I am so lost....

HI,

I went for my NT scan last wednesday, all had been good, a dating scan at 7 weeks showed everything healthy & good heartbeat, but at the ultrasound we were told our baby had stopped growing at 10weeks5days. We were devastated. They are saying it was from a neural tube defect. I had a D&C on friday morning, and have never felt so empty and lost. Physically i have had minimal bleeding & no cramping but as of yesterday my boobs are killing me with these surges of pain, i know it's all hormones doing there thing......
My ob started me on 5mg Folic acid tablets & i see him for a follow up on thursday.
I can barely stop crying and just am so, so lost. I know it will get better in time but at the moment i just can't see that far ahead. Thanks for listening, just had to write it down, as at times it still feels so surreal that this has actually happened. Hugs to all xx

oh sweetie I am so sorry :hug:

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious angel. Big big :hug: to you.

Regards,
Dianne

Emmanuel born sleeping 24wks
Trisomy 13

Rach - They actually said it looked like a form of anencephaly, were you put on high folate?? Just trying to find answers.....

Again hun, I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the answers you need for your next pregnancy. Allow yourself this time to grieve. Know that your little bundle is looking down on you. :hug:

im so sorry for you loss xoxox

so sorry for your loss.

Hugs

xoxo

I'm so very sorry for your loss sweetie :comfort:

________________________________________
DS-15 DD-11 DS-2
:angel: Noah Thomas, born an angel Feb 06(20w5d)
:angel: Little Wing, Oct 07 (8w3d)

Sparkles - I'm very sorry to read about your loss. Please take care.

I am so sorry Sparkles :hug: Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, as is your angel :hug:

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I understand that empty feeling. It eases but allow yourself time and patience. :hug:

I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

I am so sorry to hear of your loss x

Oh, how very horrible. I am right there with you, and I really hope you will be OK.

Honey I am so so sorry you have to go through this, I've been there a just want you to know you will get through it. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve, don't try and suck it in, let yourself feel it and work your way through it you can't go around it.
Big hug sweetie!!!!
Missy

Sweetie my heart aches for you :hug:
a candle is lit for your angel
be very gentle with yourself and grieve properly
im so so sorry
it just isnt fair...

Oh Sparkles I am so sorry to read about your loss :hug: you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sparkles, sending you big hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have lots of love and support around you. :hug:

Kerry

Sparkles :hug: I am so sorry to read about your loss. I wish I had the words to console you, but just know that we are all here for you :(

Lots of :hug: for you.

:hug: so sorry to hear of your loss... words fail me but I offer :hug:

I am so sorry to read about your loss, please take care. My thoughts are with you :hug:

Thanks everyone for your hugs and thoughts.
I am mentally feeling more on top of things which is good. Although i got woken up tis morning by the sharpest stabbing pain in my lower abdomen, it had me doubled over in tears, both DH and i thought we'd be going to the ER. It's died down now to just a niggling pain which i have had the last few days. I have an ob appointment at 2 this arvo so will let him know about it, just hope and pray it's all ok and just my body readjusting.Will let you all know how it goes xx

Fingers crossed for you sparkles. I hope you are feeling stronger today. Thinking of you all day long xxxx

and one big :hug:

Hey all,
Update from the ob appointment, I have an infection which he is quite concerned about, i am started on two different antibiotics and if the pain gets any worse i must go straight to hospital for antibiotics through IV. I am just so tired and don't need this!!!
Apart from that,all tissue etc was normal so that is good. He also said that he thinks bubs had only just passed away and probably just slowed down in growth in the last 2 weeks, strong little fighter! I have a follow up appointment next thurs with GP as Ob is away then an appoinment 2 weeks after with the ob again, which by then i will hopefully be all clear!!
I must wait 3 months before TTC on orders from my now specialist at the Foetal medicine Unit for my mega doses of Folic Acid to build up, bit of a shame but with this infection etc its all going to take time for us to be ready physically & emotionally. After the most painful internal the ob gave me today, DH has some serious waiting to do!! I am starting accunpuncture on Monday as well, hoping to get this body of mine back on track!!
Hoping this pain stays at bay(but is killing since he examined me) as the thought of going back to hospital is not very appealing at the moment.
Thanks again for all your support. xx

I wish the news was better for you :hug:
But I think you are doing a great thing in starting acupuncture and focusing on getting your body ready over the next three months - you're doing an incredible service for the next occupant of your womb.
Meanwhile, I hope your pain settles down - hot water bottle? I practically strapped mine on over the weekend...
Also, you're not pg anymore, so hit up the painkillers if you really need to.

I feel like i have just crashed and burned today, the news of this stupid infection from the op has got me down again and i've been bawling all morning. I don't know how to explain how i feel today, just like it is all too much....and i'm angry at all the people who are so blessed to have beautiful babies that smoke/drink/do drugs while pregnant and do not realise how lucky they are to have a healthy bub growing inside of them. I know i have no right to judge them it's just how i feel today.I just feel upset & angry with everything and need to vent.
I need to leave the house and do some food shopping, but i just can't face it and i look like a big puffer fish from crying so much. AHHHH, i hate not being in control of my feelings & emotions at the moment.
Thanks for listening yet again, i think i'll call me SIL and see if see can come over and snap me out of mood. xx

:hug: Sparkles. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could reach out and take some of your pain away. I am thinking of you at the moment and sending you lots and lots of cyber :hug:

sparkles - lots of hugs. Take it easy. It's a horrible time, a horrible loss and the infection just makes a bad time worse.

I'm 2 weeks from my D&C and I tear up at the drop of the hat. Somedays (like today) I just feel like screaming.

Don't rush the grief, even if you find others don't understand it. It will take time. There will be good days, but there will be lots of bad days too. Be very gentle will yourself.

First up: Cry as much and as hard as you can. It is 100% OK - and it will hurt far more to know that you held it back when you are feeling better.

Next: Why not judge ppl who drink/smoke/drug up? They all know it's bad for them. I'm not suggesting you tell them so, or say some very rude things to strangers (I did) but it is OK to be incredibly angry with them. Completely justified emotion.

Also: Don't ever feel like you have to snap out of a mood. If you really do (water nazis close your eyes) try having a long hot shower. It has really been working for me - I don't know why, but I always feel better when I am really clean.

AND: Is there someone else who can shop for you - just the necessities? Alternatively, do you have some massive sunglasses? I hate having puffy eyes, especially when it prompts ppl to ask "Are you OK?" because it always starts me up again. Is there anywhere near you where you can walk without seeing too many people? If so, go for a walk, hard as it seems, because I think fresh air is quite good for puffy eyes (although wind is annoying if you're crying)

Last of all: :hug: You're doing OK, you're going to be fine. You have heaps of support here.

SB - You make me laugh, i too am an advocate of long hot showers, DH just came home for a late lunch to give me hugs and i just told him i was going to have a shower as i always feel better after!!
Dh and I have decided to go food shopping tommorow together. That way i have moral support, we live in a small town so i am bound to have someone ask "how are you doing" or "are you ok?" and as much as i know they mean well, like you it always gets me going again. Thank you so much for your support. Sorry to hear about your news as well, hope your levels sort themselves out quickly, looks like we'll both have a bit of a wait ahead of us.

TB- It's amazing how many tears one body can produce. I just can't wait till the good days out number the bad. I have to keep reminding myself it's only been 1 week today as it seems to have been the longest week ever.

Hugs to all, it's so good to know we are all here for each other at these testing times in life.

Sparkles im so very sorry to hear about your loss :grouphug: my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time for you xx

Sparkles, very sorry for your loss. I went to a party a week after my loss & there was a girl there who was 21 weeks pregnant & smoking like a chimney. No offense to anyone but I would never do that myself & it broke my heart, it upset me so much I had a cry. So I know how you feel!!! xox

Hey thought i'd update you all.
It's been a tough run, got re admitted to hospital on sunday and have only just got home half an hour ago. Had a uterus infection so been on high dose of iv antibiotics, hopefully i'm all on the mend now. Feeling alot better in myself. Sooo good to be home, am now on oral antibiotics for the next 2 weeks till i have a check up with the ob. Am going to book in to get my hair done, and have an accupuncture appointment with someone who specialises in fertility next monday, so trying to get myself back on track. Anyway gotta run, feeling a little light headed, must slow down and look after myself. :)

Sparkles, sorry to hear that you have had to spend time in hosp... I know it's hard, but keep looking to the future and staying strong. In saying that you're allowed to cry, scream and be angry at the world... I really hope that you are looking after yourself xx