Climbing on/jumping off couch and kid furniture... do you let you let your kids?

We've always had a rule of no feet on couches/chairs and no hurling yourself off the couch onto the floor etc. We have a big foam mattress the kids can do their stunts on and they use piles of cushions, their mini-couches etc for extra padding. These boundaries worked fine with DD, but she wasn't nearly as physical and boisterous as DS is and generally more cooperative.

With DS (two next week) it's a CONSTANT battle. "Sit on your bottom please" over and over and then putting him on the floor when he doesn't do it. Guiding him to alternatives, taking his little chairs away as he uses them to climb up on and leap from... it's exhausting for him and for me and ends up with far more upset than sometimes feels like is worth it. I am quite mindful that at times I tend to over-manage and am wondering whether this is one of those things that might be worth just letting go of. There is the potential for some serious bangs and bruises. At worst, yes, possible broken bones or a spinal injury. Ugh. Turns my stomach just thinking about it. But then, likewise with play equipment. Our stairs. The bed. So much has risks and I'm trying to weigh these up against the negative impact of constantly trying to reign in a boisterous little boy.

What do you do in your house? Do you think it's too great a physical risk to just let him go (with supervision against particularly hairy stunts of course)?

For us it's not about physical risk - DD can climb on her pay equipment and jump around all she likes outside. It's about respecting or furniture and our stuff. I don't want her jumping on other people's furniture and putting dirty shoes up there, so we don't stand on chairs or climb on couches because it will make them dirty.

She's pretty good about the rules, we tell her she can sit on the chair or stand on the floor. She has a choice, and if she continually chooses to stand on the chair then it goes away. That usually only happens when she's in a bit of a mood and she does get upset, but once she calms down we explain why the chair was taken away and she's good about only sitting on it when it comes back out.

No climbing on the furniture in my house! Feet are allowed on the couch if you are curled up, but shoes must be off. If you want to jump and climb, go outside! It is a constant battle with my DS (8) but I don't see it so much as a safety issue as a matter of respect. Perhaps you could set up some climbing equipment or an obstacle course in the yard? Or regular visits to the park?

I don't think risk taking is something to be discouraged in young children, but we should be teaching them about risk assessment!

I am always surprised when we have visitors and they let their children climb all over my furniture or they do the same in their own home. I address it in my home, but would only tell my own children to stop in someone else's - although DS is old enough to know better now!

I do get that... I guess I'm also following DD's example here in that she has generally been able to understand that different rules apply in different places (eg. Her Gran jumps on Gran's bed WITH them, where they're not allowed on the other grandmother's bed at all).
My kids don't wear shoes inside and I'm not that fussed about our furniture (which is not to say that you shouldn't aim to protect yours, just not my primary concern here). Maybe it's too much to ask of DS that he will also understand that just because he can leap around on our furniture, doesn't mean he can on others. Dunno. He's a pretty smart cookie. I suspect he'd get it.... just not necessarily care!

ETA... just saw yours Nickle. Again, not wanting to challenge or judge how you do things, just interested as I guess this wasn't my thinking. Why is standing on our family's furniture 'disrespectful'? I guess I kind of have a sense for why it is, without a real, articulated rationale and again, wonder whether I'd be applying this in a rigid 'because that's the rule' sense, or because it has real bearing on our values and what I'm teaching our kids?

All my friends have told me that boys are really more into climbing and throwing themselves off furniture etc. so with that in mind I'm a little bit relaxed in our family room. He can climb and lay all over the couch, he can throw himself off onto his foam couch. I understand that there is a risk involved and yes at times it gives me palpitations but overall I'm happy that we have taught him that the rest of our home is off limits for that kind of behaviour- it's certainly not acceptable to go crazy in other people's homes either. Somehow, at 2 he seems to understand this and we don't really have any problems.

No balls inside.
No climbing on the furniture. We have a trampoline and a treehouse and there is a park nearby. If they need to climb and jump they can go outside and do it.

