Help! Is there anything I can do to help him sleep?

DS isn't a very good night sleeper, which I've accepted... but I feel like it's getting worse, and I want to know if there's anything I can do to help him sleep.

I haven't ever tried anything, so any and all suggestions (except CC and CIO) are welcome.

Most nights DS goes to sleep without any problems. He has tea, DH gives him a bath, then I feed him to sleep and put him in his cot in his own room. We always aim to have him down by 7.30pm, but most nights it's more like 8-8.30pm. Quite often (though not every night), he will wake 30 mins - 1 hour later, and if this happens I either rock him back to sleep or feed him back to sleep. It doesn't take long at all, and then he usually sleeps for a couple of hours.

DS usually wakes up next right around the time I go to bed. Most nights he just feeds and goes back down without any trouble. This is usually around 11.30pm.

It's from the next wake up that we start running into problems. DS will wake up 2-3 hours later. I feed him, basically until he either comes off himself or is basically not sucking anymore. Sometimes he'll go back down no problems, but often after he's fallen asleep on me, I can't put him straight down in his cot - I'll have to pick him up and rock him. He seems asleep on me, but when I put him down he'll wake up again. This generally happens a couple of times, but he does go back down.

DS usually wakes up again every 1-2 hours for the rest of the night with the same thing happening. Then, around 4am he'll wake up - and he will just not go back down! He'll sleep on me, but I can't put him down. I've tried bringing him into bed with me then, but that's quite hit and miss as to whether it will work. I also often try lying with him on top of me on the couch, but that too is hit and miss. He's fine if I hold him, but it doesn't allow me to sleep.

When this happens (which is basically every night these days) - it either results in him becoming wide awake, and us starting our day at some ridiculous hour with DS being very tired and very grumpy, or eventually he does actually let me put him down (after 2+ hours of being up), and then he'll sleep for about 2 hours before waking up for the day.

Also:
-I do feed DS every time he wakes, unless it's been only half an hour or something since he woke last.
-We have a night light in his room now, which hasn't made things any better, or worse.
-DS usually has 2 day sleeps (one 40 min, one 1.5 hour sleep a day), and he goes down for these sleeps with no trouble at all.

I just need to know I've tried out some things to help DS sleep better. If nothing helps that's okay, I just need to know that I've tried. I get so tired - this morning I drove DH to work, and I so should not have been driving - I felt tipsy I was so tired.

I'm open to any suggestions / reading material / advice, etc. I just want more sleep!!!

:hug:

I have no advice - you know my issues here!!! But I just wanted to give you a :hug: and tell you that hopefully its a phase that he will soon grow out of.

sorry hun I have no ideas for you either...I use my own version of CC...it's a bummer he won't co-sleep with you, as if all else fails then I just chuck DD in bed with me and she will settle down relatively quickly. I know how frustrating it is when she wakes an hour or so after being put to bed for the night, so you definitely have my sympathies!

Hope someone has some ideas for you.

:bump:

hun ive just started reading 'no cry sleep solution' by elizabeth pantley and it fantasic for feeding to sleep issues! you need to stop the 'feeding to sleep' association. i borrowed mine from the library in a hope that it will help me (slightly different issues)

:bump:

Another crap night here :(. Am really struggling. Was in tears this morning. He was up at 4.30am - clearly still tired but would not go back to sleep no matter how much I tried.

I have put No Cry Sleep Solutions on hold at the library, hopefully I'll get it soon.

I have also started doing baby massage after DS's bath in the hopes of that doing something.

Any suggestions, anyone???

hi sterla, have you tried sleeping with him in your bed with you for the whole night? i mean, from start to finish, not in the cot at all?

Sterla, you may have tried some of these things already but I just thought I'd ramble off the suggestions I've got in my head. Disregard them if you've already been there, done that!

Do you wrap him? Would that keep him more snug and secure IYKWIM?

What is he sleeping in? Cot, bassinet, cradle etc? Would he be feeling overwhelmed and nervous in a big cot and maybe thats waking him? When DS was born, my sister gave me a cuddlecot mattress, its a wool mattress to fit a bassinet but its actually mildly contoured, so DS gets a little snug spot in the middle with some shape around him, and feels a bit more secure I think.

Is there something in his room that could be distracting him? Maybe try and see things from his physical point of view and try and figure out if something might be worrying him.

I hope you get some more restful nights hun, good luck.

:hug: I've only just seen this. PM me your address. I will send you my book called Baby Bliss by Jo Ryan. Worked really well. We also have a sound machine in dd's room and I always put it on the heartbeat sound. It is very rhythmic and i even fall asleep to it.

