Someone Help Please

I was on IVF and got the glourious news that it had worked and i was infact pregnant with twins. I was so thrilled. That was until my IVF specialist told me a week later that the HCG levels werent very high. Another week later and i was told that i will be miscarrying them. Not to worry, "just a bit of tissue". I sit here now just 2 days off 10 weeks to say that i spent New Years Eve and New Years Day miscarrying, not 'a bit of tissue' but my baby or babies.

Now thats where i need help. How on earth am i meant to know if it was one of them or both of them. The IVF specialist is 'on holidays' and i really do NEVER want to see the heartless, cold ****** again. Sorry, cant think of how to convey what i think of him nicely.

So now i m stuck. I dont know where to go, I dont know what to do. I have been in incredible pain over the last 48hours with only Neurofen plus to assist.

Each time i loose more, i look at it, staring blankly, is it still the first baby or is this now the second. Maybe still holding onto some slight possiblility that it is only the first and that the second baby is fine and the doctor is wrong. I think everyone probably holds onto that thought that maybe the doctor is wrong.

So what do i do. My thought is that i need a scan to determine if it was one or both. to see if it was both was it complete or do i need a D & C. But who do i go and see. I dont have a local GP. I was seeing an IVF Specialist, one that i do not want to see again. How do i find someone that knows what they are doing and that treats my babies as babies and not medical waste.:doctor:

Hi JustMe, I am so sorry to hear of your loss :hug: . Have you managed to find the help you need since your above post? I would have suggested finding a local GP or going to hospital to get checked out.

I hope you have lots of love and support around you right now. Again, I am so sorry :hug:

Dear JustMe i am sitting here with tears in my eyes as i read your awful post, i to have experienced a miscarriage, by now i am sure you have found help and i hope you have a supportive network of friends who can help you through this emotional time. I am a nurse and have seen how cruel some doctors can be, i hope you find some-one who is more compassionate.

Oh my darling :hug:

I'm sorry, I am not sure what to do right now, but my heart is aching for you.

Please hang in there and come back to check every so often, there will be more replies soon - there are some wonderful members here that will help you.

So sorry for your loss xoxoxoxo

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about what you have been through. Many many hugs to you. I can't believe that specialist could be so heartless, especially working in that field. I wouldn't want to see him again either, you poor soul. I really hope for your sake he was wrong. Have you had any luck, finding someone to see. I know of a lovely female doc, on the southside, I have been seeing her for 15 years, but I'm not sure if she is taking new patients, but if your interested I could find out. I hope you are o.k. Hugs xx

Sorry to hear of your loss, sending you a big hug . let us know how you are getting on , we are here for you.

Hun, go to your local hospital, tell them what is happening and they will check you out to see exactly what is going on. There have been a few members on here who have lost one twin and go on to birth a healthy fullterm baby - so it isn't impossible so you hold on to that hope until you know for sure. You really need to know what is going on and if you will possibly need a D&C - its not just something you can just let happen and not follow up on if you feel that something isn't right.

Most of all I wish you weren't treated like you were - to say he was cruel is an understatement.

hi hunny,

sorry to here your in so much pain, hugs and kisses sent out to you, please go to the hospital i think that is the place to go right there is people there that can help you. hope you have a lot of love and surport around you. please keep us posted know we are all here if need. hugs again keep safe.

Hi Justme

Oh honey sending big :hug: to you what you are going through sounds awful i really hope you have support and some help i would have gone stright to A&E but i think its different over hear in england how insensitive of that man to say its only tissue he is just so wrong from the min you find out you are pregnant they are your babies and no one can take that away from you they still grew inside you for 10 weeks and you still had that special bond no matter how long it was for dont listen to anyone who says comments like that god it makes me so angry i only no to well to have hurtful comments said to me and you are so right everyone holds on to the hope that the docs are wrong i understand you there i used to pray and pray that the docs were wrong about my little girl having the problems she had i think its totally normal to hold on to every little bit of hope thats left because we want it so bad i really hope you get through this sad time always ehar to talk.

