bit of a vent - MIL and BFeeding

Hi All
Just need to get this off my chest (LOL)
MIL never bfed either of her boys...
I think she is threatened that my SIl and I are bith avid bfeeders..

Anyway she insists on 'helping' me- ie when my son pulls off and cries sometimes (i have v fast flow in one side in particular) - she rushes over and pats his head, tries to wipe his mouth etc... wtf she is 3 cms from my nipple....
She also refers to every feed as a 'top up' which gets on my nerves...
and gives me advice all the time when she would have no clue - dont feed him so often to stop fast flow (???), hold him ina diff way etc
She also asks me 'is your milk def ok' bc he has wind pain and 'do you have enough' bc he feeds often and fast
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I know it isnta bigdealbut theyare here this weekend and it is BUGGING ME BIG TIME!! so thought if i wrote it here i would be less likely to snap at her in real life LOL! thanks for reading.

Pap - you poor thing! I was getting irritated by her while just reading your post! Can you perhaps leave the room to feed? I know it's not ideal, but at least that way you can keep the peace with your Mil, and enjoy the feeding time. Good luck!

Grrr I wanted to slap her for you by just reading post LOL

Good luck for surviving weekend without snapping!!!

xoxo

preagainpan - sorry to her the MIL is being a pita!! Don't have any advice just :hug:

My MIL told me to "make sure i don't suffocate DD" cause my bbs are "big" - WTF?? :o

:hug: how annoying!
I hope you can relax and feed in peace next time!

How irritating, I would feed in another room away from her as someone else suggested.
I found with fast flow if it was a prob I fed lying down which helped heaps.

oh yeah, it was annoying me just reading it too!
i think she might benefit from you snapping....... just once. ;) Some people just don't get it, my MIL included and often need to be told!

:hug: Oh hun, that would be so annoying.

I wish I could give you wise words of wisdom but all I can say from my experience is that it will get better. My MIL still thinks I do everything wrong with the boys (and I'm sure she still has issues with the fact that I bf :rolleyes: ) but at least she knows now to say anything anymore.

We are all here to support you though!!

O M G :o
How freakin annoying!!

Hi preagainpan! oh boy, try to not let it get to you... (yea. sure. that works- right?)

just another opinion but if my MIL was doing those sorts of things I would probably think maybe she is reliving her own fears(?) about bfing.. if that's the case then without meaning to she might be thinking you have the same thoughts going through your head and in a weird way maybe trying to help overcome them by offering unsolicited "help"...ok hope that made some sort of sense...

OR I could be completely offbase...*wince*

I'd be saying to her - I don't tell you how to eat your food so don't tell me how my son should eat his food, I'd also say to her that you're choosing to raise your children the way you and your DH want to.

But then again I'm just the biatch from hell :rofl:

Argh how annoying.

i think i would just push her hand away if she tried wiping his mouth or something.. and 'i can do it, thanks' while giving her evil eyes...

i hope she gets the hint soon and leaves you to feed your bub ALONE!

My gosh...ask her if she wants some ???!!! LOL...joking - she seems very interested....and annoying.

I think the old school (i.e our MILs...mines the same) have very diff ideas on b/f. I know mine always says 'i never had any milk', or 'my breasts were too small'....its a load of whoo haa if you ask me. She didnt have the support 40 YEARS AGO that we have today.

Argh, how annoying! My SIL is annoying like that, since day one has questioned my breastfeeding and breastmilk, she had the hide to ask me at 8 weeks when I was weaning her onto real milk ie. formula (WTF?:o) and if we had started solids. She's now on her 'breastfeeding past one year is so disgusting and wrong' bandwagon :rolleyes:

I should thank her though, every time I think of weaning, I just think of how I'd have to listen to her say "I was right, you should wean and you did, you listened to me etc etc blah blah blah" so I don't. hehehehe.

tell her to back off pap
.....seriousley, she's had her chance at raising babies, now it's your turn.
i would be snapping my head off at her

hmmm I got my back up a bit reading that too.

Perhaps you could politely ask her why she didn't BF listen to her reasoning and then say something like - uh I see well, my lactation specialist said everything is fine and I would really appreciate you giving me a little space while baby boy is feeding.

ok so its a little white lie but considering she herself has never actually BF her babies maybe mentioning a "lactation specialist" wil get her to back off seeing that they "know" more about it then she does.


basically its a nice way of saying - BACK OFF WOMAN WITH NO IDEA, WE ARE JUST FINE:lol:

:hug: Nae

thanks girls - feel better from having the vent and also your supportive comments...
she doesnt think she knows anything about bf, it is more she just wants to be 'helpful' ALL THE TIME! she was the same last time...
and the little comments like calling each feed a 'top up' must be lingo she has picked up... grrrr
she wont ever admit she doesnt know how to do anything or needs some help to remember and then is hopeless. i was trying to be inclusive yest and asked her if she would like to bath ds2. she says 'of course' so i asked if she would like me to show her what i do... of course not.. then as soon as he started crying (bc she had him only partly in) she FREAKED out, told me i had run it too hot, and he doesnt like it etc etc... funnily when i v firmly told her to listen to me and do what i asked - ie put him fully in and float him, look into his eyes and coo at him etc he loved it - and so did she....
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
anyone sense the weekend i am having... aaah they go home tomorrow!!

ok devils advocate here LOL

Hunny - I know it is hard with a newbie and MIL's - but be grateful she wants to be included and meet your little bundle sooner rather than never like some families.

I wont go into my details or stories, but honestly, she really would have the best intentions I think???

*running away to hide* :rofl:

preagainpan...ohhhhkay....i can TOTALLY see where the frustration is coming from... though i still think she has the best intentions..i can definitely relate...

for example:
if I hear my MIL say "where's his hat?" "you should always have a hat..." "Why don't you have a hat?" or "he will get cold without a hat"..ONE MORE TIME...I'm gonna lose the plot...
I have to remind myself of her intentions and WOOSAAAAH myself back from crazytown...


so.."Wooooosah" :)

:hug: Hope things are going well. Perhaps try the 'all babies are different' angle? Like if you see her do something that bub doesn't like, you could try saying 'oh my friend's baby likes that too, but DS seems to respond better to this'. Or 'ds1 settled/fed/played that way, but ds2 seems to be different'.

Good on you for being inclusive though, I think it's really kind of you.

O M G! My mother has patted Oskar's head when I was feeding him too!!! UMMM HELLO PERSONAL SPACE!! :hug: to you. I'd be feeling the same way you are if that was happening to me.

Oh no thats a bit too close for comfort. I have a good one for you girls, my MIL actually TOUCHED my nipple & put my DD onto the boob for me. Eeeeek!! One more day to go PAP, hang in there you poor thing. If she continues just snap, at least then she might take the hint.

I would just wait till she was nice and close and spray her with your b/milk
let her have it both barrels from the nipple!!LOL
maybe then she wont get so close again

hugs hun- you are being so patient not saying anything IRL!

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O M G! My mother has patted Oskar's head when I was feeding him too!!! UMMM HELLO PERSONAL SPACE!! :hug: to you. I'd be feeling the same way you are if that was happening to me.

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pmsl I had my Mum and Nan both up close and personal when I just had DD trying to help me get the attachment right, one of them even held a nipple shield on my boob, ahahahaha, or held her arms so I could attach her. It was pretty awkward but I was so over everyone seeing everything by then anyway so I didn't really care. Seems weird though.

I would be TOTALLY freaked out if my MIL did that though.

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I would just wait till she was nice and close and spray her with your b/milk
let her have it both barrels from the nipple!!LOL
maybe then she wont get so close again

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ROFL!!!!


hugs hun at least they go home today

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Oh no thats a bit too close for comfort. I have a good one for you girls, my MIL actually TOUCHED my nipple & put my DD onto the boob for me. Eeeeek!! One more day to go PAP, hang in there you poor thing. If she continues just snap, at least then she might take the hint.

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:ROFL: !!!!!!!

That is way too funny!

Not long now PAP. Hopefully today is better!

I hope your weekend with MIL is nearly over and you get a break from her for a while now.

I would tell her that a nursing mum really needs a decent drink during a bf, and could she be a love and go and whip you up a smoothie so you don't dehydrate and you've got plenty of good stuff for your DS?

Thanks for the support girls - this thread got me through the weekend.... the good news is they are safely back at home.. bad news is they will be back in a week or so...!!!
i know she has good intentions and generally we get along well, they are good people... that's why i started the thread so i could vent here and not show it all outwardly...
anyway, thanks again - i'll prob be venting again in a week or so.
xxx