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*This may be a little sensitive for some*
Do you feel you have missed out by not having experienced a child of each sex? Do you get past it? Do you feel sad?
I'm pretty sure I'm having another girl (our second) and not sure whether I would be prepared to try for a third. It's funny, cos I have actually really wanted a second girl the whole time, but it occurred to me tonight that if I don't have a boy, I may never, and that has made me feel, I dunno, a bit of a yearning to have a boy I guess?
Honestly, no I don't, but then, I have never yearned to have a boy. If we ever try for a third and we have another girl, it wouldn't upset me. Though I don't know how I would feel if I never had a girl.
No, I've never felt like I'm missing out by not having a girl - in fact, I'm perfectly happy about it. I don't mind if Stormageddon is a boy or a girl, when DH decides we're having another baby (if I haven't gotten bored with waiting and said no more by then). I'd be thrilled to have another little boy. Yes, some of the girl clothes are super cute, but then you have all the girl issues to deal with - I'm happy to stick with boys.
But I wouldn't object to a girl any more - I would have been most upset if Liebling had been a girl.
I'm pregnant with my 3rd girl and couldn't be happier. DD1 and DD2 are completely different in every sense and I love the people they are, not the gender they are. When we were discussing whether or not to have a 3rd, it was never about trying for a boy but about having another child.
I think its pretty natural to wonder "what if", but I'm not sure that you wouldn't have that feeling whatever gender IYKWIM.
ETA: Just wanted to add that I have the most sporting husband around and when DD2 was born my only concern was that he would feel he had maybe missed out from not having a son to share that with. I'm sure things will change as they get older, but one of the girls in particular is pretty damn happy out there on the golf course with her daddy, and no father could adore his children more.
I hoped DD1 was a boy, because I am the only girl with 6 younger brothers & I want a 'big brother' for any future kids.
We wouldn't change her for the world, she protects her little sister and does all the 'boy' things a son would have done.
We were quite disappointed DD2 was another girl but again now we wouldn't change her, she's just as much a tomboy (if not more) than her big sister.
We don't want any more and while I'm sad we have no-one to pass on dp's family name I don't really yearn for a boy!
Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!
It's only early days for me but I feel okay about having two little boys :D We found out at our 19 week scan that we were having another boy. Admittedly I have had the odd pang about never having a daughter, but that is usually prompted by something on TV or a cute girls outfit at the shops. But even then it's just a passing thought like "I would've done that with my daughter if I had one", hope that makes sense!
Now that Buster is here I'm excited about my boys becoming great mates and sharing a room etc. Wanting a girl wouldn't be enough for me to go for a third as there is every chance I would have another boy! If anything I feel more sorry for my DH, I think a little girl would be the apple of his eye! Funnily enough he feels the same about me missing out.
Best of luck with your pregnancy, I think it's great to ask these questions so you have time to process it all before bubs is here :hug:
I'm really pleased for DD that she'll have a sister. I'm pleased that we'll more than likely be able to stick with similar activities throughout their childhoods. I imagine them being grown up together.
I guess it's more of a thing for DP who feels that he won't get to share some of his interests with a child of ours, than for me.
I think I looked for all of the positives in a second daughter and realised there were more than I'd expected. And that just having another child was such a gift, that gender wasn't as important as we first thought.
not really.
I was positive that Ziggy was a girl, so I was surprised to see a penis on the ultrasound!! But not disappointed.
I would love a girl of course, but boys are bliss too!
I personally wouldn't be going for #3 in the specific hope of having a girl ... if we decide we're ready and willing to have a third, we'll go for it - and be happy with whatever comes out (unless it's a giraffe ... we don't want a giraffe ...)
but there's loads of benefits of two boys ... they will be close in age, and we hope and pray that they're the very best of friends :)
:loveshower:
i have an only, and yes, i do wish i could have had a boy as well.
tiny family, older parents, wishing there was someone to look out for her, once i'm gone.
I have 2 girls, and no more in my foreseeable future, and yes, it does bother me.
I have always wanted a boy, and whilst I love my girls to bits and wouldn't change them for the world, the thought of never doing some of those boy things upsets me.
If I were to have another girl I know I would be devastated.
I am working through it but yes, it still makes me very sad to think I will never have that very special mother/son bond in my life. Maybe it is because I have an older brother and know how fabulous it can be...?
