doing the splits on a crate of dynamite! THE BIRTH OF LUXXE
LUXXE ACQUA MAY's very long possibly boring birth story.
I've been putting off writing this birth story. not sure why ... just haven't had it in me to put it in writting.
But Luxxe is now 4 weeks old and I think I’d just better get over it and write it down.
Ok – so maybe it’s been so hard because what happened was not what we’d planned/ hoped for/ imagined…. but you get that I spose.
SO – where do I start…. The beginning I guess
Once upon a time, in a land not far from here, a man and a woman loved each other very much and made a baby.
Ever since I was younger I’d wanted to have a home birth….. not sure why… Maybe coz one of my friends was born at home and when he told me about it I just thought it was really cool…. Imagine being able to say ‘ oh yeah – that’s the couch I was born on and that chaise louge over there… well that’s where my brother was born’ (Josh – if you read this… sorry if the story is a bit wonky…. But you get the drift)
And then there was this article I read about the community midwife program that runs in Perth and thought it’d be cool to have a midwife ….
SO – now that I had a lovely wonderful husband and a baby on the way, I started looking into finding us a midwife to help plan our home birth.
I found a list of midwives in Private practice that work in Victoria and started checking them out.
but Before I even met them, I knew that Kate and Sharon would be the midwives for us.
From just talking to them on the phone I knew we’d get along great and…. I don’t know…I just knew.
We organized a meeting and not only did we love them but so did our dogs! and they loved the puppies back! Which was an added blessing coz the puppies are also part of the family.
After the first meeting, Kate and Sharon were our primary carers throughout the pregnancy . (pregnancy was a very lovely one once the morning sickness finished)
Right – so the pregnancy went along smoothly and I very much enjoyed it …read the blog for more details ï*
I was due on the 11th January 2006, but I had this feeling that I would go early.
Turns out I have no clue about anything.
Anyway – coz I was so sure that the baby would arrive on the 8th of Jan, I told everyone that the 8th was the day.
But the 8th came and went. Bugger. Damn it bugger bugger bugger.
Anyway – I think I convinced my mum that I would be having a baby real soon, coz she booked a flight and came over…
She arrived on the 10th. And we all waited together.
So the 11th came and went. Turns out baby didn’t the get the memo about the due date.
The 12th (our wedding anniversary) came and went.
The 14th ( my birthday) came and went…. Which was good coz I didn’t want to share my birthday
On the 15th we were at Baby Bunting impulse buying even more baby stuff when I started getting contraction type pains and I got all excited…the contractions were not painful but they were regular… like 10 – 15 minutes apart.
I sms’d the midwives… gave them a heads up that a baby might be on the way!!
Cept… mostly nothing really happened other than that I didn’t get much sleep.
Monday the 16th passed much the same way. The contractions stayed regular all through the day and night.
Midwives said to hang in there but I was getting pretty jack of the whole pregnant thing and just wanted the baby out already.
Talk about cranky - I turned the phones off and put a message on there about how the baby wasn’t here and to stop calling me, and the blog got a bit tetchy too
Tuesday 17th went much the same way. Pains every 10 minutes but not really going anywhere…
Bloody annoying.
Anyway Wednesday 18th arrived and I was a bit convinced that the baby wasn’t going to come out til she was 21 year old so when I felt a trickle of liquid running down my leg at about 11.30am, I honestly thought I’d wet myself.
I ran to the bathroom and decided that I hadn’t wet myself but that this was a baby related leakage.
I sms’d the midwives and told them the news.
Sharon rang me straight back and asked about the leak. I told her it was a yellowy-green colour. She said she would be over soon.
Sharon explained that coloured waters wasn’t really a good thing and that it could indicate meconium and that the baby might be distressed and suggested we go into the Royal Woman’s to get some monitoring down.
We had lunch and ummed and arred about what to do.
I really didn’t want to go to hospital. I REALLY REALLY wanted a home birth and I didn’t want to have to deal with hospital stuff….. REALLY didn’t want to.
A LOT! I REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO!!!
And Matt and I were really close to not going in at all…. But we did anyway.
SO we got to hospital at about 4.30pm and went into the emergency section….. they sent us up to the labour ward.
We were put in this tiny, horrible room with nothing but a bed facing a wall and a window that was looking out over a rusted rooftop and the other wing of the asbestos riddled hospital.
the hospital midwife on duty, that was out of uni for like a week (is my frustration coming through here?!?), came in and tried to figure out how to hook me up to the CTG machine.
Eventually she did and the 20 minutes of scan showed that my baby was quite happy and had a strong heatbeat. and I was still having regular contractions
The midwife called in the Dr to check things out and we were hoping that we could go home soon.
