TT misery.. WDID .. keep trying or back to nappies ?

This is driving me bonkers to the point of anger/sadness/dissapointed in DS and i am begging to not "like " his additude ...

its almost like he does not care if he wees .. its like hes defying against me .. sometimes its almost as though hes being rude and doing it on pourpose !!!


DS ahs been day trained for wees for about 5 months and only just recently done poos in the toilet ... its taken ages and over the last 2 weeks has done about 4 poos in the toilet ( thats a bit improvement ) and all the rest on the floor and in his trainers ...

He knows when and where he needs to go and how to do it etc ... but when i say " lets go to the toilet " he says "NO mummy " and chucks a wobbly and wont go , not even for wees ... he can hold on for ages ..

this morning he asked to do a wee , then a few hrs later . he wet his pants, last night he wet his pants and hasnt done a poo for ages , since the other night when he did a big poo on our floor ...


I try try so hard not to get mad .. i have seen what he can do but now hes just put his foot down and poos and wees on the floor ...
should i put him back in nappies ?? I dont want him to wear nappies as he used to be so good ... hes not night trained ....

but the biggest fear is all his friends are doing poos and wees on the toilet .... DS was the first to start and now has regressed big time ... my frined whos DS is a few months younger is going to the toilet like he was born for it and appartnelty never has an accident .. .and my other friend (male ) his DS has just started and everything is a "im better than you " challenge to him .. so naturally i feel the pressure ...

Every one says "its not a race or dont compare " but its human nature ... we compare . and i do , i'll admit it ...

I feel my pressure that im under reflects on DS and i need to stop pressureing him .. (not that i lay it on thick , but i ask him to do a poo each time hes on the toilet .. )

I have tired bribes ( chocolate and special wiggels wipes ) if he did a poo in the tioliet each day for a week we would take him to see the train museam as a "big boy"

he has held on to a poo for a few days now .. so im sure hes just not ready ... but if i put him in nappies it will affect him and me ...

we are going camping with my friends who kids all do wees and poos .. I just know its out of his comfort zone and both DS and i will be embarresed if he has an accident ..
what should i do ...

do i go back to nappies and let him wee and poo himself when in the past moths hes been so good at it .. and was just getting so good at it ...

the last 2 nights just after dinner before bed he's weed in his pants too ..

i feel like a failure ...
I need advice
i need a break from DS as its affecting the way i feel about him , im harbouring resentment toward my little boy ...
he wanted to do wees in the potty i never forced him in to toilet training ..
why is this happening ???

im just sooooo over it .. i dont know what to do ...

:hug: sounds like you are having a hard time atm. It really sounds like he is rebelling against TT, like part of him wants to be a "big boy" and do it, but another part of him doesn't want to make that transition. ATM I think he is also picking up on your own stress and frustration over it and that is not helping. Believe me, I know how frustrating it can be. My DS was quite similar, we went through a few months of hits and misses, accidents and tears, before he finally 'got it' just before his 3rd birthday. And in the end, he got there by himself - it was like he just decided he was going to do it, so he did. Once he made that decision, it got a lot easier. Now, at 6, he is completely independent in that area.

Your DS will get there eventually. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. He will not be going off to school still in nappies! In the meantime, a star chart or some kind of reward chart might help - get DS to help you make it. Just draw it up on some coloured paper or cardboard, to make it easy just do two sections - one for wees and one poos. Title it with his name and 'toilet/potty chart' or something like that, then stick up somewhere prominent - like his bedroom or living room, where he will be able to see it all the time. Then tell him he will get a star sticker (or similar) every time he does a wee or poo in the potty or toilet. When he does it, let him stick the sticker on by himself, in the appropriate section. When he gets a certain amount of stickers, then tell him he can have a special reward. A small toy might work - buy it, then store it somewhere where he can't reach it but he can see it, as an incentive. This doesn't always work - but it really helped with my DS and DD. It is not foolproof, obviously, but it might help him to get on track.

I read somewhere (can't for the life of me remember where though - sorry) that toddlers often regress 9 months after the birth of a new baby. Now if I could remember where I saw this I may be able to find what strategies are recommended - if I do I will pop back and let you know.

However, just wanted to let you know that given you have a bub at about that age it seems that it is a fairly "normal" thing for your DS to be doing at this age.

thanks Bon and Nai ! that info about regression is interesting , i hope you can find it again , id love to read more !

I asked him to go for a poo on the toilet , and i left him on the toilet and i went and got his wipes . i came back and he did a poo on the toilet !! i made a big fuss and was really happy ...

but about 20 mins ago he came to me and told me he did a wee in his pants ...

its soo topsy turvy !!!