That's a really good point you make, Lime. I have two sisters and maybe that's why I'm so glad that DD will have a sister too. I love the relationships I have with each of them, especially now we're grown. I have no brother and no reference as to how I'd get along with one.:
We wanted a boy for ourselves, rather than DD. I guess I assumed a sibling of the same gender is preferred by our child (well, she did tell us how much she wanted a sister!).
the family of origin point is interesting ...
I'm one of 4 kids - 2 boys, 2 girls, so I have seen up close and personal brothers with brothers, sisters with sisters, and brothers and sisters together - and mums and dads interacting with both sons and daughters - and from what I've seen, it's all good, and from my personal experience, it's all based so much on individual personalities rather than gender.
so while I'd quite like one of each, it doesn't actually bother me. two boys, three boys, two boys and one girl, it's all good ...
but on the other hand, a very good friend on the other hand is one of 4 girls, and she very much wanted her first baby to be a girl - and he wasn't. He's beautiful, he is very loved and cherished, but make no mistake, my friend still wants a daughter. Her sister has recently had a girl, and that's hard for my friend, but because it feels "wrong" for her to feel that way, she hasn't really confided in anyone much about it ... I should tell her to come here to BB, and join in on the Gender Disappointment threads to see she's not alone ... :think:
Definatly not :)
I always thought i wanted a boy, and first time round i was dead set i was having a boy, and than when she was born and the midwife asked me what she was, i said a boy of course! and DH said ummm i think you might want to have another look and there she was.... My baby girl :) although i thought i wanted a boy i was so thrilled for a girl! and thought if i couldn't have any more bubs than i am happy with a girl, whereas if i had of had a boy first than i think things would of been different, im pretty sure i would of pinned for a girl.
2nd time round i think i only wanted a boy for DH's sake, and we didn't find out until the day she was born and i scored another girl :) i felt bad for DH but he has reassured me so many times that he is more than happy with his 2 girls and has no desire for a boy!
He even made comment the other day when he saw a dad with 3 girls he said i could really go for 3 girls :) so yep i guess that confirms it he is happy with the 2 girls!
I see soooo many benifits of having 2 the same (as im sure those who have a pigeon pair see so many benifits for that).
Not going to go for a 3rd because i like our family dynamics as it is, and having a boy would change that (not that i have anything against boys, i miss out on that mother and son bond) and im not guaranteed to have another girl.
Plus boys and girls are so different, and the little boys we know as cute as they are, make it even more definate in our heads that no we are not missing out by having 2 girls! your family is what you make it :)
we love it!
yeah I reckon I want a boy. I wanted DD to be a boy, mostly cos I had always had a fantasy about having an older brother to look out for me when I was younger. DD also scared me cos I have a negative relationship with my mum, and I was scared to mother a daughter, but now I just love it! It can be confronting at times. Especially since she is so much like me! ("OMG is that what that looks like from the outside" often goes thru my head). And whilst we don't know what sex this baby is I am not phased if we get another girl. It would seem right somehow.
BUT! after we have this baby, if it isn't a boy I think I will really be hanging for a boy. Might even go to Thailand and get gender selection to make sure... not sure, but I wouldn't want to spend my life wishing. So I would just make sure :)
i am an only child so i didnt have any views about how siblings would interact (well nto from my own experiences)
I have 2 boys.. and we are starting to think about a 3rd. I am expecting it will be a boy and i would love that but thetre is ap art of me that would like a girl now too! not enough to go the gender precition methods but it woud be sweet.
i think i am jumping the gun thinking what it may be - we arent even ttc yet.
fwiw i LOVE having 2 boys now and they are gorgeous together,
I wasn't planning in falling pregnant with DD so I'd never really thought about what I personality wanted before finding out I was pregnant. But I had such a strong feeling that I was having a girl that it wasn't really up for thought then either.
I am glad I had a girl first - she is perfect and even though we clash sometimes, I know we'll have a fantastic relationship as she grows up.
This time round I can't shake the feeling I'm having a boy - been dreaming about it every night for weeks now. The idea of a boy scares me a little - I have no idea how to raise a boy lol.
