Separating from DH - what do I do now!?

So its over. He's not happy but I feel its for the best. The military has been notified which means I have 28 days from tomorrow to get my butt out of the house. They will remove what Im keeping and ship one of the cars. Theyll even fly us down to Sydney (I think).

I called Centrelink to let them know but when I was transferred to make an intent to claim parenting payment they hung up on me :wall: So Im heading in tomorrow in person to do it.

I have zero $$$ saved, I am recieving the baby bonus in installments so it will come to good use but Im guessing I'll need a TON of money for bond etc

Im terrified of having to find a house - Im a single mother with 3 small kids, who would want to rent to me?

What do I need to apply for a rental property? How much money should I need?
Do we have to go through the courts for visitation orders or can we draw something up ourselves?
Do I ring child support or will Centrelink organise that?

God Ive got a million things to organise and Im already tired.

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear this Anna :hug:

I have no practical advice for you having never been there myself, but I'm sure lots of people will.

Thinking of you and the boys....

Hi Anna
It sounds like you are sure this is for the best so I wanted to say good luck (I dont know your history).
I havent been through a separation myself but for renting a property ithink you usually need:
appropriate ID
references
maybe bank statements or letter from emplyer/centrelink re income
- these are all for the application

if you get aproperty i think they usually want 1 month bond and then a month's rent in advance (so you need to have 2 months rent ready to go)

depending on the market in your location you can sometimes make an offer less than the asking price. though of course in some areas you can also have to pay more...

interms of renting to a single mum, if you have the above it should be ok. also ifyou go through private landlords they may be sympathetic, i know my ILs rent a couple of placesout themselves (ie no agencies) and they have chosen a few single mums based on liking them and giving them a go...

best of luck to you!

don't try going to the centrelink office Anna - they'll point you to a phone and tell you to make the same call you'd make at home - there is no way to do it in the office at all sorry babe! try calling "after hours" (fao are available til 8) or maybe first thing in the morning (8am and just get in the queue). not sure if you can do an intent to claim for parenting single online (some stuff has changed recently) but maybe have a quick look if you're regisitered....

the only other thing is to just persevere today. as i said, they'll point you to a phone and tell you the number to call. they only do the finalisation interviews in the office

as to bond - you should be able to get bond assistance/bond loan. try searching for public housing in the area you'll be moving to. not sure about the other stuff though.

contact child support agency - will help to ensure you get the maximum ftb you're entitled to, and will get that income coming in as well

i would ensure that you get your parenting plan written up legally - doesn't have to go to court if you don't think your ex will give you grief, but best to have it done up in a mediation session if you can. if he then tries to make waves, you can take it to court. call the Family Relationships Advice Line, let them know your circumstances, and they should be able to get you through to the relevant people to help you out

i'm sorry to hear you're going through this hun. good luck getting things sorted out

BG

Anna - I also don't know the situation, but good luck with the move.

I just made an application for a parenting payment too and I had to do it over the phone, even though I went into the office :doh: so try calling again as that is what they will probably say at the centre.

I think there is also somewhere you can apply to to help with the bond, I remember reading that somewhere, but it is worth asking centrelink - they may know.

Best of luck with everything :hug:

:( I'm so sorry Anna. :hug: Is the r/ship fixable at all? Maybe this will show him for sure that you're serious about him needing to make some changes?

Definately not fixable at this stage Nelle :(

He's going to move to Sydney too so the boys can see him regularly.

Off to make phone calls.

Thanks for the advice!

Oh man. I am so sorry that it has come to this for you. I am sure though that you are resolute in your decision under these circumstances.

Is there a reason you a flying to Sydney? You can get a bond loan or a DOH house in QLD because you live there, but coming down here will mean you can't go on the list straight away or get the loan until x time as a state resident.

Else bond is 4 weeks of the rent amount - plus you need 2 weeks rent in advance, so 6 times whatever price rent you are looking at.

If you can both come to an amicable arrangement on the kids thats great, but as BG says, get it done legally so that if things turn sour you have that supporting you.

Dont have any advice hun, just a big :hug:

Anna - I am very sorry. I hope yo uare all ok.

:hug: Anna. I wish you all the best during this difficult time.

I suggest that while you are Centerlink, you ask them for referrals to all the support services that are available to you. I am sure that there will be agencies who can assist you with finding a house etc. GL hun.

Anna hon...a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do and if this is for the best, then do it hon.

I gather you know were approx in Sydney your going? If so maybe you could ring the local Salvation Army or St Vincent's and see if they know anywere that could help you find housing, maybe a bond and even moving down to your family in Sydney

Centerlink will help you with who you have to ring for child support ect


Good luck hon..I dont think you will need it...keep staying postive though...I think you'll have your smile back on your face after this.....no more stress babe :hug:

I have pmed you sweet :) :hug::hug:

No adivce here either I'm afraid but if you need anything in Sydney let me know.

I'll second eej - if you need anything in Sydney please let us know... I am in the Macarthur area (South West Sydney)... if I can do anything please PM me

:hug: Good luck with it all.

:hug: anna

*hugs* :hug: all the best on this new journey :hug:

Big hugs to you Anna.

Having never gone through it before I can't offer you any advice. Just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you need help with anything, and I mean ANYTHING. If you need help packing, babysitting, cleaning etc. just let me know.

XX

Anna- I'm thinking of you, I'm sorry I don't have any advice on what you've asked. Do you have friends or family in Sydney you can stay with til you sort things out in regards to finding a place and getting some $$ together?

I am so sad that it has come to this for you Anna - and I wish you strength as you go about things from now. I know this has been a very difficult decision. :hug:

It is a good thing that you are moving closer to your family and friends for support.

My advice is to get the legalities sorted ASAP. No here say or things on bits of paper. Seek out precisely the information relating to NSW to help you here. That is very important.

Get certified copies of all certificates/passports/joint property deeds/car rego/all the itty things that you just might need.

Sending you masses of hugs, love and support... :hug:

Just an additional thing. Do you realise you are eligible for a centrelink payment from the day you notify them that you are living separately? Hopefully this willhelp in gathering together the funds for bond etc... :hug:

Anna, just sending you lots of hugs, i don't know mych about this kind of stuff.
I hope you can work it all out.
xx

Im sorry you are having to deal with all of this Anna, I tink the other girls have given you plenty of great advice. Stay strong x

Anna - so sorry to here this:hug: All the best with the move and if you need anything while your in town please let me know - babysitting or running around etc anything at all!

:hug::hug: sweet

:hug: sorry to hear you are going through this. Let me know when you are in Sydney and if you need anything. Would love to get together with you if we can... xoxo

Anna :hug: :hug: :hug: so so sorry to hear this.... The Bear and I are in Sydney and we are willing to help any way we can xx

So sorry to hear Anna :hug: :hug: :hug: Wish I could do something to help. Hang in there hun, you're a strong woman.

So sorry to hear this Anna...I don't really have any relevant advice, but wishing the best for you and your boys. :hug:

Are you moving in with your family? 28 days isn't alot of time to organise housing, I'm a bit worried you won't have time :hug:

hugs sorry to hear things have not worked out.'

Good Luck with finding housing etc

I spoke to Centrelink, its all being processed. They are finding Dh a room on base as of tomorrow night but he is going to eat dinner with us every night as I dont want the kids going from dad-here-everyday to dad-gone-everyday in a blink. They are already noticing something is different so we've had some panic attacks and crying fits.
He's been upset and pretty angry with me, but cooperative. He's giving me majority of the furniture; signing over the Falcon to me and still paying off the last few thousand on the loan anyway. He wants us to try and be as amiable as possible for the kids sake. I hate seeing him upset but its for the best and I feel so...............relieved, like a weights been lifted.

Lulu - unfortunately the kids and I will be hotel-ing it up til I find a house to live in as the only family I could stay with is my Dad but he doesnt have the room for 3 kids + 1 adult (plus its a completel hovel, not even rats would live there!). Dh is actually switching his posting to Sydney so its just a matter of WHEN they can get him there once a spot is available; could be at the end of my 28 days or in 6 mths. He's hoping if its this month or next month that the military will let me stay til he can remove his furniture too so it all goes together and saved them paying for two separate removals. Means he can fly down with me too as I have 2 under 2 so Im one adult short for the flight.

Im going to see if I can find the $$$ to fly down to Sydney for a week if they cant move us anytime soon so I can do a quick run around viewing and applying for houses in the area I want to live in. Hopefully if I do that someone will pick us and we can just move into a house once the furniture arrives (which would be 4wks from uplift).

Anna :hug: PM me which area of Sydney you are looking at and I will see what I can do / help with. Is DH looking to be posted to the army base in Sydney and are you looking at that area too or somewhere else?? Make sure you are looking after yourself :hug:

Anna so glad to hear form you again i was getting worried i have pmed you. Im glad that ur have things sorted as much as it can be. With my ex we try very hard to keep personal feelings out of it and just think solely on "does this benefit the kids" and our desitions come form that alone:) good luck! you have been offered some good support here in the forum i would take ppl up if i was you save your cash.

U will need support. I spent loads of time crying after my separation even tho i knew it was right to do, its when the kids get upset that would upset me. You need the support too!

anna..sorry to hear this hugs to you

i would of suggested talking to a social worker from centrelink, after craig passed, and i did a big move ( not as big as you) i spoke to a social worker, they contacted every relevent department on my behalf, so it saved me doing it all... , ..but i went thorugh the department of housing , the social worker orgaised everything and i got my bond paid and one weeks rent paid as well, so i was left with just i week to pay when i moved in, i think on the child support question it just automaticly happens when you do your single parenting claim.....i know centrelink have a crises payment...not sure what you need to qualify..i got it years ago when i left DH1.

:

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Anna :hug: PM me which area of Sydney you are looking at and I will see what I can do / help with. Is DH looking to be posted to the army base in Sydney and are you looking at that area too or somewhere else?? Make sure you are looking after yourself :hug:

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:yeahthat:

There are army bases in SW Sydney (Holsworthy) which I am not far from... if I can help in some way I am happy to try... unfortunately I don't have room for you and the kids (we are in a 2br townhouse and the spare room is not livable as yet :redface:) but if I can help to look at things available I am happy to try and assist.

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out. I hope the move goes smoothly for you guys. Good luck with everything.
Big hugs! :hug: :hug: :hug:

xox

Hi Anna
I really feel for you...my hubby left this morning for good so I know what you are going through and have some of it figured out.

Call C'Link as someone else said do it first thing in the morning.

With rentals...you will usually need 4 weeks rent and 4 weeks for bond. You will be ok getting a place to rent, most realestates i've come across down here prefer parents.
Not sure what area you are thinking of but some are cheaper than others...if you want more advice just ask!!

You can get form for child support online. You can either have them decide the amount or you can have a priovate agreement (you just write down what the agreement is and lodge it with them).

I live in the Holroyd area so if there is anything I can do for you just ask. Will you need a place to stay when looking for a home? I have spare beds!!

:hug:

Anna - I just wanted to send you some hugs and let you know I`m thinking of you :hug::hug::hug::hug: