my wonderful labour and then trauma after birth * Very Long!*
Dusty’s Birth Story in two parts 1) My wonderful labour 2) The drama after birth
DH and I had been TTC for 5 years when we were finally successful on our third full donor cycle with my sister as our egg donor. Pregnancy was scary in the early days as we had a m/c at 10 weeks the previous ED cycle but this cycle everything went to plan and at each visit our embie (named Phoenix by DH at our day 2 transfer when it was just 4 cells) grew as it should and by 12 weeks we definitely had a baby on board! I gradually weaned off my high progesterone support and by 13 weeks I was at it alone and all was going well.
I’d always wanted to have and experience a drug free natural birth so we booked into Canberra’s only birth centre and were lucky to get the last place for July – phew. We also consulted an OBGYN until we were 20 weeks and then opted to stick with the birth centre as I was having a trouble free pg which continued that way until the birth.
We both come from families that have long gestations. My mother’s, sisters’ and mother-in-law’s births were post dates at least by 1 week. DH was born at 42 weeks. So when 41 weeks came around I wasn’t too concerned but the murmurs of ‘induction’ were starting to be sounded around us. I wanted to avoid an induction by syntocin at all costs as I’d heard some terrible stories about the intensity of labour and difficulty of not having drugs to ease it. The BC doesn’t allow births past 42 days and you are transferred to the delivery suite of the hospital along with your BC midwife. So by 41w6d (Tuesday) after trying most natural induction methods I tried castor oil which had worked for my sister. Sure enough 4 hours later I started mild contractions and they grew in intensity but I managed to sleep between them as they were anywhere from 5-20 minutes apart. 8 hours later they stopped. That Wednesday morning we headed to the BC to do 20 minutes continual monitoring as this was standard practice, I also had another S&S and my cervix was softening but not yet dilated. The next day, Thursday, we had an appointment with the hospital’s head OB to discuss options as per their post 42 week guidelines. He was open to us waiting to see if things would happen naturally and did a scan to check that there was enough amniotic fluid and found that everything was ok.
My sister had left her family in Qld and had been waiting in Canberra with me for over a week and was due to fly home on the Sunday morning. I’d had contractions on/off but nothing was going anywhere so we decided to try the gel the next day to see if that would get things moving. I was pretty hesitant to do this as I knew that once we accepted hospital intervention it was likely we were going to be ‘encouraged’ to continue. On the Friday we took all our bags in the car in case things happened, and I was given the gel after a lengthy discussion with the registrars on duty as they couldn’t understand why I wanted to leave the hospital once having the gel. Hospital policy has recently changed and you are allowed to leave as long as you return in 6 hours to check progress (although I would prefer to have waited overnight). We visited my mum staying nearby and after a couple of hours I started feeling something was happening. Later that afternoon when we got back to the hospital I had dilated enough to have my waters broken which we decided to do, somewhat reluctantly on my behalf, but I got them to agree to allow us to wait until the next morning before we decided whether or not we would need the syntocin drip. This was breaking their standard 2 hours wait but they agreed as they weren’t that busy that night and preferred to induce in the morning anyway. Our doula came into the hospital that evening and set up our delivery suite room with mandalas, positive affirmations, electric candles, music, aromatherapy. I had mild contractions all evening but by early morning everything had stopped and I was getting tired of it not going anywhere for the last 4 days and having limited sleep. So we called my midwife in early that morning to get things going.
1) My wonderful labour
My MW started the drip on a low dosage (I had been 2 cm dilated the previous afternoon) at 7.30am. My doula and sister arrived and we talked about my fears of syntocin and that I wanted the birth space to be a positive and empowering one even though I was hooked up to a drip and continuous monitoring (CM). At 9.15am DH and I sat down to an episode of West Wing and everyone got on with reading, chatting etc. By 10am I was having regular contractions very close together and more intense than the previous days and was definitely in 1st stage of labour, breathing through them as I’d practiced at yoga for the previous 5 months. The space was quiet, dark and I closed my eyes trying to find a comfortable position on the ball, matt, and eventually lying on a large beanbag with a hole in it for my belly, on the bed. Ahhh relief.
By 12.30pm (apparently because I didn’t keep any time the whole day) by MW suggested a VE and I reluctantly agreed to get on the bed for it. I was 7.5-8cm dilated!!! Everyone was so excited and positive, my doula got me to open my eyes and showed me what 8cm looked like, but all I remember is I felt a huge wave of internal energy and said to myself inside “Right then lets get this show on the road!”. I was so buoyed, confident and felt fantastic – so proud of my body. I spent the next 1.5 hours in the little bathroom, stripped off my clothes, had a quick shower but it was all too much effort when all I wanted to do was breathe and focus and release. I found the toilet seat the best place during transition. I knew it was transition as the waves intensified and I had no choice but to moan through them. They were not so much painful as incredibly intense, except I had a band of pain across my lower back which was related but not the contractions themselves. The waves seized my body and my sister got inside my head in a most incredible way and she lead me through each contraction, ‘breathe in, breathe out, relax” she just knew what to say at the right moment and without her I may not have been able to just completely go with the flow, and release myself to it all to the degree I did. All this time DH was by my side, mopping my body with a wet flannel but I was oblivious to him as I just knew he was there and I focused on my sister and her guidance. Even when my doula moved in to relieve my sister, I would call for my sister and she would be there with me, in my head, focusing me like I didn’t know was possible.
Suddenly while breathing through a contraction I felt the need to push. I called out, “I need to push”, and my birth team said well if you need to then push. I wasn’t sure as I was still feeling the contractions as well. My MW knelt down in front of me and did a quick VE by feel and said its ok you are fully dilated. Moving into the second stage then was so definitive, the intensity of the waves had died away. I still kept my eyes closed and was in the dark place in my head that I had been in for 4 hours but the feeling changed so much. I didn’t have an overwhelming feeling to push hard and after a long time, maybe 1.5 hours I was getting tired of standing, walking kneeling, using the birthing stool and wondered whether this baby was ever going to come out because I couldn’t feel any movement down the birth canal. The CM annoyed the hell out of me the whole labour as it frequently couldn’t register my baby’s heartbeat and my MW kept asking me to move it down my belly or she would kneel in front of me and hold it in the correct position. It was just a pain in the proverbial. I knew my baby was fine, I didn’t for a moment have any concern for its health, I just knew. A registrar came in and was concerned that there may have been some slowing of bub’s HB, although I’m sure it was just the dodgy equipment, and he suggested a monitor be put on bubs head to monitor them. I was incensed and didn’t want any intervention. However, my birth team encouraged me to consider it so I could show them that bub was fine it would reduce any pressure from them to have further intervention to bring bubs on quicker. I reluctantly agreed (I was a grumpy bum getting up on that bed for the monitor and let the registrar know I wasn’t impressed). It was a quick procedure and I discovered that after avoiding the bed with an labour I was incredibly comfortable semi reclined so I elected to stay in that position to continue pushing. Something I had never imagined ;)
From here on things are a little blurry, I had my sister holding one hand, DH the other and each contraction I was being told to push, push harder and longer than I felt the need or wanted to. I found it incredibly annoying and I got really grumpy. I had been so quiet the whole birth, which surprised me. My doula had suggested I sigh as I breathed out but until transition and now I had just breathed. However, they ramped up the pushing instructions (which I had instructed not to happen!) and I thought I was going to pop my eyeballs from my head and I really let roar through each contraction trying to do what they wanted me to do – I let them know that I didn’t have the feeling to push like they wanted me to, and I think the syntocin level wasn’t high enough to extend the contractions out. I started to get concerned now that bub was never going to appear as it felt like I’d been pushing forever, (it was was almost 2 hours). My MW did an examination and found what she thought were membranes even though I’d had them burst the day before. I remember looking up between my legs as an explosion of water literally burst out of me and all over my MW, just missing her face. The look on her face made me laugh inside though, it was a classic. She thought there was meconium in the waters so called for a Paed to be present once the bub was born as a precaution. Being 42+ weeks we expected there to be meconium so we weren’t worried.
By now I suggested between pushing that I may need a vacuum to pull this bub out. Until this point I had not requested anything, drugs, support, advice etc. But I was feeling exhausted and a bit dispirited and starting to doubt bub would ever descend enough. My doula was a bit harsh when I mentioned the vacuum and told me ‘you’ll still have to push the bub out though’ and my DH spoke some sharp words to her saying that we needed encouragement not detraction from the experience and she was to support his wife positively. However bub then started crowning and the registrar was called in as my MW was worried as my body had now started to swell - feet, vagina, perineum etc. He checked my vagina and thought there was still plenty of room for further stretching (which I could feel too) so I was directed to keep pushing. A mirror what brought to show me the head crowning. I remember opening my eyes to see dark hair emerging and my vagina opening (and all the swelling which looked awful) and I quickly closed them again because I knew if I watched myself stretch I would be put off pushing and I wanted to get this baby out! I think they suggested I put my hand down and feel bub’s head which I reluctantly did as I was focused on getting her out soon as it had been over 2 hours by now. I had a couple more contractions and my MW was a bit worried as she mentioned to me in passing that she had the scissors and that while she didn’t normally use them I may need them. But I had a couple more pushes, OMG did I push until I thought surely something would burst when I felt a pop as bub’s head emerged and everyone quickly directed me to ‘puff puff puff’. I was quite confused by this instruction but did as they directed. I could feel my MW trying to turn bub and before I knew it I felt an incredible evacuation of my body as she was pulled out and placed unceremoniously on my chest.
2) The drama after birth!