I would be happy either way with this baby - although if it's a boy I think I like that it isn't going to be compared to DD all the time. I like the idea of a boy an a girl - although I would be more confident with 2 girls ;)
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I always wanted 1 of each, when DS1 was born I just imaginied that number 2 would be a girl, which of course he wasn't, for a split 2nd when DH told me sex at my CS I was disapointed but once I saw him I was ok. I do still have days of wanting a girl to go shopping with, dress in cute dresses, play dolls with etc but if I was to have a 3rd there is no gurantee it would be a girl. I have always wanted 3 children but DH does not he only wants 2. The boys as much as they fight are very cute together and I am sure will be close when they are older.
I am 1 of 3 I have 2 brothers both younger than me. DH only has 1 sister.
I have two boys and quite honestly had slight gender disappointment when we found out at the 19wk scan that DS2 was a boy. DS1 I always new was a boy we didn't find out with him but in my heart new. I only ever gravitated to boys clothes, toys etc. The whole pregnancy was different with DS2 so in my heart I really thought he was a girl. I'm glad that I found out when I did because it gave me the time to adjust and I wouldn't change him for anything. There will be no more for us I find the first 12 months over whelming and only now DS2 has turned 17mths am I starting to feel a bit like my old self. No PND, but I just loose myself hard to put into words. The other side of the coin is my DH is from mainly boys, his father 1 of 4, DH 1 of 2 and DH's brother has 4. The thoughts that I am still working through are I will always be a MIL so not the first person they will turn to when they have partners/wives/children for motherly advice and the fact that I will never use the girl name I have had picked out since I was 12. I am not ready to get rid of any of the clothes or things that they used a lot as babies, but some of the bigger items I have started to give away or sell.
Before DS2 was born I thought I didn't really want any daughters but I surprised myself after DS2 was born by feeling very sad that I would never have one. I actually found myself tearing up in shopping centres when I saw mothers and daughters (especially older daughters) shopping together. I don't really feel sad that I will never have a little girl but I do sometimes feel sad that I will never share the bond that my mother and I had when I was older with a daughter of my own. I also feel kind of sad that I will never be able to pass all my jewelry to my own daughter.
I certainly don't feel enough yearning for a daughter to go back and try for number 3 although for a while I wanted to.
TBH it would cause a lot of stress in my marriage if we had a daughter. DH is Afghan and whilst he's ok with a pretty non-traditional wife I think he would revert to type if he had a daughter. He might surprise me but I don't really want to put it to the test.
I have only DS atm but if I never have a girl I think I would be disappointed but not devastated. Mainly cos i have 3 sisters and a bro and us girls have such a different relationship with each other and our parents that I feel like I would be missing out.
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I have two boys and that's fine with me. Dh wanted a girl, but not enough to let me have 3 children.
I would be happy with 3 (or 4 ;)) boys, but that's just me and perhaps after TTC for so long i was just thrilled to have children.
I don't know what it's like to have a girl and probably never will, but i don't feel any sadness at all about that.
We're all different and have different 'pictures' of how we see our family. I think 2 boys is great - for me. It's ok if it's not for everyone.
Not at all. This will be my second girl and DH's third. I'm slightly disappointed for him, to not be getting a son to do all the male things with, but as he said hes ok with 3 healthy perfect girls. I have 2 step sisters, so maybe coming from growing up with only sisters has contributed to this, as im not really sure of how to do anything with boys, and maybe not feeling done yet helps me feel this way too? but nope, not in the slightest.
I have 2 girls and am more than happy with it. I always wanted a girl, I wanted DD1 to be a girl, and I was so greedy that I hoped DD2 would be a girl too, even though I thought she was a boy. I never had a sister and always wanted one and I knew I would be so disappointed not to have a daughter. All I feel is relieved that I have my girls I wanted. We are planning on have 2 more though and I guess chances are I will have a boy some time so I haven't worried about it yet. I would be happy with another girl next, I have a name ready already, lol. If I didn't end up having a boy I would be a bit disappointed but more so for DH than myself.
i absolutely love having two boys. wouldn't change it for anything. they get on like a house on fire, even though they are totally different. we can pass down clothes, toys etc. they like watching the same tv shows. its awesome.
we are not having any more kids, but if we were i would actually want another boy. nothing against girls, of course, i just love having only boys.
