question for those who have bub in a bassinette in their room and your DH/DP

Hi ladies, Just a couple of questions about having bub in your room in a bassinette.
How does it work with your DH/DP in the bed too, i mean how do you go about your stuff without waking them up or keeping them awake if bub has woken them?
Things like overnight nappy changes, flicking the light (phone/night light something smallish) on and off to find things in the dark/change nappy, and being able to see to get a good attachment in the beginning
Also how do you do the night feeding without waking/keeping DH/DP up? Do you sit up and feed on the bed or have a feeding chair in your room or something entirely different?

I'll be honest im being slightly selfish in wanting bub in our room simply because its so cold at night and i want to get us all settled as quickly as possible each time theres a night call so as to limit bub and I being cold and obviously limit how long we are awake for too, I never had DD in our room as DH isn't into that and i know if he is kept awake or constantly woken once he goes back to work he will order her into her own room and there's nowhere for me to sleep in there, it wasnt as big a deal then though as it was october, the only real down side i found was it was harder to settle her by the time i got to her room as she had been awake longer itms.

Anyway just wondering what everyone else does?
I'm probably overthinking this, but it just occured to me that i'm probably going to keep DH awake/awake longer with bub in with us and thought there might be some tips others could share with me.

TIA

I basically told DF that when HE is the one getting up to him at all hours of the night THEN he can decide where he sleeps.
I didn't give him a choice.

That said, he's a heavy sleeper and we didn't really wake him up anyway from memory...

Sorry, off to bed so very brief but... DH slept through it all after a week. Seemed to just register that it wasn't his prob and switched off - a real pain when I do actually need help, but an enviable skill. I left the light on in the ensuite and the door slightly ajar at first so plenty of light for attachment, nappy changes etc and made sure I knew where things were before going to bed. Fed sitting up in bed at first while bubs got the hang of it, then quickly switched to lying down feeding - so I could go back to sleep whilst feeding, and found bubs settled better this way too as could probably feel me relax.

ETA. Now we just have a little night light plugged in. Barely any light but enough to find a dummy or avoid tripping over the cot!

We didn't have much issue, if DS was particularly unsettled I would go sit in the lounge and watch my recorded programs with him so DH could sleep. DH didn't really have much issue tho, he slept thru most things.

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For the first few months I'd get up and take DD into the lounge. Change table was in her room so I'd do the nappy change there halfway through the feed. In the beginning I wasn't comfortable that I'd stay awake and I was unsure about having her in bed with us when she was so little. TBH, thoughts about DH never crossed my mind but that's probably because he's a super heavy sleeper and doesn't wake up easily. Once DD was bigger, I fed in my bed and we didn't really do the night time nappy change.

I plan on doing the same thing this time around too.

In the early days I'd get up and go out into the lounge - we left the study light on next to our room which was fine to see by with even just the door slightly ajar and I'd settle down to phaff about on BB and FB while DS had his feeding marathons. Also watched a lot of Mythbusters. I was lucky though, in that it wasn't cold.

Now though, DS is in his own room and usually wakes around 1-3am for a feed. I bought a lovely snuggly dressing gown and feed him in a chair in his room with a nightlight on.

DS was "meant" to be in our room but the first night way so noisy so we put him in the loungeroom which was just outside our room.

DD was in our room for 5 months and DH never complained. He knew that it was much easier for me to feed & get back to sleep with her next to me and he could easily get back to sleep even if she woke him up. If we were having a bad night though I'd take her out to the loungeroom to feed her. It was much easier to settle her too as she was right there.

This bubba will be in our room too for a while, I plan on bfing as long as we can so it makes it much easier on me. Also for the settling factor again, that it's much easier to give them a gentle pat or rock back to sleep instead of being woken right up by having to get out of bed.

With DD1 DH was a grumpy pants and I went out into the lounge for all feeds. July baby - urgh! The change table was in our room so he did get woken for that, but it didn't take long for him to sleep through nappy changes. With DD2 I just said I'm feeding in bed and you can live with it, but I reckon he has slept through pretty much every one of her night feeds! So not really a big issue.

DP was banished to an inflatable mattress for the first 9 months of DSs life. :rofl: It was mostly out of necessity. DP has to be up for work at 4am, and DS was a shocking sleeper. After he realised I was spending the night on the couch after the 1am feed, DP nicely just removed himself from the bedroom so DS and I could just share the big bed. I wasn't doing it so as not to disturb him though, it was more a case of passing out from sheer exhaustion and figuring there's no point getting into bed to have to get up 50 million times....... lol. It was bliss, really once DS and I took over the master suite hehe. I missed snuggling up with DP but we all got a lot more sleep this way.

