Not Helpful - A little support would be nice...

Why is it that people cant be supportive IRL.

Ok, last time, I chose to have a c-sect. It was elective, scheduled on my EDD, I was all set to deliver naturally, but that didn't eventuate, despite my best efforts DS did not want to come, so I had the c-sect.

I have the same plan this time. Natural if I can push the baby out before my EDD, or else c-sect on EDD. Cool with my OB. Cool with me.

Now here is the hard thing... My EDD... It is not a day that most people would like to give birth, but really, it is just a day, and my OB will do an elective c-sect on it, so I am determined to give myself as much time as possible to have that VBAC, and wait to the last minute again before going for the c-sect.

Now, I have been told by a large number of people, don't do that, just book the c-sect in early and who cares. It is so hard to get them to understand my desire to birth naturally. Even DH.

But last night I had a breakthrough with DH, he finally agreed, he doesn't like it, but he finally said he will support me.

So that is one down, but how do I convince people that a day is a day, and it might sound a little inconvenient to them, but for my baby, why should I force them out early just for a little perceived convenience for me. Or that might put them out a bit too? Who cares it is just a day. Move on. But how do you say that to family?????

Sorry for the long ramble... Hope it makes sense??????

Ruf, I don't know what advice to give but just wanted to give you a big :hug:

Thanks Lyn, I know you are struggling to find an Ob to help you. Why is is so hard in the "holiday" season???

I don't get the point they make about the "day" being an inconvenience? Surely there is reason to believe the opportunity exists for you to go into labour naturally the day beforehand and deliver naturally on your due date anyway? I must be thick cos I don't get the problem....lol

I know, it's really difficult! My hospital has probably got about half the obs it usually has working in the holiday season. Makes finding a VBAC friendly OB all the more difficult.

I joked to DF last night that it would be great if this one comes early then I wouldn't have to do the rounds visiting the rellies!

Mel - Public / Religious Holidays......

Ruf - yeah I get that its on a special day - but whats the difference if you go have a natural delivery? lol... like, are they going to get angry cos the bub actually came on its due date? lol

You should say to them that they got the dates mixed up and its a week behind or something so nobody can say anything ... hehehehe

Oh, Rufa. Thats pretty harsh when everyone wants to add in their two cents worth. Well when its their uterus the ob is cutting into right next their baby, then their opinion will carry a bit more weight - and that is probably sadly exactly how I would word it. I just do wish that people would all step back and realise that they simply don't have a say in other peoples lives and to keep their unsolicited advice to themselves.

:hug: Its your decision - don't feel obligated to do anything for anyone else than your baby.

That is the whole issue I have. It is just a day. Who cares what it is. I cant change it. Yes, I could lie about the date and try and push the issue, but I know it would not make a difference. I would still have the pushing for an early delivery. And I think that the pushing is coming from a place that they think is being kind and helpful, but they cant seem to get that I DONT GIVE A DANG about the stoopid date.

I WANT a VBAC. I guess I am just going to have to be more forceful with that.

And I might just say my OB wont do it early....

Do they know the risks of bubs being taken out before fully cooked hon?

And I would never ever take a baby out early (before they are ready that is) - DS was taken out early at 39 weeks, and Miss M went to 42, and she is the cruisiest little bub, and he is so strung out and whingy (oh wow is he ever) all the time...

Is it because he was taken out before he was supposed to? I say yes, cos its better to blame that than my parenting.

Its hard to get support around you for a VBAC - believe me. I had so many people asking why I would want to even do that to my vagina, when a c/section was the "easy" way out. :rolleyes:

And even after I had my second section and was horribly devastated - all my best friend said was - "haha you psyched yourself up so much and for nothing - so you shouldn't have bothered even thinking about it" Yup. Now thats' supportive!!!

People are always gonna say the wrong things to pee you off - cos they don't understand why it is important to us. :hug:

Just tell them you don't care - but you DO care about 'helpers' trying to tell you when to have your baby!

Or ask them when it would be convenient for them, and tell them you booked that date!

:hug: chicky, just trying to make you laugh :)

"Oh everyone has a c sect at 37 weeks." "It is fine and safe." "It is not a concern." "37 weeks is full term." "c-sect will be so much easier for you." "you are paying your OB, you can do it when you (read we) want." etc...

Maybe I will do what you said sunflowa and just say, yep I have book it in early, and deal with the truth later. It will shut them up for now, and then I can just come here for the real support. From the girls who know where I am coming from. Thanks :grouphug:

Lyn, you know I am so hoping and praying for you to find an OB to help you get your VBAC too.....

I really don't know when it was that people decided that babies are supposed to come at convenient times. :think: I know plenty of people who are born on public holidays. It isn't like everyone you know needs to be at the hospital with you when you have the baby anyway, they can just visit when it IS convenient for them. My son could very easily have been born on Good Friday or on my birthday, neither of which I was keen on, but what do you do? Babies come when they want to.
I was very lucky that noone close to me tried to talk me out of a VBAC, that was just what I was doing. Try to ignore the negativity, it certainly won't help you achieve your goal. You are the one who needs to be happy and confident about what you are doing. At least you have DH on your side now.