Our kids climb and jump on everything. Doesn't bother me at all and I think it's fun :dunno: I don't let them stand on tables and benches but everything else is fine. They climb right to the top of the couch and do huge jumps off, trying to get as far across the floor as possible. We jump on the bed all the time. We never wear shoes inside and I tell them not to stand on furniture in other people's houses, if these points help? :lol:

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No climbing on the furniture in my house! Feet are allowed on the couch if you are curled up, but shoes must be off. If you want to jump and climb, go outside! It is a constant battle with my DS (8) but I don't see it so much as a safety issue as a matter of respect. Perhaps you could set up some climbing equipment or an obstacle course in the yard? Or regular visits to the park?

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Exactly the same here. We are VERY strict on our kids jumping and stuff on our couch or the beds. Not just because I see it as a matter of respect as well, but also because their combined weight destroys furniture and given our income, we can't just go out and buy new furniture all the time because the kids wanted to jump on it. They have already put several holes in the bottom of the couch (the part that the cushions sit on) and its the same with the beds - they can destroy them and we can't afford to replace them, so we do NOT allow our children to jump on them. They have a trampoline for that - and thats its purpose. The couch is to be sat on, the beds to be slept on - their purpose is not to be a trampoline.

Its a constant battle here, but thats only because my children are rebellious and once one starts, they all start.......

I think the respect thing is that the furniture belongs to the family and they need to treat it like such. I feel it's important for children to learn to respect other people's belongings and treat things nicely.

Respect is so lacking nowadays whether it be for a persons own self or for other people and propety that DH and I believe it starts with the little things at home.

We're the same as Teeki. Dd has learnt she can stand herself up on her little plastic chair, but that's not the use for the chair and its dangerous so if she does it now it goes away.

I guess I see jumping off the couch and breaking it as different things so I don't see jumping as disrespectful to property :dunno:

Lol go Gran! She sounds cool :)

I guess if you're ok with him on the furniture but it's more of a risk thing, I'd explain to him that he needs to have the mattress/pillows/whatever on the floor so he doesn't hurt himself? And if he's doing it at other people's places because the kids there are, I'd maybe ask the parents of they're ok with it - maybe they are of their kids are doing it, and for your DS it might be like following Grans example, if they can do it on their stuff then he can too.

In terms of the respect thing......I think that respect for your own property is part of self-respect and respect for other people's property is pert of respecting other people.
I also think it's important for children to be aware that outside play and inside play aren't the same - screaming, running and jumping are all ok outside where the noise doesn't bounce off the walls but inside I prefer their behaviour to be a little more appropriate to the surrounds.
I'm not a big fan of having to child-proof my environment, I prefer to teach my children about appropriate behaviour and I trust them to be wise enough to understand and apply it. So we have lovely furniture that is not appropriate for jumping even if I was inclined to let them.

I have two avid jumpers (and will probably have a third in DS3). We discourage jumping on the couch because they will ultimately ruin our couches if they keep it up. Same goes for the beds. Springs will only last so long when two 20kg kids start their trampoline act! They have a trampoline outside and we shoo them out.

When DS1 turned 2 we brought him a mini trampoline that had a handlebar across it. Both he, and then DS2 loved it. And it did seem to deter the couch jumping. Unfortunately it broke due to wear and tear ... and that's when we moved up to the big trampoline for outside.

Just as an aside ... both my older boys have some sensory processing issues (DS2 far more than DS1), but it means they actively seek out "bashing and crashing" - so couch jumping, both on it and off it onto things - as a way of sensory gratification, if that makes sense. It helps them "tick". And I'm definitely not suggesting that any kid who couch jumps has sensory issues - most probably don't - but in our household we've come to understand that it can mean a bit more than just having a good old jump for the heck of it.