:hug: hang in there hun and keep persistng!
I agree with the reward thing, a reward chart is good - worked for us. Go overboard enthusiastic when he does it on the toilet and try and be totally neutral when he has an accident. (hard I know!)
Youre doing a great job tho hun, dont give up!
:)

:hug: Oh hun I dont have any advice just wanted to say your doing a great job:hug:

My kids never liked to poo on the toilet to begin with so to relax on them and myself I would say when you need to do a poo if you want we can pop a nappy on.. My eldest was well over 3 when he stopped using nappies for poos as was my 2nd.. My 3rd was a breeze and just refused a nappy..

When they did a poop in the nappy we would take it to the toilet flush it and talk about how cool it sounded when it splashed in there and all those gross things boys find amusing.. As for wees just ask him if he needs to do a wee he has a choice.. Nappy or toilet.. If he pees on the floor get him to clean it up.. Obviously you will have to go over it but it helps them to realise it is yuck and that it is more work to do it on the floor..

I know how frustrating it can be and I have lost my temper on more then a few occasions as well which really doesn't help things either..

I am sure he will turn a corner soon.

I agree with Nic - Getting them to clean the mess helps them to learn that it is not nice to wee on the floor (or paint poo on walls - that's how we stopped that habit)

Have you had a talk to him? Sit him down calmly and ask him if he would be more comfortable in a nappy. Sometimes they just need to make the choice themselves. I personally think that TT is not something that we can force on them, and they need to make the decisions themselves. If he wants to use the toilet, continue to celebrate each hit, and if it is truly an accident (like he was busy playing and forgot to got) rather than a deliberate holding on until he cant stop it, clean it up with no fuss, but for the deliberate ones, get him to clean it up.

Lea :hug:

I can totally understand your frustration the whole TT is a real test of patience ...well it was for me!!!

I tend to agree with a previous posters comment as in Nixon is picking up on your frustration and he is seeing just how far he can push you. I think it's a case of being lazy with some children, they dont want to stop what they are doing to go to the toilet. This sounds terrible i know but have you tried leaving him in his wet pants for a while, im sure he wouldn't like the discomfort very much and might just help with the whole TT thing.

Please don't allow anyone to make you feel embrassed by this, it's something that does take time and it's something you can't force a child to do before they are ready. Hang in there, im sure things will improve for you soon.

All good stuff written already!

If it were me I'd probably stop asking altogether (but my kids LOVE doing the opposite I want!), and let him tell me every time.

Apart from that, the camping trip might be a really good thing. He may just step up to the plate (dunny) so he can be like the other kids. My 2 will eat lots of things they won't at home because the other kids do. Give him an "out", like I know you will do it when you are ready - so them he can decide when that is. It also gives him something to say if the other kids ask about it "I'm not ready yet" for eg.

GL xoxoxox

I agree that being around other kids that are TT can actually help sometimes. My DD, at 4.5 years old, has only recently stopped having regular accidents and started being more independent with going to the toilet and taking herself there when she needs to go without being told or reminded, and that is due a lot to her going to kindy this year - where she spends all day with other 4 year olds who use the toilet.

hes done a wee and a poo in the loo and 2 wees and a poo on the floor :wall:
always when its rest time he does a poo and its always on the floor !!

i think im just going to let him wear training pants as they hold a bit and they are not like nappies .. and i'll get some stickers when im out this arvo ..

i just want some more consistency .. lol .. i hope im not going to be pushy for top grades too !!

waah - camping trip not so good .. he refused to pee or poo anywhere !! we had to make him go in the bush/near a tree !!!!!
last night at dinner he wet and this morning he wet .. but then i made him undress and he ran around in the nud .. then went and did a poo on the toilet... soo confusing !! i have to go away for a week with DD and he will get ferried around with my mum nad my MIL place ... i hope he does OK but at least i wont be cleaning up the mess !!

I have bought them some nappy pants things JIC .. i hope he wont rely on them like a nappy ..

It is so incredibly frustrating isnt it!!

DS turned 3 today, and has been toilet trained for wees since he was 18 months old, however, he perfers to wear nappies....he is very lazy about it plus he still likes to be my baby, its like he is a bit scared of having that independence.

He goes to CC 2 days a week and for ages I would send him there in undies and he wouldn't have any accidents, then all of the sudden he started constantly weeing in his undies at CC and demanding that I put a nappy on him at home. In the end I got so stressed about it that I decided to just let him have nappies again, rather than yell at him and get all angry about it.

He is so frustrating cause he always tells me when he is doing wee in his nappy and he will announce that he needs to do poo and go and hide somewhere and do it, then come and tell me to change it.

I fell that I have tried everything. The gentle approach which worked at first, other kids have laughed at him and told him that only babies have nappies, he just gets all stubborn and tells them that nappies are for big boys too! LOL He also has his dummies still and is not worried at all about being seen with them out and about, however most of the time now he only has them at home.

I am just hoping so much that what everyone tells me is true and that he will do it when he is ready! It does worry me a bit though cause he only has 6 months til he needs to be trained so he can go into the kindy room at CC....6 months in a 3 year olds life is a long time I guess