Do you need to book a c/s date at this point? and does it need to be on the EDD? Generally you can have at least another week after your EDD. Suggesting this more for you but maybe it would make your family members happier if you booked the c/s for a few days later. :lol:

I totally agree. You shouldn't be forcing anything in this manner- birth should be as much about the baby as possible, ensuring everything goes well at the beginning of the baby's life! The thing is, you can't ever please every one- so you've just got to get confident and comfortable with your sound decisions. No one else can even think they have any right to push things otherwise. I know it hurts to have close friends and family being unsupportive, and so try to kindly reason with your closest ones, otherwise saving your energy for the more important things.

Best wishes! :pray:

Honestly? Stop telling people whats going on!

Although I imagine it might be family having a go, but even so - don't tell them, or be infuriatingly vague about it.

:

---

"Oh everyone has a c sect at 37 weeks." "It is fine and safe." "It is not a concern." "37 weeks is full term." "c-sect will be so much easier for you." "you are paying your OB, you can do it when you (read we) want." etc...

---

Grrrr - who do they think they are? This is YOUR baby, YOUR birth and YOUR decision.

I don't get why it's even an issue for these people. You poor thing :hug: it must be so hard to deal with. I know if it were me, what I would WANT to say to them and what I would actually say would probably be a way apart :lol:

I don't know but I guess there is a medical reason bub has to come on due date and not after? It's irrelevant really anyway...this is a decision for you & your OB to make and not for anyone else to judge.

I don't have much advice to offer but plenty of support here on BB & hugs to you.

Good luck.

oh babe - massive hugs! I know how hard it can be to stand strong against family and friends when it comes to your birthing choices.

Now, is it possible that you can push the c-section date back a few days? I know you said you are happy to have it on your EDD - why not just change that by a few days, later?

People don't understand the importance of baby choosing their birthday - they come when they are ready - but most people don't educate themselves about birth, they just plod along (so to speak).

Read and empower yourself hun - and try not to let them stress you out!

Thanks everyone. I know I should have lied about my dates, but I am not good at that. So I have changed tact and now when I tell anyone I just cut them off at the pass with a straight up "OH I am really cool with this as I will be in hospital in the holidays and how quiet it will be, etc..."

And got the family off my back by reminding them they will have to have DS all to themselves cause I will not be round, including sleepovers, so that took the sting out of it a bit for them.

But I am planning on this one coming early... second babies do don't they??? :lol:

Thats it hun - you don't have to convince others, you've got DH and the OB onside - thats all you need :-)

Sounds like you are on the right track ;)


Can I ask though, I am confused...feel free to tell me to bugger off lol I dont understand why you need to have the cs on your EDD? If you are so set on VBAC, why would you give up at the EDD and have a cs hen you could wait another 2 weeks to get the VBAC? Perhaps I misunderstand your OP - is there a reason you couldnt go past your EDD with DS?

Sorry if that is nosey, just interested in understanding

Hey babe,

I would be terrible at the fibbing part too so I can understand from that point, and if it helps, whether its a PH or otherwise, that time of year sucks for any baby!! (being a Capricorn everyone always goes away so parties etc are hard to do ;) ) Its not something you get to choose as a child or a mother. All we really need to care about is that you are having another blessed miracle and it has stuck!!

I am glad the new tack has been working and given you some peace - having to listen to all that for months and months would be terribly hard yards!!

Alexis Why c-sect on EDD? Hope I can get this out without it turning into an essay... Sorry if it does, it is a bit complex...

I have MS. And while it technically goes into "remission" when pregnant, and it in itself is not a reason to have a section, natural birthing in entirely possible, for some reason, in the 6 week period after giving birth there is danger of having a major relapse and for me that could mean any number of physical issues, and the ability not to look after my baby and DS.

Now, for me, one of my major triggers for a relapse is stress... both physical and mental. So with consultation from my neurologist and OB we decided that it was best to opt for an elective section on my EDD, so as not to have me potentially need to be induced, and have a long hard labour and tax my body too much.

And thankfully, with the section, I did NOT have and have not had any issues with my MS since the birth. But I am one of the lucky ones, and cant rely on that this time round (Although I can hope for it).

Now, the reason I want to try for a VBAC this time, is purely so I dont have to go through the surgery to make my life easier for taking care of a newborn and a very active 18mo. But in the same breath, I dont want to push my body too hard, and would, at the end of the day prefer to go with the known section route and just deal with the recovery... I do have a supportive mum and DH who will help me in the month or so after birth...

And also, selfishly, I would love to know what labour and contractions, and birth is like, and I do, in my secret heart of hearts, want that more than anything... But I can live without it, if it means a better long term outcome for my family.

OK that did get a bit long and complex, and hope it made sense... And I thank anyone who reads to here...

That makes perfect sense Ruf! I understand now :)
My father has MS - it is a difficult thing to manage.
I hope you get your VBAC though, and that you can recover well
Good luck!! :hug:

That does make better sense...but (and I don't mean to pry or push; sorry if I missed something) wouldn't it be better, less stressful to allow you even say 5 days over your EDD to go into labour on your own and then opt for CS if necessary rather than induction? Or does it stress your body too much to go too far over?

- (I will echo LS here - feel free to tell me to bugger off!) I don't mean to be nosy

...and still at the end of the day your family & friends should be supportive of your decisions...I still don't get why it's an issue for them...

Good luck getting your VBAC :hug: