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Hi,
My daughter Lily was born 6 weeks prem and was small for gestational age. She spent the first 4 weeks of her life in hospital and since coming home has been a very demanding baby. She has to be held ALL day AND night and no matter what we try she just screams when we try to put her down!! I just dont know what else to do, we've tried swaddling, Shhhing, rocking, music, etc and it just doesnt work. Hoping someone has some suggestions???
Many Thanks!
Huggs - My DD was like this. As a result I spent much of my time parked on a seat with her in my arms. Have you tried using a sling? It isn't a solution for the problem (sorry I couldn't cpome up with a solution) but it would make it easier to hold bubs and get on with other things.
My suggestion first off is to get a baby carrier like a hug a bub or peanut shell.
This will allow her to be close to you like she craves and give you more freedon to use your hands for other things.
She is still so little and the independence will come with time. Being prem may also be contributing - she needs the safety and security that being in your arms provides.
I know it isnt easy when they wont let you put them down :hug: but she should get better with age.
Try the sling carrier and see how much of a difference it can make to your sanity and her comfort :)
Good luck!
i forgot to mention that i do use a sling also, but would really LOVE to try and get her sleeping a bit on her own and not always in our arms/sling. I guess i have to just be patient and hope she feels safe and secure soon. Thanks for the replies :D
:hug: hang in there dotty - she will get there. Enjoy this time as they really do grow up way too fast! :)
Sounds like youre doing a good job!
my DD is the same, during the day she will only be held by me no one else, in the last few weeks I have been able to get her to sleep on her own, well not really on her own, I feed her to sleep or lay in bed with her. I've totally given up on the cot cause she just will not settle and cries hysterically as soon as she realises I am gone.
So our solution has been to put a single bed next to our bed and she sleeps on it, I feed her to sleep then roll off so I don't have to disturb her.
I have 4 slings which I could not be without.
As she is getting older she is getting better, she is slowly staying on the floor more by herself and will let DH hold her for 10 or so mins sometimes.
So yep it will get better when she is ready and feels safe she will let you go a bit more.
It is so hard though some days I wish she would just go to DH for more than 5 mins but since she has been sleeping so much better on the single bed it doesn't seem to bad during the days.
Dotty, she is still so young and tiny and the world is a big strange place to her. It is a big change to go from a small, dark home where food is on tap, to a big huge bright world with lots of noise and stimulation. It is very normal for babies to need to be hugged a lot in the early weeks - in fact it is what they are designed to do. I think with bubs who are prem or born early this can be even more so. And our milk supply on mums relies on it a lot also.
I know it is very tiring for you right now, but use the sling as much as you can and give her all the cuddles she wants. If it helps you rest, just sit on the couch with her, or lie in bed and feed her as often as she wants. Don't worry about housework. This won't last for long - as she gets bigger she will become more independent, this is just an adjustment period for her. And you can't do any harm by cuddling lots in the early days - don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.
Congratulations on your DD hun. I wish you all the very best over this period and beyond.
Hey Dotty, I replied to your other thread, I really hope you find some other ways here to help as well.
Take care
xxoo
sneakysparkle- thanks, i'm trying my best...its hard work though!!!
ll80- sounds like you have your hands full too! i've also tried breastfeeding my girl while lying next to her, but she just wont sleep lying down, she only sleeps in the sling or in our arms!! grrr, i'll keep trying though! i sure hope this passes soon though, i'm beginning to feel like i have no idea what im doing since NOTHING works on her!!!
MantaRay- yeah i try to remember that she is still so little and young, but when I'm so exhausted that's hard!!! i knew being a mum would be tiring, but boy oh boy, i didnt see this coming :doh: its also hard not to feel down when people i.e. the doctors seem to be sooo concerned that i have to hold her all the time, they make me feel like im a bad mum and doing something wrong!! they ask me if ive tried this or that, and when i say i have they look at me like they dont believe me! very frustrating!!!
DD2 was like this until about 8 weeks and she was on time. I would put her in her cradle and she would sleep for 5 minutes and then scream. She would sleep for 2 hours in a sling! After 8 weeks she started going longer and longer in the cradle so I kept persisting. 10min in the cradle then in the sling etc - now she does all sleeps in the cradle.
Your little one was so small that she may do this for longer but try to do it gradually - she is still just getting used to being out in the big wide world. It can be a scary place for the little ones.
Thanks Nai, i hope my little one gets there soon too! doc seems to think she has reflux so that could explain a bit!! we'll see if things improve once she starts meds.
I had one DS who was like that and one who wasn't - they are all different Dotty and you are not doing anything wrong. You are a great mum and we have all been in that exhausted state, so don't be too hard on yourself :hug: Reflux might explain it, but my DS didn't have that, so there can be other reasons. On the plus side reflux meds will help if it is reflux, and either way things often improve after the early weeks - in my case it improved a bit after 12 weeks, and a lot after 16 weeks. Hang in there, it won't always be like this.
Hi Dotty - you're such an awesome Mum!
I have two suggestions. Try putting a piece of your clothing which you've worn that day or the day before (so it smells like you) in the crib for bubs to lie on. It may trick her into staying there a bit longer.
