is not sending a 3.5year old to day care really that bad?

Just wondering, is not sending your child to day care really that bad? My 3.5year old attends 2 x days a week. I get many comments from other Mums saying they send their children for social interaction. This is a very interesting topic for me as I have a bit of a gut feeling not to send DD there anymore. I never did and neither did many people I know and we all just attended Year 1 and were fine. I'm a stay at home Mum.

This is a gentle parenting discussion. I'm not wanting to compare with other Mums as I realise that everyone's circumstances are different. I just wonder whether I'm alienated at times because I stay at home and sometimes don't really feel like day care benefits my DD IYKWIM...hope this makes sense :rolleyes:

Hi Meg,

I can see both sides. My DD is only 10months old, but DH who is a SAHD and I have discussed child care. I would love for her, when she is older, to go to day care so she can socialize with other children and learn things about the world that we can't 'teach' her IYKWIM. Although we have no actually need to put her in care, we feel that it will benefit her. We were thinking of sending her maybe 2 days a week. I think it will also give DH abit of freedom too.

I undertand the descion not to put kids in day care. Its not compulsory and its a choice and aslong as your and the kids are happy then don't worry about what others do. Your lifestyle only needs to suit you IYGWIM. :)

I think yes there are benefits to sending kids to childcare and yes there are benefits to not sending them so I think if you're not comfortable with it then don't send her, I definitely don't think you ar edoing anything wrong by not sending her!

Goodluck making your decision!

We had DD1 in preschool, she went one day a week, adn it lasted under 2 months.

I personally didnt like the affect it had on both girls. I had anxiety attacks every week in the lead up to preschool day. And I can say I never once enjoyed her being there. It just didnt feel right.
Shes the same age as your DD , mine will be 4 in september. I figure that really there is no harm in keeping her home this year. We will revisit the preschool thing next year in the lead up to kinder.
So in answer to your question, no I dont think it is all that bad not sending them to day care.

Everyone is different and need different things. Introverts need time alone to refuel their tank, extraverts need time with people to refuel their tank, one is no more right than the other - it's relative.

No, I don't think you need to send your kid to childcare in order for them to be "socialised", and it isn't something they have to spend huge chunks of time doing in order to be "socialised". Being socialised basically means that someone has learned how to get along with other people. No where do I see that as meaning only being able to get along with people in your same peer group, and generally speaking people from similar socio-economic groups tend to congregate in the same area, go to the same schools/child care etc. so going to these places doesn't always mean that a child will experience diversity. All that means is they have learned how to get along with that particular peer group, and that doesn't necessarily make them really socialised. People need to be able to get along with those younger, older, black, white, and everything in between. Every person a child interacts with will "socialise" them, including you, siblings, grandparents, cousins, the guy at the counter in the shop, kids at the park, the boy next door. It doesn't have to be large groups of same age children.

If you don't have to send your kids to day care, then why would you?
There are plenty of ways kids can interact with other kids, when they're developmentally ready for it (and 3.5 is normally when children are starting to play 'with' instead of 'around' other kids). There are so many playgroups around it's not funny. There are kids gym classes, dance classes, swimming, etc.
I sent DS to childcare because of uni, and never bothered with 3yo kinder because of the activities he had during the week on top of childcare 2 days a week. I kept sending him to childcare when I was on leave from uni because I ended up needing the break to be with DD, not for his own benefit (because, given a choice, he would have stayed home and, in a perfect world, I would have kept him with me).
Childcare is increasingly being marketed as 'early education', but it's not, really. They use developmental ideas to create the care environment, and it's stuff that an engaged parent can do at home. There are many reasons a lot of mums can't engage with their toddlers - older and younger children, work, study, personal illness etc - so this isn't a judgment call, it's just the way it is. It's the way it was with me. I think I'm one of those mothers whose cracks really show when I'm not supported, and childcare helped me out when my parents moved away and MiL took a step back when we were living with her (instead of being the extra hand I was under the impression she'd be).
Now I need childcare for DD for the next 4 or 5 months till end of academic year. After that I don't want her in care. It's only because I need it to study. She doesn't need it for socialisation - she mixes with kids at her brother's activities, cos she comes with me!
I also find that people who fall back on "it's great for socialisation" are afraid to say they need the break. I'm not - I needed the break!
Believe me, if you're loving being at home with your child, then your child doesn't need day care, and that's a good thing :)

There are a whole heap of ways to socialise your child without daycare. Personally I never sent my children until I had to so if you are happier not sending your child then that's fine :)

My situation is a bit different. We live in a remote area and my daughters pretty much just play with each other. They don't often have the opportunity to socialise with other children. The inly kids the do play with are much older and quite nasty. Now we are back in Aus for 4 months I have put Dd1 into kinder. It is something I never planned on doing, I didn't see a need. But things changed. I am here, 37 weeks pregnant with 2 toddlers. I have no help, despite living with my parents. (what's with that mayaness?!) so it has benefited us in two ways. I needed a break which I now get. And Dd did need to socialise, she didn't know how to make friends and play appropriately. She is so excited to have friends and in only a couple of weeks I can see the play skills she has learnt. By that I mean she is able to interact and play with her sister in a much more amicable and appropriate manner. I hoped I was able to teach her these things but I can see now they do learn a lot from other children. On top of that she is loving learning new things, she babbles on all night about what she learnt. If we lived here permanently and we had playgroup and lots of activities, things may have been different, I don't know.