I couldn’t believe that Phoenix was in fact a baby! The emotional rush as I touched bub’s head and writhing wet body was just amazing, the biggest high of my life. I swear my grin was the biggest of my life. DH was beside me as he had decided at the last minute not to catch bub but continue to hold my hand. Bub seemed the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen, and so BIG! I thought I was supposed to be having a little baby…or so I’d been told! Bub made some small meows and I studied it intently gentle stroking its head, beaming the whole time. After some time someone suggested we check the sex. It hadn’t occurred to either of us until then LOL. I lifted the closest leg and saw 2 balls so I announced to everyone that bubs was a boy and announced our chosen boys name. I turned to DH and said ‘A boy! How wonderful I told you we were having a boy”. After some time, someone, I think my doula suggested we ‘double check the sex’, I thought she was joking but I lifted the leg again and noticed it was infact an incredibly swollen labia! “OMG she’s a girl!’ and announced her name to the room LOL. It was just as exciting to have a girl as a boy!
Meanwhile there was a heap of activity going on between my legs as my MW had administered an injection to bring my placenta on and she and the registrar were looking increasingly concerned and started to palpate my belly (which hurt!) as apparently I was haemorrhaging. My MW tried to get DD nearer to my breast to encourage her to suckle but this never got to happen as my MW then rang the emergency alarm and people came running in from everywhere. I decided to ignore what was going on for me and focus on DD. I had someone put a canula in, someone else was trying to cut my clothes off my drip stand, and once my placenta came away (and I think the registrar was tugging it to come out!) he shoved padding up my vagina which I protested about saying ‘I just got her out of there, I don’t want anything else up there!’ I think I was told I was going to theatre as I was bleeding and they needed to fix me up. So DH was told to strip off his shirt and DD was placed on him as I was wheeled away and literally raced down to the theatre. I was so calm, I remember seeing DH and DD snuggling up together and knew she was going to be ok. I figured there was no point being anything else but calm and I was high on the hormones too.
I remember looking up as the hospital ceiling raced along and banging through doors along the way just like in the movies. As we got closer to theatre I suddenly realised DD hadn’t had a chance to have my colostrum and I didn’t know how long I was going to be away from her and was petrified they would insist on giving her formula which I definitely didn’t want. I started demanding they express some colostrum before I would go into surgery. I think they were very concerned that I was going to refuse surgery so they called my MW down and she hand expressed for me and sucked it up with a syringe, she kept at it while they were explaining the surgery to me and pushing me into the pre theatre room, trying to keep out of their way. I think they thought I was mad as apparently I was pretty ill at this stage.
I don’t remember much from here as my blood loss was significant and I had electrolyte, water intoxication and swelling issues.
I won’t write too much about my recovery. But it turned out I had a 4th degree tear. My birth canal was ripped on both the right and left, I had a Y tear of my perineum and I tore through my anal sphincters and into my bowel. Apparently I tore as DD’s head popped out but then instead of her right shoulder twisting and coming out first, she rotated herself and forced her left hand, elbow and left shoulder through at the same time, which my doula said looked like ‘punching a hand through a wet paper bag’!
I had a good surgeon sew me up and stop the bleeding (I lost about about 2.5lt of blood) and clear out my uterus. While under anaesthesia they had trouble stablising me as my sodium levels were almost zero and my body was swelling with water (hyper-hydration). My poor DH was interrogated as to what I could have taken to cause this (we still have no idea), but I had hardly taken even a panadol my whole pg! They completely freaked him out with their questions and concerns and he thought I was going to die in theatre or in ICU. My poor gorgeous went from the high of his life that day to the absolute low of his life. My sister completely lost it too as she had never seen anything like all the blood & they whisked me away so quickly from them all.
Eventually they were able to get me to recovery where they continued to try and stabilise me and talked about sending me to ICU, where I definitely wouldn’t be able to take DD with me. My lovely MW came down to continue to express colostrum in recovery and eventually persuaded the staff for her to bring DD in to feed. As long as the MW was with us they allowed this as they were there to solely care for me. It was wonderful to see DD attach and feed away. I asked my MW to see if she could get DH to ask a lactating friend of mine to donate some EBM for DD in case I couldn’t be with her for a while, which he did, but hospital policy in the end wouldn’t allow this. My MW also got them to agree to let my sister in to say goodbye as she was flying back to Qld in a few hours and wouldn’t be able to see me if I was going to ICU. Luckily I was the only one in recovery at that time of night and they allowed this. Finally however, they stabilised me and after 5 hours I was transferred back to the delivery suite with DD still handing on my breast.
The following 4 days in post natal was really horrific for me and DD and I am so traumatised by the experience and poor care/support that I didn’t receive which I will need to down load one day in that area of the forums.
My drug free labour was 6 hours 20 mins - 4 hours of stage 1 and 2 hours 20 mins stage 2 pushing!
DD was 4035g, 51cm, 37cm head, apgars 9/9. She continues to thrive and I feel so so blessed and happy to have had such a wonderful labour. I separate the trauma of post birth from my birth, which I’m very grateful for. I’ve debriefed with my MW and doula and feel I better understand what happened during the day. The cause of the extent of my injury is still a bit unclear and my swelling, electrolyte inbalance & water retention is a complete mystery. The support we have received from our families has been incredible. We are so lucky indeed to have brought home perfection!