Also, is she warm enough? I learnt this one the hard way. My DS would get cold out of our arms (we're suprisingly warm beings!) which made him cry out.
Try both those things and I'd love to hear if they help. They helped me, but my bub was pretty good to me really (and he was full term), so I haven't been in your shoes.
All the best of luck! I hope you get a break soon... :hug:
Oh Nettie your suggestion reminded me what we did!!!! :D
We used to put my breast pads in her bassinette, one's from that day, I tried it in the middle of the night one night and I was just exhausted and the only time she was resting was in my arms. Low and behold, she went to sleep and slept for a long longer than she had ever slept!
We then continued to do it for quite a while, especially at times when she has been unsettled at night..... :doh: like at the moment, and I have only just realised that I should try this again to see if it helps her overnight at the moment!!!
*Runs upstairs, rips out the breast pads and places them in the cot* :lol:
:hugs: Dotty, try to enjoy these times as it won't be long as they grow up sooo quickly! :hugs:
Take care
xxoo
Ds was the same. I rolled up two old towels, wrapped thick blankets around them, then put them on either sides of the bassinet. Ds slept so much better. I think its from too much "emptiness" around them.
Hi Manta Ray- thanks! i sure hope it passes soon! my girl is 11 weeks now, but her adjusted age is 5 weeks so who knows which age i go from?!?! either way, fingers crossed the reflux meds help, otherwise we'll jus keep searching to see why shes so irritable!
Hi Nettie, i really love those suggestions!! i'm definitely going to give them a go!! my girl starts reflux meds today too so fingers crossed that improves things also!
Beema- yeah i',m trying to enjoy the cuddles before they disappear...sometimes hard when you are buggered though ;)
Waiting- thanks...will try that too!!
You've got heaps of great suggestions here. I just want to add: have you tried a wedge pillow under her head so she is on a bit of an angle? Also does she like sleeping on her tummy? When DS was little he liked best to sleep on his tummy, so during the day I would have him where I could keep an eye on him and let him sleep on his tummy. Might be worth a try?
I hope you get a breakthrough soon.
I would probably go more from the adjusted age than her actual age.
HTH, you are doing a great job.
You go on her corrected age for about the first 12 months, it depends on the prematurity, often the more prem the longer they give them to "catch up". We often just used her corrected age to avoid questions, but unfortuantly when you are nearly 1kg, below the 1st%ile base on corrected age we still go sooo many comments about how tiny she was, now we just get how cute she is :):
It can be hard to enjoy the cuddles when you are so exhausted and you just want a break :confort:
Take Care
xxoo
I haven't read all the answers you got, but i just wanted to send you hugs. My DD was like that, too. For about 3 months. I ended up carrying her in the Hug-a-Bub most of the day and we co-slept at night. I don't know how that would fit into your life, but for me, it was the ideal solution. She is now the most independent and rambunctious little 2 year old you could imagine. Although she still looooves her cuddles, which I am thrilled about, because I love our cuddles, too.
Sasa
catherinemoses- thanks for the advice. we have elevated her bassinette but might try the wedge pillow too.
Beema- yeah i know what you mean!! Lily is 11 weeks and people still ask 'how many days old is she'? they look at me very strange when i say 11 weeks...even if i said 5 weeks they would still look shocked i think!! :) i cant wait for her to catch up, although is soooo cute, even though she is tiny!
sunshine_sieben- sounds exactly like my little one!!!! i think i can handle 3 months of this...fingers crossed its not too much longer :pray:
Can you try lying down with her? At around 3 months of age, that's what I started doing when it was her nap time. I would stay until she was fast asleep and then sneak away. That way you get a little break.
Your daughter is still so tiny... She just wants the security of being with mummy. You are her whole world. I know it can be tough, being so needed all the time. But I have never heard someone with an older toddler complain about having cuddled them too much when they were little. yet, I have talke to many mothers who regret not having cuddled them enough while they still had the chance...
You are doing an amazing job. Do whatever feels right to you.Don't let anybody tell you what you should or shouldn't do. You WILL NOT spoil her. But on the other hand, you need to find some balance for your sanity, too. This balance will look different for every mum & baby pair.
Sasa
Hi Dotty
Hope it's going ok. Did you try my suggestions? How did they go?
Hope you've managed to get some decent sleep... :hug:
hi just wanted to send you cyber hugs.... the wedge pillow idea worked for us in dd bassinette, though she wasnt diagnosed with reflux, i think she just liked being more upright to sleep....:rolleyes:
sunshine_sieben Yeah ive tried lying down with her...doesnt work either! She physically has to be 'on' me in order to sleep....aghh very frustrating!!! but i really think she still just feels so afraid and needs that comfort. She is slowly getting better, she now screams a bit less when put down, so im hoping with time it gets better and with baby steps we will get her sleeping on her own!
nettie- yes ive tried putting the clothes in the basinnete....but no luck! as soon as shes in it she screams blue murder...will keep trying though :)
V21- thanks for the cyber hug, lets hope it helps :)
Bugger... have you got the 'no cry sleep solution' book? That might help you a lot too.
no i dont have that one, I've been reading the Harvey Karp book, The happiest Baby on the block..tried EVERYTHING from there too!!! grrr