I can't do this alone

So surprise surprise, everything has spectacularly fallen apart with DP (how predictable), and I'm going to have a toddler and a newborn alone. I have no idea how to cope with this fact, this is just about the last thing I could ever want for myself and my life. I don't even think I have the ability to do this let alone the motivation to. I am totally, completely stuck in this situation and there's nothing to do but suffer. Is there anyone out there who's done this without contemplating suicide?

no advice just massive hugs huni...im so sorry you are going through this....love rach xox

Hang in there - :hug:

x

:hug:

I did it, I had a newborn and an 18mth old. I won't lie, it was hard work. But I'm still here 10 years on ;)

You're a strong person, YOU CAN do it.

neenee- have you got support from other people -like family and friends?

I havent done it yet but my DS is 14months old and Im 17 weeks pregnant with triplets and I dont have a partner. Im just going to take it a day at a time and remember that Im doing the best I can. I think if youre providing a loving stable home your kids will love you for it even through the tough times. Itll be hard but its worth it in the end :)
If you ever want someone to talk to Im here *hugs*

Thanks, ladies. I do have support from my mother, who keeps saying how she'll help me. She does with DD but didn't much when she was a baby so I'm not so sure. Well she would probably say she did help a lot but I mostly remember feeling exhausted and abandoned (by everyone especially DP), so I don't see how I'll manage going through that again (it nearly drove me insane the first time) with a toddler. How can it be done? And isn't it horribly lonely? I can't imagine giving birth and holding my newborn alone without DP, it seems totally wrong. Now I'm crying at the net cafe lmao.

You CAN do this!! But ATM I am worried about you :hug: Where are you living, who is nearby and what support can we get sorted before the baby arrives?? You have done a wonderful job with DD - even when you were going solo for a bit.

There are resources out there - you just need help to access them. If you really feel like the ground is fast approaching and the only out is suicide (but I am hoping that is just venting to get it off your chest!!) then please contact Lifeline or the nearest hospital / GP for some support :hug:

You are the most important person in the life of your little one and the unborn one. You are important. You are strong. You can do this :hug:

hey hun im so sorry you r going through this, have u got family support nearby? parents, friends i know its hard to ask for help wel but will make all the difference hun i kno it was for me but without there support n help i wouldnt of been able to do it my situation even mine was abit different as my xp left me b4 bub was born. i really feel for you hun having too little ones im so sorry to hear this is happening to u my thoughts n prayers r with u x

i know u can stay strong i no it doesnt seem like it but it will get easier i promise hang in there hun xx

michelle is right. maybe some of us can help you. are you in melbourne?

I wish I had support from friends, but I don't. The only friend I have right now is an ex boyfriend who wants to sleep with me, w00h00. Everyone my age is drinking and partying, and older parents aren't interested (you should've seen the way we were completely ignored at birthing class when we said how old we were; dp 20 and me 18 at the time). That might be half the problem, I feel so alone. Unfortunately all of the friends I was close to had such problems in their own life that I couldn't be around them, as it was dangerous and damaging to me and DD.

edit: I'm in Perth. I think we posted at the same time.

I'm sure that you will be happier in time - as you won't be worrying about relationship problems with your ex which could really drag you down - in time which should be happy.
Your baby and toddler will also be well aware of how you're feeling too, they can pick up stress and it can affect them too. They need you hun. I'm sure they'd rather a happy single mummy than a stressed out mummy in a relationship that isn't working...

You have to be strong hun, and take the help from your mum - and don't be afraid to ask for help either. Have a look at what resources there are out there. I am sure you can even find strength in a mothers group...even if its once a week...Not to mention us at BB!!!! ;)

Hugs for you hun!

Neenee - YOU CAN DO THIS!!! You are a strong independent woman that is capable of doing anything she sets her heart/mind to! You have us all here when ever you need us! chin up girl you'll get through it stronger than when you began!

If you need to talk you can pm me!

I know it's not the point anymore but even if I somehow CAN do this, I don't WANT to. Like I honestly can't see anything other than suffering and misery for the next god knows how many years. I'm by myself in this ****hole flat with hardly any money, sleep deprived and alone and unhappy. Life shouldn't be like that. I just want to run away but it's kind of impossible to run away from something that's growing inside you.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you 'don't want' to do this. Sometimes life throws you things that you really feel as though you can't handle. You will do it whether you want to or not and you'll do a FANTASTIC job. In 10 years time you will look back on this time and be so proud of yourself for getting through it. :hug: Remember you're a brilliant mother!!

If you need anything let me know!

:hug: I think once you have gotten used to the idea, you'll find it alot easier to face.
I do want to say that its easier having noone to rely on, than to think you have someone & have them constantly letting you down.
Give it time hun :hug:

I lost my mum in the Jan and then my DH in the April, and had a 9 month old DD. I look back now, I was 23 , and think how did I ever get through it.

