My Homebirth, in the Hospital (long enough!)
My Birth Story
Contractions started at 1am exactly on Wednesday the 1st of October. At first I thought I had gas (heh), but after the second one, I realized I was having contractions. At no point did I have any muscle pain from my abdominal muscles contracting ? the only pain I felt was my cervix dilating. Of course it was nearly impossible to sleep at this point, so I sent a text to my midwife to let her know it was beginning. Immediately I began to use the breathing techniques I?d learned in my birth training, and focused my way through each one. Tim was able to pick the contractions seconds before I actually felt them come, because he had his hand on my belly and could feel the tightening!
We started timing them, and almost immediately they were 1 minute long, approximately five minutes apart.
Towards dawn, I rang my parents in Perth and asked if they wanted to be grandparents today! It was weird, because when I?d talked to them the night before, I?d sort of said to my mum, I have a feeling you should get ready tonight. So they immediately went into rush mode, packed the car, and drove off. Sandy, my midwife, said she?d come around during the day to see how I was going, and to call her if anything changed. The contractions then slacked off (grr!) and Tim and I slothed around the house, watching episodes of M.A.S.H. I tried to doze at midday, and was only successful for about ? an hour, during which point my parents tried to call me three times, and then panicked because they were convinced that I?d already had the baby! Don?t I wish.
Anyway, they arrived about 3 that afternoon, by which point the contractions were spaced out to 10-15 minutes apart, and I was wondering if I?d set off a false alarm. Sandy came around not long after that, and did my first VE (which I grew to hate as labour went on... argh) and said I was 2cm dilated, which was not as far as I?d been hoping, but probably all I could expect. So my folks and I had dinner together, and then Tim and I went for a walk around the local park. We only made it around twice before the contractions picked up again, and we drove back home after calling the midwife. Sandy came around again, this time to stay, and we worked on filling the birth pool. Probably should have checked our equipment beforehand, cos the hose that was meant to fit over the tap didn?t work, so poor mum and Tim were put to work boiling water! I dunno how much water that pool took, but it took forever to fill. I felt a little bit bad for them, but I was too busy with contractions by then. Labouring in the water was very peaceful, unfortunately by that point I had been awake for 24 hours so I was starting to fade out a little bit. In between contractions I kept putting my head down on the edge of the pool and fading to sleep! So I probably didn?t use it as effectively as I could have.
My next VE was at around 2am, at which point my waters broke. It was a bit funny actually, cos we called for Tim, who was dozing in the living room, and he kept saying, ?Yeah, yeah, I?m coming.? And then nothing would happen. I?m fairly certain he was actually talking in his sleep (this happens a lot) and didn?t actually know what was going on! In the meantime Sandy and I were laughing hysterically, because I was just laying there (on Tim?s side of the bed) with fluid going everywhere! Then she reported that I was 5cm. I wasn?t really happy with that, again I?d been hoping for more, but I also knew the last stages could happen really quickly.
Labour from then on was hard work ? meaning, to get the baby to shift down and turn slightly, I was going through contractions marching on the spot, kneeling, squatting, half squatting, marching in the shower, leaning on Tim, sitting on the fitball, bloomin? everything. This is where all the stretches I?d been doing before birth came in handy. At one point I had another VE (man... I had bucketloads of these that day) and I was 8cm! Yay!
So, from then labour didn?t progress as well as she would like, so around 5am she called in her standby midwife, who also did a VE only to discover that I?d dilated backwards!!! I was now back at only 5cm. At this point I got really discouraged (as you can imagine) and felt like all the hard work I?d been doing was for nothing. Sandy asked me if I was holding anything back, if maybe there was some reason I was mentally holding on. I realized that I still wasn?t really prepared to meet this little person, and I felt so terrible about that, that I started crying. But for some reason I couldn?t express what I was feeling to everyone else.
7am rolled around, and talk of hospital began. I was so devastated to hear this, I felt like I had been kicked in the guts ? my home birth was being taken away from me! Why were the midwives doing this? I trusted them! Tim and my mum knew what my wishes were and there were many long and earnest discussions. Tim took me for a walk by which point I was so exhausted that I kept falling asleep between contractions. I KNEW I could do this, I knew I could birth this baby, I just needed more time!
In the end we compromised, and I agreed to go into the hospital. I always thought people were silly for making a big deal out of driving when they were having contractions, but changed my mind pretty quickly!
Once I got to the hospital, the doctor came in and gave me the most agonizing VE I?ve ever had. Like, I literally threw my head back and screamed, the midwives had to come in and hold me down. Not happy. My foot was about three inches from his head, and I seriously considered kicking him in the teeth. Next time someone gives him a prostate exam, I hope they use their whole fist! ANYWAY. Still dealing with that, obviously.
So he looks at me and says, ?You may as well have your epidural now, to save you having it later when you have your C-section. You?ve only got a 20% change of birthing this baby vaginally.?
Needless to say ? not impressed. Tim and I were absolutely devastated ? I felt like I?d been tricked, and wanted to run out of the hospital. It felt like everyone was against us, and they all just went ahead and started talking like they were going to prepare me for the epidural. There have been very few occasions when I have seen Tim cry, and this one was one of them. A C-section was the worst possible outcome for us (besides the very worst, obviously) and we were both shattered that it had come to this. At the same time, I still believed I could deliver this baby myself, I just needed time, and a little rest. So in the end they agreed to a compromise ? they would give me the lowest dose of any pain medication they could give, and after an hour, start me on ?just a whiff? of syntocin. The pain relief was delivered via a needle stuck in my thigh, which I was NOT expecting, and shrieked. I?m not a fan of needles!
So I dozed for the next hour inbetween contractions which were just getting stronger and stronger, as the syntocin kicked in. From then on it becomes a bit of a haze, although at the same time I remember it very clearly. I laboured on the bed for a while (ineffective and frustrating) and then was able to get down and work with the fit ball and squatting/kneeling etc. By this point the midwives had changed shift, (Sandy was still with me all the way ? she was awesome). At one point she started stroking my hand, and I snatched it away, thinking she was going to give me another needle! I felt so bad ? she had just been comforting me. By this point I had my glasses off and couldn?t see anyones face, so the other midwives were just voices to me. What I didn?t know was that the midwives from the morning shift had stuck around, because they wanted to see if I could do it naturally! I must have seemed pretty determined. By 1pm, my dear friend called Tim to see if they needed anything. He said that he and my mum hadn?t eaten since the night before, so some food would be good. He want outside to wait, and started praying (contractions had slowed down again, and we were starting to despair a bit), he also called his family in QLD and had them start to pray.
At this point, I remember hearing Sandy say, ?The contractions have slowed down again.? And I just remember thinking, If I don?t do this now, I?m going to lose the chance to do it on my own. And suddenly I started pushing. Sandy started laughing then, and later said she had forgotten at that point that I was actually going to have a baby, and that?s why the contractions had slowed! This happened just as Kerryn arrived with the food, and Tim walked back inside. Then it was all on. Tim was just incredible ? he and Sandy got on either side of me, and supported me, talked me through each contraction, and literally held me up. I was on the birthstool for part of it, then Sandy got me to get down on my knees. It was pretty funny, because at first she said ?Put your right hand onto your left foot,? and after a pause, I said ?hey, we?re not playing Twister here!? and she realized she had meant to say right hand to right foot. I pushed for about an hour and a half, and felt the baby?s head coming out with each push. Suddenly it was that final push, and a little body tumbled out! The first thing I could see (lol, even without glasses) were his little man bits, so I knew we had a boy! Then the rush set in, and I was wide awake and clear as a bell again. What a rush. My friend had been able to see my baby born, which was wonderful for her. I tore and needed 4 stitches, but I didn?t even feel them, or the doctor doing it, by that point. Poor Tim and mum and Sandy were exhausted by that point, and had to go home to rest. Sandy said the other midwives were practically doing high fives down the corridor!
It?s hard to describe the feeling I got during birth. At first it was as though everyone thought I couldn?t do it, but as the day went on, it was like they started to believe, and then everyone was suddenly backing me up. There was such a crowd of people in the room by the time I gave birth, and I really felt like every one of them was on my side, urging me on. Although the odds were stacked against a natural birth, I really feel like I got my home birth, just in a hospital situation. It was all so worth it, and as I sat there holding him in my arms, I knew I would gladly do it all over again.
I still get jealous when I hear about people?s successful homebirths, and wish I could have finished it the way I wanted, but I know that I got the best possible birth under the circumstances that I could.
