Newly single mum and loving it!

hi all, ill run thru my story quickly:

As some of you know im newly single, with my gorgeous 8 week old daughter, and I COULDNT BE HAPPIER!!!

i wanted to leave when i was pg but had no opportunities, no money, i had support people around, but XP was controlling and i wasnt allowed to visit any of these support people. i was constantly cleaning up after him, walking on eggshells as to not upset him, dealing with his violent, emotional and destructive outbursts, and feeling generally depressed, unheard, unappreciated and most of all UNLOVED.

i was admitted to the Mother Baby Unit in hospital for severe PND for 4 weeks and used this opportunity and access to psycs and social workers to organise my 'escape' :lol:

have moved into my folks temporarily, mainly to get my depression under control with support from my family and friends, and in a few weeks am moving into a friends place, she also has a little girl (1 yr old).

i honestly thought single parenting was going to be 'too hard', and i know i have alot of trials and tribulations yet to go thru with my darling girl, but HECK i am so glad i left!
i feel like a weights been lifted off my shoulders, i can focus on my little girl, and focus on getting myself better, can look forward to acheiving MY goals and aspirations, hang out with whoever i want, spend time with my supportive family, not clean up after a messy rude slob and not put up with emotional and verbal abuse and physically intimidating behaviour.

i can honestly say i do not regret it one bit! he is harassing me every day but i can deal with it, i am so proud of myself for doing it, and so thankful for all the support i received...my family especially my mum, the staff at the MBU, my friends, and all my BB friends :)

thankyou if you bothered to read all my blab, haha, i just wanted to share how happy i am and would love to hear from other mums who find it 'easier' (for lack of a better word) parenting without thier XP/XH. :D

Congrats on making a successful break hun.
I was a single mum for years and definitely enjoyed it. I feel like I am very close to my 2 older children because of the time we had just the 3 of us. It was a beautiful thing to enjoy many different milestones in their lives by myself and I (selfishly!) enjoyed having them all to myself :)
Wishing you loads of love & happiness :)

good on you hun. It can be hard to leave but it's usually always the best thing you do :) Things get easier. :hug: your a brave strong woman!

I'm so glad you got out of that rut and are getting on with life hun!! For your sake and that of your daughters!!

Well done for having the courage to do it :D

Aaah you have made my day! I've been thinking about you lately.

Awesomely awesome. Isn't it amazing how much time you spend stressing, thinking, freaking out, worrying, justifying and brewing when you are in a crappy relationship??
Much more time for life and laughter :lol:

WOO HOO for drop kicking that out of your life - GOAL!

Yep, love it on my own too!

Well done, you have been so strong & I'm so proud of you doing what you know is right for you & Jade.
Wishing you all the best for your future as a single mummy :hug:
xoxo

ETA: I do find it so much easier not having to worry about XH being in a bad mood etc & trying to keep him happy. I now have a life & can see & talk to anyone I like... I even managed to get a friendship back yesterday from my best friend through out primary school & high school! We lost our friendship due to something that happened with XH back in 1997! I sent her an email & told her I'd left him & I missed her & she wrote back! We have kids close to the same age too..... I'd never have spoken to her as long as I was still with XH.
So I say YES I do find life easier without having to live with XH.

Aren't you a strong woman?
always knew you were :)
well done honey as you said you can focus on your beautiful daughter now!
if there is anything i can do and i seriously mean it please just ask
again well done honey

I've been wondering how things were with you. Congrats on your move & your first step down an amazing life!!!

*kisses*
Punks

tattoo-mama - you should be woohooing very loudly.

congrats on having the strenght to remove yourself from that situation. No partner should offer you any less than to feel loved, adored and treasured and not abused, used and disregarded.

What a fantastic role model for your daughter and for any other BB member who may be a few steps behind you and trying to find the strength to make the decision to leave.

I don't know you but I fee very proud of you.


ox

Your post is an INSPIRATION! Whilst I am not in your position - I admire your bravery for taking back your life for you and your baby AND for sharing it with others - reading this will probably help many others make the big decision to get out of bad relationships and claim their lives back!

well done em, im so glad you are ok....lots of love rach xxx

Good on you for getting out. Don't get too discouraged if it does feel a bit harder later on though. I found as my son got older it became harder, particularly with teething & when both of us got sick as I had no-one to help me in the middle of the night. I hope things continue on the up for you.

good on you hun, im happy to hear things are going well!

enjoy your baby girl! i wish you the best of luck for your future!

yay!!! that is just the most AWSOME news i have heard all day!

I knew u would do so much better without him.