My DD and I did, and you will too. We did it hard over the years financially. then things come your way, and you get by, it's not the fairy tale life, we all dreamed of, but you will find a life that is fullfilling.

Right now you really need to take one day at a time, it wont be suffering and misery for the next so many years, it's just right now, you are in the worst of it, so it's hard to see anything postive.

I helped a young g/f who is a single mum, get her own place, and budget when she thought her life was at it's end. You really need support and some direction right now, and everything will fall into place.

If you really feel your accom is a **** hole, can you look online and apply for another unit, one that, will be more pleasant for you to spend time in ? That may be step one.. Perhaps one quite close to your mum, as you will need to draw on her for support.

wouldloveabubba, that must've been really hard, I don't know how I'd cope. I really appreciate that and I hope it does get better, to be honest DP is in prison for domestic violence so the only way I'm coping is by organizing to meet with police officers, prosecutors, DV victim support etc. and keeping tabs on the case and planning my next action to try and help him, "On Monday I'll call and see if the police agreed to drop the charges" sort of thing (which they didn't for those who are interested). If I actually DID let this go I don't think I'd be able to cope with even having DD, my parenting has gone downhill fast since he left. I'm so upset I can barely function.
I can't afford anything else sadly, even the one bedroom I have now is tiny and expensive in a dodgy suburb.

Thanks for your support everyone.

im so sorry u are going through this :(

Is there anyway u can stay with your mum until u save some cash to find somewhere else, and bigger?

You should contact the your maternity hospital and tap into the psych unit. Hopefully there is a mother and baby unit local to you that you can use to get back onto your feet.

Im not up to speed with what your going through atm, with your dp, Im sure the whole police situation is stressing you out beond belief. I am not sure if you want to stay with him, etc,etc, however I wish I could put an old head on young shoulders ( I am 41) and try to get you to focus on you, and think of ways that will make your future better for you.

Your dp will have a lot of support through the prison system, have you spoken to the jail, and asked to be put through to welfare, they will be able to help you, they are run by churches a lot of the time, and the people are very very helpful.

:hug: hun, I've PM'd you :hug:

i just wanted to give you hugs and say you are not alone....me and dh have just broken up for the hundreth time but this time hes not staying here anymore and i am expecting #4 so i know how you feel,just take one day at a time and just do the best you can

He's in prison for domestic violence.

That means he HIT someone. And that person is YOU.

You don't need to have anything to do with this man, at all.

Get in contact with DOCS and they might be able to help you with accommodation. They can certainly help you to STAY AWAY from this man. He's not a dear ANYTHING. He's a violent, aggressive PR!CK.

Get yourself together. Get support workers to find you a new place. Stay the hell away from him.

Do you want your two children to grow up thinking that it's okay for Daddy to beat up Mummy? That Mummy isn't strong enough to say ENOUGH?

You know what you need to do. And you are strong enough to do it. You have done it before, you can do it again. We are all here to help and support you. Believe in yourself - one day at a time. One minute at a time.

Thinking of you.

Just wanted tolet youknow that there is help out there if you need it, do you have a someone very supportive that can actaully be with you at the birth, i cant really give you any advice on being single and pregnant, but i lost my husband a year ago, and i had a 3 month old and 20month old, it does get very lonely, its very hard work to do it by yourself, just take it one day at a time ..tomorrow is a new day, i didnt thinki i would get through it thats for sure but im here a year later and survived..still a long way to go, so you are not alone, there are lots of girls on here that will support you as well..take care hun :hug:

i've done it hun. I had a 3 month old and a 17 month old on my own. It was hard but it gets easier. Ashtons father walked out when I was a few months pregnant and I had to do it alone until Ash was 4 months old. He has just started taking him overnight so it's gotten easier too and I get some me time.

Check out my blog if your interested in my story.

Oh Neen, I am sorry that you are going through this :hug:

I can even understand why you don't want to go on with everything you have been going through....

But the reality is that you have a beautiful little girl and another on the way and these are the things you need to be focusing on, to keep you putting one foot in front of the other. As Lulu said is there a mother and baby unit you can stay at? or a refuge? can DOCS equivalent offer any assitance? see the local salvo army people and ask them all if they know of any other organisation who might be able to help you.

Darl, this is some pretty heavy stuff you're dealing with so don't feel silly for feeling scared. Anyone would be feeling ovewhelmed, confused and daunted in your situation.

I do agree with Divvy - if the police won't drop the charges, it must be pretty serious. Please take care of yourself, NOT him and perhaps firstly, get some counselling for yourself. I know it won't happen straight away, but one day you will realise that you deserve much better than that.