Ds was a really bad sleeper with his reflux but settled better when he knew I was right beside him, it kept dh awake even though he is generally a heavy sleeper so we would take it in turns swapping between our bedroom and a big inflatable mattress which was comfy as it was knee high! Those were long nights, at three months he got to noisy even for me in his sleep so he went in the loungeroom which was opposite our room. At 4 months we moved and he finally had his own room and moved into the cot as he had outgrown the bassinette.

Very similar to PRMG - DS was in our room for about 5 months and I would take him and me into the lounge room to feed (we had our rocking chair there), turn the heater on (winter baby) and as we generally needed to do a nappy change mid feed or straight after I had to get out of bed anyway. I also needed to sit properly in a chair to feed otherwise my back would hurt if I wasn't properly supported.
DH rarely woke when DS did after the first few weeks, like Santosha said they do tend to tune out when they know they dont need to respond to the cries.
DS always used to settle back to sleep very quickly after a feed, so it was rare that I was up for more than about 30 mins anyway so it worked for us all

Those of you who feed in bed lying down & then fall asleep together... How do you have enough room? I mean a baby can easily fit between parents, bit what about when you need to feed from the boob on the side of the edge of the bed? Don't you worry that with no parental barrier between the baby and the edge, the baby might fall out?


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:lol: Wake DH? I think not.

DD 7m is in our bed and even though she pushes him out of the bed LOL he hardly wakes up.
For the first 4-6 weeks she was in the bassinet and i got her out to feed and put her back to bed but now its easier that she is in our bed and still waking constantly through the night.

What's selfish about that? :)
You do what you need to do with your baby. Your DH can either sleep through it or sleep elsewhere ;) (or help)

All my kids have been in my room/bed for months. DD3 (18 months) & DS (4) both sleep in my bed now. DS not every night, but 90% of the time. (It is different now I'm single.)

DD1 wasn't in our bed much, but the other 3 have been from very early on. With the babies right next to me, they rarely cried long enough, or loud enough to wake ex. If they did it was a really bad night & they were usually alot older. I would leave the ensuite light on, or I had a lamp for night feeds/changes.

I would give your H the option of the couch or the bed. Or get an extra single bed somewhere for him if its needed. There are sometimes circumstances, but I really don't think its fair that only one parent has to adjust to a new baby while the other continues to sleep 8 - 10 hours straight a night.

Sleep is a must for workers, especially in some industries... but us mothers can't drive a car with our children in them safely if we are sleep deprived... That is not safe.

I'd see how it goes for a few weeks, then think about weather or not changes need to be made :)

With our first, DH used to wake up all the time but he wanted to help so it didn't bother him. After a few weeks he just stopped waking up when Moo cried. Used to amaze me that a baby could be crying a metre away from him and he wouldn't even stir :lol: I would turn the TV on and bedside lamp and he would still sleep through it all.

With our second I don't think DH has woken up when bubs has once. I turn on the bedside lamp everytime I feed, slept with it on for the first month as Buster is in with us and I wanted to be able to see him.

DH doesn't tend to wake up (like a lot of our DHs it seems!) and if DD2 is really unsettled, I take her to the lounge and watch TV. I've only done that once I think, she's been really good.

I put the change table in our room too and either switch the toilet light on in our ensuite for a bit of light or just use the little night light I bought from Ikea (little rechargeable green light sold in the kids section.

I feed DD in bed and play on my phone to keep myself awake. It provides enough light to see what's going on too.

We haven't had an issue at all with DD2 and she settles back to sleep easily most of the time and so do I. If we were to have a really bad night, DH would happily move to the spare room.

DD1 was super noisy so we put her in her own room at 9 weeks. Until then she slept in the bassinet in our room and I took her into the lounge for feeds and the nursery for nappy changes. I realise now doing that was a mistake. Moving rooms to feed, the extra light, watching TV, etc meant we were both 'too' awake a lot of the time making it difficult to go back to sleep.

I slept through ex's 4am alarm on snooze for 20 minutes for months. I would wake to DDs every grunt, but did not hear that alarm. DD got used to it as well. & it wasn't quiet!

We happily cosleep, and in the early days DH would get up for feeds, and do the nappy change while I ran to to the loo. I feed laying down in bed once they are past newborn stage.
We have a nightlight on, so the room is never 100% dark.

Dh stirs, rolls away from the light and goes back to sleep! Agree with pp, when it's him getting up at night, he can choose where ds sleeps.
In saying that, DS is a good night sleeper and easy to resettle at the moment so if/when that changes, might be a different story.

Oh, but We don't co-sleep, I have DS in bassinet right next to my bed.

DH is a light sleeper and has to get up at 4 .30 for work so he is sleeping in the spare room for now. DD3 is really noisy too but I'm tuned into her now and can sleep through the general noise and wake up to the important noises. Sometimes DH sleeps with us but puts ear plugs in. I turn the Wadrobe light on with the door almost shut to see for nappy changes. The first feed I do on the lounge as dd is liely to settle better if we sit up a big before bed and I get lazy in bed and don't sit up straight enough. The only light we use in the lounge though is from my iPad.

