Too scared to poo?

Hello. We are in the process of toilet training our DD. She has been dry during the day for 4 weeks now (and most nights as well) but we are having issues with number 2s. The MCHN said that it was normal for them to take longer to do poo's in the toilet, this we have no problem with. But in the last week she has gone from pooing every day, to once every 3 days. Even this alone I wouldn't have a problem with as they are a normal consistency so they don't indicate constipation. She has had no diet change. But by the time the end of the 2nd has gone she is complaining of a sore tummy and is quite distressed by it. She then does a very large poo, not in the toilet, and gets herself so upset by it and goes on for ages about how she accidently did it on the floor and not the toilet. I feel so helpless and we don't know what to do. Could it be that she binds herself up because she is too scared to poo...she always got upset when she poo'd in her undies, but she becomes hysterical when she does it on the carpet. We never make a big deal out of the mess, definitely never tell her off or anything, just give her a big cuddle and tell her its ok,accidents happen. Is this normal behaviour? Can she do herself damage by holding in poo? What can we do about it? Thanks ladies, we don't like to see our DD in discomfort from something so simple as doing number 2s!!

We have just been through this exact same problem, and it was so distressing to watch DD get so upset about pooing.
The advice I was given by my GP was to try and get DD to sit on the toilet for 10-15 mins after each meal, as this is the most likely time they will go- make it fun, but singing songs, playing games reading books- give a sticker on a sticker chart for them if they sit there (even if they dont do anything). We also got told to give DD parachoc (which she is still on- the GP said it is harmless and they use it for up to 6 months at a time at the children's hospital), when they do do a poo in the toilet then they get another stick and an instant reward.
It was quite trying, and got quite emotional at times, DD hated having to sit on the toilet after meals- but within less than a few weeks, she would realise she needed to poo and take herself off to the toilet to do it. Now she poo's in the toilet like a pro, not scared, not anxiety nothing- and she is back to pooing daily, after holding on for up to 4 days at time.

From what I know, doing a poo in the toilet can come a fair while after wees. The worry could be constipating her a bit so you are doing the right thing in not making a fuss. Can you try getting her to tell you when she needs to do one and get a pull up nappy on her? My SIL had the same issue and that was her trick. It just took the stress away from her DD as she felt it was ok to poo in a nappy but not in her pants, iykwim?

I have to agree with about the pull ups too- DD was toilet trained for weeks at 2.5 but still asked for pullups for her to poo in until only a couple of months ago.

Thanks for your replies.

She does actually ask to go to the toilet to do a poo but it's like she gets stage fright once she is on. I have tried moving the potty to a more private location as she does tend to go and hide when she does her poo's, but she just brings it back out. Pooing in a nappy gets her just as upset...she actually poo'd in her nappy tonight after we got her ready for bed and she started to cry because she didn't poo in the potty. We were just relieved that she had poo'd at all!! As a general rule though she won't do anything in her nappy anymore...for example we were at swimming lessons and she wanted to go to the toilet so we said just go in the nappy and she said no she wanted to go to the toilet. Will discuss all ideas with DH though...we don't want this to be a stressful time for her (another baby due in 6 weeks is going to be stressful enough!). Thanks again.