Are you telling people the gender?

Hi all,

So we've found out the gender of our baby. Now the big question is - do we tell people?

I've already lied to a friend and said that we didn't know :redface: (and felt really awful later! She asked me if I knew and it just popped out - I think I was worried her next question would be "what is it?"). I'm sure she will laugh when I tell her eventually, but it made me realise that I don't want to make a habit out of it!

Yesterday in a shop (baby-related shopping) the lady asked me if I knew what I was having, and I said yes, but I wasn't sure if we were going to tell people. About 2 mins later she asked what I was having! I told her, but I felt like she really shouldn't have asked! (Although a shop assistant who I will never see again knowing the gender of my baby isn't a huge deal in the scheme of things). But it made me realise that some people will directly ask what I'm having.

Then last night I ran into some old friends and they asked if I knew, and I said yes but that we were still deciding whether to tell people. And they were TOTALLY fine and were like "oh of course" and didn't expect me to tell them.

So I guess I've had 3 very different experiences, and it's only been a week! We still don't know whether to tell people, as we're worried they won't be as excited when it eventually comes if they already know what it is! But I have some family members who are itching to start shopping (although I really prefer gender-neutral clothes anyway) and I have some with the same gender kids as we're having who will save clothes etc if they know they can pass them on to us.

So my questions are:
- What are the pros and cons of telling people?
- What did you decide to do and why?
- How do you handle questions you don't want to answer without embarrassing the asker (I think some people ask what you're having out of genuine excitement, rather than to be rude).

Thanks for reading!

:lol: yep this is a hard one ...well not for me i just blurt :lol: and tell everyone anyway lol..
but i do find it a bit rude when total strangers ask me though ,like whats it to ya ...
anyway sweets i have no advice just wanted to say good luk .

I'm in the same position. With DS we found out and were happy to tell friends/family that we knew but not to say what we were having, however by the end everyone had picked up on a comment or something along the way and it was common knowledge that we were having boy.

This time round we again wanted to know but have decided to keep it to ourselves, so we have told a little white lie and said that we don't know:redface:. I know with friend who have found out, but haven't told it has always been fairly easy to guess based on comments they have made so I think a little white lie doesn't hurt.

As far as pros and cons, I always get a little bit more excited waiting for baby news from family/friends when I don't know what they are having, but that is just me. And getting present in neutral colours can be a good thing if you plan to have more babies!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

well as we already have 4 boys it is only natural that people were going to ask us and to be honest I am so pleased that I dont mind screaming it fromt he roof tops.

However number 4 was a different story. I think people almost went into mourning for us and the looks of sympathy and sadness were pretty hard to deal with.
I had a few days of it myself coming to terms with another boy but soon realised that he was healthy and that was all that mattered at the end of the day and besides we couldnt change it!
But looks comments and expressions made it alot harder so I stopped telling people in the end. I had complete strangers telling me oh its ok you can try again and I hated it.
Its up to you, If you want it to be a secret so be it. They can like it or lump it!

I am a bit of a tell all person when it comes to bubs gender. Like Allboys I found telling ppl with #3 a little dishearting when I got negative or sympathetic responses. If I have another bub (a big if) I won't be telling anyone.

From a spectators perspective I like it when my friends keep the gender a surprise, it is more exciting! Although I do get jealous (just a little) when someone has a boy lol.

Goodluck...Just stick to your guns and politely tell ppl that you want everyone to have a surprise.... So your not telling nanana..na..na:):)

We know and haven't told.

I like the idea of keeping it a total surprise and most in my family/friends don't ask.

When nosey parkers ask what we are having I just reply 'A baby' (lol).

We also don't discuss specific names we've chosen, like to keep it all a big surprise.

Spring x

With DS I decided that I wanted to know - but i wanted to keep it a secret. I ended up telling everyone on BB (:rolleyes:) and my ob...and then my sister (cos she is the only family that is nearby and she saw all the blue stuff!). So, in the end we told everyone.

With my current pg, DH and I decided to tell people that we are expecting a boy. BUT...I wish we hadn't. People can't keep their opinions to themselves, and seem genuinely disappointed for us that we aren't having a girl!

I'm glad I know, but I think I could have easily kept quiet/secret on the gender.

I think you have the right attitude to the whole thing - I don't think people mean to be rude, they are just interested and excited for you.

wow Lenny - i didnt know you were having a boy! congrats hun! (must have missed that one!)

if family wanted to know with DD, we told them, if they didnt we didnt. we were just over the moon that we were pregnant!