Phebee feeding lying down I don't put bubs on the edge of the bed I can feed with both bb's while facing the same direction. I normally lie on my side and feed the bb closest to the mattress then roll my top shoulder a bit and feed with my top bb ITMS maybe having a bit of a sag in the boobs after three kids helps :lol:

I didn't even think about it. If DH needed sleep he knew where to go to get it. He is an adult and wasn't breastfeeding. My tiny baby was my first concern. A nightlight helped with nighttime nappy changes. It was snowing outside when DS was tiny...I was not leaving my warm bedroom for any reason!!!

Dp didn't even stir unless I kicked him, repeatedly! After a week or so I didn't even bother trying to get him up to help, so he slept through pretty much everything. He can still sleep through the girls crying during the night.

DP doesn't stir unless I physically try to wake him and we co-sleep but don't change nappies overnight unless DD2 does a poo (I just use a size bigger nappy) which she hasn't done since she was a few weeks old. She never really cries or anything, just sort of stirs and then I attach her till she settles again without DP even noticing.

My DH was used to sleeping through things as he is a shiftworker.. I used to be up for an hr with a non-settling bub, and it wasn't until I would go back in and physically rock/tap him he would wake up.. The baby could've been squealing in his ear if I didn't wake him.. But he was totally different if I was in another room though, he would wake to baby.

I am envious of you all. We have a tiny little box house with no room for another bed. The couches are far too uncomfortAble to lie on. DH is a very light sleeper and is the worker ATM. I have no choice but to feed DD in the lounge. I have been feeding / trying to resettle her for 1.5 hours now. DH's alarm has just gone off.


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DH used to get up, pass DD to me (cot on his side of the bed, grab a nappy, then lay there holding her hand while i changed her (or change her while i held her hand/stroked hair etc). once nappy was changed, i'd lay down to feed her, and he'd take the dirty nappy to the laundry and come back into the room. DD fed to sleep most of the time, so he'd lay there facing us and go back to sleep. i would lay with my arm over her head and down beside her whichever way we were facing, so that i was either creating a barrier between her and Daddy (he never rolled towards her, but when he worked away and would get home, exhausted, in the wee hours, it was a precaution. when she was on the other side of the bed, he'd lay right on the edge of the bed and drag me close to him - i think she ended up with nearly half the bed! When DD was asleep again, he'd put her back in her own bed. he never whinged about lack of sleep or anything

now that she is older, she still rooms in with us. our house is very long, and neither one of us wanted to get up in the cold to go to her when she was waking in the night when we first moved here. if she wakes, DH is still the one to get up to her - even though her bed is on my side fo the room! He is the SAHP now, and will try and resettle her without disturbing me too much. not that it works - i am still awake the whole time she is - but it's nice that he does it!

he's never complained about it at all. in fact, he told his bestie "we brought her into the world together, we'll both do the parenting - even the bad bits like midnight wake ups"!

when he worked away, i did it all solo, but the minute he was home again,he just stepped in. he didn't have to - i could have continued doing it - but he wanted to

so i guess after all that waffle! there is no issue for us with lost sleep due to bub. we've both been the sahp while the other works, and we simply accept that it is what it is. sometimes you don't get a full night sleep...

Im sorry, but in my house we are in it together. Our girls stay in our room until 1yr+. The night time feeds, dh would get up change nappy and have a cuddle while I went to the loo and then got myself ready for a feed. he then kept me company whilst I fed, especially when i was so sleepy that i was falling asleep. As they got older, dh just got used to it and would sleep through it. If we were more tired than usual, we would go to bed earlier than normal.

As so co-sleeping and feeding when they were on the outside i would lay in the middlee of the bed so it was comfortable and safe to feed. But to be honest i prefer them sleeping on the outside because it means I can get a cuddle from dh and the bub has more room to sleep

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Dp didn't even stir unless I kicked him, repeatedly! After a week or so I didn't even bother trying to get him up to help, so he slept through pretty much everything. He can still sleep through the girls crying during the night.

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Yep same here! He would often wake in the morning and ask "how was your night dear?" :)

I kept the bassinet in the room for convenience to start with. I preferred to get up and get out of the room to feed and change baby. I like the peace and quiet of the night out in my lounge, I had the change table all set up, I didn't have music, TV or anything. It was also light enough to see what I was doing.

If my DH has an issue, he knows where the couch is. DH is up just as often as me anyway, either with bubs or with one of the other kids. The way I figure it, my sleep is just as important as DH's - possibly more so, because I am the one caring for the kids all day, driving them in the car etc, so if I slip up because of fatigue it can be extremely dangerous; If DH stuffs up at work, it's not good, but at least it is an office job, so his health shouldn't be directly at risk.

Having said that, I do try not to wake him unnessecarily. ;)

We never turned on a light, and didn't leave the room at all for the first 8 months of DD's life. She only discovered my bedside lamp on Sunday morning (at 16 months old) and thinks it is the most miraculous thing EVER. :lol:

I fed in bed, lying down, all the time. When she moved into her own room, then I fed on the couch in the room between us, and then when we moved house and had room for a feeding chair in her room, I fed there.

Baby Led Attachment is a great way to go to help you trust your baby to get the attachment right by herself. We did this and have neve even had to think about it.

ETA: Our spare bed is in the garage. It's not that comfortable, but that's his choice. He didn't get up for the first 5 months, I didn't ask him to, but now we split it 50-50 (we only get a night waking once a week at most)

I always have trouble waking up and DH doesn't so it used to work for us where DH would get up first and do a nappy change, then I would get up and feed, while DH goes back to bed. It wasn't a problem for DH having to get up and he is such a light sleeper that even if DS had been on the other side of the house he would hear him before I would.

DH can sleep in the spare room if he is too distracted....but honestly with DD he just slept through it all.....
Im like you if I have to be getting up and attending to bubs all night I want him/her to b e as close to me as possible so Im not freezing either of our butts off!

thanks for all your replies.
He has only ever got up to DD about half a dozen times in her life, and i can't see it being any different this time around. I have done my fair share of co-sleeping with DD, where we fed laying down, DH has ended up on the lounge these nights as he doesnt believe in co-sleeping, i just thought i might get some good tips to avoid the whole scene between DH and I, arguing over him going to the lounge, bub in our room/bed whatever the case may be at the time. like i said, probably just overthinking it all really, i have told him i'm doing whatever it takes to get a reasonable amount of sleep as i will have 2 now, and will still have to be a responsible parent for DD1 all day while hes at work, and i guess in the end i will just do what it takes, and if he doesnt like it/agree with what im doing, he will just have to find the lounge again, or i will have to invest in a bed that i can use myself.
I was just interested to know what others did when bubs was in their room, to minimise the disruption to their partners and in turn prevent arguments.

thanks for all your replies.
He has only ever got up to DD about half a dozen times in her life, and i can't see it being any different this time around. I have done my fair share of co-sleeping with DD, where we fed laying down, DH has ended up on the lounge these nights as he doesnt believe in co-sleeping, i just thought i might get some good tips to avoid the whole scene between DH and I, arguing over him going to the lounge, bub in our room/bed whatever the case may be at the time. like i said, probably just overthinking it all really, i have told him i'm doing whatever it takes to get a reasonable amount of sleep as i will have 2 now, and will still have to be a responsible parent for DD1 all day while hes at work, and i guess in the end i will just do what it takes, and if he doesnt like it/agree with what im doing, he will just have to find the lounge again, or i will have to invest in a bed that i can use myself.
I was just interested to know what others did when bubs was in their room, to minimise the disruption to their partners and in turn prevent arguments.

If Mum has to wake for baby, then I don't see why Dad has to stay asleep. I mean here DH rarely did any "afterhours" baby stuff. But if I disturbed him, I disturbed him. Sorry but thats just part of life.
If the baby was having a particularly unsettled night then I would go out of the room & usually come sit on the PC for my own sanity. But I always had a night light for me, a small lamp. This time round I just kept the bathroom light on with the door opened just enough to allow enough light for me to see & then I would push it closed after I changed nappies etc.
We have never had a baby sleep in another room. they are always in bed with us or with in arms reach with out getting out of bed.


If your DH has a problem with being woken, tell him to suck it up.

DD's cradle is in our room, and I try to settle her in it and sleep in the bed. but always end up spending the WHOLE night on the couch =( I'm worried about waking DH, because he is a truck driver he HAS to sleep, as he is driving all day. I'm not comfortable enough to have her in bed with both of us... after DH has gone to work (5am) I am happy to have her with me in the bed, but not with both of us.

I could handle it for a couple of nights...but not anymore =( thank god today is friday and tonight I am going to try to feed her in bed as I don't have to worry about DH getting up for work, and we can see how it works...if it is a problem for him.

T are you sleeping on the couch with baby?

sitting up yea... its too big and comfy to lay with her, last night i tried to make a bed for her on the ground (that sounds so bad but itssafer than the couch) so i could lay on the couch and not keep going in and out of the bed room. but she wakes up ever hr so still didnt work

I actually have dh in another bed so far, so i can feed, sleep whatever with dd in bed without worrying anyone, im loving it, its short term so ill enjoy the snuggles while i can. Is that an option for u teirae? Just till she starts a cpl hr sleeping stints