This time Im doing it. Really.

Ive posted a few times over the years about my issues with DF and not being happy in my relationship. Well on Tues I finally bit the bullet. I spoke to my mw at my 6w check up and got a referral to the social worker and psych at the hosp. I spoke to the social worker on Thurs and she, along with the midwives have confirmed for me that it is an abusive relationship.
The social worker has given me some phone numbers to call to take steps to get out. Im still waiting to hear back from the psych.

Im scared and overwhelmed by it all but I'm not going to let it stop me this time. Im sick of being miserable and feeling like I can't do anything right. I have had enough. I dont want to live like this anymore and I don't want my children subjected to this toxic relationship anymore.

I want to get up and leave now but have to get a few things sorted out first.

So I'm just putting it out there for now.

The more I talk about it, the more accountable I am and likely to follow through.
The more I talk about it the stronger I feel.

I AM doing it this time.

Good for you!! :hug:

You have a huge journey head of you, believe me, and it will be hard and emotional, but you will discover just how much more powerful you are in your own life than anyone else could ever be.
And that alone is worth all the effort.

I - we - are all here if you need anything. x

Good for you! That takes alot of courage. And im so proud you have raken these steps. Wishing you all the strength to carry on with the next steps. Xo

Good for you honey :hug:

It is something very hard to talk about and you're so strong being able to recognise and even want to leave. I hope you can continue with it and it wont get too hard x

Great to hear H if you need ANYTHING you have my number xxx

Thanks girls. Im already doing 99% of the parenting/ home stuff myself anyway so I dont see that changing much - aside from DS adjusting to the change. I feel awful taking him away from his Daddy but we will all be better for it in the long term.

After making this decision Im so much calmer. A massive weight has been lifted. Im an infinity better parent already. So much more patience.
I knew I was stressed but didnt realise how much it was affecting me.

I'm so, so happy to see this thread Calluna :hug:

You're right, this will be a temporary change in him - a couple of days of niceness don't make up for years of crap. He could somehow be picking up on your attitude and it's subconsciously affecting him, but he can't change just like that, it won't last.

Vent away here when you need, get all the online support you need, we'll all be here for you :hug:

I cant see a lot of venting coming lol.
I just cant wait for the suicide and take away my children threats.

/sarcasm

They worked last time. They wont this time. Im going to find out my rights re my children and how to leave with them and safely.

Well done. I'm so glad you have come to a final decision. Your a strong woman! You will be much happier once your settled hope everything falls into place for you and your children. We are all here for you. X

The threats are part of the abuse, of making sure you don't go anywhere. I don't know your df, but I don't think his wellbeing is your responsibility when he clearly cares so little for yours.

I'm so glad you're getting the help and support you need, and hope you get as much as possible done so you can leave quickly, easily and safely nice and soon.

You don't know how glad I am to see this thread lovely. He is a manipulative, abusive twat and I'm glad you've decide to leave him. You CAN do this and we are all here to help in whatever way we can

Very proud of you :) whatever happens you are already one step closer xox

When my ex threatened suicide (by SMS no less) I rang the police and got them to deal with it. He didn't pull that card again.

One step at a time, you can do it. Good luck.

Vent away chick. It is going to be hard. It is going to suck some days. But it is going to be worth it for you.
You sound like you are armed at the moment with great advice and hopefully support.
Much courage and strength to you as you travel this path.

It's a huge step to admit what's going on huni and I'm so proud of you. Message me for a chat huni anytime. My aunty had 28 years of Dv and had left multiple times. He almost killed her in the end then commited suicide. He was a psychopath. Sorry to babble just wanted you to know I understand completely. Congrats as well xxx

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Generally if you are spending more than 1/3 of your income on rent/mortgage you are considered to be under mortgage/rental stress and it isn't sustainable in the long term. But it depends a bit on your other expenses as well so your figures would probably be hard but manageable.
Social workers etc might be able to help you find accessible housing to reduce the costs further.
Also, start stocking up a bit on the expensive things like washing powder, sunscreen, nappies & wipes etc as you won't notice it in the weekly shop but will be really helpful later on.

Did that include your rent assistance?

You can do this, I think a budget would really help but given what you've had to work with over the last couple of years I honestly think you will be a million times better off on so many levels :hug: