So scared of natural birth

Hi all,

Currently pregnant with my second. Booked in at a birth centre. First baby was induced at 2 weeks over and ended up as an emergency c-section.

I really want to experience natural birth, but I am terrified of it. My last labour was so horrible - it was so intense, and I felt really out of control. I felt like no-one would help me. Nothing that I had learned about helped - the hot water made me sick, and I just couldn't get off the bed. I had a back labour. I was begging for an epi from the beginning (even though I had wanted to go completely drug free).

I have the option of having a second c-section. It's starting to look tempting!

Help! Tell me your experiences of a horrible labour followed by a good one. Or do some women just not have good labours?

ive had both a induced labour and a labour which started on its own....

the labour that started on its own was a lot more bearable than the one where i was induced.

things progressed at a pace where i could cope, well as much as possible given the circumstances ;), where as the induced labour was fast and full on and not bearable.

i think if i hadnt been induced it would have been a lot easier...


HTH :)

:hug: i couldn't read and not reply, i know there are other women here who have some AMAZING and ENCOURAGING stories they can share.

My suggestion would be to research, research, research and where possible talk out your fears.
Talk to your MW's and the hospital about your concerns and ask them all the WHAT IF's, i think it's only natural to fear the unknown and even more so after a horrible experience.

I was lucky in that both my girls were drug free natural labors, but for myself DD1's birth was a little traumatic and it did take a bit to get used to the idea of laboring again with DD2.

I hope you can settle your nerves but in the end you do whats best for you and your baby, if thats natural then give it all you've got, if not then thats fine too, make a decision based on whats right for YOU.

:hug:

Oh hun you poor thing, it so hard to be optimistic when your first experience was so yuk. My first birth was a vaginal birth but less than ideal (for what i wanted) so the second time round i was really scared. So i took charge of my fear a bit and looked at my options, I did a hypnobirthing course which totally helped me relax and also let go of some of my fear from the first birth. I had a fantastic experience, no pain relief and felt totally calm they whole way through.
Now I have never really been "into" that sort of thing but seriously it was fantastic. I felt calm, in control and relaxed the whole way through, whereas in my first birth i felt like i was completely out of control at one point and i really got stressed about that feeling.
Good luck and i really hope you can find something that works for you
xxx

:hug:
I think the first thing to consider is that you haven't had a natural labour or birth before - it won't be like it was last time.

I was induced with my first for teh same reason as you and it was an experience I vowed never to repeat. It was awful in so many ways. I made it to 10cm before my son went into distress and they pulled him out with forceps, so no caesar. Because it was a 'forced' labour, adn because the care we receivd was so ineffectual (to say the least) I too felt out of control and distressed during the labour, particularly during the last few hours.
2nd time round I had a spontaneous labour. It actually was longer and more painful, BUT (and this is a really big but, deserving of capital letters) because I had carers that were so much better this time (we had our own midwives, rather than random strangers at hospital) and we laboured at home in our own comfortable space, I coped so much better. It was, at once, the most difficult thing I've ever done and the most wonderful thing I've ever done. I honestly felt in awe of myself for it.

Most likely, you can have a natural birth (based purely on your previous experience there's no reason to think you can't do it). But you need the right conditions and support and care. Do you have your own midwives at the BC? What support people do you have? You need to feel totally safe and have complete trust in the people around you. Are your support people confident of your a bility to birth? All these things are important to consider.

Also, maybe have a talk about last time wit hyour midwives & support people. And doing a calmbirth or hypnobirth course may also help you (and your partner) to learn new skills to try and deal with labour (and just destress generally).

This time you may want to avoid induction. Also, was your baby posterior or anything like taht? That can make labour harder so you might want to check out spinning babies for some ideas on helping encourage baby into a better position.

All the best to you~~

:hug: After an experience where you feel out of control, I can understand the trepidation about birth again. By 'birth centre', do you mean like a place that tends to err on the low-intervention side? If so - that's a great start!

My personal recommendation would be to get really good birth support - so perhaps your partner and a doula/trusted or experienced friend/good student midwife - whatever you can afford. I think if you feel safe and secure with familiar people around you to support you, you'll be able to relax and therefore labour more effectively and confidently.

As well as that, know your options. Write out your intentions, what you'd like to happen, cover all your bases, think through the logistics of all the scenarios. And then get your birth support people to see it, so you know they know what you prefer.

I think inducing a first time mother is cruel and unusual punishment and a sure precursor to that mama getting the full cascade of intervention resulting in a traumatic birth of one kind or another - like, an instrumental extraction, or a c/s which is major surgery, or a manural removal of the placenta. Being 42 weeks is no reason to induce a woman. Plenty of women go to 43, 44 even 45 weeks - if the baby is well and the mother is well, dates alone are NOT a reason to induce, and inducing a first time mother rarely ends without tears. (Check out the 10 Month Mamas on facebook). I am so sorry you went through this.