To help stop the feed to sleep association with dd I started to offer water instead of boobie.

Does DS have a dummy?? This also helps DD get to sleep.

I will keep thinking...

In the mean time lots of big :hug: for you and sleepy vibes for DS

Can you go into his room when he is asleep and say " Honey, its just Mummy, I'm checking to see if you're ok. Sleep well Darling, I'll see you in the morning" to let him know that you are keeping an eye on him and he doesn't need to wake up to check on you?

I don't know if it works, but I'm trying it with my DD after my MCHN suggested it (she's fabbo BTW - a real do whatever works for you nurse).

DD is a little like your LO but we've turned a spare room into a safe playroom & put a mattress on the floor so when she wakes at the ungodly hour of 4.30am, we all go in there, we doze, she plays and when she is ready for sleep, she starts whinging and I grab her and pull her into bed. It works for us.

Hope you get some sleep!

Thanks for your replies.

Have had such a crappy day from feeling so tired, and then feeling guilty cause I'm not playing with DS like I usually would :(. Then, to make matters worse he refused to have his afternoon sleep :wall:.

Ginger: I haven't tried the entire night with him in our bed, mainly because this would mean me having to go to bed at 7.30pm! Last night I brought him in when he woke the first time (about 10.30pm). I actually think he slept slightly better - he woke and went back to sleep no problems the first time he woke, but then he woke at 4.30am and wouldn't go back to sleep then. I can't tell if him sleeping in our bed really does anything to help.

Lollybaby: We haven' wrapped DS since he was 2 months - he used to wriggle out of it, and he slept fine when we stopped (all those months ago). DS sleeps in a cot in his own room. He slept in a bassinet until he was 4.5 months, and moved into his cot (which was then in our room) without any problems. We then moved him into his own room at 6.5 months. He sleeps fine in his cot through the day, so I don't know if the sleeping environment is the problem - though of course I'll never really know.
It's possible something in his room is distracting him. He has some soft toys in his cot... We've started using a night light recently, cause I thought maybe the pitch black was scaring him, but the night light hasn't made things any better, or any worse.

Ali: I've PM's you - thanks hun :hug:. Sound machine / music might be worth a go actually. I've never tried anything like that. I tried DS with a dummy ages ago, and it worked for about a week until he decided it was a toy. Now I give him a dummy, he pulls it straight out to look at it, then chews on it or shakes it like a rattle.

Winter: I'll try that too, going in and talking to him - I'll try almost anything the way I'm feeling today.
Haha - if all else fails your set up may be what we end up doing - cause when he wakes up that early there's really nothing we can do with him to get him to sleep.

Thanks for all your replies - keep 'em coming, I'm desperate!

Oh Sterla I HEAR YOU!!! You have pretty much described DD's sleeping pattern exactly except that from 3am she will sleep, but only in bed with me and only if I keep feeding her back to sleep every hour or so. I looove co-sleeping in many respects (just as I'm sure in most ways you love those night time cuddles), but like you, I can't sleep properly and I'm becoming increasingly sleep deprived.

I've noticed that DD can go for 3-4 hours without a feed during the day (even though I do tend to offer more than this) but at night, every time she wakes she expects to be fed, even if I've only fed her half an hour before. I think I've created quite a strong association here because it has been the easiest way to get her down again and with no energy for anything more than that at 3am, I've chosen the 'easy' path every time. Unfortunately, I think ultimately this has actually led to her feeling like she needs the comfort of feeding to get back to sleep. The other night I tried to just cuddle her instead of feeding for the 5th time and she got really stroppy and just kinda felt around my chest until she found a nipple and grabbed it really hard in frustration. OOOowwwwwCccHHHhh!!!

I'm not sure if this will work, as haven't started yet but thought I'd share our plan... Once DH is on hols and can help me out, we're going to take turns getting up to her at night (he takes one whole night, I'll take the next night....) and just try rocking/cuddling/patting her back to sleep. She used to go 8pm to 5am without a feed from 3months until abt 6 months so I figure she can last this long again. If it takes longer than, say, 30 mins to settle her, I'll believe that she really is hungry and I'll give her a feed, but then not again for at least 4 hours. I'm hoping with DH helping she'll get the message - it's about cuddles, not boobs!!

I'm hoping this will help but wonder whether she'll still wake just for the comfort. I'm getting to the point though where I'm having dreams that someone tells me that tomorrow night I will have 8 hours uninterrupted sleep and in the dream I feel like I've won the lottery!!!