Take care honey

Munchy xxx

Thank You for your kindness and advice. I logged into the chat room after leaving that post and spoke with a few people in there. They also advised me to go to the A & E which i did the following day at Brisbane Womens Hospital.

I have to say they were wonderful in there. They put me through straight away, took bloods gave me some pain killers then proceeded to do tests.:doctor:

The results were not good but they were results. The Uterus had emptied. They were both gone. The doctor then did an internal to confirm there was nothing further she could see gave me a perscription for stronger pain killers and I left.

That first few hours were hard. I walked up the the pharmacy in the hospital, it was very crowded so i automatically put my arm in front of my tummy to protect them incase someone bumped into me. Completely automatic. Then i stopped and thought; they're gone. They aren't there anymore. A bit later i was having some more pain and automatically looked down and said "hey settle down in there you two" then again stopped and thought; they're gone. They aren't there anymore.

The whole day was like that and the tears flowed all day. I woke up this morning still very sore, still missing them but with this half thought in my head that i can go on.

So thank you to everyone for your kind thoughts and advice, my little babies, Cameron and Krystal are now the most precious little angels flying above. I m going to do a scrapbook (something i ve never done before) for each of them. I m going to do a cremation and then ceromony. Society may not treat them as anything more than tissue but their mummy, daddy and big brothers do. They will be loved and missed.

An interesting or amusizing fact. One was born at 10.40pm New Years Eve and the other 12.30 New Years Day. One baby born in 07, the other 08.:angel2::angel2:

same thoughts as sherie head to local A&E they should check you out give you scan etc, dont let them do any internal exams till after scan though

Hi Just Me,
I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I have also had a miscarriage over New Year and I know how hard it can be to have these feelings, while the rest of the world is celebrating. I'm glad that you have finally received the kind treatment that you need right now. I am in the UK and the doctors and nurses here were just lovely to me, it really helped to know that they were there to help me when I needed them.
Although life feels empty now, I am coping by firmly believing that I will have a baby to hold in my arms one day.
Take care of yourself, sending you a big hug,
C. xx

Hi Justme

I'm so sorry hun that you have to go through this :(

You are exactly right in saying that your little babies ARE special, and will always be a special part of your lives..

Big :hugs:
Thinking of you

Justme,
I am so sorry for your loss, its an aweful experience. Big hugs and kisses and love and support and everything your way.

Nae x

JustMe, so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Sorry for your loss I too and DH hoped that the doctor was wrong until I got the most painful period ever

Hi Justme

Just wanted to say i am glad that you went to hospital and got the help you needed i am sorry to hear that you lost both your angels it is a very hard thing to go through and it think the cremation idea is a very good idea things like that help us move forward. i no how you feel when you have to remind yourself you are no longer pregnant i got to 23 weeks so to not have my bump anymore was hard to deal with i would wake up every morning happy untill i remembered that i was no longer pregnant it is an emotional rolocoaster and it takes time to grieve hope you pain eases soon take care of yourself.

Munchy xxx

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Hugs
Shazz.

Justme...I'm so sorry for the loss of your two little ones :hug:

Thank You everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Just to update you. Today we took our angels to the crematorium. We have picked out the most beautiful urn for them to go in. The urn has to come over from the states, its white handcrafted marble. The way I figured it I had money aside for prams, cots etc. Which unfortunately I will not need. These two, Krystal and Cameron, will fly before they ever walk. It was hard to leave them there, the logical side of me had to take over because the emotional side of me would have just stayed there. The people I dealt with were fantastic. They treated them with the respect they deserved. Thank You again to everyone.

i am sitting here crying for you , you are so strong, sending you a big hug

Again, so sorry for your loss. so sorry you had to go through it. It's an old cliche, but very true that we shouldn't have to outlive our children.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

New ID...... When I first logged on to Belly Belly I was in a state of complete confusion and a feeling of not really being worth anything, i m sure there are plenty of you who understand. Anyway the ID JustMe was appropriate. As the days have gone on, and there have only been 9 I m trying to learn to live with the loss of my 2 angel babies. During this time I have worked on a Web site dedicated to my 2 angels. Am working on Dedication Albums for each of them as well as an artwork. Part of it all is learning to continue to live so with respect to my Angel Babies I have changed my ID as part of that process.