Do I think a 3.5year old child needs to go to kinder? No I don't.

Have I found it beneficial? Absolutely.

I think it really depends on the parents situation and the child and there is no one answer fits all. :)

No, in no way is it 'bad' to not send a child to day care!! Sure, maybe some social interaction is good, but that doesn't mean they need to do that for one or more days every week without you there. Most parents have opportunities for their kids to interact with other kids whether it be through playgroup, ABA, or just at the local park! I am of the opinion that for little kids being with Mum at home is important if you are able to do that in your family.

I like the blog post quoted in this thread: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...0/#post2809840

So if you don't have to send your kids to care, then don't! And there is absolutely no need to feel guilty, it's not something a child of that age needs. On the other hand, if you want to, great! Do whatever works for you and your family and whatever feels comfortable.

My DD#3 is 3.5 yrs old too. And i dont send her to daycare. Im a SAHM to 4 children - 2 at school this year, 2 at home. I dont understand why i would fork out up to $50 a day to send her to daycare/kindy/preschool, when im at home...thats why im at home, to mind my children - not watch Oprah or sit on FB....
I learnt from my lessons though. I sent DD#1 to daycare when she was just 2.5yrs old...just for 1 day a week, moved it up to 2 days a week when she turned 4. REgret it now. So regret it. Did it for #2 also (although she started when she turned 3). It didnt prepare them for school (they both still cried their little hearts out for the first week)and it didnt ease the separation anxiety. Yes, i may have got a few things done that day i might not have with them at home, but nothing i can truly remember...nothing thats stuck in my mind...nothing that i couldnt have asked my mother, or MIL to step in for.
For me, im at home to mind the children. My husband works two jobs so i can do this. So why would i cart them off to daycare??? Why would i pay for someone else to mind them??? I would rather invest that money into my child in other ways - swimminglessons, dancing lessons. Which is what we do.
I agree with Mayaness...its a good thing if thats what your ok to do.

I started DS at kindy when he turned 3. That is the age that it becomes free for 20 hours a week here. If I had to pay then I may not have bothered because I am a stay at home mum so it doesn't seem right to lose an entire income so I can stay at home and then pay for them to be looked after by someone else iykwim.

I am really happy with the decision though and now he is doing 4 half days per week. He has become soooo much more confident and social since starting. He was a kid that needed the social interaction - he was always a stand back kind of kid and he didn't enjoy music/playgroups that we went to and we don't have friends/family that visit so it was basically just us.

But it really is each to their own. There is no reason you have to send them to daycare if you are happy with having them at home.

Neither of my girls have gone to daycare, and while they do come into contact with other kids at the park, their cousins etc their whole "socialisation" is dealing with each other on a daily basis. DD1 started kindy this year and from all reports is a very social little kid with her classmates with no problems arising from not having had the daycare experience.

I think daycare is a really personal decision, and it also depends on the individual child. I have no doubt DD1 would have enjoyed daycare. I'm not sure DD2 would.

I take my LO to the (free) library reading & rhymetime sessions. She loves it, and i love watching her interact with the other kids. I have a playgroup in mind and we have play dates with friends at our house, their house, the play centre, library. THere are heaps of ways you can 'socialise' your kids without doing day care.

Can I just point out there is a world of difference between kindergarten and childcare. Kindergarten is an important step prior to school. It is part of a child's education, taught by a teacher qualified with a Bachelor of Education. It is not child-minding.

It depends on the kindergarten though N2L. I pulled DS2 out of his prior to school because he hated it and the way it was run, there was no education and all free play. I could, and did, prepare him better for school myself and he has not suffered from his lack of pre school "education".

However the twins' daycare is a fabulous educational establishment, despite it being a childcare centre rather than a kinder. They have really begrown whilst being there but I still would not have sent them if I didn't have to in order to attend uni.

Neither of my girls have been to daycare but DD1 will be going to 3yr old kinder for the interaction.
Personally I feel she needs it, she's at the stage I feel she needs someone else to teach her and to interact with children her age.

I don't think there is anything wrong with them not going, you know your child, you can only do what you feel is good for them.


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

I wouldn't send my children to daycare for that reason N2L. The daycare here is just supervised play, the kindergarten is mentally stimulating and the children's interests are nurtured and expanded. But I think kindy in NZ starts a lot earlier than Australia?? Here they go to kindy usually from 3-5 then start school.

So I guess back to the original question, I wouldn't send them to daycare just for social interaction because we have the kiddie groups for that. I sent him to kindy because he needed more stimulation than the was getting at home, the social side was an added (but fantastic) benefit iykwim.

Sorry he had such a bad experience Trav. Don't let it put you off! If you want to know of some good kinders in your area PM me. My mum knows who's who down your way :)