Secondly, there's been some great advice on here about support networks. I know it's hard to motivate yourself when you're feeling down - is there anyone who could make some phone calls for you. Perhaps as a first step, call Lifeline and see what they have to say.

Honey, you are not alone.

Do you see a Maternal Child and Health nurse? Maybe you can make an emergency appointment, and they can direct you somewhere that can give you some much needed support, even your gp can help.

Everyone, including yourself and your children deserve to live a safe and happy life.
Please, please, please, please seek out some help, you deserve it and your daughter deserves it too. You are worth so so much more than this.

I agree with all the other girls, hun, you are going through so much atm, please do not be hard on yourself, it is perfectly normal and understandable for you to be feeling this way. You are a strong person and you will get through this. Please realise that you and your babies are worth so much better than thisxx

You've been given some great advice hun and you really do need to get the focus back on you and DD for now and worry about all the other stuff later. If you dont have a lot of help from those around you - go and look for it, find someone who can help you find accommodation (considering your circumstances for needing it, this should be easier to access kwim :hug: ) and get you set up.

And dont concern yourself about him not being able to be at the birth - if he's already in prison for what he did to you, then it must have been bad and he gives up any right he had to be a part of something so precious, something that should be shared between loving partners. I know it will be tough and so emotional for you, but again, the focus has to be on you and this baby OK?

With the newborn/toddler stuff and how you will cope with that, you're putting a newborn into the situation now, with D the age she is and still being dependent on you, still doing all the stuff she's doing now, but when this baby is born, she will be a lot older, a lot more capable of doing stuff for herself. She's a pretty switched on little girl already and I'm sure that she will transition fine for you once the baby comes.

NeeNee - If you need any help of any kind, feel free to PM me, even if it's only for a chat :hug:
I've never been in your situation (and never want to be) but I just want you to know I'll be here for you

Neenee - been thinking of you - hope things are ok.
x

Neenie big big long cuddles honey... :comfort:

Now, I haven't read all the replies just yours. It concerns me that you mention suicide. Do you feel that you want to hurt yourself? If you do you need to reach out. I understand life seeming so so dark that there is no light. But there is ALWAYS light. Always. Sometimes we need help to see it - but it's there.

If you feel very desperate I want you to pm me. I can help you with some contacts. Your baby and your daughter need you my love. And you know what? You need them. You are a family. Not the family that you envisioned. Not at all how you thought it. But you can do this. You really can.

Keep talking in here. Keep reaching out.

Now, your partner is in prison for domestic violence. Sweetheart that means he has hurt you so badly that he is now a criminal. He is violent. He has hurt the Mother of his babies. It's not okay. Leave this to the police. Now is the time to be strong. I believe that DOCS could help you with accomodation or even relocating you.

YOU have got away from this man for now. That is a blessing. Now you need to stay away. Men who hit women very ery very rarely change. You are so very young witha wonderful wonderful life ahead. You can have a relationship with another who will not hurt you, emotionally, spiritually, physically or financially. There are wonderful parters out there.

I want you to pm me if you feel you can't cope and I will help you with contacts. Alternatively you can reach out to your largest local hospital. The police that are dealing wit your case and I am sure they will have referred you to a social worker.

This is a dark time but it WILL get better. sending you love and support. :hug:

You can also apply for the relationship crisis support group here on BB... :comfort:

Neenie I am just checking on you honey... How are you travelling??? Love and support being sent your way... :hug:

Neenee - I've just noticed your in Perth - Whereabouts? I'm in Perth too - and if you ever need anyone to go out and have a coffee and a chat, I'll happily meet up with you and have one :) If you need ANYTHING at all - PLEASE don't hesitate to PM me!

hi neenee,
just checking in on you
let us know that you are ok....

[COLOR="Magenta"]I sweety,

I am 20 and have a 3 year old, 1 year old and a 3 mth year old,
i did it on my own with my 3 year old and my 1 year old and i was single, sweety it is hard work but you can do this you have to stay strong and believe in yourself.
It was so hard for me but the little ones need us, please message me back and i can help you with anything you need, STAY STRONG AND BELIEVE
:lol: smile you have been blessed

:hug: I know what a strong woman you are and I know that even though you're struggling right now that you can get through this and come out on the other side smiling.
Don't worry about helping your XP. He doesn't deserve your help and you need to focus on you.

Don't know how i missed this thread

Hugs to you hun :hug:. I wish i could help in some way.

Are you doing ok? Haven't heard from you in a while...

Thinking of you.

Don't you dare do anything as stupid as taking your own life. Do you want your DD to blame herself and/r her daddy that you are no longer here to see her grow up?

Please get support when you need it. Keep us posted.