We found out and told everyone each time, I knew I'd slip up at some stage otherwise LOL! Everyone we knew was happy to know the gender early except our next-door neighbour, but his wife always asked me on the sly ha ha! We tried to keep it secret from him each time, but with DD one of our other neighbours told him, not realising he didn't want to know!

It is TOTALLY up to you. Don't feel guilty for saying "Yes we know, but we're not sharing with anyone". Most people will just leave it there and if they don't, just say too bad :nahnah: in a teasing tone, then they shouldn't take offense. We didn't share our babies names, that was one thing we kept secret. FIL would try and trick me into telling him all the time, but I never fell for it :lol:.

nup it's a secret for us! We're so sick to death of all the gender stereotyping you get from just about EVERYONE as soon as they know you're having a baby. "oh you MUST have pink for a girl!" i HATED pink growing up, yet just about everything i was ever given, from my drink tumbler, to the side-pods on my go-kart were pink! It was forced down my throat! And when i buy some baby toys like trucks (i'm a truckie for a living) i get "but you dont know what you're having yet, what if it's a girl" well with a mum that drives trucks why wouldnt my child, boy or girl, get to play with trucks and come in the truck like i did with my dad? I used to always steal my brothers hot wheels and tonka toys when i was little! So there you have it, it's all a big secret, which is annoying that it has to be that way but even the people who say they understand your aversion to the pink + frilly or the blue + tough, they just cant help themselves when it comes down to it, so it's better this way, no offending anyone if we hated their pressies, and no pressies that we hate!

I found a lot of people would ask if we were telling people when they are asked if we knew what we were having. People really shouldn't be offended if you don't want to tell them the gender. It is completely up to you.
I did however think that helping other people with their gift buying was one of the benefits of knowing. :D

Thanks everyone for your replies! So glad we're not the only ones struggling with this!

It's such a fine line between not revealing what you don't want to reveal and not offending people!

With DD we didn't find out even though everyone thought we did.
With DS when we said we didn't know...they didn't think otherwise - even though we did.
We didn't tell anyone we knew, except my Godfather, the day before he died.
Sadly when you're pregnant every one thinks they have a right to an opinion of everything about it.

yes we also found out and told everyone but have decided to keep our names private. I just tell people we still haven't got a short list and probably won't til we're in hospy. But really we have 4 names and only DH and i know them.

everyone we've told has been super excited and they get a huge smile on their face.

We did ask people if they really wanted to know before we told them. and everyone said ''yes, yes yes''. lol.

One of my friends found out with her second child, they already had a boy and only wanted 2 kids. but they just kept it to themselves. she told me later she found out the sex. (it was a girl)

Another friend of a friend found out and told everyone the name. my friend said she felt it sort of took some of the excitement out of it all when the bub was born. But i know others who've done the same and say they felt really bonded to their bub.

horses for courses i suppose!

This is something I am struggling with right now. I'm not sure if I want to find out the sex of the baby, but DH definitely does.

The thing is, I know that when they ask me if I want to know the sex, I'm not going to be able to say no.

Because this was an IVF pregnancy, it wasn't exactly a surprise so I think that we are going to keep the gender to ourselves and just tell people that we didn't find out. I have no issues with telling a white lie about that.

The good thing is, my family is all back home in Scotland so I won't have any awkward conversations with anyone about that and won't have to lie to anyone's faces. My mum keeps asking if I'm going to "find out what it is" and I keep telling her I know what it is - A BABY!! :D

Sue x

I have found out both pregnancies and have told people both times. Everyones annoyed with me this time cz Ive kept my name choices secret this time when I told them with DS as soon as I had made my mind up

Yes, we find out every time but only tell people if they ask. Some people don't want to know so we double check...and because these things aren't 100% we try to avoid talking in gender specific terms all the time.

I always find it a bit annoying when people say "we know the sex but we aren't telling" - for me, it always seems to come across as a bit "I've a got a secret and I'm not telling you", I would much rather be told a white lie and have them say they don't know.

The one thing that is non-negotiable for us is talking about names. We don't announce the names after the baby is born because then everyone says "oh that's nice" no matter what. Beforehand, people always seem to think they can say "oh I don't like that" so we don't even discuss shortlisted names, because we like to get a look at the baby and be sure of the name before we make it public.

If you do decided to tell, don't worry about your friend, you can just explain that you hadn't decided yet if you were going to tell people...that's easily explained and very understandable.

We decided to find out but not tell anyone. Not for any reason but that it's a bit of fun. :) I love people asking "do you know what it is?" nodding in the affirmative, and then not saying anything. The "it's not fair" and "you can't do that" comments are priceless! :)

Now to see if we can actually keep it to ourselves :)