please help-Dilemma-how long did your DH stay at hospital after birth

Hi everyone;

Just wanted to know how long everyones DH/DP's stayed at hospital on the day of bub's birth??

I am being induced this sunday/monday. My Dilemma is that DH plays poker (for fun) on Monday nights. He suggested that if bub is born before Poker starts that he could still go that night (at 7pm), seeing as hospital visiting for him ends at 9pm, so it would only be a few hours earlier.

I hit the roof and am very upset with this idea. I thought that he would stay for as long as possible. its his/our first child and i cant believe that he would leave to play poker if hes seen the bub for an hour or 2. He thinks i am being unreasonable. am i???

I thought we would be spending time bonding with bub and that this event would eclipse any other hobbies/interests on that day.

Did your partners/hubby's stay for as long as possible on the day, or did they go home/out/leave after for other things?

Sorry, I can't answer your question... just wanted to let you know that Poker & Poker Stars will be the death of me. Nothing gets done around here cause "I'm playing a game"

:hug:

Enjoy your little bundle of joy :)

Most hospitals are EXTREMELY flexible when it comes to the day bub is born hubbie would be able stay well past visiting hours if quiet. I too would be upset with wanting to play poker. :hug:

HMMM world war 3!!!

I would tell hubby that he needs to get his priorities right, who cares if he can 'just make it' he needs to be there with you!

Um, with our dd she was born @ 8 am and dp stayed until 8.30 pm that night when it was visitor hours over.

Nope, you're not unreasonable. I think he's being a dork, but honestly, I doubt he'll even think about poker ;)

Jazz was born via c/s on about 5:15pm, and Shel didn't leave until 10pm. Visiting hours were over, but no one kicked her out (after being at the hospital over 24 hours as it was she decided she needed to go home before she fell asleep on the floor! poor diddums :p).

Hmmm, I would be pretty cross too..I would be interested to see if he can actually leave to play poker..maybe he can't understand the significance of the moment until he actually experiences it and then he won't want to leave :think:

I'd hit the roof too! I can understand if he had to go to work or something, but poker? Maybe he just doesn't realise how important it is to you, or how much it will mean to him at the time?

Have you asked him what would happen if you were still in labour at 7 on Monday?

My Dh would have gotten a big kick up the butt for saying that!! Nothing gets in the way of family time!! esp NB bonding...

Wow, you are not being unreasonable in the slightest. My DP actually didn't leave the hospital until I left (about 3 days after the birth).

my DH missed the birth due to work, but i had her 10.15pm he got there about 10.45pm and didnt leave until 1am.

and like others have mentioned maybe he wont feel this way once bub is actually here, something ive learned off my DH, take notice of what he does not what he says lol.

Wow, I would of hit the roof too!
I had DS at 4am, we'd been at the hospital since 3pm the previous afternoon and DH didn't leave until around 2pm that day and was back at 5pm (the hospital had a strict rest time in the maternity ward from 2 til 4pm). He then didn't leave til 10pm and was back first thing the next morning!
Think your DH is being a bit of a twat, DH would of got a good kick up the backside if he'd of said that to me!

Your DH sounds like mine!

He was telling me last night that when I am in hospital he will get his parents to stay in the house (not my favorite suggestion but whatever gets him through is fine - I won't be there) and he will pop in every night after work, "maybe for an hour or so" before he goes home to the dinner that he will get his Mum to cook!

I suggested that he may very well have other plans...not quite in those words...

:

---

Have you asked him what would happen if you were still in labour at 7 on Monday?

---

He will skip it then he said. Im staying o/night sunday night after gel induction then on drip monday so he thinks it will all be over by afternoon. Hes argument is that he will need to leave for sleep and things anyway. Ive said he can leave at close of visiting hrs for spouses (9pm)
His response was if he leaves at 6.30 its only a few hours earlier and then he can play poker and sleep. He keeps saying that its important not to let hobbies/him time/me time slide just because bub is born. (What is me time anyway??? i cant remember having any for months)

I think he does need a bit of shake-down lol! maybe on the sly get the middies or Ob to vouch for him needing to stay...my DH was brought into line a few times over the pg (ie wanting me to still go on the back of the vespa when i was 20+ weeks pregnant lol).

i really really recommend that you insist on DH being there post birth. you will be really tired and the emotions are really full on when bubs is born. my DH also exited REALLy quickly post birth (just sprung it on me so i had no time to prepare or fight him IYKWIM). and it felt like a huge shock. usually post birth you stay for a couple of hours in the delivery room for good solid bonding time/feeding and shower etc. i really think it is best if he is there for you and bubs.

i felt very very lonely taking myself and my baby back to the room all alone. and i dont recommend it.

hope he can change his mind...and if not, i would recommend that you have someone else as back up to be there to hold your hand and tell you that you did an amazing job and also to watch over bubs while you get a bit of a rest...

For DD's birth I was overdue 8 days & because it was coming up to Anzac Day XDH kept saying "she better not come on Anzac Day & make me miss out on 2 up". 5am Anzac Day I had my first contraction LOL. Throughout my labour he kept checking his watch wondering if he'll get to 2 up, he even asked the midwife if she thought I'd have had the baby before 7pm (thats when 2 up ended). I ended up having her just after 10pm, he left soon after (at my request) to go home & get me my medicine as my HG was playing up again, he returned an hour or so later & brought my mum (which was nice) & they left I think just after midnight. So he didnt spend much time "bonding" with our new daughter.

I also had to call him in the mornings & ask him where he was because I was lonely, he always came in late & left early too... didnt spend much time there at all come to think of it & I was in there for 5 days LOL

As I said he is now my EX DH hahahaha

I hope your DH sticks around & gets swept up in the moment of meeting his child for the first time staying with you for as long as possible. It really is a beautiful time.

Men! Hopefully he changes his mind once baby is born. There is no time for me time with a baby in the house! My hubby stayed until 10pm. They don't normally kick the spouse out.

Well his first mistake was to think that it's going to be so cut and dry that he can still make poker :rolleyes: Good chance he might be able to but also a good chance he wont. tell him how you feel about it and that they are moments you will never get back again. But to be fair after a few hours there isn't really a need to stay with you if everything is fine. If you are in a shared room and he's been up all the previous night with you then he wont be able to stay and have a snooze with you afterwards at all so it makes sense to go home and get rest, as should you.

Our first was born at 1.20pm and DH had left by 5, with #2 she was born at 7.50am and he stayed for about 4hrs, #3 he stayed overnight with me as I'd had a lot of dramas after her birth and he didn't want to leave me, plus it was late by then anyway and with #4 again he stayed the night as it was too late for him to drive home.

Poker... First born...

Yeah it'd be WW3 here for sure too.

I got uppity when DH said that he'd go home to sleep when bubs is born... I thought he'd stay at the hopsital with me! But, logic set in and I realised we still have a dog to feed, and he needs a decent shower and change of clothes at least once a day ;) Plus boarding costs 75 bucks a night apparently :o

No, you're not being unreasonable! For us, DS was born at 4:42am and DH stayed the whole week with us. He slept at the hospital (I had a double bed). DS was born on a Sunday, so DH was with us the whole of Sunday and Monday, he went back to work on Tuesday but came "home" to the hospital after work and stayed overnights until I left hospital on the Saturday. Then he took his leave from work when we were all back at home.

Your DH says that it's important not to let hobbies / 'me' time slide just because of the bub - umm, make sure he tells the baby that, OK, because I suspect that bubs will have an entirely different perspective on the matter LOL.

I suspect that your DH has no real concept as to how much life changes and the reality of it is going to be a bit of a shock to him. Especially if he thinks that going to play poker on the night that your baby is born is in context to the magnitude of the event. In twenty years time when he thinks back to the birth of his first child, what does he want to remember?

i thinks someones dh's needs a good kick up the pants (and just this once, it's not mine! ;)) I'd be ****ed too. This is his child being born, ffs...

My hospital kicked dh out an hour after bubs was born, because it was the middle of the night and not visiting hours. i was ropeable. So it might be a moot point if your hossy is as horrible as mine was. It is nice to have your partner ther as long as possible- for the company, the debrief, someone to complain to who has to listen, and to run to the vending machine when you feel the need for chocolate :D

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all..

I would be pretty furious if my DH had left to play a game.. As it was my DH left the hospital less then an hour after our dd's birth to go have Lunch with the kids.. while I knew he had to go help my mum with the 3 boys I was still hurt for Dd he had left her there alone.. Silly I know but still (I had 3 c/s first was a natural delivery)

After my first was born at 12:10am Dh and my mum left the hospital around 3:30am but Dh was back at 7 the next morning.

My sugesstion to you would be this.. Say right I understand you want to leave for your poker game but how about we wait and see how we are all doing.. Maybe you will just want to sleep so it might be ok for Dh to go to his game.. but have him promise that if you feel you need him to be there with you then he stays kwim?

DH left at about 8.30 pm, which was about 3 hours after DS was born. He would have stayed if I asked him, but DS was having a big sleep and I was ready for a sleep, so it made sense for him to go home and rest himself so he could be back at the hospital first thing.

You're definitely not being unreasonable, and your DH probably wont even be thinking of poker if you have a new little baby by that time.

I wouldn't mind if he had something reasonable to go to, but poker!

With DS he was born at 4.20pm, DH stayed until about 9pm when they asked him to leave.
With DD, DH wasn't at the birth (at home with DS), he came down about an hour after she was born and stayed for 10 minutes, then came back about two hours later to pick us up and take us home.

i don't think you're being unreasonable. DS was born at 5.45pm (and was induced - the tape thing on the tues evening & then waters broken & drip first thing on the wed). DP prob left around 11.30 that night. i think that maybe your DH won't want to leave but sometimes you have to let them work it out for themselves!

fwiw, i came home on the fri & my DP went to the footy on the fri night & i had no problem with that so it is possible to still have 'me' time with a newborn ;)

hhmmm I would be pretty unhappy with that too! After going through your labor you will be exhausted and need his help and support. Also I would be very suprised if the hospital kicks him out after visiting hours.

My DH stayed with me and DS the whole time we were in hospital and only went home to feed the cat. I had to have an emergency CS after a failed induction and there was no way I could've looked after DS by myself. I was so glad DH was there to change nappies, wrap him, settle him etc when I couldn't. I would've hated it if in those first few precious hours it was a midwife doing that not his parents.

I think in the end he won't go to poker. It can be hard for men to appreciate the significance of becoming a parent before it happens iykwim. Because they don't experience the pregnancy themselves, for some it only really sinks in when the event happens. None the less, I also would be very unhappy at even the suggestion of going to play poker.

I'm sure if you sit down with him and tell him how you feel he will be able to get a better understanding of what will be needed and expected from him.

Hmmm I think he is a bit unprepared for the experience, might come as a bit of a shock to him.
If my DH suggested that he would get a big fat kick up the bum!
A was born at 4:30 am, DH did go home for an hour or 2 in the afternoon but stayed the first night.

:

---

My sugesstion to you would be this.. Say right I understand you want to leave for your poker game but how about we wait and see how we are all doing.. Maybe you will just want to sleep so it might be ok for Dh to go to his game.. but have him promise that if you feel you need him to be there with you then he stays kwim?

---

Thanks for this suggestion earlier. we argued again today about it and i said 'lets play it by ear and see how it goes' he still thinks he will go and doesnt understand. i still think he shouldnt, but arguing stopped for now. still feeling :wall: but need to be calm. hopefully i have natural labour before that. if not one of the middies i saw today said that if it happens that he wants to go, they can find lots of ways to 'need him there for bub' so that he cant go. they were pretty shocked and seem glad to help.

I just :pray: he comes to his senses beforehand and realises what a crappy thing to suggest. might speak to his best mate to see if he can talk sense into him.

:rolleyes: ohh it would be nice if he could give poker a miss just this time i dont blame you for being upset by this hun .
my dh rekons his not going anywere until i am, im even trying to con him up not to sleep in the car out the front and we only live 20mins away :lol: good luck with your birth sweety

My DD's daddy felt exactly the same about hobbies etc. not being affected by the baby. And his weren't. Because i had to do it all on my own. I dumped him when she was 8 weeks old.

I really hope this doesn't happen to you, tell him NOW this isn't acceptable to you, it is a major deal-breaker and if he feels poker is more important than his wife and his child then he should go be with pok because he does NOT deserve you at all.

Bx

get a large birth book and aim for his head. MEN! No wonder the world is the mess it's in.

i would point out to him, that's fine to keep his hobbies etc BUT some things are more important than poker and he can sacrifice is hobby ONE night for the birth of his first, and at this stage only, child.

I would also start talking to him about practically what he'll need to do. men need things to do. and it needs to be clear - is he having skin-to-skin with the baby? i'd suggest that and really talk it up; does he want to be there for the first feed? etc who'll be with the bub while you have your first shower? waht if there's a c-sect etc

I would also be pointing out in less than a kindly way that his ''schedule'' is going to distract you and believe it or he needs to man up and support his wife in labour and not look at his watch for his game. Does poker happen every week? I imagine the answer is yes, so he can miss a week.

If none of that budges HRH, I would dob him in to all the friends and family espeically his mum and sister (if they are about). shame him out.

and finally, i second gracious goddess' comment "he's being a twat'' lol.

FWIW - this is our first baby and my DH (who has been away for 8 weeks and due home in a week eeek) will be staying at the hospy round-the-clock with us. (we are going private tho and there's no visiting hours for dads).

I don' think your being unreasonable at all!

I had to kick my DH out that night at 10pm so he could go home and get some sleep! he was aloud to stay but i thought at least one of us should get some sleep so he reluctantly went home and was back at 6am the next morning and stayed the night for the rest of the 4nights i was in hospital!

Surley ur partner can miss one poker night! its a very special event having your 1st bub and one that u will never repeat again! i hope he comes around and spends the quality time with you and his bubba!

Sorry but he is being an a$$. You and the baby deserve better support than this.

I didn't want to comment on this for fear of getting in strife, but fair dinkum, what a .....

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt along the lines of what Suse said, but even then I just keep thinking swear words.

If my partner ever left soon after the birth of any of our babies, whether it be the first or 7th, he'd be told to not bother returning.... :angry:

I refuse for anyone to have my babies for the first few hours except me and Dh. After babe has fed, is wrapped and asleep, Dh has bubba while I shower and get cleaned up, and then helps me to my room. This can take up to 3 hrs, if babe feeds for a while, and you need to lie down and rest a little after birth.
I tend to bleed quite heavily for a few hours, so he gets anything I need, and passes bub to me, so I can stay lying down. Regardless of visiting hrs, he has never been kicked out... ;)

It can feel quite lonely to be suddenly left alone with babe too... you may just need him for company too....

:

---

He will skip it then he said. Im staying o/night sunday night after gel induction then on drip monday so he thinks it will all be over by afternoon. Hes argument is that he will need to leave for sleep and things anyway. Ive said he can leave at close of visiting hrs for spouses (9pm)
His response was if he leaves at 6.30 its only a few hours earlier and then he can play poker and sleep. He keeps saying that its important not to let hobbies/him time/me time slide just because bub is born. (What is me time anyway??? i cant remember having any for months)

---

give him a big slap up the side of the head for me and tell him to wake up to himself! He is going to be a father, there is no such thing as 'me' time anymore - at least not in the begining. He needs to look at his priorities IMHO.

men!

Personally I would be surprised if he is capable of driving to Poker, least of all being sentient enough to play. If you are induced Sunday night chances are you will either have a long and restless night Sunday and possibly even a baby by Monday morning. Now, if that happens he will probably be in need of sleep for most of Monday, as will you! And if the bub isn't born til Monday arvo then FOR sure he will be too tired to go to poker, because you both will have been up for possibly 24 hours at a stretch (babies often take a looong time to make an appearance!)

It sounds like normal "I am not going to let this baby change things" behaviour. Stupid, immature, crazy, insentive - sure! But within the bounds of normal. My DH said and planned some crazy things before #1 was born, as I am sure I did. But bubs have a way of putting aside the best laid plans.

Personally, I think it comes down to this. You don't want him to go. Once that baby is born his job is to be there for you. Simple. He shouldn't go for that reason alone. But it sounds like the deeper issue is his fears about how his life will change after bub arrives....

oh, for what it's worth. This last time DH kept on looking at the clock and commenting how tired he was during my last labour and just afterwards, he wanted out of there as soon as possible. I was ropeable. he thought HE was tired! Hello.....
I tried to ignore it, but really it was the last thing I needed. As it was, he was out of there as soon as he could make a getaway, but that wasn't until at least 3hrs afterwards. And he really copped an ear full about it several days later when I was stressed and overtired and falling apart trying to look after a newborn and still waiting for my milk to come in properly.

It really is a good idea to try and sort this out now, rather then hoping he will change his mind - because trust me you don't need the stress or resentment at the time your baby is born or in the few week following - because everything else will be hard enough, even if you get an easy baby like I did.

I don't think you will need to worry.. :p

My DH had these wonderful ideas of what he was going to do while I was in hsopital, and when DD actually arrived, he couldn't stay away. He was the proudest dad and all I was allowed to do was BF when he was there. :rolleyes:

I am sure he will see there are more important things then poker on the day..