All the best hun, hoping you get some great zzzzzzzz's very soon.

:hug: hon. I know how frustrating bad nights can be but i dont know how you cope with it night after night. Im cranky after just 1 night so you must super mum!

I was going to suggest the sound machine idea too. DS has one in his room and i find it really drowns out the noise in the house. We have a tiny house and ds goes to bed at around 6 so its not feasible for us to sit around quietly all night. Plus we have a dog who barks and when i have been in L room with the sound machine on you can barely hear it. Maybe its noises that are waking him up or the quiet of the night. If he falls asleep to your heartbeat and wakes to silence that might make him feel insecure. If you prefer the idea of a cd we have sounds of silence from target that worked quite well in the early days. I like the sound machine better though as it goes constantly. In fact i am looking for one to buy as if ours breaks we will be in big trouble lol. Plus you can take it away with you too.

Another idea is maybe if you buy a special bed time bear or something and sleep with it yourself for a week so that it smells like you. You can then have a bit of a routine at bed time where you go tuck teddy into bed, give teddy a goodnight kiss etc and if he wakes at night the smell on the bear may make him feel more secure. This worked well for a friend who was having sleep issues with he dd.

Hi Sterla. Your DS sounds a lot like my DS. Our feeding situation was a little different though. I made the tough decision to change DS to formula when he was about 5 months. We did it 1 feed at a time. I tried to keep feeding him morning & night for as long as possible. By the time he was 8 months, he was waking often, 4 or 5 times a night, sleeping no more than 4 hours at a time but usually only 2 to 3 & I was often up for over an hour trying to rock him and comfort him back to sleep. One night I just felt so drained and he was sucking so hard it hurt, I decided to top him up with formula. He downed 150ml in no time. It clicked that he really was hungry & not just pretending. That was the end of bfing for me:cry: After that he started sleeping a lot better. He still woke regularly at first for the comfort, but now he sleeps through until about 5 about 50% of the time. & if he wakes, I'm usually only up for 10 or 20 mins.

Do you think he could be hungry? I'm not saying to give him formula if you're against that, but maybe a bigger dinner or could you try expressing to increase your supply & provide him with the extra night feed. My DS will eat quite a decent sized dinner now & will then down up to 300ml of formula.

FWIW, we still feed him to help him sleep. He doesn't go to sleep on the bottle, but it doesn't take long once he's done. We do that for his naps & his night sleep & if he wakes during the night but only after midnight.

Thanks again for all your suggestions. Keep 'em coming!

So, the crappy nights continue, although we have had one small victory. Since I have added a massage and story to the bedtime routine, DS seems to have stopped waking up half an hour / hour after he goes down. So, we are getting between 2-3 hours sleep most night before he wakes up.

We have also got some nice peaceful sleepy noises/music set up in his room - tonight is the first night we're trying that out.

I also have a couple of books to work my way through.

We'll keep plugging away. :crossfingers: Hopefully something will work/help.

Thank you again for your suggestions and support :grouphug:.

a small victory is still a victory!!

i hope the new peaceful music/sounds adds another couple of hours to the sleep :crossfingers:

Hey Sterla, I just wanted to give you hope. I've been using methods out of Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solutions and DD is only waking once per night now - instead of 3 or more.

Basically, its a dinner, bath, bed routine. I've used the Pantley Pull Off (feed for 10 seconds or so until calm / sleepy then detach bubs, repeat when fussing / whinging / rooting, feed for 10 seconds or so then pull off) to minimize the feeding to sleep association, got a radio for her room and tuned it to white noise so that she doesn't hear all the bumps of the night, then I say 'sssshhhh, key bedtime phrase' over & over and then pop in cot (in sleeping bag to minimise the standing up in cot issue) and sit next to cot patting and shhhhshing until asleep. Also have cleared out any toys except for a teddy bear for her to cuddle.

She's only waking once at night and repeat the above! Then wakes at around 5am where we pull her into matress on floor of playroom where she feeds in bed then plays.

We got 11 hours out of her last night 6pm to 5am with 1 wake-up and we all feel human again!

So get the book out and start reading! There is hope and you can have success without CC or CIO! :cheer:

Thanks Winter - that really gives me hope!

I am in the process of reading No Cry Sleep Solutions (very slowly). I have done a few sleep logs, want to do a couple more before I read on.

Having said all this, DS actually slept 7 hours straight last night - the first time he's done that in over 6 months!!! Wouldn't it be lovely if he just started doing that from now on... I highly doubt it though! :rolleyes:.