Ur lil girl is so adorable!!!!!!!!

remember we at BB are always here for u xoxo

Wow, EMMA ... i have to admit with somewhat guilt i felt shocked to hear your news as it opened my eyes up that i could 'think' i kind of know people about here on BB & then realise simply because i may not have read a thread or post of someone's circumstances leading up to something so incredibly important happening in their life for all to read ...AND i could so easily miss it. Maybe i'm a little odd in that way as i like to think if there is a long list of members i take an interest in & i do like the sound of them through the website, i can only wish i could be of support if need be, even in the smallest way ... That's just me, a helper I AM, LOL ;)

Anyway, enough of my jibber jabber ... EMMA i want to say i too feel quietly proud from a distant member in cyber space that you have made an amazing decision ... and not only that but YOU DID IT. You found a way out :clap: I have been in a similar sounding relationship which was for a very long 8 years though minus child and even on my own i didn't know how to get out (for me i had no family to look to for support) ... and EMMA you did it with a newborn bubba that is so DARN BRILLIANT & COURAGEOUS on the highest level. Give yourself a pat on the back from big old me ... You did GOOD gal :dance:

Most important 'thing' you can DO now & you know it, is to NOT turn back as you have gone to so much work to get where you are now ... I for one CONGRATULATE you, that is a life achievement & your sweet little Jade will learn how strong & beautiful her Mama is one very day in the future :heartbeat:

Look ahead ... & look forward to many special days ahead in PEACE, ... IYKWIM !!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry, I missed anything about you leaving until now. I'm also sorry that I haven't checked in with you more.

It sounds like you've made the right decision for you and for Jade though.

That is awesome!!! Glad life is looking so wonderful for you and your little girl!

Thanks so much for all of your words of support and advice! Yes its hard in the middle of the night when im absolutely buggered but XP wouldn't have helped anyway, if anything he would've made it worse by whinging about her crying etc so no loss there! :lol:

If ever in the middle of the night you have a second to think about it ... remember WE all here reckon YOU are doing such an amazing job & ALWAYS stand proud with your choice ... I guarantee your little lady will thank you one day with lots of kisses & cuddles :D

good on you tattoo mama. how excellent to make a HUGE life change like that, and be so happy with the decision. that's fantastic.

i am still in the "hovering" stage. Terrified of making things worse.

:

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Thanks so much for all of your words of support and advice! Yes its hard in the middle of the night when im absolutely buggered but XP wouldn't have helped anyway, if anything he would've made it worse by whinging about her crying etc so no loss there! :lol:

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So true :) Glad you are seeing the positives
xxx

congratulations darl! I lived through 2 abusive relationships in 10 years and know exactly how hard it is to get free, you should be so so proud!

Good on you hun :) You have done the best thing you could have done for yourself your beautiful baby girl

yay tattoo mumma.....ive been thinking of you but havent seen you in the young ppl group....so glad that uve got out of there and your lil girl is doing well, you will both be so much better off now...hugs to you on your courage

hi tattoo mama, i only just saW this thread and wanted to say i am so so happy for you. Good luck with everything xx b

Hi tattoo_mama,

I remember reading about your rental troubles and you mentioning your relationship problems. It is good to see you happy and content with your life and baby girl. Keep up the good work. Stay strong for your precious little one. Enjoy motherhood.

a HUGE well done Emma!!!

It sounds like you are ina really positive frame of mind about it all that is terrific,

Well done you strong and wonderful woman! :clap::clap::clap:

You have done an amazing thing and have opened up a wonderful new life for yourself and your daughter that is free. I wish you every joy hun and just remember if things get down that help is out there (I know how PND can really hurt). Stay strong.

Oh honey, how did I miss this!!?! Wow, I feel like a crap BB friend now lol :(
I'm so glad to hear that you've made the break and are feeling so secure in your decision. FWIW, I think you definitely made the right choice - XP didn't know how good he had it, and you deserve so much better. You are an awesome chick, an amazing mum, and you need a *real* man who's going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated!! :D
I'm so happy that your time in the M&B unit gave you the resources to get yourself together and enabled you to do what you need to do in order to be happy and focus on your beautiful little girl (seriously, I just want to wet my pants every time I look at her pics, she is just GORGEOUS!!!) - she's #1 in your life now and it's great that you can put your energy into her and yourself, and not have it all drained by a selfish partner who doesn't know (or doesn't care) that he's hurting you.

Big hugs, girl. If you need *anything*, you know where to find me. I'm so happy for you :D

Dear Tattoo-mama

Congratulations on getting your life back! That is exactly how I felt 2 years ago when I left my husband. It was like a huge weight had lifted off me. I had wanted to leave for years but it was too hard and complicated.

As hard as it has been, I have not regreted it once.

Good luck,

Thumbs up for getting out of there hun! :D If you ever need anything, or wanna catch up, you've got me on FB :)

I'm so happy for you. I remember reading your post before your DD was born, you were so ready to end the relationship but just didnt know where to start. I'm so glad you found the strength, keep moving forward.