I guess that's a big factor for me too AndiE. My eldest son has autism and he needs the sensory input. We just spent the past two years living in a very rainy place too so we were indoors a lot so that's just how things go down in our house for the sake of sanity. We have a small indoor trampoline and the scooter and trike are indoors for use up and down the hall too! Families come in all shapes and sizes :)

"Couches are for bottoms" is our mantra here. That refers more to standing/jumping though. Feet are ok if curled up and no shoes on.

Like others have said, in our house we don't jump on couches or beds. It's not due to the injury side of things (although when DD1 was learning this rule and did jump occasionally I did worry about her hurting herself), but because its not an acceptable thing to do. You don't see people jumping on chairs and furniture out in public or at any of my friends houses, so we don't do it here. For us, it's about learning the rules of society I guess.

Thanks ladies. I'm pretty sure we'll stick with the rules as they stand... just turning it over as I'm so tired of nagging him already and he's only two. And, like I said, sometimes I find myself telling them not to do something and there's not really a reason beyond that it bugs me.

So, sorry to harp on... I reiterate, I am not criticizing, just don't get it.... WHY is jumping on furniture disrespectful? I can understand that actively breaking something disrespects it, and completely agree that respecting belongings extends to self-respect and respect of others. But I see what my kids do (or want to do) on the couch as a mark of their energy levels, experimentation and sensori-motor play rather than anything that is destructive per se. I guess if it's just a rule, then repeatedly defying it is disrespectful. But by the same token, I find being relentlessly limiting and telling them off pretty disrespectful, or at least restrictive and idea-quashing, for my kids.

And WRT sensory stuff - thanks Andi. I know a bit about SPD and have worked with many kids with sensory seeking behaviours. At this stage it just looks like typical 2 year old behaviour to me but, perhaps even moreso because of what I've seen at work, I am def. always keeping an eye on things.

Well I can't speak for anyone else, but for me its disrespectful because its not what its purpose is. And its a rule in our house. Maybe its because DH and I are older parents and not in our 20's, but we were certainly never allowed to do that in our house, and as "wrong" as it may be, both of us follow society's rules and are happy with the job that our parents did with us. So I guess we have the same rules in our house now as we had in our house as kids.

Plus, its DH's and my property that they are effectively destroying when they jump on it - and I don't want them to go somewhere else and jump on someone else's couch. Which is what they would do if we let them jump on ours.

So we start respect for other people's belongings in our own home. And if thats seen as being disrespectful to the kids by not letting them have some fun or whatever - well - I don't really care to be honest what other people think, unless they are willing to buy us a new couch PMSL!!!!

I can't speak for anyone else, but I guess we say jumping on furniture is disrespectful because the furniture is important to us. We take care of things that are important to other people. Whether that is a cheap couch or a fragile ornament, if someone says they don't want it played with in a way that will damage it, then we have to respect that. And by 'we' I mean our family. As they get older there has been and will be more opportunities to teach respect, but furniture is a start :)

My sofas cost a lot of money (to us - I know it's relative). They are paid for by my DH's work and by our staff working ungodly hours being polite to people who in many instances are total idiots. Someone worked designing them, other people worked to make them, they are leather - cows died so we could sit on them, the metal in them was mined from the Earth that we live on, their delivery resulted in greenhouse gas emissions. I could go on but in short, they are the product of people's work and the Earth's resources. They are not disposable and I intend to sit on them until I am old and grey. To treat them as a trampoline/soft play area and thus shorten their life is IMO disrespectful of everything that went into them.
I want my children to tread lightly on the Earth. In our home that includes not treating things roughly that were not designed to be treated roughly.

Even if our sofas had been free the same things would apply.

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But by the same token, I find being relentlessly limiting and telling them off pretty disrespectful, or at least restrictive and idea-quashing, for my kids.

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I'm not sure how instilling respect or telling children what is and isn't socially acceptable is relentlessly limiting.
IMO failure to do those things is disrespectful. I respect my children's intelligence and understanding enough to believe that they can grasp these concepts. I think that by giving them the tools to negotiate social situations and understand societal norms I am in fact doing the opposite of limiting them, that what is truly limiting is being unable to fit in socially.

