Concerns about stress

I have a very stressed 10 year old in bed because she only got a C for her spelling. She spelt all the words right but didn't do very well in her dictation. She is literally sobbing in bed as I speak. She is very upset about that and her assignment which she has to hand write but because she is worried about losing marks for her handwriting she gets about 2 sentences in and then screws it up and starts again. I told her that I would write a note to her teacher but she has said that her Teacher has told the class that there is no excuses for not getting the assignment in tomorrow. She can't write anymore ... she is so upset and tired ... I am really worried about her. It is so out of character for her to be like this both emotionally and about her school work. She loves school but I am worried that this will change due to the immense pressure she seems to be feeling. I just don't know what to do. I am going to ring school tomorrow and speak to the teacher about it. I know she is in year 6 and that it is only going to get harder but this is week 4 of term 1 and she is already starting to crack under the pressure.

*Sigh* I just don't know what to do!!!!

Cheers from a very worried Mum

:hug: for both of you. Its horrible the way that school stresses children out these days isn't it.
I'm not sure that I can offer any constructive suggestions but maybe you could sit down with your DD to have a talk about school and maybe explain that while it important to try and do well at school that its not the be all and end all - that there are other things in life that are also important and that even if she gets the odd C that she's a wonderful person which is more important.
Does she participate in any sports teams or so on? Maybe school won't stress her out so much if she has other extra-curricula activities to focus on.

I've got an 11yo DD as well. She occasioanlly throws a wobbly (ending in tears) in situations like this, and yes, mainly at night when she is over tired. I can be a perfectionist too at times and I think my DD shares this trait so I have to make sure I react calmly to show her that difficult challenges are best dealt with calmly. I find that she tends to mirror my mood and if I start to raise my tone at her frustration the whole thing just escalates so what I try to do (not always successfully) is to distract. If she's in bed try just walking in, sitting on her bed, not raising the issue about her handwriting etc and instead telling her a story about a frustrating incident when you were her age. Don't let the conversation turn back to tonight's situation just end with something totally unrelated like weekend plans... if she wants to talk about the assignment say that you'll look forward to talking about it over breakfast becasue nothing can be done about it now. Be firm with this. Learning to put aside daily issues so that you can sleep is a valuable lesson in itself. Sorry if I sound preachy, I'm just sharing what works for me. However regarding the actual problem; speak to her teacher. They should be encouraging the students to enjoy the learning process and not put too much pressure on about things like handwriting. Sure writing is important too but how come she isn't more pleased with herself about getting all her spelling words right? Some teachers can get priorities wrong and the more demanding skill of accurate spelling should be focused on (an applauded) more than handwriting, especially if the writing is legiable. This is something my daughter's school has actually taught me (the perfectionist remember!) number one priority is to establish a love of learning, everything else will follow. My DD attends a private school though... and I too suffered more from perfectionist teachers when I was a child in the public system... not meaning to make blanket statements... just want to encourage you to speak to the teacher to make sure all's well. How long did she have to do the assignment? Could time management be the biggest issue?

Good luck!

Thanks girls

Time management is an issue but we have spoken about it since and she is now more aware that things should be done of the course of the time and not at the last minute. The reason the teacher gives you a week is that they think it is a reasonable amount of time to achieve the desired outcomes. We have since moved forward on this issue.

I did speak to the teacher about her stress levels and the teacher did say she is very careful when she speaks to Em as if the wrong thing is said at the wrong time Em gets quite upset and won't speak in class or answer questions ... basically sulks! We have spoken about it and I will be catching up with her tomorrow hopefully to see how things are going. I think we are over the worst of it and a lot of it has to do with hormones (time for that talk!)

Fingers crossed we are heding in the right direction and Em has figured out that if she allows herself enough time then she can write neatly enough.

Cheers

That's great :) I was worried that i had responded too preachily (is that a word? LOL) I agree totally regarding hormones! And it's great you were able to speak with her teacher. I think once things settle down you'll have a very capable little student who takes pride in her work and does well :)