you 'think' you do everything, it suddenly becomes overwhelming when you have noone to call on.

i dont have any adive hun just wanted to see what a great friend you are

Hi there!

As MM said, be there for her.

But if you looking for practical things then get onto Office of Housing and for a Bond Loan or Public Housing. As long as she doesn't own/part own a house then she will be eligible for both these.

When she is almost ready to move out, get her to call both Centrelink and the Child Support Agency. She will be eligible for the maximum rate of FTB and Parenting Payment Single.

I wish both of you all the best. Its a hard slog at first but once you become settled into a new routine and life, its wonderful!

All the best!
xxoo

it really depends where you live

i don't own a home (or part-own) and i cannot get public housing, the list is 20 years long. so i'm staying in a dead r'ship, purely cos i can't organise any other housing.

i would not raise her hopes about public housing, just present it as an option to look at, not to rely on. I was devastated when i found out about the waiting list being so long.

Smiles4U - i think transport is a big one. I would imagine going shopping, and hauling the groceries home would be a big thing for her each week. Either, watching the kids so she can go herself, or taking them in your car, so she doesn't have to cart the groceries? i dunno, it would mean you would need two extra carseats in YOUR car too.

Has she got her twins in childcare at all? She's going to need all the support she can get, and having even ONE childfree day, will allow her to go to appointments, organise the moving, without the stress of the kids being bored in offices.

If she hasn't left yet, i would be getting paperwork into order, special irreplacable things into order e.g photos and keepsakes, and anything that the twins esp need, so that is things turn nasty in a hurry, and she HAS to leave in a rush, those things will be ready to grab. (in a situation with an x who drinks, i would be prepared for anything).

but really, the best thing for her, from you? she's already got it, YOU CARE and YOU LISTEN. friendship is something you just can't buy.

I think the best thing you can do for her is be a shoulder for her to cry on when she needs it, always make sure she knows you are there for her and perhaps offer to babysit if she ever wants a bit of a break

when ever your seeing her just buy some essentials like nappies formula wipes milk bread tea coffee, maybe shout her to free lawn mowing? i been there single with 2 kids but NOT TWINS. do the dishes for her and washing. and if ya can arrange a shopping day fortnightly and drive her up there or even collect the items on a list for her. Maybe offer to take her to bank or take her to post office to pay bills. and if you husband can help and she has to move get him to help with maintenance cleaning lifting of things. you could even offer to watch the girls while she showers or does house work catch up.

Thank you absolutely everyone for all your helpful advice ... You ALL have given me some fantastic useful & helpful ideas :D

The house she lives in her DH owns half of it with his Father ... he did offer her some part of it $$ but she said she is just happy to take some of the furniture ... i get the feeling she just wants 'out' & doesn't want any future hassels :rolleyes:

She is looking for rental properties through real estate agents which is proving to be hard ... she applies for places but nothing comes of it.

(Thanks Elissa ... would you believe you bet me to it as i was almost going to PM you for some advice ;))

Any other suggestions/advice from anyone i am more than grateful for :D

So true miss_tree ... i lived on my own for about 7years before i met my DP & became a Mum ... & yeh the nights were the hardest part of the day, i was incredibly lonely even though i had a great career & super friends :rolleyes: ... and i remember just getting a phone call at night when home made such a world of difference ;)

Yes, i'm certainly going to visit with her at her home & meet up at places with our children to play (my DD is one year older than her twins) ... she is coming to my DD's birthday party next month & i'm doing what i can to organise that we can transport her & the twins to my place & back ... i'm gonna secretly get some people to help with her twins, like look out for them ... cause i want her to relax & have a good time out :D

Thanks again for your very kind advice :dance: xox