Am I being unrealistic?

Why are ppl always telling you the bad stories about birth? How it's going to hurt so much, how I have no idea, it's going to be so bad. I try to just ignore them but now I'm starting to think maybe I'm being unrealistic?? Help me get back on the positive track!!

I feel like I can do it, this is what my body was made for, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to do it. But when I say I'm having a natural birth ppl just say things like 'that's what you say now'!! But I really think I'm up for it. In fact, I actually can't wait, what a great feeling and achievement it will be!! I'm not scared at all (yet)!!

Am I supposed to be scared or something? I mean, obviously it's going to hurt and be really hard work, but I can do it!! My body was made to do it!!

I don't think you are being unrealistic - of course this is coming from someone who is yet to make it to child birth :rolleyes:

I have heard a number of lovely stories in ihere in the birth section about natural births and I think they are totally inspiring. Maybe everytime someone shuns your goal to have a natural birth you just read a story (or the same one) for inspiration and to reinforce your belief that you CAN do it.

Best of luck

Nae x

It's frustrating when ppl share their own negativity and insecurity with us.
This is my firsdt baby but I am aiming for a natural birth centre birth and just about everyone I tell says the same thing.... in fact a colleague made a bet with me yesterday that I wouldn't be able to do it without drugs.
don't let them get to you honey i think our state of mind directly affects our success. we're made for this and we'll be fine!

Sara,

I reckon be careful of the self fulfilling prophecy. Those people probably were told by their mothers that labour is unbearable and horrible. They went into labour with this fear and it came true for them. I think the absense of fear / positive reaffirming birth stories actually helps us to achieve the natural birth we want. Our bodies can do this! Women successfully gave birth before drugs, and we can do it again.

I tend to walk out of the room, or at least shut the convo down, when people try to tell me scary birth stories. See you soon. :hug:

People love to share their war stories with preg mummas!

Whilst yes it does hurt dont be afraid, be proud that you have the chance to birth a baby....men cant....so we must be pretty special!!

If you want all natural no drugs, theres nothing stopping you, if you get to labour and you change your mind, so be it, thats fine too.

You dont get a medal for having no drugs or saying it didnt hurt. We all feel pain differently...ive had 2 births, both times ive said no drugs...both times ive had them. While i feel i left myself down, i truely beleived at the time i needed them, so i used them and the end result was my 2 DD's....

Chin up and think positive....you CAN do this and you WILL do this....forget what others say!

it is frustrating when people focus on the negative side of things.

i have done it before and i'm really looking forward to doing it again, its the most amazing experience you will go through in your life, and the feeling of seeing and holding your baby for the first time is inexplainable .

good on you for thinking positive, just remember that of it doesn't go exactly as you planned, don't be hard on yourself, every birth is different!

BAH!

Everyine says to me "homebirth? so what kind of drugs CAN you have?"

"not having any"

"are you crazy??!!"

"yep, and INFORMED... did you know blah blah blah"

then they shut up ;)

People have a need to share their bad experiences, and dont get me wrong there are times that things do go wrong and medical intervention is a god send, but.....

The people i know in real life who have the horrible stories are genereally the ones that have been drama queens thier whole pregnancy and need to make a "show" about it all.

Hey - your body was made to eat, sleep, dance..... it was also made to birth your baby. Naturally. Women have been doing it since time began, you can do it too. But I dont think its anythign to "psche" yourself up about - be calm, in control and empowered. Every pain you are feeling is one drug free pain for your baby, and is one step closer to meeting your little one!

I think sometimes people aren't told the negative and then they are shocked after birth. Both sides is probably better as it's more realistic.
An example is my cousin just had her first baby (she's 39). I don't think anyone said anything except the positive and she is still shocked at the pain 2 months later. She was disappointed from her perspective that no one was absolutely truthful.
I think the best thing to do is research all you can, all sides of birth, and then you can go into it with an open mind. Every experience is different and I think people just want validation as to what they went through. I don't believe they're really telling you what is going to happen, but more what happened to them and therefore that is their truth. If they didn't get the perfect birth they may have wanted, then they might find it difficult to see someone else get it? xoxoxo

I went in to my birth with DD the same as you SJ. I got to 7cm dilated drug free until DD went in to foetal distress and I had an unplanned c/s. However going into #2 I am planning a VBAC and also drug free. I know I have been there before (although not quite the whole way) and I will be doing everything I can to get there.

I'm not scared - I wasn't scared with DD - and although it is good to hear all experiences you need to remember that that is all that it is - someone else's experience. You will have your own experience that you will able to share but that is what it will be - your experience.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

I got my drugfree, totally natural birth on 25/09 when little Zander was welcomed into the world - read my birth story hun!!! Read all the birth stories here - no matter what happens, they provide a lot of inspiration.