The Dr was a total BI-ATCH!!!!! She went on about how “it’s very dangerous to plan for home birth†blablabla.treated us like we were stupid. I really didn’t like her. And that she wanted to induce me right then because even though the monitoring was fine, blalabla intervention blababla meconium bad we need to induce you RIGHT NOW!!!
She did a vaginal exam (and it bloody hurt – she wasn’t very gentle) and confirmed that my waters were broken and that there was definitely Meconium present.
Blablabla INDUCE INDUCE INDUCE
Prior to the Dr coming in, I was telling Matt and my mum about how sad it was that babies were born in rooms like this and how could you have a pleasant labour with such a horrible room. how could this roombe the firs thing my baby see!!! NO WAY! I wanted to just go home and have my baby at home…I just wanted to go home.
Kate was working in the birth centre and came up to check on us. We told her what was going on and that I really wasn’t in the head space for having the baby induced right now.
She said that basically the decision was up to us… we could go home and see if labour started naturally… or we could stay and be induced.
Matt and I decided that we didn’t want to stay and that we wanted to go home.
This was at about 7pm.
The Dr said we had to speak to the registrar becuase we'd be going home against medical advice, but the registrar was in theatre and we’d just have to wait.
SO we waited.
I was getting really ****ed off because one minute they’re telling us that the baby’s life is in danger and that if we don’t induce labour ASAP bad things will happen… and then they go and leave us alone in that horrid room for hours on end.
Finally at about 10pm the registrar rocks up and tell us that if we leave the baby could die. I said if things were so desperate, why did they just leave us there for hours… they said because we refused medical treatment. I said – that as I was still in the hospital, they had a duty of care to look after us… they just dodged around everything …. Gave us the fear talk…. I was just so angry that after making us wait for hours they had the nerve to tell us that my baby was in danger. They actually said "your baby will die" they just are all about the fear. bastards.
I told them that as the monitoring was fine I would be going home and hoping that labour started naturally and that if it didn’t, I’d be back in the morning. They treated us like really stupid pariahs.
Kate was finishing work and said she’d come check on us at home on her way home… my blood pressure was fine and the baby’s heartbeat was still strong and perfect and Kate said that she’d call us at 6am unless I went into labour during the night.
After she left I went to bed and had a cry. I was just upset because I knew things weren’t going to happen as we’d planned.
I cried and prayed and gathered my strength and wits and I tried to sleep.
Matt and the puppies and I all slept on top of the covers. Matt was hugging my legs and the puppies cuddled up next to me too - I think they knew I needed the extra love.
I tried to sleep but the contractions were getting stronger and I was getting up every 20 minutes to go to the loo. The contractions were now a bit hurty and I was having the breathe through them… but I was soooooo tired that I was still falling asleep in between…so like sleep for 5 minutes breathe through wave of intensity and then sleep… and every 20 minutes almost exactly I’d go to the loo.
At 6am of the 19th Jan (Matty’s Birthday!) Kate rang and I told her that nothing was really happening and that we’d be going into hospital for the induction. Kate was going in to work a shift anyway, so we said we’d see her there.
We rang Sharon and arranged to meet up at the hospital at 9.30am so we could go in together.
So we dragged along all the stuff we thought we’d need during the birth and went up to the labour suite. I think we had about 2 suitcases full of stuff!
Once we got up to the labour ward, I asked if we could have a room with a view.
We were shown into a room that was three times the size of the one from the night before, there was even a tv and a radio and the windows looked out onto the uni… much nicer. SO I immediately felt like we did the right thing in going home. TOday wasgoing to be a much better day to have a baby.
From there things went pretty fast.
I was hooked up the CTG machine and baby was still doing fine.
How annoying is that monitoring though!?? Having the 2 elastic belts and being attached to a giant machine sux.
After a bit the Dr on duty came in. A different Dr. She was much nicer.
She put the canula into my left hand and they set up the syntocin drip to induce labour.
Once that was done she did an internal exam.
I was nearly 4 cm dialated!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
And there wasn’t much of my waters left either…. That’s why I was going to the loo all night!
SO with this news I was feeling pretty positive!
Sharon put some accupunture needles in my ankles, back and hands to help promote labour and gave me some homeopathy for the same end.
The room was pretty happy and chatty. Mum, Matty, Sharon and I were
great company and we were laughing and talking happily for the next few hours.
The contractions were fairly regular doing that time, but I was still happy to be up and about talking etc.
I really liked that I could watch the intensity of the contraction of the CTG machine.
It really helped me focus and work through the pain. I could watch the numbers going up and match it up to the increase of the wave of intensity and I could use those moments to prepare myself.
After a few hours the pain kicked up a notch and I was starting to have to breathe and really focus to get through it.
I pretty much closed my eyes at this point and didn’t open them again til after Luxxe was born.
So with my eyes shut, it’s hard to describe what was going on and I don’t know what time things happened at.
All I can tell you is about what was going on in my head and body.
So the pain – I felt it.
I just breathed through the waves and as they got stronger I would breathe and sob and cry quietly til it passes. THank Goodness for my body pillow. I found that the most comfy position to deal with the drip in my hand and the belts around my waist was to lie on my side and hug my pillow and sob into it when the pain was strong.
I don’t think I made any noise the whole time I was in labour, other than to ask for drinks or cold flannels or to tell them I needed to go to the toilet.
(to be honest, I didn’t really need to go to the loo but it was a place to go away from the CTG machine and I could sit on my own or with Matty,and just re-groups and gather my strength and thoughts to be able to face the room full of machines and people again)
There were a few times when I was sitting on the loo and Matty was kneeling on the floor beside me and was just talking to me and was there for me to rest my head on when another wave came….
I just kept telling him I was sorry that he was spending his 30th birthday kneeling on the floor of a toilet in a hospital.
He said there was no place he’d rather be.
I love that man.
At about 4pm ish the doctor came in and did another exam and said I was about 6cms
This completely crushed me.
I was sure that I must be closer to having the baby.
I just wanted to be pushing and have the baby and go home.
From this point on everytime the doctor or registrar came in they’d threaten some kind of intervention or tell me I should have some pain relief.
THe Doctors felt that I wasn't progressing fast enough....you know for their hospital protocols...not for the reality of my situation. It so upsets me that everyone is treated based on the average.....because I can tell you know I'm not that average.... and not many people I know are! So where is the logic inthese crazed Hospital protocols huh?!?!!
ok - so they said I wasn't progressing fast enough and that they wanted to do an Oxygen test on the baby to make sure she was ok. The CTG was still fine,,,, and this test involved inserting some kind of torture devicein my cervix and pulling out some of the baby's hair or scratching her head so that they could test the oxygen level on her blood or something.... to be honest I'm a bit fuzzy on the actual process or whatever.... I just remember that they were telling me that they wanted to pull out a clump of her hair.
I told them to get stuffed.
they offerd me pain relief again for the procedure.... I said no... or I thought NO
Earlier I’d told them that I’d rather eat my own leg off than have an epidural!
This was still my opinion and when I couldn’t articulate it, Matt, Sharon or Kate did for me!
Everytime they’d come in with some new fear or to tell us that if this didn’t happen in this time frame then they’d make me have a c/s I’d get so much more determined and focused on having this baby naturally.
That’s all I can remember of the last few hours.
That I would hear the Dr say something scary…. They’d go away, my midwives would give me the non- scary version of what was going on and tell me what I needed to do to avoid that intervention and I’d focus on that and go from there.
Finally the pushing started and I had mum, Matt, Kate, Sharon, the student midwife, the hospital midwife, the dr and the registrar in the room.
I still had my eyes shut, but I heard everything.
I was so happy to be pushing finally. I just wanted the abby out and in the worldand to get out of that damn hospital!
and Talk about cheer squads. Which every contraction and urge to push, they’d be cheering LOUD CHEERING!! and telling me I could do it and tell me how great I was doing and that we were close….
Oh and by cheer squad… that’s all the people I mentioned minus the doctors. They were mostly sticking their hands up my clacker and making life difficult and more painful!
Seriously – It’s so obvious that they’d never had a baby!.... how fiddling around to move the lip of my cervix over the babies head in the midst of a contraction is a good Idea can only seem obvious to a crazy person!
It HURTso much... more than the contraction! I was so close to kicking that woman clear across the room.
Thankfully the doctors would clear out after torturing me and Sharon did this thing with her magic suction cup fingers and we’d be closer to having the baby.
Seriously – I can’t tell you how important it was that I had my own midwives there with us.
Without them there to give us the real story and not the medicalised hospital jargon scary version…. We’d have ended up with a totally different result.
Everytime I think about it… I’m so glad to have had them there… have them on our side, with our best interest at heart and not hospital proticol.
Kate was holding my hand and despite all the noise going on and all the cheering from Matt, it was Kate’s voice that was getting me through. She got me to focus, to visualize, how best to push….She was exactly what I needed at this point.
When I was starting to feel like she was never coming out that I was doing something wrong, that maybe I didn't want a baby after all, that maybe we should have just got another puppy, that maybe we'd not be good parents, what was I doing! WHAT WAS I DOING HERE!?!?!
… but Kate cleared out all those thoughts and got me through.
So finally, the head came down and crowned and Sharon told me reach down and touch her head.
I said no…. I just wanted to focus on pushing and getting her out.
She asked me again and I reached down and I couldn’t believe she was really here.
Her head felt soft like velvet and squishy. I freaked out a bit.
But after that I was so determined to get her into the world.
Another push and there she was.
6.26pm Of the 19th Jan... her Daddy's 30th birthday!
And with her came lots and lots of meconium.