I think this baby will be boy #2, Both DH and I are slightly more in favour of having a girl, however we are totally excited about having a boy as well. DS however has other ideas and tells everyone and us repeatedly that he is having a baby sister (he will be the one struggling with gender disappointment LOL) - after battling infertility we aren't about to get choosy, just being lucky enough to have a child (and now a second) is good enough for us.
I would like to have a daughter of course, but if I don't, I will just work extra hard on having meaningful and loving relationships with my future daughter in laws
I have all boys, and yes somedays I do wish that I had a girl. Not so much for the being able to buy pink things, but more so for later on to have that mother/daughter relationship. Plus I dread being only the MIL, that being said I live near my MIL and see far more of her than my own mother. So who knows what will happen down the track.
I must say how lovely it has been to read this thread and to see women who have only boys and are happy. All then time (esepcially since the birth of my 4th son) I just get pity from people, it is like having boys is the worst thing on the world. My boys are actually great friends, they can be noisy (but I'm sure so can girls) but they get along really really well. So I find it so upsetting that people feel the need to pity me because I have 4 beautiful sons. Just an observation I'm not sure if people of all girls feel the same.
I have 2 boys and 1 girl.
I pretty much expected to have a boy when pregnant with DS1 as boys were so dominant in our family. Then when i was pregnant with DS2 i was unsure whether or not to expect another boy or if we'd be lucky enough (i really do consider those to have one of each really lucky) to have one of each. However i think deep down both DH and I were hoping for another boy, which at the 20 week scan we found out we were having.
For me personaly my reasoning was that i'd had such a rocky relationship with my mother growing up i was very nervous about having my own daughter and i think for DH it was just that he was worried about having a daughter and protecting her.
So having two boys DH and i were extremely happy and when the talk of having anymore children came about we had pretty much agreed that we were more happy than we could ever hope for with 2 boys. To a certain extent it wasn't even about the genders it was the fact that we were blessed with two healthy children.
So when we unexpectedly fell preganant with DD we had mixed emotions.
But jump to where we are now and i am thrilled to have a daughter, she is so precious and absolutely completes our family more than we could have ever hoped for. We thought we were happy before but now i know we are really really happy.
I know for some there are other factors to take into account but for me children are blessing full stop.
I have 3 boys. I do feel like Im missing out on experiencing a girl. Parenting a girl vs boy IS different, no matter what anyone says. I think you can learn to live with it, I dont think I'll ever be "past it". I feel sad that I wont get that mother-daughter bond, but I feel more sad that the boys desperately want a little sister and 99% likely will get another brother. I think the hardest thing Ive ever heard from my 5yo is "Why does everyone else get brothers AND sisters and I get only brothers. I want both!", I mean really how do you explain that logic to a kid?:
It would be the same if my boys were girls. Everyone on both sides of our family have mixed sex. Dh has a sister and I have a sister and brother. All our friends have atleast one of each plus the bonuses. So all my boys see is everyone they know having boys AND girls. I guess I can understand that as I never really remotely contemplated that we would have 3 or 4 of one gender in our parenting journey; I always imagined in 4 kids having both.
Yep. I feel ripped off at having only girls and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Coming from a huge family of pigeon pairs (both mum's and dad's sides of the family all have at least two kids, girl first, then boy), I guess I just assumed that it would be that way for me. I only ever wanted two, but any consideration of a third has gone out the window because we're statistically more likely to have another girl than a boy - I won't risk it.
As Freya said, no matter what anybody says, parenting is different for both genders, and I'm sad that I've missed out on raising a son. I love that my girls have a sister who is their best friend and their worst enemy (unfortunately my brother and I missed out on the 'friend' bit, we still don't spend much time together even as adults), but I'm sad for myself. And it annoys me that people are so sympathetic... to my DH. Yes, poor DH lives in a house full of females and never got a boy who he could work on cars with, throw a ball to or take fishing. Except he's not fussed at all, our daughters are such Daddy's girls and he wouldn't have them any other way. Nor would I, I do love them to bits and wouldn't change them for all the world, now that I have them... but I wanted a son as well as a daughter.
