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I'm finishing off an article with suggestions for new dads on how they can help new mums feel nurtured. I have quite a few but wondering what other things help to make you feel nurtured (apart from massage). It might be something simple like cooking you your favourite dessert, bringing you a hot cup of tea - the little things not just the big stuff :)
Sitting with me, right next to us while breast feeding :)
Awwww thats gorgeous - love it xx
Reminding me that I am doing a good job, especially on days when it doesn't feel like it.
Having a long bath with the kids, and letting me just chill.
Making sure the table by the feeding chair is always fully stocked - water, book, remote controls, snack if I want it, power outlet in case my phone goes flat. DP made a point of doing this for me for months after DS was born, and I truly appreciated it. Also bringing the bits and pieces I needed to express, ready for as soon as the feed was finished.
Breakfast in bed! It makes a big difference.
Bringing me coffee in bed on Saturday morn- and keeping DD occupied so I can have some me time.
Actually, just letting me have a sleep in is pretty nurturing.
Pouring me wine! I like a man who fixes my drinks ;)
Cooking for me.
My husband would always get up at night, bring me hot drinks and help settle our babies after feeds in the middle of the night. But the biggest thing was letting me sleep - either by getting up to the kids in the morning so I could sleep in, or by taking them out on a weekend afternoon so I could nap.
Helping with the general housework. Getting up at night and dealing with housework during the day made for a cranky mummy.
Acknowledgement is a really big thing for me. Just letting me know that what I'm doing is important and appreciated.
I felt nurtured everytime DH dealt with the outside world if that makes sense. Considering it's usually me physically paying the bills etc, I appreciated every phone call he made, every bill he paid, every knock he answered, every call he took. I also felt nurtured when he popped snacks into my bedside drawers for those midnight feeds!
Bringing me water every time I breastfed for the first few months and bringing bub into me in the morning so I could feed him in bed without having to fully awaken to go and get him (and then taking him out after he's finished so I could go back to sleep for another half hour) its the little things :)
Running a bath for me (the bath is my favourite place in the world!) and then entertaining the kids for 15 minutes so I can soak on my own before they all pile in! Bonus points for having warm jammies waiting on the bed for me.
What about emotionally or spiritually nurtured? Helping to get a glass of water is great physical help but what about what would make your soul feel great?
The practical things did make me feel nutured physically and emotionally, as I felt looked after - so even making sure I had a drink while breastfeeding or looking after DS so I could tend to the baby did nuture me in that way.
However to be more specific, DH was very supportive of the way I would look after our babies, he would always proudly tell family and friends that I would do x, y and z and how I was/am a great mother. If someone compliments our baby/child on being a good sleeper/eater/content etc, he proudly says "That's because Nay does x, y or z" (even if it was just pure luck). He often looks for ways to compliment me on my mothering skills, which in turn give me more confidence that I am doing the right thing for our family. This makes me feel emotionally secure, confident and nurtured as a Mum (and a person in general). On days when he can see I've had a tough day, he'll always listen and support me, even if he's just walked in the door from work and had a crappy day himself, he is very aware of when I am at breaking point or emotionally drained and will step up with helping out to share the load of household chores and the parenting gig. He is also supportive and encouraging for me to have a night off with my girlfriends or to go to a spa for a massage etc. He supports me having a little bit of 'me' time!
Believe me, coffee and a sleep in makes my soul feel great.
going into the nursery to breastfeed in the middle of the night and finding a flask full of chamomile tea warmed my body and soul
text messages through the day when I was busy non stop with babies to remind me of my worth as a woman and not just a mum
complete support when I had to camp out and feed all weekend during a growth spurt, including taking the older children out for the day so I wouldn't feel guilty ignoring them
What would make me feel nurtured would be to feel like I had my DH on my side, like he was in my corner and was interested and supportive in what was going on with me/us. Might sound silly but I would also feel nurtured by DH feeling sympathy for me when something is not going well (as opposed to not even noticing or being negative about it).