Hating my cats and feeling really guilty about it

I have two cats who were always my fur-kids. I couldn't imagine that ever changing, especially about my big cat who I got when I was single and who is a sensitive, complex creature who I always sympathised with.

But since having Peter, my attitude about the cats has completely changed. They have fallen very far down in the pecking order and, frankly, I am finding it really, really hard to give them what they need. They are used to a lot of attention, and I just don't have the time or attention to give them- and they are unhappy because of that. I resent them always pestering me and find their demands overwhelming when I feel like I don't have anything left to give, but I know its not their fault. I feel they are turning into grouchy cats and that makes me sad. I try to give them cuddles when I can, but its just not the same.

I mean, this weekend, I went away for one night, the first time I've had any time to myself since Peter was born. I got back and my husband told me my big cat had pood IN MY SLIPPERS. Even right down into the toe. Its so gross. I thought only dogs did that!! So, obviously, neither of us are happy with one another.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like there is not a lot of love between me and the cats. I thought it would get better over time, but its not seeming too. Part of me is tempted to put them down, but then I've always hated it when people get rid of their pets because of their own convenience. And yet I feel the cats are unhappy. I could try to find another home for the little one, she is quite adaptable. But the big one would fret and just not cope in anywhere new. He is very dependent on me.

Just after anyone else's experiences or views. Thanks for letting me rant!

Hun our dogs have been neglected big time since DS came along they used to get cuddles all the time and pats. They used to be on the couch etc (1 month before DS born we bought a leather couch so this changed then)

They come in and dont get anywhere near attention they should or want from us (DS gives them a lot of attention. As he is growing we are getting to do a bit more with them.

We also went through the getting rid of them etc path but in the end knew we would be upset and lost without them.

good luck on making the right decision for you.

:hug: We had to re-home our cat after he went plotsky because if we didn't he would have been on cat prozac for the rest of his life. It was one of the hardest things I ever did and I still sad about it all these years later.
Your poor kitties must be very confused about why they have been dumped.
Maybe it would be kinder to rehome them if you can't give them the affection they deserve. Maybe in the right home your big kitty could be happy.
Alternatively you could make an effort to fix your relationship with them - maybe put aside 15 minutes each day for lap time and stroking. It's so soothing having a lap full of purring kitty.

I felt exactly the same way about animals after I had my babies as well. I used to cringe when the cat came and sat on my knee after I'd put the kids to bed. Having her on my knee and patting her was like another burden for me.

In time you will feel better about them and they won't annoy you as much. It took me 6 years LOL. I still don't enjoy our animals as much as I did before we had kids though. I do love them dearly, just not the same as before if that makes sense?

Oh noooooo!!!! I know EXACTLY how you feel- my cat Gordon who Ive had for 7 years was like my child- until 3 months ago... now I feel exactly like you, to the point of when he meows i tell him to shut up or i throw a pillow at him. And I felt so disgusted at myself on saturday when i went to pat him and he flinched :redface:... I even say to DP "lets just take him to the pound" I still love him and realistically I dont think I could ever give him up but its just like you said about pecking order.

I definately dont think you should get your older one put down,but maybe he would be suited to an older person maybe who is at home full time and has alot of love(crazy cat lady maybe?) Sorry I know Im not much help...:doh:

I am really sorry to hear this.. really sorry.

But, i cant stress enough, putting a healthy cat down just because you no longer have time or want him, is IMO really just not an option. Yes, he will miss you and will fret to start, but once he gets loads of love and attention from someone else, he will grow to forget you and love his new found home.

Give him this chance????!!!!! I know you love him and would want him to have the chance to have what he had with you, with someone else????!!!!!

We have 5 cats... they drive us insane, and on a daily basis we say right that's it "such such is going"... BUT, its just a vent for us and we could never do it. For us, we work through the days of when thing's are crap, for the days that are great. But, we still love and care for our cats dearly.. they were our babie's before the kids and always will be.

I honestly just think, if you feel you cant give them the love they need, then do what is right by them, and find them a home. Find a shelter that has a no-kill policy (i know coldstream animal aid are fanttastic with this) and that gives them a chance to find a loving family.

Yes, they will fret, they will miss you.... but its no different to the life they are currently living with you (going by what you have said)..as they are already fretting, missing you...their lives have been turned upside down and they are living miserabley for it.

I normally wouldnt say it, but i think its best you find them a home... please DONT put them down. God, i would come and take them from you if time and travelling is your problem. More than happy to do so.... i love animals that much and if it would help you i would but yeah.... please please give them the chance to find a new beautiful loving home cause there is one out there!!!!

P.S none of this is judging you.. having a go.. or anything. this is from a big big big cat lover!!

(p.s as much as i do love the lort smith for the work they do, they are already over run with too many cats, so if you can avpoid taking them there, please do)

Yeah I honestly would rehome them if you are feeling you can't give them the attention they need. My fur-baby might not have me ALL to myself, but she's adjusted as have I with kids. And at night when I hop into bed its "our" time. She snuggles with me, purrs and mooches all over me. I still love her, and I still give her attention, but if I felt like I hated her, or her me I would definitely look at rehoming so she could have a better life.

I dont have any advice but do sympathise with you. I am feeling the same about my cats at the moment. I hope we both can work something out so that all concerned are happy :hug:

Jess - i 'm in a similar situation - we have two cats - one is happily an outside cat and comes home to be fed - he's a turd, hisses if HE knocks against me, and we really don't like each other much - but he's always been DH's cat. the other has been an inside outside cat until recently. i've been trying to get him to live outside, DH kept letting him in. he was never meant to stay here but we can't find him another home. he is a PITA - he likes to drop and roll in front of me (DH's doing - he stops and rubs him with his foot - i can't SEE the damn cat with my belly so i trip over him!) - he goes in rooms he KNOWS he's not supposed to be in (again, DH lets him) - so this week, i've been a hard-ass and locked him out - he's making a racket to get in but he'll get over it (provided DH does!). i don't want o have to put him down (he's a beautiful natured cat, i'm just not a cat person really) and we can't seem to rehome him, so he's having to change to fit with us, instead of us fitting with him. he hates it, but he'll get over it!

i would seriously look to rehome your kitty. i'm hanging for my shed to be built so we can let the cats in there and make them happier - i don't hate them, i just don't like them. number one is nasty to me so i can't have him around a baby - number 2 is just damn dangerous to me as i am now, and i'm guessing it will be harder when i'm carrying a bub around...

Thanks all. I don't think I could actually put them down- and if I did, I know would feel terrible, so in reality its not really an option- mainly frustration speaking. (Bathsheba, you will be appaled to hear that when my big cat was young and I got him from the shelter, his behaviour was so bad that I was advised by a vet to put him down because he "wouldn't change". I couldn't do that and lots of love later he is a much happier cat. So I think if I could go through that with him, I couldn't get rid of him now!)

But I know something does need to change.

We have been thinking for a while about re-housing the little cat and keeping the big one. Do you think this would make it easier or harder on the big one? They don't get along great, but at least they are kind of company for one another.

It's so hard. We are going through this with our dogs at the moment. It is so hard to know what is the best decision. I'm no help honestly but just wanted to wish you good luck making your decision because I know we are struggling. Let us know what you decide.