I don't know what else to do.....

Hi Everyone,

I really badly need some advice and opinions on my sons sleeping as I feel like i have hit a brick wall.Hes nearly 11 months.He had bad reflux for probably 10 months,is on Losec for it and just in the last month I don't see any evidence of it which is good.With reflux he woke constantly in pain crying for hours.I used to always feed him to sleep was the only thing that would work and seemed to soothe the reflux.His cot is on our room right beside our bed so I can put my hand on him or rub his back.I must mention his personality spirited is the work that springs to mind!Hes a real little character never stops during the day so I wonder has that something to do with his sleeping.

His night time routine at present is as follow.At about 4.30 he has his Losec pear puree teething powder etc,then dressed for bed.His dad then brings him for a walk around the garden,then his books,and his dad gives him a bottle,sits on the rocking chair and nearly always he falls asleep.So that part of the night is fine.Hes usually asleep between 6 and 6.30pm.Then he sometimes wakes about 9.30/10.I find him sitting up in the cot half asleep crying.I try to not pick him up but usually have to.As soon as I do his head flops on my shoulder and hes asleep and I put him back in the cot.Then he wakes again 11.30/12 and I breastfeed him at this point.Then it turns to custard!I put him back in the cot and he crys and screams.The last 2 nights after watching Supernanny I sit on the couch opposite the cot and turn my head and be quiet.He stops crying and starts playing with the toys in his cot.I think the toys in his cot are a mistake,I heard it was a good idea to stop them waking so early but I think they are just stimulating him.He starts to get really tired and keeps lying down but then jumping back up crying.This goes on for over an hour.He doesn't seem to know how to lie down straight so is very uncomfotable so I usually when hes sleepy just lie him flat and cover him up.This is better than he used to be as hes kind of falling asleep on his own.Then he may sleep for another 2/3 hours till about 4am.I then feed him again and its not as bad this time but same routine.Then after that hes been waking at 5.30.I think whats happening is that hes waking from a sleep cycle and just does not know how to put himself back to sleep so he cries from the frustration of it.I just don;t know how he will learn to do this or what I can do to help him learn.
I am just so exhausted hes never slept through since he was born.I was meant to be going back to work but thats not going to happen I never get more than 5/6 hours sleep a night.My husband is great and gets up very morning with him and then i get a nap but thats only when hes working part time cause hes going through chemo.I just don't know what I'm going to do when he works full time,i am terrified at the prospect.I have suffered a bit from depression and its just so stressful.We don't have anyone to help out either as my family are in Ireland(I'm in NZ) and my husbands family live far away so there is no one to just take him for a few hours.Sorry to go on and on but I just don't see any end in sight to it.If he was sleeping better even waking once would be unbelievable I would be able to function,
The only two things I haven't tried is not feeding him at all or putting him in another room.I only want to do gently techniques to help him sleep.
I would appreicate any help at all.

Hi Mis tree,

I suppose the issue is both,I would do anything for him not to wake so often,the night I have described is kind of a good night!Earlier this week he woke every 2 hours.and the other issue is how to resettle him,to feed not to feed,to rock or not,to leave him alone and just sit by the cot,I just don't know which way to go and I feel I am very inconsistent which just confuses him.Its just hard to be consistent when i am so tired and just want some sleep!I just wish I had a step by step approach and did the same thing every night.

Oh, you poor thing - my DS was a terrible sleeper at that age. It's just mind-shattering being so sleep deprived and not seeing a way out. He's still not a brilliant sleeper (he's a night owl and 10:00pm is an early night for him), but at least he's not waking once he's down. We got to a point where he'd rarely be down before midnight, and usually it was later, and he'd wake every hour and a half or so. Sometimes he'd resettle quickly, other times it would take an hour. He was lucky to get 6 hours sleep in total a night, and that was heavily interrupted.

His problem was that he was rolling into the cot, waking himself fully, and freaking out. It got to a point where he would go ballistic even if I put him in his cot for a few minutes during the day, he'd developed a real aversion to it. So we put a double futon mattress on the floor, surrounded it with foam tiles, and his sleeping improved straight away. He still doesn't self settle (he's fed or rocked to sleep even now at 17 months), but he sleeps about 8-10 hours a night.

Not sure if this would help you or not. Have you read 'No Cry Sleep Solutions' by Elizabeth Pantley? It has lots of tips for different circumstances - it might help you find a way that works for your circumstances.

Good luck!

I may be doing the wrong thing here, but I found with all of mine, if I put them down with a bottle of water next to them, they would find it on waking and it would help soothe them back to sleep. They drink it to comfort themselves and off they go into la la land. It worked a treat for all three. From the time they could hold their own bottle fairly confidently they slept thru from 7:30-7. So it was a real life saver for me. Maybe give it a try?

IrishConn I completely understand you're frustration. DS still wakes frequently and really doesn't have any pattern. One night he might wake twice and the next he may wake 6 times. He also has some nights where he'll wake at 2am and cry until 4am - I've tried a lot of things to settle him in those moments but eventually he goes to sleep from exhaustion (I think).

With my DS I feed him if he wakes unless it's been less than 2 hours. So I usually feed him at about 10pm and 2 or 4am. Other wake ups I pick him up for a cuddle and he usually settles back to sleep - if the cuddle doesn't work I feed him.

I know it's so hard to know what to do. We tried a lot of things and decided that the cuddles worked best and failing that, the feed. Maybe try one thing and see how that goes for a few nights. You can always abandon the idea if it gets stressful.

I also had/have PND and know what it's like just getting through the day. Try to take care of yourself too :hug:

Hi BabyMama,Katkins and Suse,thanks all for your advice.Its just nice to hear there are other mothers out there having similar nights to me!I think I would just love if he was able to self settle but I don't know how to get him to do it.Do they just do it on their own I wonder?Also I was hoping to give up breastfeeding when hes a year but have no idea what to do to wean him.I get the feeling he could take or leave the breastfeeding but the one at 6am when he wakes he really wants it.I would love to try a whole night not feeding him but I suppose the prospect just terrifies me!I like the idea katkins of trying the water but hes just not old enough yet to hold him himself but its definantly something I would like to try later.I think he quite likes his cot I don;t think thats the problem.I took the toys out the last 2 nights seems to have stopped him playing at 3am!But the weird thing last night was that he was really crying nothing was working I took him out and brought him into our bed.All the other times I have done that hes hated being in our bed actually prefers his own cot but last night he feel asleep for 3 hours!Its just so all unpredictable but I suppose thats kids.I will look up the book at as well.I would just love a night where he woke once it would be a miracle.