I have 2 beautiful girls and although I would like to have a boy I definitely dont feel ripped off. I am forever grateful for my children :)
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I have to agree with this. It really frustrates me that people make comments about my girls, and especially now I'm pregnant again - the number of comments I get from family, friends and strangers all along the lines of hoping for a boy this time because we couldn't possibly want another girl. That people could consider my daughters anything other than perfect purely due to their sex makes me angry.:
I often had to say when pregnant with DD that it's not about trying for a girl (it really wasn't as she was a pleasent surprise) but i just smile and nod when i got those kind of assumptions. Like i said in my original post i was more than happy if were to be a family with 2 sons.
It is lovely to read and I'm sure I won't be disappointed! truly, my dd is my best friend, I absolutely adore her and she is such a tomboy, fishing with dad etc so I don't think ill feel I'm missing out in that way. I will prob feel a bit bad for hubby as I know he would love a son, but considering girls are dominant in his family, the odds are stacked against us, lol.
I'm also a bit concerned I will feel pressured to have a third if this one is another girl but I guess we'll cross that bridge if we come to it.
Funny you mention sympathy! I find it ironic and slightly weird that people can be sympathetic to a man without a son................but as a woman without a daughter I get buckleys sympathy and usually just harsh judgement if Im honest about my yearning for a girl. IMO its the same thing! Especially when I feel society puts such a huge prize on the mother-daughter relationship.:
Your right Kels, in the end you will be happy with your baby! I love my boys dearly, especially my youngest who I suffered pretty severe gender disappointment with while I was pregnant. He's even probably the one Im closest to! Those of us who feel disappointed at lost opportunities (either badly or mildly) arent monsters who dont love their kids, quite the opposite.
I totally agree with this (ok I do have one of each but prior to DS got all sorts of strange comments, from DD's ultrasound where the technician said to DH "and how do you feel about having a girl - very pointedly - to when we found out about DS saying to DH the technician saying that must make you really happy). It really does puzzle me as to why people so often assume you must have a desire to have one of each, and that women will want daughters and men will want sons - granted for some that is how it is, but as Lenny eleqountely put it:
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I have 2 girls and couldn't be happier. I am an only child but always wanted a sister so my girls have what I always wished for. Dp loves it too, he has always been better at relating to girls than boys so he is happy. He gets the try for a boy comments and responds with " why would I want to do that "
If it helps those longing for girls - my son is my mini-Gok. We go shopping together, he gets a comic we can read together and I get a dress my son has found for me. Which, when I try it on (initially just to please DS, now cos it will look fab) it is invariably better than the dress I found and wanted to buy. He loves dressing me up and accessorising me, it's better than Barbie! Yes, I have bought a couple of ballgowns recently, nothing wrong with that.
Two girls here and not going for any more kids. I am fine with it, if I had to choose boys or girls, then I would choose girls (not sure why, did not even know I had a preference till I fell pregnant). My family was quite mixed with both genders, half siblings etc. DH only has one brother.
I think MIL is disappointed that there are no boys (even though she only had boys herself, you think she would have loved a granddaughter). DH is pretty good about it, they are healthy and that is what matters most of the time. He does express at times not being able to do the boy things. Some other fathers can be so mean about it. Many times he has gotten "aren't you disappointed to not have a son?", makes him pretty angry. I feel a pang for him not having a son.
I only have DD and I would like a boy, pigeon pair as they say, more for my DH than me and that we probably won't go back for a third if we are lucky enough to even have another baby. BUT, I think for my DD sake, the dynamics of her age and if we were to have a son now, I think it would be like raising two only children - ITMS? My DD always goes on about me having another baby & it is always a girl - now I don't know if that is b/c she is a girl, a girly girl *shrugs* but she does have two very close boys that she is friends with at creche. I'd like to think that I would be content with whatever gender my next baby will be, but only time will tell.
I have two girls and I love having two girls and have never felt we needed a boy. DH isn't a really blokey bloke and my girls aren't girly girls so they find they have plenty of common interests and activities. I am one of 2 girls too so it feels perfectly normal to me.
I do understand the yearning however. Before my first DD was born I *reeeeeeeallly* wanted a girl - probably because my own relationshp with my mother is so broken, I really wanted to be able to have a healed and whole mother-daughter bond, if not as a daughter, then as a mother. If I'd had a son I don't think that yearning would've gone away. My friend had 3 boys before finally getting the girl she wanted and I know for her now, and only now, is her little family complete.