Oh sheesh.

Wow in the nearly 6 years I've been a member I think this is the first time I have agreed with Zazou on a topic!

That's a miracle I reckon!!!! PMSL

Lol Arimeh!

I'm with Arimeh, Hestia and Zazou on this one. We have one "good" couch and one not so good, but either one I don't want DD jumping on. It's because the purpose of the furniture is to be comfortable to sit on, I want it to last and don't want it dirtied.

By jumping/standing/climbing on our furniture, she'll ruin the cushions, put pressure where it shouldn't be, generally shorten it's lifespan and make it less useful for its pepper purpose. So I feel like that needs to be respected, just because you can climb on something doesn't mean you should - if you want to do that we have plenty of stuff just for that purpose, you don't need the furniture for it.

And because DH and I have said to DD we don't want her to do that, not doing it respects us as well as the furniture. She certainly has no issues telling me when I'm not doing something to her standards! (Apparently I have no clue how to put a nappy on her doll lol.)

Wow. Feeling kind of jumped on myself for challenging an assumption, even though I tried to express it as such... curiosity. Questioning. Not criticism.

But I also have über-sensitive preggo brain and DD giving me a filthy look is enough to make me cry, so I'm not sure I'm able to read the tone accurately at all.

Will come back later.

Nah mate, don't feel jumped on - we just see it differently to you, doesn't mean anyone is particularly right - its just how we feel about the situation. I don't think anyone is jumping on anyone else's way of parenting here, just explaining the reasons why ours is different to yours.

My mum was pretty old school - so that makes me pretty old school with how I want to raise my kids. I read a lot on here about respectful parenting and all that kind of stuff, and I sometimes feel like the odd one out, because most of the time it just doesn't stick in my brain, seems a bit all politically correct for me and the way that I was raised, so its really bizarre (to me!) that people let their kids do stuff that I don't let my kids do because I was never raised that way - ITMS?

I'm probably an old fuddy duddy in my parenting style, and who knows if I'm completely wrong, or hell, even if we are all wrong - but we are all doing the best we can with what feels right.

And just because its different to what feels right to someone else, doesn't mean its wrong.

:D

Lol Arimeh, it had to happen eventually.

I think respectful parenting means teaching and modeling respect. Children need boundaries and guidance and there isn't much that is respectful in failing to provide them. In our home one of the boundaries is that we take care of our possessions.
We all have different rules.

I kind of see a difference between accidentally breaking something in the process of expected childhood exploration and intentionally breaking something to break it or just because you don't care enough not to take steps you know you need to in order not to. The second is obviously disrespectful, the first only is if there was a high risk of that happening and they were aware of the consequences.

So I wouldn't say no on principle of these things, it is a case by case basis. If a child could jump on our couch a billion times without breaking or ruining it then I see no reason to limit that. If breaking or ruining it is a likely outcome then boundaries become important. Most things are not built to last through rough housing though.

DD2 likes to sit on our art and play tables, we are okay with it because we know they are sturdy enough to hold her weight, she knows she can't stand on them though. She also sits in our exploration cabinet but she knows she can't swing on its frame or tap things roughly on the mirror. So the boundaries are where it becomes harmful to them or the property. Mine don't seem to struggle with those "contradictions" so we don't need a blanket "no monkeying around on furniture" to respect and preserve it.

Do I stop my two year old everytime he is doing something other than sitting on the sofa - no. Do I think he is being disrespectful - no he is two he doesn't get the concept of respect plus it is a sofa me plonking my behind on it is more damaging then anything he can do to it. Do I let him use like a trampoline - no because is dangerous - more so than play equipment because the floor is hard the sofa is narrow. Am I as lenient with DD no because she is old enough to understand more. Do they jump on stuff at other peoples houses - no. I don't believe you have to have the same rules at home as elsewhere - we all behave differently at home to elsewhere. Have they jumped on the beds yes on occasion, as I remember doing when I was a child and remember doing headstands forward rolls making boats etc. on and with the sofa. The sofa lasted fine for 30 years it wasn't the most beautiful looking thing but it was full of memories.