You are not being unrealistic at all. I have had a fantastic vaginal birth with just gas (which I really didn't need either). The problem is that others have had the horror stories before their births, which has made them scared, which is led to pain relief and complications. If you can break the cycle by ignoring it all and going into your birth relaxed and calm, you will more than likely have a great birth. Sure there is pain, but it is bearable and you can get through it. And let me tell you, you will be glad you did. You feel a MILE better afterwards if you have as natural a birth as you can.

I have not once done the scaremongering thing to pg mums since having a baby, and I hope I never do. I don't know why others do it, it makes no sense to me. Especially when birth isn't as bad as it's made out to be.

Yay! Thankyou so much everyone!! I feel better now, knowing I'm not being unrealistic and that I shouldn't be scared, everything will be ok and I CAN do this!!!!

Good Sarah. :) Something I read in Kaz Cooke's 'Up the Duff', was that people's comments are bout THEM, not about you.

The people who said negative stuff to me, I found out later, had complicated births. So that's their experience of birth. It has absolutely no bearing on what YOUR experience of birth will be. :hug:

Positivity and confidence can make a huge difference! Go for it! :D

:hug: Definatly not unrealistic! How many people have had drug free births? It is obviously do-able!

Yep it's gonna hurt but the thing is, stress and fear make it hurt a lot more. If you are calm and just accept and go with your body it's not as painful. It's when your body tenses up that it really hurts. These people may have been scared and had quite complicated births which they probably think is how all births are.

Take it with a grain of salt (or less) and go in there with a clear mind. Have your head held high and the have faith that you can do this!

Hi, it's fantastic that you are so positive, I really think that helps a lot!!! It is quite natural to feel a bit nervous towards the end of pregnancy, and I don't think it matters how many babies you have every experience is different.

Set your goals, have a plan and be flexiable, sometimes you think you really will want something only to find out that you don't want that at the time.eg:labouring in water in my case, loved my baths the whole pregnancy, got the birthing suite with the bath, they ran it, takes ages....:rolleyes: and I was in and out in around 5 mins, preferring just to kneel at the side of the bed. Verus my first labour where I paced the room and remained standing until the very end.

Good luck, I hope you get the kind of labour and birth you are looking for. Don't worry about what others say, every experience is different.

Hi Sj
i dont think your being unrealistic at all i think it awesome you have such a great outlook on the whole thing!
I had a pretty yucky VB with my DS but never share this with pregnant women as it was my experience i know full well its not how a normal VB should go! I was told alot of women share there horror stories as their own debrief, which is abit hard when you have to listen to it!
The only thing i would say and im sure as a BB member you will be well versed, is to be well educated. I went in to my birth with a very good attitude (maybe too good) i totally switched off at classes when interventions etc were talked about, because in my "wisdom" i was a strong woman with a high pain threshold and i wouldnt be needing ANY of what they had to offer and none of that was going to happen to me, i would go in and push the baby out with all ease as nature intended :rolleyes: even though i was totally un prepared to do so :lol:!
Good luck and keep your positive attitude and like someone esle said just remember its about them debriefing! id maybe just jokingly say " too much info thanks!" and use their jibes to motivate you to go back after and tell them your wonderful birth story!

Sara!! I too am sooo excited about my impending labour and birth and although i have a few small fears like "how bad will it hurt" I'm not letting those fears haunt me or make it worse for me.... I'm actually really excited and feel so positive and only choose to listen to those positive stories around me.

You will always hear negative experiences from others about their birth but that's only because if they had such a bad experience they believe it IS and should be that way for everyone, when in reality, that's not the truth at all!

Take comfort in the knowledge your body was designed for this and you WILL do it and at the end of the day if you do end up needing some form of drug to help with pain then that's okay too. Otherwise, there is no reason why you can't achieve your natural birth you so desire :hug:

You can do it hun!! It's very exciting isnt it!!! :p
(and nope, i don't think you should be feeling as if you should be scared iykwim!! Lol its only because others try to put that fear into you but dont let em hun)

The only thing I'm going to add to the excellent comments above is that I read on here somewhere (can't recall who posted it ) that someone makes a preggy top that reads "I don't want to hear your horror story!" :lol:

I have joked to DH about getting one and now we are telling other people about them too - trying to get out there that I do not want to hear if you're going to tell me about how traumatic pregnancy, labour and birth can be.

Everyone has a different experience and while it is great to share that, sometimes it is not great to share with someone who is about to go through it.

With my swelling, people feel obliged to tell me how they (or some random person they know) had swelling and how it lead to pre-eclampsia, being induced or delivering prematurely, babies ending up in NICU, all bad stuff. Not really what I want to hear at this point!!!!

Stay strong chicka - you can do it! We were made to do it!