We were semi planning a lotus birth, so when she came out Sharon placed her on my stomach and I had a quick look at her….. I still kinda had my eyes shut but I remember that she was a bit purple and slippery looking.
Next thing I remember is that they wanted to get her onto the resus cart and Matty was telling me that he was going to cut the cord and I saw that happen and the Sharon took charge and whisked the baby off and suctioned out Luxxe’s mouth and nose and got her to take a breath without all that crud in her mouth and nose.
Matt gave me a kiss and I told him to go be with the baby.
I was a bit not with the program at this point…. But I remember that suddenly the room was full of doctors.
Because of all the meconium and because she didn’t breathe on her own and various other concerns, they called a code and everyone came running.
according tot he hospital notes, Apgar was 3 and then 9
I remember asking if she was ok and Matt said she’s pink and she’s breathing but they were taking her to intensive care.
Matt went with her. A whole bunch of stuff happened there ….. stuff that’s too upsetting… but basically she’s ok and that’s all that matters.
Meanwhile, I was trying to deliver the placenta.
Once the baby was born they cranked up the syntocin and the contractions I had to deliver the placenta were more painful and just so much more horrible rest of the labour put together.
I was crying with every contraction.
They wanted me to have an epidural.
I said I’d made it this far without one I certainly wasn’t going to have one now.
Sharon said that as the baby was out now If I wanted I could have some pethadine if I wanted.
I said no.... but after another half hour to an hour or so.... I was asked again and was in quite a bit ofpain and I don't know if it was me or someone else that said ok.... but I was given the injection in my thigh.
it didn't do anything for the pain. It juse made me feel sick and dizzy and I could still feel every single contraction! but I was still just sobbing quietly and telling my mum it was so unfair. It's not fair that this is how it turned out. I jsut wanted to hold my baby. I felt so disconnected from her. That she didn't want to come out and now she was taken away and I was just the loser mother that didn't get it right. I was really bummed and tired and in pain and scared for my baby who was off somehere without me.
My uterus had clamped down on the placenta and wasn’t going to let it out.
I pushed and tried to deliver that damn thing for nearly 2 hours….. then the registrar said that they’d have to take me into surgery and remove it manually. It was about 9pm by this stage.
Anyway – I got wheeled up to theatre and said I could have a general or a spinal block.
What is it with these people and sticking needles in my spine!!!
I asked which would wear off the quickest.
They said the procedure would take about 15 minutes and that the general would wear off about 10-15 mintues after that or the spinal block would last for 2 hours.
I said knock me out. I didn’t really want to be awake for them sticking their hand in to scoop out the placenta anyway!!
Next thing I remember is waking up in recovery and then being wheeled down to the ward.
My mum was there and told me Matt was still with the baby in the NICU. She showed me a photo of the baby on her phone. Matt took it coz he wanted me to see that she was pink and ok. Mum went back up to the NICU so Matt could come see me and as I was pretty groggy they left me be.
I woke up on and off through the night because they were taking my blood pressure etc…. but I was awake enough by 6am for them to take me up to NICU so I could finally hold my baby girl.
She had a board taped to her tiny arm and a canula in her tiny hand…. And I cried.
I just felt like I’d let her down.
I should have been there with her when she needed me.
I just kept thinking that this never would have happened if I’d had her at home.
But I’m going to skip all that horrible NICU stuff because I still cry when I think about it.
Later that morning… so the 20th Jan now, she was allowed back on the ward with me.
I was feeling pretty good, a bit sore… but good.
I just wanted to go home.
I managed to hold it together... and as my room was empty other than me I even managed to hide Matty in with me til about 4am... but then a nurse found him and made him go home.
I didn't sleep at all that night. Just sat on the uncomfy bed with my baby beside be in the cot wishing MAtty was still here.
On the Saturday 21st, I was so determined to go home that I pestered every nurse and doctor that came past..... but it worked and we were discharged at about 9pm.
we packed up all our stuff and got the hell out of there.
we got home and I was just so exhausted. I'd not really slept a night since the previous saturday. I was hallucinating and just desperate for sleep.
I asked matt to watch the baby while I had a nap.
when I woke up a few hours later, he had set up pillows on the floor and was propped up against the wall next to the bassinette so he didn't have to take his eyes off her.
Sunday came and it was a whole new day. The start of our life as a family. I was so SOSOSOSOSOSOOOOOo happy to be home and with my family and my baby girl.
This is really long isn’t it.
but I think I'm done now.
I can’t wait til we have our next baby.
Next time hopefully we’ll be able to have our home birth.
But for a plan that went in all the wrong directions….we still got to our destination.
A beautiful baby girl.
Weighing 3.568kg
51.5cm tall
34cm head circumference
Oh and me with no tears and no stitches!!
Is this the world’s longest birth story?!?!?
Ok – wake up people!!! Let’s get back to work….