Arimeh, I'm in my twenties but I'm classed as "old school" by a lot of my friends. My parents are both very traditional and I value the environment i was raised in much like you :)

I like zazou's definition. We all provide different boundaries and different ways of providing those boundaries.

Don't feel jumped on santosha. You were asking a question that's been answered on a personal level. Sounds like you have the same guidelines as us it was just the reason behind them you were asking about.

Our couches are old, as in the same ones we had when I was a kid, and they can't get more wrecked because we trashed them as kids. I let the kids take all the cushions off them and jump onto them, the only rule is no shoes.

We allow some jumping on the bed, but not towards the wall/window and not unsupervised.

I have a thing about crafting at the table without a plastic mat because the table is the only thing DH and I have bought together and it is a really nice table.

So, yeah a lot has to do with the value you place in the furniture, as well as your general ideas about appropriate indoor play. If we had a big backyard and a trampoline etc I might change my ideas, but I live in a tiny house, with minimal yard and if I said no balls inside and no jumping on furniture my kids would rarely get a chance to do it.

I think as they get older I will limit it, but at 2 and 4 they are just looking for something to do, and I don't like being a policeman allllllll day. Its hard enough keeping them out of the fridge and off the kitchen benches looking in cupboards.

I have never seen either child jump on anyone else's couch. I think they understand other people's property because we talk about it and being mindful of other people's rules.

I think negativity, like telling a child off constantly wears down both you and the child and if it were me, I might relax the rules, or at least find a better outlet for them so you can redirect them to the appropriate jumping space/lounge etc.

Don't feel jumped on Santosha, but be glad you've heard some alternative viewpoints.

DS is the least physical/most cautious boy I've ever met. He's never tried to stand on a chair or table in his life, but if he did, we'd stop him. He stands on the lounge (usually holding on with both hands!), but isn't allowed to jump on it. He occasionally jumps on our bed if we hold his hands (his request) but has recently felt comfortable enough to stand on it, right in the middle, without holding anyone! So we haven't really needed 'rules' as such.

If DS were so inclined, we'd stop him from jumping and climbing up on furniture. It's a safety and respect thing here (for all reasons previously mentioned).

Yes, we're 'old fashioned'/strict parents too ;)

As far as my 3yo is concerned, the entire world is his jumping castle / parkour training space.

It's a constant battle in terms of what is ok for him to jump on and off, and what isn't ok, and trying to teach him how to know which is which.

I know that back in our day Kris Kross could make you jump, but these days, the only impetus required is being awake.

Tom Cruise aside I don't know any adults who think its OK for them to jump on couches so it's the same for kids in my house. That said, DD thinks that the lounge room is an adventure playground to be climbed, jumped and crawled around/through/over so at the moment I'm loosing the battle.

I never allowed DD to jump on the couch or bed, sit on the bench or table & I taught her to not touch items on display - I may be old fashioned but those items are not toys, they have been worked for & regardless of financial value they mean something to my family. I moved sentimental breakables away when she was in the "touch & explore" stage but less important items were left as is & she learnt to not touch. This gave me reassurance whenever I visited someone that she would behalf appropriately & I wouldn't have to constantly chase her around to make sure she wasn't touching anything.

I actually get offended when friends & family visit & their kids feel it's acceptable to jump on the couch and touch momentos. If they allow their children to act like this in their home it's their choice but I wish the behaviour was monitored when visiting.

Yes, I'm old school - toys are toys, furniture are not toys. Although I find using chairs, pillows, sheets & pegs are a great way to build forts :) The difference is the chairs are not being climbed over, they're only used to hold the sheets up :)

When my boys were 4 and 5 we lived in a 1 bedroom flat with no TV for about 6 months. It rained/snowed regularly. Funnily enough the bad weather and tiny house made me more strict with the no outside behaviour indoors rules.
I took them out every single day regardless of the weather. We jumped on a neighbour's trampoline and went to the park. We also hiked a lot. I think my 4 year old was possibly one of the only 4 year olds I have ever met who could knock over a 5km hike in the morning and be ready for another one after lunch lol.

Naturally there is huge variation in the amount of monitoring or policing we are willing to do about certain behaviours. I think if you're willing to police jumping on the couch and you place value on that item of furniture then you will be strict. I have chosen to fight different battles with my kids due to different priorities.

My kids still understand how to respect my belongings and their own when we place high value on them. They also understand house rules at other people's homes. I don't think we can make blanket statements about whether or not jumping on the couch indicates a lack of respect. Your kids respect what you respect and teach them too. I hate our couches. I kept them knowing the kids would trash them because I can't be bothered policing couch activities. Each to their own.

But the OP was asking if they should relax their rules, so it really depends on whether the rules are helping you or hindering you. Can you let it go or is it a priority for you? We are all different and it's ok to just pick your battles based on your own family experience.

We've tried different things, like letting them go for gold leaping from other things (outside things) and burning off as much steam as possible - it really doesn't make much of a difference.

I suspect it's as much of the achievement as anything else - he likes us watching him do his little daredevil things, and while I don't *think* I've encouraged it, I can hardly be surprised given how much DS1 takes after me, and given what my preferred activities (skydiving, white water rafting, abseiling, etc) are. Naturally, we give him plenty of attention from other things - but he LOVES jumping and climbing, ad he's rather good at it, frankly, so it's understandable that he wants us to watch him doing them ... Giving minimal attention to it and moving him onto other things is lovely in theory, but doesn't achieve much in application for us.

Also, one may take into account other factors, like the last person to break the trampoline was ... me ... and the last piece of furniture to be broken was DH and my bed. Twice. But that's for an AO thread :redface: What can I say, we're an adrenaline filled physical family ...

My kids are very physical kids - and while they don't mean to be destructive, it can be. We're still trying to figure out strategies for having quiet times and noisy times, and gentle times and rambunctious times, which don't stifle their personalities, and aren't just us screaming at them or physically stopping them from doing things.

If it was as simple (in our household) of having rules that they can jump on these things but not those things (indoor, outdoor, purpose specific, whatever) then we'd all be living very happily on this front. But that just isn't working here yet.

So we're still working on it ;)

There have been some bumps and bruises and collisions and scrapes, but no actual concussions or broken bones or broken furniture (other than of my doing...) and we're all just figuring out what works best for our own families - like every other aspect of this parenting malarkey.

If it's bothering you, try another strategy.

If the strategies aren't working, rest assured that there's precious few children still jumping off furniture as they get older - the child:furniture height ratio lessens over time and ceases to be fun. And those of us still jumping on beds at conferences last weekend are rather fabulous to know, and our parents are no longer held accountable for our behaviour. Much. ;)

My kids haven't really been couch jumpers but when they do go though a stage of jumping off, I usually pull all the cushions off and build a tower for them to climb. DD2 is quite fond of being a cat on the back of the couch lately. I don't mind them climbing on it. Our couch has wood support and foam cushions so there isn't really that much that can go wrong in regards to breaking it. I have never had a problem with them jumping on furniture when we visit anyone. Just as they don't raid the cupboard at someone else's house. They know the difference.

I personally am a big fan of picking battles. If your couch isn't overly important to you then let him go for it. Make it a bit safer by designating a particular bit to jump from and clear away coffee tables etc, maybe stick a beanbag there for landing.

And at the end of the day, I'd rather they were couch jumpers than couch surfers or couch potatoes.

Ba doomp doomp CHANG!