Thank you for sharing that poem.

lovley poem

brought tear to my eyes, if only noone had to walk in these shoes :hugs:

Loved the poem - there are alot of us who wear these shoes. There is only one good thing about many of us wearing them and that is we have each other to lean on. I just have one wish and that is that all of us get to have that bundle of joy we all so desperately want. :bluedust: to all.

can I ask where you got the poem I shared it with a friend of mine whose son passed away 48hrs after birth anyway she is in US she asked if she could share it with her local loss group ??? so wanted the credits for poem etc

Rach75...... I have no idea on the author. I have spent countless hours, unfortunatley, surfing the net reading poems and looking at pictures and have a heck of a collection of them now. They help sometimes to just read some of them. I ve posted a few of them on my web site but that one I found after that and havnt updated the site yet.

It is an amaizing poem though, full credit to whomever wrote it. :clap:

I know the feeling :) I shall tell my friend to just feel free to use it :)

It is one of the nicest IYKWIM!!! poems I have read...

Rach75.... I have put quite a few on a web site I did, I know that some web site block it so you cant copy and paste but if you want anything of the site I did or if she does.... go for it. Hope it helps

Hi Angel Babies,
I have just had a look at your website. (I hope that you dont mind)
It is so beautiful, I couldnt see it very well for the tears!
Hope you are doing OK,

C.

I certainly have no problem with you having a look the web site. I did the web site for 2 main reasons. Firstly as a tribute to my little angels. Secondly, as I was going through it all I spent countless hours on the internet reading and searching sites. It helped greatly. It allowed me to understand that what I was feeling was Very normal.

I will continue the site as long as I can in the hope that it will help othes.


Thank You very much for your lovely comments

I know I'm way late on the uptake, but I had a horrible obstetrician as well. There's nothing that can take their harsh words out of your head, which to me has been the worst part of losing our baby. There are doctors out there that do have a heart (I hope), you just need to find one. I hope you are coping and get the answers that you need.

If there is one thing that I wish would come out of what I have gone through, and what others have gone through would be for Doctors to pull their heads in on how they talk to their patients. If I had the funds I would do a national campaign. My whole experience would have been so different if my FS had Done things differently. Ironically the emergancy staff at the hospital were fantastic.... it was the FS.... so maybe the campaign should be aimed at them.

How true that is! And yet, docs are not really taught people skills in med school. Or they might have a lecture or two on the subject.

When I was in nursing school, one of my instructors said that our biggest insurance against getting sued was to have a relationship with your patients--take an interest in them as people. She didn't mean to imply to be insincere, but if the health care provider and patient get to know each other and respect each other as people, it makes for a more satisfying experience all around.

They also taught us to treat each patient as we would want our mom and dad to be treated.

I dont want to sound gross but you said you passed something, not tissue. what did it look like? It is possible to only lose 1 twin , actually pretty common due to the fact that it is harder on a woman to carry mulitples. The body is amazing to sacrifice one to save another. The only way to know is an ultra sound or wait a little bit and take another preg test.

Yes it is possible to just pass one, what is also possible is for the body to absorb one. This however is not what happened. I ended up at the A & E with scans to confrim that they had both passed.

I am sorry for your loss. I had a look at your site and the poems are just beautiful. May your angels look over you for ever.

I am very sorry =0( I didnt realize you had found out already. Some people do not know how that feels but I can say that I do and the extreme pain associated with it. They are little angels, God took them back home with him for a reason.