Natural childbirth is nothing like what you experienced. You had to do birth the first time without the help of your own hormones. Your body didn't get a chance to build up to labour gradually, giving you a chance to adjust, and giving your pituitary time to supply you with natural endorphins. It's like your uterus was frog-marched through labour. The chance to experience normal labour was taken away.

The same system that gave you that the last time is unlikely to serve up anything much better this time. You're most likely to get a variation of the same - medicalised, obstetric, institutionalised birth and a At Least You Have a Healthy Baby pat on your head that is buzzing with PTSD.

I would advise that you get more info and get more personal support. This is where hiring your own independent midwife, to support you at home and go with you to the hospital, and to help you de-brief from last time and to provide personalised care, would be well worth the money. Seriously she will help you have a homebirth - or labour at home and then go to hospital, going with you the whole way - or help you have a c/s on your own terms if that is what you choose - but she will be ther for YOU in YOUR corner and that's what you're paying for. She'll also be there to shield you from bogus medical advice and poor practice - like convincing you that you need to be induced at 42 weeks just because of the dates. She will let you know what your alternatives are when the system is trying to make out you have no choice.

I would love to put in a link to my collection of VBAC info on my blog, but Im not sure if that's allowed on Belly Belly. Perhaps a mod can let me know.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond and for your wisdom and encouragement. Have repped you all!

I am going through a Birth Centre where the only drugs available is gas (and even then they said they often run out!), the rooms are set up to be "homely" and they stay with you the whole time. So I guess that's a good start.

Julie - would you mind pming me your blog address?

xoxo

Awesome advice! Thank you for posting.

I'm trying for #2, but I do think about labour and birthing of my first and how I would like it to be different. Don't get me wrong, I had a pretty good birth experience, but I ended up getting an epi, which I really didn't want.

Good luck Surprised!!! Let us know how you get on when the time comes :hug:

Surprised i tried to pm you, but your box is full!

I was terrified after my first birth. first time I ended up being induced after 12 hours of labour, being pushed into having peth (I wanted drug free) and after 36 hours gave birth to my son. It was really a horrible experience, I could go on but I am sure you get the point!. Second time around I too booked myself into a birth centre hoping to have a better time. I did :D waters broke at home and from first contraction to birth was 3 1/2 hours. No drugs and DS2 was born in the bath. There is hope, good luck you can do it xx

I completely recommend HypnoBirthing! Can't comment on CalmBirth, because that's not what I did, but HB was very, very worth it. Probably the best money I've spent in relation to birth preparation, even more so than the IM's who we hired for our subsequent homebirth.
From all anecdotal evidence I've ever come across, no-one has a nice thing to say about labour induced artifically, so I'd like to direct you to Dr Sarah Buckley's work before you do anything else, to read about the effect on the hormone transfer during labour and birth, and even post-birth, of medical interventions. It will explain a lot about what you experienced and ought to dispel a few of your fears about going natural this time :)
Congrats and enjoy!

I can recommend Sarah Buckley's articles too. They really help you understand how undisturbed works, and how interventionist birth makes it so hard by inhibiting the release of birth hormones and instead triggering the release of stress hormones which work against birth.

The key is to somehow release that fear and fill yourself with as much knowledge as possible.

Its totally possible to have a good birth experience after a not so good one.

Hun I kinda feel your pain (well kinda, but probably not really). I was induced for my first however my labour was stupidly easy, also pain relief/drug free, no tearing. I felt amazing afterwards to be honest.
I'm a teeny bit terrified I'm not going to be THAT lucky twice.

Surprised, I could have written your first post nearly word for word, I did end up havi g a c-section second time round because the thought of going through another labour like my first one absolutely terrified me, I know that's not helpful at all, but I have decided if we ever have another Iwould at least like to try for a VBA2C and see what happens because I truly believe now that I can do it.

You can do it too! :hug:

Thanks girls. Will check out those articles.

Julie - sorry, have cleared it now.

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From all anecdotal evidence I've ever come across, no-one has a nice thing to say about labour induced artifically...

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This is a bit offside - but in the interest of fairness (and trust me I totally come from a don't induce if you don't need to point of view!), as far as I know, both my mum's labours were induced 3 hour labours with no other intervention. Having said that - apparently she had a tendency to wander around a few cm's dilated in the last weeks, so it's not like her body was entirely un-ready (in fact, apparently with me, the placenta had started to peel away, though they didn't know it beforehand, so it could have done me a favour). Perhaps they'd have been even better experiences if she'd been able to go at her own pace, perhaps she'd have gone into labour in that day or so anyway, I don't know...But the slightly off topic point is that in at least two cases it hasn't resulted in a cascade of intervention.

Which might end up being helpful to know - in that, obviously my feelings are to avoid unnecessary intervention! But if after a million days, you're still not in labour or there's some other deciding factor and you do decide to go down that road - armed with knowledge and good birth support, I wanted you to know that it can go quite well. I hope that hasn't complicated things - I would just hate for you to be in total panic because we've all assured you of disaster if there is any intervention. If induction ends up being your best case scenario for some reason, I still think you can go into it informed and empowered and have a good birth experience. xo