How do you have time for more than one?

I never knew having a baby would actually take up so much time! You just can't imagine before you have one. Now I'm thinking how on earth could I look after DD and also have another baby? I feel sad that I wouldn't have enough time for my little girl. I am so in love with her and want to give her all my time and attention. I always wanted 4 kids but now I can't imagine how there will be enough of me to go around!! And I also can't imagine how I could love another little person as much as DD!!

I also thought I wanted my kids close together but now I feel like if I had another one too close I would miss out on my DD growing up. I suppose it's normal not to feel like another baby so soon after having one anyway.

Would love to hear others experiences.

hi heaven, I dont have experience with it as I only have the one for now too, but I know exactly what you are feeling!
I am feeling exactly the same way, I question my mother as to how on earth she managed at 22 with 4 under 6! I certainly have a healthy amount of respect for her for that.
will be interesting to read others experiences, just wanted to say you are not alone in feeling like this. xx

i feel the same way xo

omg your mum is a legend starrysky!!

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes :D Had every single one of those feelings and thoughts after DS was born. Felt immense guilt when pregnant thinking about what I was depriving him of by having another baby when he was still one himself. And yet .........

DS is a happy little boy who is loved and adored and showered with love and attention. And he has a baby sister who receives that same love and attention that he loves to bits and wants to kiss and cuddle and hold (even when she is asleep :rolleyes:) I can't imagine life without either of them :loveshower:

You are very busy but it is a good busy most days. You learn to time manage (or not - depending on the day :rofl:) There are moments when you can't get to one child or another as quickly as you would like because you are dealing with something for the other one but neither of them remembers that delay (I do though) and a cuddle and time with mummy fixes everything.

I still want 3-4. Don't know how I will do it all but life only gets better and you love each one just as much. Each one has their own *cake* - your love isn't sliced up so that each one gets less. Everyone gets their own special one :hug:

Hey Heaven, I too felt this way about DD1 and couldnt possibly imagine having another one...they take up so much time and energy and its great watching them grow. Like you, I wanted my bubs close together ( the body clock is ticking loudly!) so we did. I waited til Olivia had reached most her milestones, and then tried again and got pg sooner than we thought possible. During my pg to Rebecca I often wondered how I could love her as much as I do Olivia and how I would cope. Rebecca is here now and I couldnt have wanted it any other way. Its super busy and sometimes I have 2 babies wanting my attention at the same time, but somehow I manage and DH and I make sure that both of them get the attention they ned.

Ok so I might be rambling...think I lost my point, but you can love another and you can share yourself around. Its loads of fun and challenging all at the same time. Your little princess is olnly little but when shes a bit older she will blossom from having a little mate around.

I have 2 under 2 and to be honest... I am finding it quite easy! Probably because DD is just an angel baby who sleeps and feeds like a champion.
I had no idea how I would cope, but knew I'd just have to. My mum had 3 kids under 6 at 25 and we all turned out ok, so I figured having 2 I couldn't really stuff the kids up too much.

DS is 22 months and he loves helping out. He also adores his sister and is not jealous of her one bit. He's a great kid.
I also have a fantastic support network around me. Both sets of our parents are happy to have the kids anytime we want them to (as long as they aren't already busy).
I never do the grocery shopping on my own.
So far, I have been able to have MIL go into town with me when I've had both kids. She has one day a week off work, and I have worked around that ( I live 100kms from town, and all of our parents are still working full time... only FIL is over 50 everyone else is still in their 40's).

I have managed to do MORE housework now that I have 2 kids. I am getting MORE sleep now aswell. Organisation is a major key and a heck of alot of luck.
I am sure in a month or even less I'll be whinging away about how hard it all is but at the moment, I am really really enjoying every single minute of it! I am very lucky and blessed.

There are issues, and it's only natural to think what you are thinking, but it does all fall into place - trust me! LOL. Yes there are times when you do feel overstretched and can't be there for them all at once, but you work around it. I had my first three pretty close (20mths) and it was wonderful and I don't feel that I missed out on any part of their development. It's the most amazing thing to see them interract with their siblings at a young age and there are so many special moments. Also milestone aren't any less significant when a new baby does them - because it's THEIR milestone they have reached kwim? Those first smiles, and giggles and all the little things are still as precious as they were the first time. And your heart just grows bigger each time. Dont forget too that by the time a new baby is born, the older one/s are doing things for themselves and dont' need as much of your time kwim? By then you are usually in your 'groove' too so it's easy to adjust the family routine to fit another one into it.

Heaven, I feel exactly the same way. I always wanted 4 children, still do, but I don't know how I will cope! I suppose it's not something you can prepare for, you just deal with? I will not be trying for another one for a good few years I think! I feel so blessed to have L and I want to enjoy just the 3 of us (DP too!) for a while :) I think it's very normal to feel that way. I don't know how others do it either! My mum had 3 children under 4 years, 1 special needs - no idea how she remained sane...

I felt the same after DD1 and so did DP. We felt a bit guilty having DD2 thinking we would be taking away from DD1 however after she was born we realised we were giving to her. DD1 adores DD2 and we found that there is extra love to go around. It doesn't get any less for the first child.

Time can be an issue especially with very young babies but it has helped DD1 learn to wait and be patient. It has also improved her relationship with DP as she will ask for him first sometimes - previously it was always mummy and now daddy sometimes gets preference.

Some days it is hard but then there are other days where there is more then enough time. I am probably the most unorganised person I know yet I still find time to do things with the kids. Having a supportive partner really helps I think. Or at least great family support. I do find at the moment my older 2 do miss out a little when I am dealing with the younger 2 but we make up for it in different ways.

I think you just deal with what the day brings. I know I couldn't have imagined having another child when I had my first and due to some circumstances he was an only child till he was just over 4 and that really suited us at the time. 2,3 & 4 are all approx 2 years (give or take a couple months) apart. It is even easier once you have more then 1 or at least I found this

but my houseworkis always behind and the washing well it gets done eventually lol..

it does get easier as they get older to. or at least I have found this..

Think about how you feel about your siblings, those of you who have them.

My sister and brother and I are two years apart each. I'm the eldest. They are among the most special people in my life, and I love both of them to bits, even though we don't see each other as much at this time in our lives as at other times.

When you think about it: your siblings are the only people who are part of your life for almost your entire life. Parents will, in the nature of things, die. Friends come and go. Children don't arrive until you are a fair way through your life. But your brothers and sisters have been there from the start and will be there with you always. What could be more amazing or more special than that?

I think that my siblings are the greatest gift my parents ever gave me. It sure makes up for being jealous of them when they were born (actually I don't remember when my sister was born, as I was only 2, but by the time my brother was born I certainly remember how boring mum was all the time, feeding him). And it makes up for having less attention because I was part of a larger family.

I hope to give my DD siblings who are close enough to her in age that they can be true friends, as I am with mine, and travel their lives together, as I do with mine. If we can't do that (and we'll certainly try, but nothing guaranteed, at my age), she will be the loser, in my opinion.

I am currently freaking out about this now, I was happy with just DS but DH would not have just one child. He really wants DS to have a brother or sister & he's agreed only 2 so we know it's the completion of our family. It took me a long time to contemplate it, DH would have been happier with a smaller age gap....but I'm freaking out about the 3yr gap we will have not being enough LOL.

I calm myself knowing our family will be complete & we will enjoy all the joy each child brings etc. ATM DS is really in the terrible two's....but he's so damn cute at the same time & we love him to pieces. I'm sure one day I'll wonder what to do with all my spare time!!! I'm guessing I will have to be a little less "lazy"as I can sometimes be and more focused & organised.

Don't forget SJ that newborns take up most of your time. When they get older, they don't need burping, their feeds are shorter and less frequent, not as much time for settling - things like that. Plus they get more independent, and are generally happy to do their own thing most of the time. I definitely get more housework done NOW than I did when Miss M was first born.

It is hard, but I only found the hardest part to be the first few months, which is usually the hardest time with a newborn anyway cos you are just getting to know each other. My kids play with each other all the time now, they chase each other around (and the cats) and they "generally" take turns wanting something from me. I rarely have the two of them screaming at me at the same time. If they do both start screaming, well my lap is big enough for both of them, and I bounce them along for a horsey ride which usually cheers them up pretty quick :)

You find ways to entertain (eg, baby crying and needs to settle, come on Aricyn lets play chasey around the house - baby gets jiggled to sleep in arms, toddler is entertained!)

It all falls into place - believe me - or else I wouldn't be going back a third time ;)

To be honest with the arrival of #2 sneaking up faster than I can believe, I try not to think about it too hard or I'll totally stress myself out. I do take comfort in the thought that many millions of women have done it before me so surely we'll muddle through somehow.

Just wanted to add my "I felt the same way too" here :lol:

This morning ds woke up at 5:15am :o (bugger) and dd ate 5:20am (double bugger)I threw them both in bed with me (DH is away hunting) and while laying there with ds blowing spit-raspberries on my cheek and dd crawling into my armpit with "I love you mommy" ... my heart just bursted. You can NOT imagine the love you feel towards ALL your children if you don't have more than one. It's an all consuming and powerfull love for both.

Sure days get hectic, somedays you feel you want to run away or give them both to the first person you see in the street. But having two is a rewarding and totally awsome (don't have a better term atm :lol: long night )

Yep this was a huge factor in my PND. Not being able to spread myself between my 2 children properly. I had them 2 years apart and it really sucked. To be totally honest my first son was way too dependant and didn't cope well, my baby had severe reflux so was constantly needing something. I was always brushing off my toddler to deal with the baby, and it really hurt me that i couldn't meet his needs. I don't like to say that i regret it, but if i had it to do over i would have had a 3+ year age gap. Only now that my baby is nearly 1 and my toddler is nearly 3, am i finally able to care for them both equally. The only upside is that my toddler has had to become really independant because of this and i guess thats a good thing.

I always wanted 3 children, but for this exact reason and the experience i've had, i will only have 2 because i just can't see how i could meet the needs of 3.

I feel the same way - I always thought I wanted more than one child and I am pretty sure that I still do but I am so in love with Blue that I wouldn't want to deprive him or me of Mummy....

I have a friend with 3 under 3 and she is also doing uni and I see how much the middle child plays up for attention and the youngest goes straight to screaming his head off because he knows he has to wait for things and I just don't think I could do it ....

I have so much respect for women who can manage it but I don't think I could.

love is like breastmilk,the more you feed the more there is.
yes it's hard work sometimes...and right now, my life is all about my kids...
but...i do know it's going to get easier. ds1 is already soooo much easier.
i love watching my boys grow up together, it makes it all worth it

I remember feeling the same way when I was expecting DD2. (my mom said the same thing when she had her second - she had 8 all together.) I felt like I was SOOOO busy with DD1, and I didn't want to "neglect" her to take care of another. :) But I've discovered that a sister was about the best thing I could give to her. And now, with a fourth little one on the way, I have no worries about taking care of them, or neglecting them. I don't have as much "one-on-one" time, but we still make time for story reading, and snuggling, and picnics, and when I don't have time, the girls have each other. They play together relatively well, and a 3 year old gets a lot more thrills out of pretending things than I do!
There is always a time of adjustment. When the new little one first arrives on the scene, things are rough for a little while. Mum is tired and maybe still sore, not sleeping much, a little hormonal, etc. Kids are cranky from the routine being disrupted, and having a new person in the house. But gradually, a new normal is created, and things begin to come together again, and the family continues on, and you couldn't IMAGINE life without that new little one, whom you love JUST as much as his/her siblings. And they will love that baby too - you'll be amazed at how sweet and caring they can be. Of course, later when that baby steals their toys, they might have something to say about it..... he he he. But truly, all in all, my kids would be lost without their siblings to play with.

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love is like breastmilk,the more you feed the more there is.

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:yeahthat:

Love is infinite and unlimited. It's not like you have to share the love you have for one between all your children.. your heart really does expand to accomodate them all.

A friend once asked me when I had just the first two if I had a favourite... and I could honestly answer 'no'... they both (and now all three) are each so different with their own personalities, it is easy to love them all individually. I can't wait to see what number 4 is like.

It's one thing though, can you love more than one (absolutely, without a doubt) ...and is it easy having more than one (not always!)

A lot of it comes down to what kind of age gap you have. I am feeling quite relaxed about number 4 being on the way, I don't think I would be if the others were all say, under 6....or even under 8.. or 9...knowing that the others are old enough to fend for themselves to a certain extent is great. The first two were 2 & half years apart... that was close enough thanks... big cheers to all the mums out there that do it so much closer together :clap:

I guess situational factors come in to play as well. My second son was incredibly sick with reflux, so it was constant screaming for the first 4 months. And while he was screaming, my toddler was grizzling because i couldn't meet any of his needs as i was attending to the baby. I didn't get much love at all during this period and that made it really hard to give.

Most people are lucky to have healthy stress free babies, but you have to consider what could happen and whether you could cope with it.

I never questioned if I'd have enough love, but time was always an issue. And it still can be. Honestly most days there just isn't enough time in the day. Things just get left undone. I always have time for the kids. That's the most important thing at the moment. Wehn DS was first born, I felt veeerrrryyy stretched for time and attention. Now it's not so bad, but still some days are hard and both the kids whinge for me and I have to wash the dishes and go to work....but on days like that I just sit on the floor with the hug one on each knee forget the dishes and hope they stop whinging soon and if they don't I'll be going to work soon anyway, and then I go to work in wrinkled pants! In a year or so I won't remember the really hard days, just that some were tough days, but most are joyous, funny, fun and filled with love.

Its good to know so many other people feel this way too. I am having trouble working out how I would manage another child. I am finding it really hard at the moment- DS (1 year old) just needs me ALL THE TIME. He is constantly getting into things, won't stop moving, and is not great at amusing himself. The thought of trying to manage another child just completely overwhelms me. Does it get easier?!!

I also wonder if I am suited to more than one child- I really need my down-time and I struggle to get it with one child. I don't have great support, so I know it would all come down to me and DH with two kids.

And yet my heart wants another....I think....

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Does it get easier?!!

I also wonder if I am suited to more than one child- I really need my down-time and I struggle to get it with one child. I don't have great support, so I know it would all come down to me and DH with two kids.

And yet my heart wants another....I think....

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Yes for me it's getting easier by the day. Although I'm really trying not to wish away time, the older they get the easier it is getting for me to handle things day to day. I am no longer having mummy melt downs daily, not even weekly. I'm much the same in wanting dawn time, I need time for me and it needs to be QUIET. But I don't often get it and now with two it's even less likely. I don't get much help from family and I do struggle with no time to myself. But honestly, I love having the two of them, I love that they are so close (now!) and it's worth every bit of stress, frustration and tear I have shed. I am even already thinking maybe just one more.....but DH won't let me!!

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Its good to know so many other people feel this way too. I am having trouble working out how I would manage another child. I am finding it really hard at the moment- DS (1 year old) just needs me ALL THE TIME. He is constantly getting into things, won't stop moving, and is not great at amusing himself. The thought of trying to manage another child just completely overwhelms me. Does it get easier?!!

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Yes it does get easier. My DS was/is/always has been the clingiest of children - when he was 14 months he was permanently attached to my hip - seriously - I could not do anything without him being there. Even now at 2.5 he has to be with me most of the time, always "helping" me out - even if I'm on the toilet - he hands me toilet paper :rolleyes:

However - if you could see my two playing together now at 10.5 months and 2.5 years - you would know why I am VERY happy that I had two. They adore each other. I asked DS yesterday if he loved DD and he said "yesssss". It was very cute.

I gave my son the greatest gift - a baby sister to play with - and he does (and leaves me alone - sometimes!!!)

I couldnt imagine my life with only one now!

They are all so individual and unique - and seeing DS1 and DS2 play together just brings tears to my eyes it is so sweet.

Nearly makes me go cluck, cluck, cluck again - I said nearly ;)

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There is always a time of adjustment. When the new little one first arrives on the scene, things are rough for a little while. Mum is tired and maybe still sore, not sleeping much, a little hormonal, etc. Kids are cranky from the routine being disrupted, and having a new person in the house. But gradually, a new normal is created, and things begin to come together again, and the family continues on, and you couldn't IMAGINE life without that new little one, whom you love JUST as much as his/her siblings

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:yeahthat:

This is sooo true. Those first 6-8 weeks can be rough while everyone is adjusting and mummy is really stretched. I gave myself waaaay too hard a time last time, this time I'm going to *try* to relax a lot more and am telling myself those first few weeks are a write off, to just ride the wave and wait to come out the other side when you wake up one day and the chaos doesn't feel like chaos anymore, just the new 'normal'.

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Those first 6-8 weeks can be rough while everyone is adjusting and mummy is really stretched. I gave myself waaaay too hard a time last time,

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.totally agree - in that phase now...up every 2 hrs, DH is on the lounge, H is with me, getting out of the house is a major military exercise...but i keep saying to myself 'this is not forever'.

I think sometimes (i know for me anyway) we (as mothers) are our own worst enemy...i put sooo much pressure on myself....why ??? If the girls (and boy....;))are happy, fed, bathed, and me too (not always in that order....LOL) then really, what else matters.

I love that little voice in my head....coz sometimes its absolutely yelling at me saying 'you have 4 children, making jelly for dessert, or the ironing, or the vacumming can wait....enjoy your children...'......